I had a thread in the SLR forum suggesting that BDSM is a path to personal and/or spiritual growth to address certain sexual dysfunctions that modern humans suffer under due to our present culture being so radically different from what we evolved to experience on a biological level (this is true in other areas, but particularly so with respect to sexuality).
That thread was closed for no valid reason by an overzealous moderator with personal issues and/or inadequately respect for what can be gained through freedom of speech. Before I realized that the thread was closed, I drafted a lengthy and thoughtful reply to various responders' posts in that thread. Not wanting the reply to be wasted, I started a new thread in that forum for my reply. However, given that the original thread was closed, and the apparent antipathy of the responsible moderator toward me, I would not be surprised if my reply thread is deleted. So, to preserve my reply, here it is:
irst, I disagree with those responders who seem to take the position that everyone is different, so any attempt to find a cultural-wide remedy or approach for sexual dysfuction is necessarily false. Just becauase every person is different on some levels does not mean each of us is 100% unique, or there was never be ANY legitimacy to any human science from medicine to psychology to sociology.
The fact that we all share a largely overlapping evolutionary history, and a largely overlapping cultural influences. To the extent those cultural influences do not gibe with our evolutionary make-up, disfunction results. It is neither unreasonable, not unlikely, that we can employ similar tools to address such disfunction. So, it is not unreasonable to think that if I found a way with my wife to access and resolve some disfunction through power exchange, that this may very well work for a large number of others in our society. Could there be other tools that address the same disfuction? Maybe. I don't happen to see anyone throwing out any proposal for what has worked for them along these lines. Rather, the critics seem to assume there is another approach, but no one is actually saying they found one, or what it is.
Lysis: You have shown you have no business being a moderator, now with your latest post consisting of an ad hominem attack, exactly the sort of thing YOU as a moderator are supposed to POLICE. Not only have you NOT policed the ad hominem attacks by others in this thread against me, you have actually posted such attacks yourself. Shame on you. When I was a moderator on Bluelight, that would not have been permitted and you'd have been stripped of your moderator status without question. I am guessing (but may be wrong) that you are the one who closed my BDSM thread, because that would be consistent with what I see of you on here. I appreciate you are trying your best to be a good moderator, but I would respectfully suggest you have some growth and maturing to do to accomplish that. I know you are up to the task, you just need to contemplate on the nature of free speech, and its value as compared to you being annoyed by a particular Bluelighter or topic. If a thread relates to sex, love and relationships (i.e., is on topic) and there are people within that thread attempting with sincerity to reach some common understanding, it should be respected even if you personally have some issue with something about it. Err on the side of FREEDOM.
Perpetual Indulgence: You say if it is broken and you cannot fix it, let it go. What I'm telling you (and others) in my posts, is that IT IS ALL FIXABLE. This notion that relationshps cannot be fixed is like the notion that criminals cannot be redeemed. Everyone can be rehabilitated. Everyone can be redeemed. All relationships can be fixed. But in this lazy, short-sighted society, people like you give up if the going gets touch, so you never see it through and realize the personal growth that awaits a person who does NOT give up. And you wonder why you are single again?
Panda Bear: I agree that open and honest communication is key, maybe THE key. Perhaps it DOES all come down to finding a space in which the people can be completely open and honest. However, it is possible that that space REQUIRES some form of power exchange. For example, I have always fancied myself more submissive than dominant, shied away from assuming a dominant role in bed, fantasized about submissive roles. However, once it was put to me to be the dominant one, I chose to embrace that role and find that part of me. What resulted was me finally being confronted with the question, "What EXACTLY do I want if it is COMPLETELY up to me without concern of being too selfish or being judged for my desires?" Then the answers started to come. I learned, and am still learning, much about myself in this fashion. Honestly, if my wife and I had just sat down and she said, "Tell me what you really want sexually," while we were having a conversation, I might have said, "to be submissive," or I might have floundered. The process of power exchange, if you fully commit to it for even a brief time, creates a space and a tool for self-knowledge and shared knowleged that may be unique or uniquely effective. Is there a way to gain the same kind of self-knowledge, and to effectively share it, without power exchange? Maybe, or maybe not. Again, no one seems to be suggesting, "Oh, I got to the same place doing x, y or z." It's like I have tapped into some knee-jerk denial that people feel "Oh, that cannot be!" without any real coherent counter-arguments or alternative theories on human sexual psychology.
I don't mean to sound arrogant, I just approach life always looking for commonalities, for universal truths (or at least subjective truths that may apply beyond the individual, such as culture-wide truths). I happen to have degrees in psychology and philosophy. I have taken post-graduate courses at the Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality in San Francisco. I'm offering my thoughts on here, as they occur to me, because (1) I sincerely believe these things may help others achieve personal growth and relationship success, (2) I sincerely want to here reasons -- well-articulated reasons -- why people might disagree, since I am completely open to the possibility that my opinions may require revision (i.e., I am proposing theories that explain what I am observing in life, but the more I observe, I expect the theories to evolve).
It is like the physicists who look for the natural laws of the universe. I am looking for natural laws concerning human sexual behavior, and if some one can have a dialogue on that level, great.
My ego does not require that I be right, only that I be honest in my belief and in my recognition of my own fallability (sp?). I would have literally LOVED if some one had come on here and said, "Oh, you are on the tip of the ice berg, but there's a whole lot more you have not yet realized, as you are new to this" or "I understand why you believe what you believe, but there is a limiting factor you are not recognizing and here it is...." We ALL go through life with blinders on. And sometimes we cannot take our own blinders off because we do not even know they are there. I'm trying to help others take off their blinders, and I'm wishng others would do the same for me, but it seems it is largely a one-sided endeavor.
Nevertheless, I persevere, with the optimism that here may be others who live life in this style, in this pursuit of self-growth and sharing the fruits of that self-growth with others in case it resonates with them and allows them to personally or spiritually grow.
I feel like we are poised at a precipice where so many people are living like sheep, just going with the herd, following what is P.C., ignoring what they dont' want to see, not stepping back and taking responsibility for thinking about the long view, the big picture. Between the questions (1) what is best for me, and (2) what is the fundamental truth of the universe, there is a middle ground, a gray area, that people seem to ignore, at least the people I know of and interact with, the people responding in this thread, where you ask, "Where is humanity headed? Where SHOULD we be headed? Where do we WANT to be in 5000 years and how do we get there?" It seems 99% of people just want to shrug it off, and ignore what is perhaps the MOST critical type of personal and societal inquiry. Once people lift their heads up from looking 1 to 5 to 50 years in the future, and do NOT get caught up looking a billion years into the future (Oh my god there's no hope for us!! Some disaster will surely wipe us out by then! Our star will burn out!! We'll be hit by a comet!") there is a middle ground of WISE EVOLUTIONARY PLANNING on a scale of thousands of years. Without that, we are basically running around like chickens with their heads cut off.
I think the sex drive -- and the love drive -- are critical in addressing this, which is why much of my life's attention to honest assessment of the sex drive (and love drive) in human nature. Well, that and it's a lot more fun than studying dirt or bugs IMO.
Anyway, sorry if my sincerity comes across as smugness. I really would LOVE to be proven wrong, because that would mean the state of knowledge as been advanced, and that is truly my goal. Because knowledge eradicates ignorance and ignorance gives rise to a lot of unhappy shit.
~psychoblast~
That thread was closed for no valid reason by an overzealous moderator with personal issues and/or inadequately respect for what can be gained through freedom of speech. Before I realized that the thread was closed, I drafted a lengthy and thoughtful reply to various responders' posts in that thread. Not wanting the reply to be wasted, I started a new thread in that forum for my reply. However, given that the original thread was closed, and the apparent antipathy of the responsible moderator toward me, I would not be surprised if my reply thread is deleted. So, to preserve my reply, here it is:
irst, I disagree with those responders who seem to take the position that everyone is different, so any attempt to find a cultural-wide remedy or approach for sexual dysfuction is necessarily false. Just becauase every person is different on some levels does not mean each of us is 100% unique, or there was never be ANY legitimacy to any human science from medicine to psychology to sociology.
The fact that we all share a largely overlapping evolutionary history, and a largely overlapping cultural influences. To the extent those cultural influences do not gibe with our evolutionary make-up, disfunction results. It is neither unreasonable, not unlikely, that we can employ similar tools to address such disfunction. So, it is not unreasonable to think that if I found a way with my wife to access and resolve some disfunction through power exchange, that this may very well work for a large number of others in our society. Could there be other tools that address the same disfuction? Maybe. I don't happen to see anyone throwing out any proposal for what has worked for them along these lines. Rather, the critics seem to assume there is another approach, but no one is actually saying they found one, or what it is.
Lysis: You have shown you have no business being a moderator, now with your latest post consisting of an ad hominem attack, exactly the sort of thing YOU as a moderator are supposed to POLICE. Not only have you NOT policed the ad hominem attacks by others in this thread against me, you have actually posted such attacks yourself. Shame on you. When I was a moderator on Bluelight, that would not have been permitted and you'd have been stripped of your moderator status without question. I am guessing (but may be wrong) that you are the one who closed my BDSM thread, because that would be consistent with what I see of you on here. I appreciate you are trying your best to be a good moderator, but I would respectfully suggest you have some growth and maturing to do to accomplish that. I know you are up to the task, you just need to contemplate on the nature of free speech, and its value as compared to you being annoyed by a particular Bluelighter or topic. If a thread relates to sex, love and relationships (i.e., is on topic) and there are people within that thread attempting with sincerity to reach some common understanding, it should be respected even if you personally have some issue with something about it. Err on the side of FREEDOM.
Perpetual Indulgence: You say if it is broken and you cannot fix it, let it go. What I'm telling you (and others) in my posts, is that IT IS ALL FIXABLE. This notion that relationshps cannot be fixed is like the notion that criminals cannot be redeemed. Everyone can be rehabilitated. Everyone can be redeemed. All relationships can be fixed. But in this lazy, short-sighted society, people like you give up if the going gets touch, so you never see it through and realize the personal growth that awaits a person who does NOT give up. And you wonder why you are single again?
Panda Bear: I agree that open and honest communication is key, maybe THE key. Perhaps it DOES all come down to finding a space in which the people can be completely open and honest. However, it is possible that that space REQUIRES some form of power exchange. For example, I have always fancied myself more submissive than dominant, shied away from assuming a dominant role in bed, fantasized about submissive roles. However, once it was put to me to be the dominant one, I chose to embrace that role and find that part of me. What resulted was me finally being confronted with the question, "What EXACTLY do I want if it is COMPLETELY up to me without concern of being too selfish or being judged for my desires?" Then the answers started to come. I learned, and am still learning, much about myself in this fashion. Honestly, if my wife and I had just sat down and she said, "Tell me what you really want sexually," while we were having a conversation, I might have said, "to be submissive," or I might have floundered. The process of power exchange, if you fully commit to it for even a brief time, creates a space and a tool for self-knowledge and shared knowleged that may be unique or uniquely effective. Is there a way to gain the same kind of self-knowledge, and to effectively share it, without power exchange? Maybe, or maybe not. Again, no one seems to be suggesting, "Oh, I got to the same place doing x, y or z." It's like I have tapped into some knee-jerk denial that people feel "Oh, that cannot be!" without any real coherent counter-arguments or alternative theories on human sexual psychology.
I don't mean to sound arrogant, I just approach life always looking for commonalities, for universal truths (or at least subjective truths that may apply beyond the individual, such as culture-wide truths). I happen to have degrees in psychology and philosophy. I have taken post-graduate courses at the Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality in San Francisco. I'm offering my thoughts on here, as they occur to me, because (1) I sincerely believe these things may help others achieve personal growth and relationship success, (2) I sincerely want to here reasons -- well-articulated reasons -- why people might disagree, since I am completely open to the possibility that my opinions may require revision (i.e., I am proposing theories that explain what I am observing in life, but the more I observe, I expect the theories to evolve).
It is like the physicists who look for the natural laws of the universe. I am looking for natural laws concerning human sexual behavior, and if some one can have a dialogue on that level, great.
My ego does not require that I be right, only that I be honest in my belief and in my recognition of my own fallability (sp?). I would have literally LOVED if some one had come on here and said, "Oh, you are on the tip of the ice berg, but there's a whole lot more you have not yet realized, as you are new to this" or "I understand why you believe what you believe, but there is a limiting factor you are not recognizing and here it is...." We ALL go through life with blinders on. And sometimes we cannot take our own blinders off because we do not even know they are there. I'm trying to help others take off their blinders, and I'm wishng others would do the same for me, but it seems it is largely a one-sided endeavor.
Nevertheless, I persevere, with the optimism that here may be others who live life in this style, in this pursuit of self-growth and sharing the fruits of that self-growth with others in case it resonates with them and allows them to personally or spiritually grow.
I feel like we are poised at a precipice where so many people are living like sheep, just going with the herd, following what is P.C., ignoring what they dont' want to see, not stepping back and taking responsibility for thinking about the long view, the big picture. Between the questions (1) what is best for me, and (2) what is the fundamental truth of the universe, there is a middle ground, a gray area, that people seem to ignore, at least the people I know of and interact with, the people responding in this thread, where you ask, "Where is humanity headed? Where SHOULD we be headed? Where do we WANT to be in 5000 years and how do we get there?" It seems 99% of people just want to shrug it off, and ignore what is perhaps the MOST critical type of personal and societal inquiry. Once people lift their heads up from looking 1 to 5 to 50 years in the future, and do NOT get caught up looking a billion years into the future (Oh my god there's no hope for us!! Some disaster will surely wipe us out by then! Our star will burn out!! We'll be hit by a comet!") there is a middle ground of WISE EVOLUTIONARY PLANNING on a scale of thousands of years. Without that, we are basically running around like chickens with their heads cut off.
I think the sex drive -- and the love drive -- are critical in addressing this, which is why much of my life's attention to honest assessment of the sex drive (and love drive) in human nature. Well, that and it's a lot more fun than studying dirt or bugs IMO.
Anyway, sorry if my sincerity comes across as smugness. I really would LOVE to be proven wrong, because that would mean the state of knowledge as been advanced, and that is truly my goal. Because knowledge eradicates ignorance and ignorance gives rise to a lot of unhappy shit.
~psychoblast~