Drugs known to be neuroprotective/reverse atrophy?

[Cotcha Yankinov]

I think mindfulness meditation has quite a lot to offer you. It does take some time to become even mildly proficient at it, and to learn to apply it lightly throughout the day can take some time to learn as well.

But try not to take the "I would do this stuff if I was young" route, it's never too late. The brain is constantly changing and capable of learning many new things. It just takes time and an appropriate way of learning. Diving into a chemistry book doesn't work for most people. Try Khan academy for example.

 

[hotgirls.jpg.exe]

Ah I feel for you man. You sound very anxious with particular focus on health-related concerns. That's a rabbit hole you REALLY don't want to go down, trust me. I have great personal experience with hypochondria/hypervigilance and it sucks. A lot. It turns into a situation where you're way too aware and focused on how your body feels/functions, every tiny niggle becomes a symptom of something being wrong and every single symptom can be correlated with what you currently think might be wrong with you. You get cleared for problem A, hey must be because all these symptoms were actually because of Problem B. That's not to say you don't have legitimate medical issues, I certainly do (serious, occasionally life threatening ones). It makes managing this kind of thing harder for sure but if you allow yourself to continually be sucked down into this health-worry spiral you'll end up too terrified to breathe because you'll feel like you're not breathing 'right' which is clearly a sign that something is terribly wrong.

Get some mindfulness-focused therapy. See a neuropsychologist. Stop googling all that shit constantly, that way lays despair. Meditate daily. Get a good workout routine happening - I find running really helps me refocus on my body's workings in a positive way. Endorphins are amazing. Meds can help of course, but they're not a cure-all and should be a part of the answer, not the whole answer*. I would trust the radiologist's opinion over the psychiatrist when it comes to the MRIs. After all the psychiatrist is not specifically trained in interpreting them, even if they have seen a lot of them. Reduced parietal volume is absolutely normal in ADD, it's not caused by your mental struggles. Get another MRI in 6-12 months and try to foster mental wellness in the meantime - there's no harm in trying all these things and it could well be very beneficial. I really hope none of this came across as dismissive. I've been where you are right now and it's an awful place. My suggestions are what helped me out. It's not easy but it's definitely worth it. Godspeed.

*Besides for the ADD, I wouldn't advise trying to therapy your way out of that

 

[karambit]

I think you should take serious note of advice and recommendations given by " Cotcha" and " hotgirls.jpg.."
You present with somatic symptom disorder combined with hypersensitivity to Minor slights.

Vyvanse is a very good med for ADD but you need an SSRI to balance out your obsessions and constant worry.You present with debilitating OCD and I don't want to see you getting worse. Do not focus on the 1/10,000 chances or Steven Johnson syndrome etc.. If something is very probable to help you, pursue it! Otherwise if you're wanting guarantee's you're going to lock up all your options and your OCD will continue to get worse! I suggest a trial of Memantine to quiet down the OCD and calm the negative ruminating loops. Start with 5mgs and work your way up every week until you reach robust symptom mitigation. It doesn't help everyone but It's pretty damn close to being devoid of any adverse effects. It can also lower your tolerance to stims ie) vyvanse and you can lower or maintain the lowest possible dosage.

How much are you taking , 20-40 mgs? Highly unlikely to cause Serotonin Syndrome...approaching Zero !

You can't even see yourself because of how smothered and bombarded you are with negative thoughts or convincing yourself that what you cannot do or don't learn overnight that most of the populus Can ! That's BS You're very observant, you retain information well and you type your posts in a concise, proper order. You're pretty articulate and you list with incredible detail. Too much can stop you functioning in a timely progression with most tasks in life because you think you must be perfect or you've failed. Wrong.

90% of us have forgotten 80+ % of what we've learned in school, unless we continue using it in advanced education or as everyday knowledge that we apply for work or consistent daily tasks! You are not the minority, what you explained is totally natural !

How old are you btw?

You overwhelm yourself on a daily basis and you're psyche/condition is giving you this unrealistic idea that you should be able to pick up any book, skip to the final chapters and understand everything thoroughly. No way by anybody ! Chemistry is not easy by any stretch, particularly Organic. Are you recently read in the basics ? Take small steps.
I know for a fact that you're very capable of learning. It was very true what was mentioned, all psyche drugs can prevent you from being 95% razor sharp and witty but if you need it as opposed to falling crippled to anxiety or OCD, then the compromise is not your fault and is necessary.

When did you play chess last ? I held a masters rating when I was 22 and if you do not play frequent and consistent you will not catch on that easily. Your ability to visualize and think 4-8 moves ahead relies on calm focus and deep concentration but more importantly, the familiar scenario of pieces and where the co-responding openings and vulnerabilities present you with a winning attack plan. This is recognized as being familiar quicker and more clearer after thousands of games/matches. Not a few dozen, thousands!

The Neurorad ..skimmed through your MRI because he was in that " all too familiar chess piece area" There were NO alarming triggers. You have a small Arachnoid Cyst that was probably missed by the previous Radiologist OR is growing very slowly. These are incidental and Benign unless there is mass effect or compression on communicating CSF.
He's Not concerned because with yours, there is NO threat or danger. Pineal cycts are fairly common and harmless as well . Protocol is to repeat MRI every 8-12 mos to check on growth and tissue compression.

You are right regarding 2D6 hijacking . Start low and slow, if Heart rate and Blood pressure is not affected you'll be fine to increase etc.If rapid increases occur, be sure to have cyproheptadine and benzo's on hand. Thousands of people take Prozac/Amp etc . Very few cases of SS are presented in literature as a result.
If you're fine with Lexapro and Amp/Vyvanse then I wouldn't worry about 2D6 competition .

Just remember that Lamotrigine and Topiramate especially can wreak Havoc with your short term memory.

Please give yourself a fair trial of Memantine or zoloft -up to 200mgs/day for your OCD and to Minimize your Thalamic-Striatal Hyperexitability.

Best.

 

[razorcuts]

Hi guys!

Yes I think mindfulness could be helpful. I heard about that in the past. I have never heard about therapists which specialize in mindfulness though.
I only know CBT and depth therapy. Also not all kinds of therapies are covered by my insurance. Stuff like NLP for example isn't covered.

What worried me a bit about mindfulness is the religious background. Do you have to share a belief in buddhism to use this?
Cause I'm not interested in any of the religious stuff.

I know that it's not good to get caught up in anxieties and hypochondria. I am aware of that. But it still happens. I don't know how to overcome this.
I also think that fear of diseases is one symptoms of my general fear. When my overall fear increases then other specific fears also increase.
When I'm worried about an illness then it puts me in a state of unrest where I can't focus on other things and this lasts until I go to a doctor and only if he
says everything's ok do I find peace again.

Right now I am worried about the brain MRI again cause today I wanted to pick up a prescription and ran into my psychiatrist. I told him what the radiologist
said and he didn't agree. He said that I need to go to a neuro-radiologist. He said normal radiologists do not have the experience and do not know what to look for!
He sounded very serious about this. This means that in his opinion my scans are not normal!
He also talked about "long-term processes in the brain", indicating that there might be something going on which has been going on for many years.
After talking to him I felt really miserable again and now I worry again.

I mean after all I have been suffering mentally on a continual basis for the last 12 years. I have often times felt like getting a nervous breakdown cause it was simply too much.
This stuff definitely wasn't healthy for the brain. People around me have no clue about this. You can feel like getting a meltdown and nobody on the outside has a clue that you
feel this way.
Many people also don't even pick up on such things or when they notice that you're in a bad mood they even attack you for being in a bad mood and dragging them down with your
bad mood.

I dont feel like Lamotrigine negatively affects my short term memory.

I tried Memantine 2 years ago. I started with 5mg and went up to 20mg.
The reason I quit was that I got scared that it might be affecting my memory. I knew that Memantine can do this and then I worried
that my memory was getting worse.
For example when I thought about what I ate the last day or what I did 2 days ago then it was hard for me to remember. It felt as it
my recall was vague and this scared me so I got off it.

I also cannot say that I felt different when I was on Memantine. That's always the problem with meds it's very hard for me to tell if they
help or not especially since my depression isn't always the same.

There may be days or weeks where I feel 4/10 and then there are times where I feel 1/10. Unless I took a drug which made me feel 5/10 or 6/10
on a continual basis I couldn't tell if it works or not.

Maybe Memantine helped a tiny bit with ocd or anxiety and I simply couldn't notice it. This is very hard to find out.
I also cannot say if Lexapro 10mg makes any difference. What if it reduces ocd by 5%? I won't be able to notice this.

I don't know if my doc would prescribe Memantine again after I tried it out already.

What would really interest me would be a fMRI where you see which parts of the brain are overactive/underactive.
I read a book about this by Dr.Amen. Supposedly he can help many patients and figure out exactly what their needs are
based on those scans.
I'm pretty sure if I took such a scan I'd have areas which are way too active or less too active.
My psychiatrist believes that these scans are useless and that this doesn't work. I also know no clinic which does these scans
and then also develops drug regimens based on the scan results.

I always tried to describe my various symptoms as detailed as possible and then hoped that based on the symptoms the doctor
might be able to figure out what kind of NT might be involved and then based on this determine which drugs I need.
I went on Lamotrigine cause of my irritability which I thought could have something to do with glutamate.

For example whenever I was exposed to something which worried me or even things which excited me I felt overwhelmed.
One time I drove to the doctor to pick up my lab results and a few things were too high and this worried me so much that my head
started to spin. I was driving and couldn't even focus on the other cars. This feeling is definitely real. When you're in such a state then
you know it.
When I'm worried about a disease and then did not see a doctor to resolve my fears then I'd stay in this state and in such a state I cannot
really focus on other things at all cause my fears keep me occupied.

Because of this I also dont see how I could overcome these fears cause if I don't get them resolved then they hinder me.

My father often tells me to ignore stuff and not act upon every worry but if I try to do this then the fear is still there and I can't get rid of it
and it affects me negatively cause then I don't have the strength to focus on other things cause all other things seem unimportant in comparison.

 

[razorcuts]

I wrote a PM to Karambit where I explained a bit of my situation. I thought
I should post some of this here, too. Just so you know a bit about why I feel
as bad as I do. It goes much deeper.

i'm in such deep shit. i really feel like sooner or later i might end up in a mental hospital.
my entire situation is all so fucked up and hopeless. i have been suffering immensely for the last 12 years
and before that i also wasn't a happy person.

in short: i've been studying social sciences since 2005. i hated it from the start and suffered from it but i didnt know
what else to study or what else to do with my life. i was scared of just getting out there and get a job. life was too scary for me.
so i rather wanted to study.
over the years i developed a strong fear of exams cause i knew that at the very end of studying you have to write a few exams and
these few exams count 100%!
it's not like in school where you write dozens of tests over the past 2 years and then it all counts. instead everything depends on a handful
of exams.
this creates a huge pressure cause if you fail then that's it. you can have studied something for many years and if you fail at the end it was all forsaken.

this fear got so strong that even though i met all qualifications to sign in for the final exams i kept postponing then year after year.
that's then i started going to psychiatrists and trying out meds. but nothing helped with this. and now the time is running out.
i knew this for 2 years that i have to take the exams by the end of year and inspite of this i couldnt get myself to take them simply
cause the fear was too strong.
every time when i enrolled myself for the exams during the past few years i became so scared after enrolling that a few days later i called
back in and said that i changed my mind.

if it had been up to me i would have quit studying many years ago. i simply felt like this isnt going to work with this huge anxiety which i have built up.
i had this strong sense that it's hopeless for a long time. my parents urged me to keep trying. they said that i am too old now to quit and try anything new
and that quitting would be a disaster.
and now i've kept going on until the very end and it was all forsaken. i have put myself through years of suffering all for nothing. if i had spent the last 10 years
at home in front of the TV it would have been healthier for my psyche and body and it wouldn't have been a bigger waster of time than studying.

i dont even know how to mentally deal with this. it feels like an ultimate defeat. this cost me over 10 years of my life and it ruined my health and now i stand
there with empty hands and a ruined vitae.
nobody would even hire somebody like me who studied for over 10 years and didnt even finish. it's a real shame.

my self-esteem is very low because of this. i think about this all the time and ask myself how much responsibility for failing lies on me and how much of being depressed.
but in the end nobody cares. depression isnt taken that seriously. it's a handicap but it's not visible like a real disability.

and besides the whole else-esteem issue the even bigger issue is how to survive without proper education and depression. i havent learned anything useful.
i mean even if you have a diploma in social sciences finding a job isn't that easy.
whenever i go to a doctor and he asks me what i do and i say i study social sciences then he gives me a blank stare and asks what you can do with this.

i also have many physical disorders. being depressed isnt healthy for the body either. but not all of my issues
can simply be explained this way. i have a lot of symptoms which doctors cant help me with or explain.

what i suffer from the most is my eye issues. they started in 2008. i suddenly got a lot of floaters. they are already totally dragging me down.
cause of them i cant even go out during the day anymore or at least i try to avoid it as much as possible. when it's bright and i see the full extent
of the floaters then it instantly causes depression and despair.
because of them i am more or less bound to stay at home during the day.

and then i also have something called blue entoptic field phenomenon. it's when you see the white blood cells in your eyes!
it also started in 2008. at first i only saw these things when it was very bright and when i looked at a white object.
but it has gotten so much worse that i see these things even when it's not bright.

i have been to many doctors because of this. most of them didnt even know what i'm talking about. one opthalmologist said it's the white
blood cells. he said this is harmless. but why do i have it to such an extend? and why did it suddenly start in 2008?

even if it should be harmless it's still tormenting. for me being outside of the house of being in a room where it is bright causes suffering.
it's like when you have to sit on a chair which makes your back hurt all the time. that's how it feels to me.

besides these issues with my eyes i also have other physical problems.
but the eye problems alone already ruin my quality of life. it's absolutely crippling.
and this isnt something i can just get used to like some doctors believe. everybody sees some floaters. i also saw them in summer when i was
young but this is not the same as somebody who has a lot of them.

i feel like i am becoming more and more disconnected from life and unable to live. now i have my parents to support me but what do i do after that when i'm alone?!
besides my parents i have absolutely noone. i dont know what i'd do if i was all alone. even when i think about it i start to panic.
what's the point of even going on when you know that life will probably only get much worse and you see no hope for the future?

due to my bad health and depression i'm absolutely unable to work a normal job. for me things like going to the supermarket are already difficult.
i also cannot deal with pressure. i couldnt work in a job or an environment where i felt like i'm under pressure or where i get in trouble with other people.
i noticed this various times in the past when i had to do practical courses. I always suffered during those times and felt sick.

i'm aware of how bad my circumstances are and it's really damn frightening cause i dont know how this is supposed to go on.

many days i feel so overwhelmed and miserable that i just have to lie in bed. imagine what would happen if i couldnt just lie in bed but instead had
to work and couldnt just escape this situation. it would only be a matter of time until i'd get a mental breakdown.

and i also see no way of recovery from depression. like i said i have always been this way. but compared to when i was young and had no real problems i now have many real problems
which depress me.

i also tried therapy a few times and to me it felt like a waste of time. even talking about my situation made me feel worse. and i also found no therapist who i felt had a personal interest.
i felt like they were all more or less only interested in making money. if i knew a good therapist i'd go there but i know none.

i read that hopelessness,anxiety and acute panic cause people to kill themselves and not depression itself. i think this is true.
i am hopeless and have existential fears and sometimes i feel acute panic. this panic can be caused by things happening. or also when i wake up during the night or without having gotten
enough sleep then all those depressing thoughts are there with full force! i dont know why that is but i have experienced it many times.
in such moments i feel really miserable.

it's like all those fears which i have and all my problems (which i am always aware of, but which aren't always that present) kick in with full force. it's like i wake up and realize how hopeless everything is.

my brain knows how bad everything is, but on some days it's as if it doesn't matter that much it's as if i suppress it. but on other days all these thoughts kick in with full power and then it's totally overwhelming.

 

[razorcuts]

Wanted to add one more thing but can't edit my last post.

I've basically been living for the last 7 years with this fear always in front of me.
I think there weren't many days where I didn't think about the exams and how much depends on them.
All the time I felt like my life depends on wether I can finish or not.
This fear was also intensified greatly by being told by my father that I absolutely have to finish studying
or else my vitae will be so messed up that it's all over.
He won't even remember saying this but it has been dragging me down for years.

I mean not that he's wrong. I know how devastating this is. But being told that you absolutely have to succeed
at something or else everything is over doesn't really increase the chances of succeeding.

 

[hotgirls.jpg.exe]

It can take a few tries to find the right therapist, you need a good rapport and they need to know the right approach/right kind of therapy to use. But please keep trying - it's obvious how much distress you're in.

Let me ask, and I'm pretty sure I know the answer - if you did see a doctor who said to you 'I've identified what's causing all of your symptoms, you have X condition', do you think all this somatiform anxiety would stop? Or would you find new potential symptoms and conditions to obsess over?

ETA: Your last post is fairly illuminating as to where this obsessive thought patterning/behaviour may have originated.