Drug Apathy

[delroy]

Have you ever caught your reflection in a mirror and not recognised yourself? Or even worse have you seen family/friends either hurt or in trouble and known that you should help them but had no feeling for them?
I don't know if other people experience this but lately i feel neither highs nor lows except when coming on and off drugs. I am guessing that this is most probably the result of low serotonin levels(?) since i club each weekend and only really recover on friday in time to do it all again and i expect this would keep levels low. In addition once i take a break my grasp on emotions returns and i recover fully.(serotonin returns to normal levels??).
I am just wondering, since superspeeD mentioned it, did anyone else get this and if so what have they done about it? And what are the causes? Is there a psychiatric term for it? Ex called it the "lassie syndrome" since you can show no expression or feeling. (maybe skippy syndrome as the australian equivalent?)
Btw not trying to criticise drugs - just asking for my own knowledge and if i'm in the wrong forum i apologise. I know this has come with another topic of the same nature but these are questions that have been bugging me and i have really only lurked til now.
[This message has been edited by delroy (edited 11 October 2000).]

 

[SupaspeeD]

Sometimes just walking around numb, not knowing your purpose, or where you are going in life or what your plans are for the day, the week, the month?
Leaving assignments til the last minute, then not having the motivation to do them. Feeling terrible inside for not doing anything, but still finding time to get messy and party hard?
Yep, been there, still am there. I'm very confused right now and i've got some shit to work out, even though it seems externally that i am fine.
I dunno, maybe i just need to give the crazy life a rest for a while, and regain my sanity and my motivation.
Good to hear others are in this boat, (even if it is sinking), and that it's not just me, but there may be a cause.
i'm hoping it's more than just "disillusioned youth".

 

[Miss Peks]

I'm kind of there at the moment, although I still have some sort of feelings for human compassion.
As for work I feel like just saying Fuck it and quitting. I have no motivation to get up in the mornings anymore to go. With family probs drugs just isn't making it any better and I'm kind of just on the verge of getting up and going somewhere far away where no one knows me and no one can tell me what to do.
So that is why I am staying off the pills for a couple of weeks.
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It's all just a bit of childs play

 

[Dustoff]

while i dont suffer from the emotional numbness (except for the 48hrs after a pill) i do find that the whole world can go to shit for all i care, not the people themselves, but im just sick of having to struggle to pay rent and bills etc. and at the end of the month not having anything to show for it. Parties get me motivated, pillin makes me happy, and while i enjoy the people in my life, the whole financial side is just a fuckin mess. more things in this life should be free.
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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Pharmacy, 21st October @ the Capsule
Mrs. Wood (UK) Jason Midro Ajax vs Krash Rudeboy Tom Campbell

 

[Milkybar]

Guys, I don't think your situation is unique...IMHO, most people feel the way you do at some time or another. More like 'life' apathy than drug apathy. Have you ever considered that mabe you take drugs *because* you lack direction/excitement/happiness, rather than the other way around?
It could be due to job-dissatisfaction, having no one (bf or gf) to connect with, money worries, uni pressure, the expectation our society puts on people to be successful and happy happy happy all the damned time. I don't know one person, old or young, who hasn't gone through a stage where they're just wondering what the hell it's all for. And I doubt that most people leap out of bed in the morning when the alarm goes off thinking 'God, I'm glad it's not the weekend, I don't know what I'd do without work'.
Having said that, it probably isn't wise to continue with the drugs if you *know* that's what's making you numb/unmotivated. No one needs another complication.
Take care of yo'selves.
[This message has been edited by Milkybar (edited 12 October 2000).]

 

[CC]

Just curious if any of you guys take 5-htp regularly or just before popping?
I've been taking 1 each day every day, and I've found I've been sleeping well, enjoying work and life. I've found I don't worry about the crap things, but am passionate about what I really love.
Oh yeah, and I only take it in the evening, otherwise I find myself getting really sleepy around 2-3pm, not good if you are at work

Anyway, just my point of view
CC
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Grace makes beauty out of ugly things - U2 "Grace"
[This message has been edited by CC (edited 12 October 2000).]
[This message has been edited by CC (edited 12 October 2000).]

 

[fat tony]

yeah i call that feeling "lost".
sometimes you just have no answers, and everything seems pointless. and nothing seems to be able to provoke emotion. you find it hard to explain how you're feeling to ppl, and you can't relate to your family to save your life. u feel the need to just break out and leave town and do somthing different but you don't know what. fucken hate it.

 

[Dustoff]

heres the thing, ive been into several health food stores looking for 5-htp and none of them have the faintest idea what im talkin about, where u guys gettin it?
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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Pharmacy, 21st October @ the Capsule
Mrs. Wood (UK) Jason Midro Ajax vs Krash Rudeboy Tom Campbell

 

[rc1n]

I know exactly where everyone is coming from

or should it be

?? i dunno, but anyway, I feel the same way alot of the time, feeling lost and not knowing what I want out of life and stuff. But less and less nowadays, cos maybe i kinda know what i want out of life and how to get it. What we're feeling might be depression and stuff but i dunno. I've seen a counsellor and she said it was "normal" which was kinda comforting and she said I just have to find what makes me happy in life and strive towards that.
I guess you need highs AND lows in life, if life was good all the time it'd be normal you know what i mean and there'd still be highs and lows, you know what i mean?? You can't escape the low points in life, just try to cope with them as best you can.

I've rambled on (again), but if anyone is feeling down or needs someone to chat to or stuff, message me on ICQ (UIN: 11413621) or email me or something

Try to smile even though you're face feels like it's gunna crack

Play safe
rc1n

 

[delroy]

Hey everyone its good to know, as supaspeeD said, that there are other people in the same boat.
Dustoff : emotional numbness is such an accurate term and i think better describes this post than drug apathy, although the apathy part is still very much there.
CC : I don't take 5-htp regularly because of something a friend said to me a while ago about the body becoming dependent on 5-htp and not being able to manufacture its own serotonin. He said that a friend of his, who was being treated for depression with 5-htp, was eventually unable to manufacture serotonin in his own brain and thus became dependent on the precursor. (i dont know if this is true and have been unable to find information either way)
Through most of my life i have been very focused and have always known what i want (school - uni - postgrad) and this all returns when i stop taking pills but i was mainly referring to the emotional numbness and associated demotivation that developed over time with increasing drug use and its relation to serotonin levels.
On a brighter note, i am feeling heaps healthier after taking a weekend off and everything feels a bit better. I think that, as with many of my friends, i needed a break to sort things out and put everything in perspective - i am still looking forward to going out (transmission or mrs wood or stateside) but also to other activities as well.
[This message has been edited by delroy (edited 12 October 2000).]

 

[Voodoo Chile]

I know exactly what everyone is talking about. I have no desire to come to work, and often feel like quitting my job and moving somewhere far away.
The thing is, I have a friend who actually did it. She decided that she had had enough, and moved interstate for a couple of months. She said that a few months away from drugs really cleared her head. She has decided to only take drugs very rarely now, compared to her nearly every weekend use before.
Maybe what we are doing isnt so good afterall?

Then again, I am fairly confident that once I stop taking pills, I will go back to normal (but whats that!!??) So for now, I am going to keep having an awesome time on the weekends and keep dreading the week days!
Luv voodoo

 

[sithster]

once the drugs inhibit me from becoming a functioning, feeling, thinking being it is time to stop

 

[*chaoscat*]

Voodoo Chile said: Maybe what we are doing isnt so good afterall?
Who do you mean by "we"? Just the other people who say they have problems I hope. I hope you don't assume that everyone who is really into it does it every week.
Seems a lot of people on bluelight have drug problems, but justify it by thinking that everyone else does the same thing... this isn't really the case.
I think milkybar knows what he/she is on about!

 

[fat tony]

i think voodoo was referring to the ppl in this thread with common ground on this issue, i don't think that the "we" was meant to include everyone on bluelight. it was more just a reality check statement aimed at our lifestyles.
see the thing is i rarely use E as well. nothing even close to every week. more like every 2-3 months. so i think milkybars idea of life apathy rather than drug apathy has something to it.

 

[Smurf]

I think Milkybar hit it on the head "More like 'life' apathy than drug apathy", even though it does work the other way around too.
5 htp can be bought from www.5htpdirect.com It is pretty good quality at good prices. Usually takes around 10 days to get in from the US.
Hey Delroy, I know some people who go harder than you. You 'appear' to be one of the more in 'control' members of the group. Could be the pot smoking that zaps your motivation.
I think for me its not so much that taking stuff puts you in that bad comedown *errrrrrgh* phase, more that the mundane aspects of life (like work, Uni assignments etc) just dont compare to a night out of going "Oh Yeaaaaah". So despite constant naggings from my friends, Im sitting here on Sat night whilst everyone is either at Space, Transmission or Studio 54. And I really wanted to go out too. At least I know Ill get some work done tomorrow.

 

[SupaspeeD]

I'm in the same boat as fat tony there. Only E every two months at the most, not more than that. Life apathy seems to be a good notion, but it seems to be a phase that was brought on by some consistent drug use.
Maybe the good times had on these substances just make me feel like shit, when i can't duplicate that feeling all the time. Greedy little bastard that i am

.
Yeppers, can still have it and munch 5-htp. I think it could just be disillusioned youth. No-one seems to have a clue where they are going, or why anymore.

 

[sunni]

Ditto to 'life apathy' & to feeling 'lost'.
I've definately felt 'lost' before. It's completely normal & very common both in people who use drugs frequently & in people who never touch anything.
I know everyone's situation is different but i personally think that, generally speaking, people who end up in this kind of situation gradually use more drugs because they are not completely happy with their life rather than become miserable with life because they have been taking too many drugs. This is the case for all the messy people i know, anyway. I guess it's a bit of a vicious circle but i don't think it's not caused by the drugs, i think it's caused by looking in the wrong places for happiness & meaning in life.
Drugs are the icing, not the cake.
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to the crazy person, the normal one is insane

 

[fat tony]

i hope this isn't the direction our generation is heading in. see i also get this from people that don't even use chemicals. the dissatisfaction with life, the constant movement in a seemingly aimless direction.
and in the people that do seem satisfied and motivated i sense falseness and perhaps outward influence on them.. parents etc. maybe it's just my cynicism but some of the ppl who think they are going places are kidding themselves.
the thing with me is that i have never wanted to tread the trodden path, to follow in the footsteps of the norm. yet i am pushed and coerced along that path all the time, along with everybody else. we are told that our choices are endless these days, yet are the choices really there? for so many people it's school >>> uni >>> then they take their place in the big money machine we call our economy. at the moment that seems highly unappealing to me... but mayb that's just me, mayb i just need to grow up...
tony

 

[SketchE]

dont mean to sound like a hippy here, but i felt numb like that for about 3 years when i was in my late teens, like a lot of people i guess, i was just getting worse and worse... didnt do drugs (except pot) but just felt so down and shitty all the time, like whats the point? and all this kind of stuff... but i found this old book my mum had (total flowerchild in her day) about yoga meditation and have been doing it ever since a few times a week...
i find it really boosts your mood, makes you sleep better and all... and its really really motivating!
strange but true
btw i only e about once a month and i am fine

 

[Voodoo Chile]

chaoscat,
I wasnt saying that everyone does drugs every single weekend. I dont do drugs every weekend.
It was a very general comment, aimed at all the people on here that do drugs. I was just saying that if it can make us all feel this bad, and this uncaring about what we are doing, then perhaps it isnt so good afterall.
My friend was very messed up in the head before she went away - since she came back she is so much better. I am not saying that this is going to be the situation for everyone, but just that I am 100% convinced that it was the drugs that were messing with her head.
Please dont take what I said too seriously. I do not have a drug problem, and I wasnt trying to justify it. I was just commenting.
Voodoo