Drugs are ruining my life

[†∆†]

don't know if hearing this will help, but like the other posters have said you're not alone. and many, many people are able to get past it, you can too.

i feel like this a lot as well, i cannot function without altering my consciousness. it's almost as if being sober is it's OWN drug, but one that is extremely unpleasant and scary. :-/

 

[jjk2]

This is my almost daily procedure. Buy drugs, get high, feel awesome, feel shit; buy drugs, get high, feel good, feel terrible; buy drugs, get high, feel normal, feel like death (rinse and repeat last 4). I'm stuck in a cycle, I cram any psychoactive substance into my body to escape the emptiness in my life that was probably caused by drug abuse in the first place. When I abstain I can't function, and I'm a university student who needs to write essays and research in order to pass my course. Right now I'm lagging seriously and it's really depressing me, I was always a procrastinator but this is just insane. I cannot moderate my use. I'm an all or nothing guy (obviously not by choice).

It's like my subconscious is punishing me for doing drugs, but it needs them at the same time, like some kind of masochistic fascination. If I take drugs I feel okay for a while, then shit afterwards for a while, then I slowly come back to what I think is my 'normal' state, but theres always that demon on my shoulder whispering that life could be better with just a simple pill or a little toke. Some days I hate the world so much I don't even get out of bed, and I've been missing loads of lectures recently, its worrying me, I know it's in my control but somehow it's so hard to direct myself. I play guitar to soothe the pain and play video games to ignore myself for a while but I'll always come back to the downward spiral of addiction. Its fucking me up at a crucial point in my life. I don't know why I'm posting this, maybe someone who's ever been in a similar situation can give me some advice on how to wrestle the demons

take a break from university. At times like this, I think university just creates extra stress and guilt. You are obviously feeling guilt and you can channel that into overcoming this dangerous cycle.

I would immediately drop all my courses, talk to an advisor about your problems. This is the first step that is crucial.

 

[*=Regulator=*]

^
That may be an option but certainly wouldn't be the first thing I'd look towards. For some poeple, having nothing in their life will just send them even further down the path of drug abuse. It could be that university is holding back the dam of full blown addiction.

I have to thoroughly second what theartofwar said - exercise is absolutely vital to getting your head out of the drug haze. You mentioned that you live in a built up area but you could still easily go for a run or go to the gym to do some cardio. Exercise will get the endogenous opiods/endorphins going giving you a 'natural high' plus you'll get the satisfaction of having achieved something.

The next step I'd take is to just drag yourself along to ALL of your lectures (and tutorials, if your university has them), even if you can't motivate yourself to do the extra readings and/or research. This will give you structure and a sense of purpose. It will keep you occupied during the day so you won't be sitting around all day thinking about drugs. Again, you'll get the satisfaction of knowing you are being a productive member of society. Maybe you can still use drugs in moderation at the end of the day/week when you've finished studying?

The way I see it, there are three paths you can take:
1-Drop out and get a shitty, low paying job because you don't have any qualifications
2-Drop out and become a drug addict
3-Keep going to university

I was in a similar situation to you and I decided to give #1 above a go. Working a low-skilled job for a year was absolutely soul destroying and gave me all the motivation I needed to go back to uni and study hard so I could get a 'real' job. I wish I had the maturity to stick at university rather than waste a year of my life at a shitty job but I didn't. Maybe you don't either? If you really don't think you can make it, maybe have a crack at life in the 'real world' and see which you prefer? Just don't drop out before you have work or you'll be at risk of going further into addiction.

I think talking to a psychologist would be a good idea. Most universities provide free psychological consults to students through their psychology school. Just go in with an open mind and talk about what's going on. Understand that it will take at least a few sessions to build up rapport with the psychologist so don't expect any instant results.

 

[starEkstasis]

hiya kingbluetwista, i think uni gives u some stability & is a much more flexible place than the outside world for a few years whilst u get stable as long as ur enjoyin ur course + it fulfills ur mind. with that course u cud really widen out into quite a few different paths + i bet u will really grow as a person. wondered if u had come across Deepak Chopra, a good spiritual philosopher i trust, so far. he seems genuine unlike many. i was drawn 2 ur obvious missing of nature + the feeling of impending doom of the skyscrapers ur in. but u can bring nature back into ur life - the Urban Shaman! thats what i have 2 do too at the moment & its a challenge but challenges grow us. i recommend his 1 hour book of wisdom: The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success, bout £8 from wh smith coz it reminds me of a Ladybird book from r childhood, and u can just dive in and pick a page + read smg like: " Wherever u go in the midst of activity, carry ur stillness within u. then the chaotic activity around u will never overshadow ur access to the field of pure potentiality." - thats the universe ur soul can always and wants 2 always naturally connect to. often we hold rselves in, with fear, + dont expand naturally to connect to it - but its where all r hopes + dreams + creations live. sumtimes we touch it now + then, as u said - the stars + that shiver. its still and will always be there for you, no matter wot as long as ur heart remains good or that spark of god lives within you. its very difficult to kill. Hope!

 

[mrs_mia_wallace]

You should go to NA or AA... you will find some people that really care and want to help you there. Get a sponsor and start working the steps. Or go to rehab and get sober there.

I was a student and addicted to drugs... I kept putting off getting sober because I didn't think I could do it and still go to school. Well eventually the drugs caught up with me and I had to go to rehab and take Ws in all my classes. I've taken some time off but I've finished this semester off with straight A's since getting sober. You may have to take a break from school to focus on your sobriety, but trust me its worth it.

 

[modern buddha]

Maybe the problem is that I have no specific direction I want to go in, not that what I do now doesn't lead that way. Do you think that is the only way that people can be truly happy, to create ambitions for themselves? I treasure the fleeting moments I'm in touch with the depths (the good kind, like when you look out on that starry night and get a shiver through your spine) through drugs, there are other ways to reach those places but now they've been cutoff and I don't think I can really be in touch with myself without being in that place at least sometimes.

Yeah I always feel much better after some good old exercise. Nature always used to calm me down and let me lose and feel myself at the same time (even though that seems paradoxical), but now I live in the city in a skyscraper and the most natural thing round here is a little mountain about an hour away I study philosophy and politics, I am passionate about philosophy and read around it quite a bit so that helps me but still theres a hole, maybe it just takes time to find the right thing to fill it with And thanks Mr Jesusgreen I haven't done any drugs for about a week now!

And how do you feel now that it's been about a week? Maybe you don't feel as clear-headed as you would like, or perhaps you feel light as a feather.