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  • EADD Moderators: Pissed_and_messed | Shinji Ikari

Drug Sabbatical Support & Appreciation Thread

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I finally did the 200mg mephedrone that has been hanging around for months.It was a stupid thing to do.I'd not had GBL for more than 36 hours and shouldn't really take stimulants at all...but I'd tried 330mg codeine and 25mg promethezine and I couldn't look anyone in the face as my eyes were so fucked,red and pinholed.Went home and at 10.30pm started drinking.Some time during the night I took 2 x 100mg doses of meph.Felt quite good and drank some more and I think maybe had some more codiene.
Woke up and continued drinking,went shopping and didn't get accosted,went home and tried watching 2 dvds but I was too fucked up.Went to sleep for a few hours and the decided to stop drinking and have benzos and evntually sleep aids.
Today have had benzos and propranol to deal with being around a load of people who would have me in tears if I was undrugged right now.
I've now got a GBL sabbatical and not a day too soon...rather several months late.Now I need to do something drastic about my drinking.Have read about the naltrexone reduction treatment and really need to recontact the addiciton service to ask to be put on it.If I stopped or cut way down on drinking I wouldn't keep buying GBL to get me off it,I'd stop fucking my liver,I'd save loads of money and would lose weight.
I have every reason to stop drinking,yet I keep caving in.
Everything today is too much and I wish that I was in bed.It takes maybe a month to recover from GBL abuse no doubt.
Christ I've fucked up everything,but luckily no one else knows how much:|
Got to think non - negative thoughts or I'll be home in bed sobbing for the next week:(
 
Gah, after 5 months clean and sober, i've been using dope agian for a bout month - 5 weeks, nothing crazy a few lines after work. But i really need to stop again and feel myself getting sucked back into proper addiction. So pissed off i've gotten myself into this state after a doing so well. Oh well, best go to teh chemisttommorrow and get some immodium and paramol, or the GP get some trams. :p
 
Are you dope-sick? Like are you psychically dependent on it again at this stage or is it that you don't want to be using at all?
 
Treacle said:
You'll be ten times better, within a week. Don't worry.
Click to expand...
Its 8 days and I'm still feeling wrong.Every morning I wake up put clothes on and start shaking uncontrollably.Then its 4 shots of vodka before I can do anything at all:| I have drank at some point every day of the last week, and its fucking me up more than GBL. I have been actual drunk a couple of times,but most of it has been a few steadying shots here and there as my benzo's are a far more finite resource than alcohol.I'm obviously not absorbing nutrients and vitamins properly.
Today I have been mainly in a shitty state,but managed to go to the cinema with my Mum and since dinner have calmed down.No doubt that is because I have got some nutrition that hasn't been fucked with by alcohol in me.
Also I have had a serious problem getting online in the last week and have been having internet withdrawals,which I think may be the reason my depression has gone below its usual low water mark.
There isn't a single person I can tell things to in the real world,and of the problems that I can tell people I have felt deluged.Every other fucking letter is a threat through my letter box,though I have done no wrong.
I'm seriously beginning to hate daylight for it brings only terror:(
 
brokenbrain said:
Its 8 days and I'm still feeling wrong.Every morning I wake up put clothes on and start shaking uncontrollably.Then its 4 shots of vodka before I can do anything at all:| I have drank at some point every day of the last week, and its fucking me up more than GBL. I have been actual drunk a couple of times,but most of it has been a few steadying shots here and there as my benzo's are a far more finite resource than alcohol.I'm obviously not absorbing nutrients and vitamins properly.
Today I have been mainly in a shitty state,but managed to go to the cinema with my Mum and since dinner have calmed down.No doubt that is because I have got some nutrition that hasn't been fucked with by alcohol in me.
Also I have had a serious problem getting online in the last week and have been having internet withdrawals,which I think may be the reason my depression has gone below its usual low water mark.
There isn't a single person I can tell things to in the real world,and of the problems that I can tell people I have felt deluged.Every other fucking letter is a threat through my letter box,though I have done no wrong.
I'm seriously beginning to hate daylight for it brings only terror:(
Click to expand...

I take it your Mum knows about you current situation?
 
My Mum knows about most of my non GBL related issues.I can't talk to her about that one though.All the depression,anxiety,past history of problem drinking and other health and social issues,as well as how the government and council are trying to drive me to suicide.
But I am not discussing GBL with anyone in the real world unless its a trained medic and I really need their assistance,although 95% of them and above know fuck all about it anyway.

I have spent most of today feeling worst than yesterday,worse than the days before and to a great extent a wish I had been in a coma until 3pm.
I've been getting better since then,so now I have to see how tomorrows shit goes along....and what fun tonight brings. ALthough I feel tired so who knows,I might sleep long and deep,but at least It'll be dark under the covers.
Fucking need to sort out my cunting windows though.4 have too thin curtains/linings and 2 have zero.If I could get my head together I'd go the foil route and make my place a light free zone.
Flats a total dump and so should by anyones ideas be the first thing to sort out.Only for weeks now its just not been happening.
Should spend money on cleaning products and do something good for a change,but all the things I should do end up usually being put off till next century.
 
I feel for you brokenbrain :(

What are you commitments like work wise at the minute? Can you afford to take a day or two off? Try and get your house sorted, or escape to your Mum's away from temptation?
 
I've got 3 voluntary jobs on the go and some work trial shit coming up soon,so I can get out of all that.I've got the government on my case and shit,but its all dealable when I'm on GBL:|
My parents are still together since 1971,and I find getting on with my Dad to be more than difficult.On GBL I do get on with him in some way,without it then problems.
No way can I tell anyone related to me about my issues with GBL. Its top fucking secret.And after all soon it'll be illegal,I'll be spending my time trying not to drink alcohol and it'll be 2004 style hell again (this only means anything to me obviously,but it would be much better than 2002 style hell).
My main problem for 10 days is being sober.At least when I'm on GBL I act like a decent person and eat and don't feel sick...at least not for the first week.On drink it starts fucking me up within half an hour of last sip,whether I had 4 units or 44.
 
I disagree, when you are in receipt of incapacity benefit, you have monthly meetings and are encouraged to get in involved with voluntary work, but only just as much as you can deal with for your condition. You also have access to mental health support.

The dole does not give a fuck, as you are supposed to be available for work, any work at all times, so they force as much upon you as they possibly can.
 
I think that varies from person to person, and what they have wrong with them.
 
^ yeah, it is easier than working but that's kind of the point really. I was on incapacity for just over a year due to long term, treatment resistant depression that had eventually got to the point where I could barely function in day to day life letalone work. Fucking up my career was just exacerbating it and making me feel like a failure etc. Incapacity benefit gave me breathing space and a chance to stop and take stock of things, took the pressure off enough that I could eventually start getting back onto my feet, start taking care of myself again, start doing the things I used to enjoy again etc.
 
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