robd
Bluelighter
from my live journal..... im too lazy to format it or that sort of thing. 
if a moderator could please fix it up a bit that would be great. it's basically random thoughts about the night.
Trip Report: DXM
Date: 7/4/02
Dose: One Bottle, Tussin Max Strength
Mindset: Pissed.
I was invited to glenns, 'come whenever you can', so i did. I looked for my wallet, without sucess, but figured, i probably wont need it anyway. I walk to glenns, say my hellos, and he lets me know that he can get me E within the hour. i run home, search for my wallet some more, STILL can't find it, and now im pissed.
I have money WHEN theres NOTHING to spend it on, but when theres something that i would like to buy? no where to be found. i figure i should attempt to ask around for money, but no one wants to spot rob money for such a 'stupid' drug like xtc.....(newbs...they dunno)
I was a lil pissed, and a lil disappointed, and i ingest one bottle of tussin max strength, which keels brought. tussin only has 15mg of dxm per tblsp., opposed to vicks 30, so i wasnt expecting much, which added to my frustration/blah type feeling.
i then proceed to flip on the TV, in which half-baked is just beginning, 8pm, which brought back a memory or two. keely pulls me downstairs to socialize, but instead, i grab my headphones and turn up some deftones. this influenced my 'trip' GREATLY. my whole experience was based around the music i was listening to.
I had had my summer / be quiet and drive off around the fur stuck in my head to begin with, so i grabbed my sister's cd player and brought it with me, because i knew i would be dying for the music later. i was not tripping, i felt very in control of myself, but i knew something was different, and because of the fact that i was very in control of myself, it made it more real.
'it', would be the darkness that surrounded the music and the trip. my pissed off attitude plus the dark sound of the music i was listening to influenced the drug into where it took me. most of the trips that i have had have been very shapeable, based on setting, mindset, music, etc. etc.
most of the time i have opted for the happiest, for obovious reasons, but this time i was too lazy to care....and i dont regret it either, it was like a 'bad trip' at all, with demons chasing me.....just dark, with lots of thoughts. people asked me if i was ok because i wasnt smiling at all and it didnt seem like i was having fun......
i wouldnt describe my experience 'fun', exactly, but i dont regret it at all, and i did enjoy it. throughout the night, i seemed to get more and more intoxicated (harder to walk, talk, etc.) by dxm, but i always had the deep dark feeling from the beginning. when i took my headphones off, everyone was listening to happish music and i was like 'ahhhh!'
I also seemed to want to talk to people i knew that wasnt with me at the time, kinda like when i called adam out of the blue the last time i was on dxm... i was keeping track of the time so i could call KB at 10pm so i could see him...which i did, but he had a headache or something... i was gonna call adam but i remembered, vaguely, that he was on vacation, and i was gonna call will but my phone didnt work.
i dont know why i want to get in touch with me people that arnt with me, but i just have the urge to when im dex'in. I also justifed taking a bong hit because i wanted to see how it hit after glenn cleaned out the slide, thinking that with this justification, i could, without concinquence. like telling the probation officer when i come up positive, 'yeah, its positive, but cloud ten's slide was just cleaned, gimme a break here!'
heh...most of the night was spent in random places lying down listening to around the fur / white pony numerous times. no other music would do. i was connected. on another note, i really funny situation was when i couldnt find my glasses. i orginally took them off because i felt my glasses were a filter, which enabled me to see detail, and with this detail, came anaylais, and then i registed darkness... without them, i could get around, but i couldnt identify anything in detail, so i wouldnt judge, and i would just 'be'.
interesting concept, im happy i remembered it. so i chucked them somewhere and then later in the night i NEEDED them so i had people searching the house for them. finally, they showed up, and they didnt feel like mine. so im asking around to people... 'are you sober? are these my glasses?' everyone there was fucked up and didnt know, and josh, who i remembered is XXX, said he didnt know. i went to glenn.... 'does anyone in your family where glasses? i think i might be wearing your dads!" haahah.
good times. i wish i could remember the actual details of the darkness and what i thought, but one, at the time i wouldnt be able to express them in words, and two, its part of the drug that the thoughts arnt placed into your memory, like when ur sober. the glasses thing is just one of many interesting concepts i had. the darkness owns me.
[Edit: I changed the original title (DXM - The Darkness Owns Me) to fit forum guidelines. I also added some paragraph breaks to make it easier to read. -C22]
[ 06 July 2002: Message edited by: Catch-22 ]
if a moderator could please fix it up a bit that would be great. it's basically random thoughts about the night.Trip Report: DXM
Date: 7/4/02
Dose: One Bottle, Tussin Max Strength
Mindset: Pissed.
I was invited to glenns, 'come whenever you can', so i did. I looked for my wallet, without sucess, but figured, i probably wont need it anyway. I walk to glenns, say my hellos, and he lets me know that he can get me E within the hour. i run home, search for my wallet some more, STILL can't find it, and now im pissed.
I have money WHEN theres NOTHING to spend it on, but when theres something that i would like to buy? no where to be found. i figure i should attempt to ask around for money, but no one wants to spot rob money for such a 'stupid' drug like xtc.....(newbs...they dunno)
I was a lil pissed, and a lil disappointed, and i ingest one bottle of tussin max strength, which keels brought. tussin only has 15mg of dxm per tblsp., opposed to vicks 30, so i wasnt expecting much, which added to my frustration/blah type feeling.
i then proceed to flip on the TV, in which half-baked is just beginning, 8pm, which brought back a memory or two. keely pulls me downstairs to socialize, but instead, i grab my headphones and turn up some deftones. this influenced my 'trip' GREATLY. my whole experience was based around the music i was listening to.
I had had my summer / be quiet and drive off around the fur stuck in my head to begin with, so i grabbed my sister's cd player and brought it with me, because i knew i would be dying for the music later. i was not tripping, i felt very in control of myself, but i knew something was different, and because of the fact that i was very in control of myself, it made it more real.
'it', would be the darkness that surrounded the music and the trip. my pissed off attitude plus the dark sound of the music i was listening to influenced the drug into where it took me. most of the trips that i have had have been very shapeable, based on setting, mindset, music, etc. etc.
most of the time i have opted for the happiest, for obovious reasons, but this time i was too lazy to care....and i dont regret it either, it was like a 'bad trip' at all, with demons chasing me.....just dark, with lots of thoughts. people asked me if i was ok because i wasnt smiling at all and it didnt seem like i was having fun......
i wouldnt describe my experience 'fun', exactly, but i dont regret it at all, and i did enjoy it. throughout the night, i seemed to get more and more intoxicated (harder to walk, talk, etc.) by dxm, but i always had the deep dark feeling from the beginning. when i took my headphones off, everyone was listening to happish music and i was like 'ahhhh!'
I also seemed to want to talk to people i knew that wasnt with me at the time, kinda like when i called adam out of the blue the last time i was on dxm... i was keeping track of the time so i could call KB at 10pm so i could see him...which i did, but he had a headache or something... i was gonna call adam but i remembered, vaguely, that he was on vacation, and i was gonna call will but my phone didnt work.
i dont know why i want to get in touch with me people that arnt with me, but i just have the urge to when im dex'in. I also justifed taking a bong hit because i wanted to see how it hit after glenn cleaned out the slide, thinking that with this justification, i could, without concinquence. like telling the probation officer when i come up positive, 'yeah, its positive, but cloud ten's slide was just cleaned, gimme a break here!'
heh...most of the night was spent in random places lying down listening to around the fur / white pony numerous times. no other music would do. i was connected. on another note, i really funny situation was when i couldnt find my glasses. i orginally took them off because i felt my glasses were a filter, which enabled me to see detail, and with this detail, came anaylais, and then i registed darkness... without them, i could get around, but i couldnt identify anything in detail, so i wouldnt judge, and i would just 'be'.
interesting concept, im happy i remembered it. so i chucked them somewhere and then later in the night i NEEDED them so i had people searching the house for them. finally, they showed up, and they didnt feel like mine. so im asking around to people... 'are you sober? are these my glasses?' everyone there was fucked up and didnt know, and josh, who i remembered is XXX, said he didnt know. i went to glenn.... 'does anyone in your family where glasses? i think i might be wearing your dads!" haahah.
good times. i wish i could remember the actual details of the darkness and what i thought, but one, at the time i wouldnt be able to express them in words, and two, its part of the drug that the thoughts arnt placed into your memory, like when ur sober. the glasses thing is just one of many interesting concepts i had. the darkness owns me.
[Edit: I changed the original title (DXM - The Darkness Owns Me) to fit forum guidelines. I also added some paragraph breaks to make it easier to read. -C22]
[ 06 July 2002: Message edited by: Catch-22 ]
