I guess this could apply as much for American women in that situation as well. Never thought I'd be asking this stupid question, but with with the mess I've been getting myself into lately, I thought I might as well ask for a second opinion, or to hear from those with a similar experience. Or who's been an observer at least.
So it's no big deal (though it could be if I don't watch out), mostly a case of silly romantic love, I'm just concerned I'll end up hurting someone or doing something stupid. The cultural difference is more of a secondary issue, I just thought I'd ask about it just in case, though I don't feel it's going to cause any problems for me personally. I can get along with other cultures and my family don't have a problem with different races/cultures. Basically, I've met a Far Eastern (Pakistan) guy who's been living in Northen Europe (England and Scandinavia) for over 5 years now. He speaks well, is well integrated/socialized, looks better than 90% of European guys (looks more Southern European and doesn't stand out), works hard 12-hour-days to get his work-permit (not long left) and is set up to take over part of his family business.
He has a totally clean record, goes to Mosque at least once a week, and doesn't do drugs, drink, or smoke. All in all, I don't really see HIM being that much of a problem. Apart from the usual, unavoidable ones that comes with dating someone like that, but I think that's something I can handle. At least now that I've gotten able to know him and know he's a really good guy. Before that I had my concerns as there are unfortunately also many who are up to no good and you have very good reason to be warned of and be careful about. And of course they'll all deny it up front, so at first there's no way of knowing what you're getting into. The only way I can know for sure is from having been him touch with him almost daily for over a month and getting a look into how he lives and what's going through his mind, which is the only real way to be sure of anything.
As for me, I wasn't expecting anything and didn't go into this wanting anything from this guy, just started talking to him and hanging out when I had nothing to do, and just felt like keeping in touch. So I was very pleasantly surprised. Also feel bad for some of the things I thought at first, like, I'm so cynical, at first I didn't know what to think and would sometimes think something like "Maybe he's just doing whatever he feel it will take to get the next blond/blue eye girl and when he's really talked me into something all hell will break lose" (That's also one thing about these guys, they'll be very upfront about what attracts them to you at first and don't see any problem admitting to it, hahah). And it's been nothing like that at all, he's fantastically kind, not the abusive type at all. But I've heard some horrible stories and some are probably true, so who can really blame you?
Anyway, I can see someone for what they are, and now I'm so impressed with him I'm giving it some serious thought. Still haven't made my mind, but if I decide to give it a try I want to make the best of it. And besides, he deserves the best. Not that we argue, when we do it's usually based on misunderstandings, which are to do with our cultural differences and his vulnerabilities and how he's been treated before, etc. which leads to certain misunderstandings. My personal problem is I'm not sure of my feelings yet, which is something different, and he's so oversure of his. Just worried there's something obvious I'm missing here?
My cousin who's a social worker always speaks out against different-culture relationships, saying how all studies show they don't work, etc. But she's so prejudiced she can't be very biased and I can't believe they're all that bad compared to others. The average Western marriage isn't exactly Nirvana, and I'm sure they must have at least 20% as good chance as one of those (not saying much, but then I don't have much faith in long-term relationships to begin with, while he's another matter).
So is there anything you think would be helpful to keep in mind that you can think of? He's quite moderate, both culturally and religiously. That is, don't feel too strongly about either, so that's not really an issue. Though he's been brought up, and spent most of his adult life, in The Far East (Late 20s now) so he's going to have some differences.
So it's no big deal (though it could be if I don't watch out), mostly a case of silly romantic love, I'm just concerned I'll end up hurting someone or doing something stupid. The cultural difference is more of a secondary issue, I just thought I'd ask about it just in case, though I don't feel it's going to cause any problems for me personally. I can get along with other cultures and my family don't have a problem with different races/cultures. Basically, I've met a Far Eastern (Pakistan) guy who's been living in Northen Europe (England and Scandinavia) for over 5 years now. He speaks well, is well integrated/socialized, looks better than 90% of European guys (looks more Southern European and doesn't stand out), works hard 12-hour-days to get his work-permit (not long left) and is set up to take over part of his family business.
He has a totally clean record, goes to Mosque at least once a week, and doesn't do drugs, drink, or smoke. All in all, I don't really see HIM being that much of a problem. Apart from the usual, unavoidable ones that comes with dating someone like that, but I think that's something I can handle. At least now that I've gotten able to know him and know he's a really good guy. Before that I had my concerns as there are unfortunately also many who are up to no good and you have very good reason to be warned of and be careful about. And of course they'll all deny it up front, so at first there's no way of knowing what you're getting into. The only way I can know for sure is from having been him touch with him almost daily for over a month and getting a look into how he lives and what's going through his mind, which is the only real way to be sure of anything.
As for me, I wasn't expecting anything and didn't go into this wanting anything from this guy, just started talking to him and hanging out when I had nothing to do, and just felt like keeping in touch. So I was very pleasantly surprised. Also feel bad for some of the things I thought at first, like, I'm so cynical, at first I didn't know what to think and would sometimes think something like "Maybe he's just doing whatever he feel it will take to get the next blond/blue eye girl and when he's really talked me into something all hell will break lose" (That's also one thing about these guys, they'll be very upfront about what attracts them to you at first and don't see any problem admitting to it, hahah). And it's been nothing like that at all, he's fantastically kind, not the abusive type at all. But I've heard some horrible stories and some are probably true, so who can really blame you?
Anyway, I can see someone for what they are, and now I'm so impressed with him I'm giving it some serious thought. Still haven't made my mind, but if I decide to give it a try I want to make the best of it. And besides, he deserves the best. Not that we argue, when we do it's usually based on misunderstandings, which are to do with our cultural differences and his vulnerabilities and how he's been treated before, etc. which leads to certain misunderstandings. My personal problem is I'm not sure of my feelings yet, which is something different, and he's so oversure of his. Just worried there's something obvious I'm missing here?
My cousin who's a social worker always speaks out against different-culture relationships, saying how all studies show they don't work, etc. But she's so prejudiced she can't be very biased and I can't believe they're all that bad compared to others. The average Western marriage isn't exactly Nirvana, and I'm sure they must have at least 20% as good chance as one of those (not saying much, but then I don't have much faith in long-term relationships to begin with, while he's another matter).
So is there anything you think would be helpful to keep in mind that you can think of? He's quite moderate, both culturally and religiously. That is, don't feel too strongly about either, so that's not really an issue. Though he's been brought up, and spent most of his adult life, in The Far East (Late 20s now) so he's going to have some differences.
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