I'm sure everyone has experienced it, but what do you do about it? There's nothing physically wrong at the moment, which is huge! My health seems to be leveling out from this bumpy rollercoaster, and that's the best news I've had in a while..however, I can't seem to shake the feeling that I'm just fucking drained.
Yesterday (Friday, Jan 20) was the worst day I've had in a while. I've been spending too much time with my dad. I need to get away from him. Every fucking thing he does bugs the shit out of me. He's losing his memory and mind (his dad had really bad Alzheimer's) and there's no doubt in my mind that he's showing symptoms. I can't blame him for that, but he knows, he KNOWS he's losing his mind, he says it every day. It just bothers the crap outta me because he's fighting and arguing with me when he knows he's wrong! He picks fights now, insists he's right, insists that's what he said, but he can't even fucking remember right! I know, it's terrible he's losing his mind, it's horrible. I can't imagine what that's like, but why, WHY, argue and insist when you can't even remember what you said? And it's the littlest fucking things too. "No, I never said we would do this..I thought you said this..That's not what you said!" and he'll argue about a fucking tense of a word, or he'll miss a word or two and are things so fucking literally. Then, when he says something, it's always "did you do the thing, with the person, that you were talking about?" and ll ask, "what?" and he'll get all balled up and start yelling and getting pissed off because I can fucking figure out what he's asking! I say all the time "be specific! You're too fucking vague, how do I know what you're asking me?" or he'll start saying something and trail off mid sentence and expect me to know what the next words are.. I have to constantly say "speak..use your words.. Fnish your fucking thought!" then he gets even madder bc he doesn't know what he's trying to say. OMG! Sorry. I know, I'm getting aggravated by the littlest tiny thing, but honestly, it's been like three years and I can't fucking take it anymore.
I'm thinking of staying with my aunt for a little while. But what do I say to my added why I'm leaving. No problem moving in with her, in fact she wants me to, but the problem is, she's so far away from all my friends and everyone else I know, that if I really need something from someone I wouldn't know anyone to come and help. She and her husband work full time, and I'm not really at the point in my recovery where I can p, or should be home along every day from like 6am til almost 6pm. But on the other hand, she is stocked with food :D What? I'm a hungry girl lately! And she gets the good stuff! Not, dollar store salami or day old bagels..
God my dad is so fucking cheap! He'll bich and complain about not having any money, he doesn't work, by choice "oh I can't find a job"...he hasn't gone on a job interview or called about a fucking job in two years! But then he always has money to but a $250 camera, spend $100 on a fish tank, a stand, fish, etc.. Computer equipment, you name it, he'll spend the money on it, but nooo he can't buy the Annie's Mac and cheese because it's .25 cents more than the Kraft. Or no, he can't buy more convenient water bottles (I like to put them in the fridge then take it with me, just grab and go, they're always cold, I can freeze them, etc) becausenits cheaper to buy the gallon of water and refill the bottles. Tho it's been proven that's how bacteria builds up when bottles aren't washed out completely, water isn't pure when not freshly opened, whatever (my mom was a chemist, she brought me up on water bottles, never to drink tap water and never to refill them). It's so fucking aggravating, he even gets mad when I buy them! He claims it's "better" but the hole reason he doesn't like them is because it's more to throw away.. He doesn't pay for trash pick up.. That bothers the shit out of me. Illegal dumping is arrestable, and he asks me all the time to bring the trash to the store and throw it out at a dumpster somewhere. I refuse, he gets pissed and screams and yells, it's a constant battle.
Ugh! I could go on and on and on, but I'll just leave it at this, you can see how frustrated I am, and hopefully understand why I'm so mad lately. Should I say something to him? What? Tell him he's a fucking asshole and to get a fucking job.. Well, my brother's already had a screaming fight with him, telling him to man up, get a job, and support his kids.. Not constantly expecting us to pay for him... Btw. My brother and I gave him a combined 45k to build his house.. And he's still asking us for money.. Pathetic.
And I'm still not going to listen to that "oh my life sucks, my gf dumped me I hate life.." crappy Emo music... Forget it!
Thanks for listening!
V
Yesterday (Friday, Jan 20) was the worst day I've had in a while. I've been spending too much time with my dad. I need to get away from him. Every fucking thing he does bugs the shit out of me. He's losing his memory and mind (his dad had really bad Alzheimer's) and there's no doubt in my mind that he's showing symptoms. I can't blame him for that, but he knows, he KNOWS he's losing his mind, he says it every day. It just bothers the crap outta me because he's fighting and arguing with me when he knows he's wrong! He picks fights now, insists he's right, insists that's what he said, but he can't even fucking remember right! I know, it's terrible he's losing his mind, it's horrible. I can't imagine what that's like, but why, WHY, argue and insist when you can't even remember what you said? And it's the littlest fucking things too. "No, I never said we would do this..I thought you said this..That's not what you said!" and he'll argue about a fucking tense of a word, or he'll miss a word or two and are things so fucking literally. Then, when he says something, it's always "did you do the thing, with the person, that you were talking about?" and ll ask, "what?" and he'll get all balled up and start yelling and getting pissed off because I can fucking figure out what he's asking! I say all the time "be specific! You're too fucking vague, how do I know what you're asking me?" or he'll start saying something and trail off mid sentence and expect me to know what the next words are.. I have to constantly say "speak..use your words.. Fnish your fucking thought!" then he gets even madder bc he doesn't know what he's trying to say. OMG! Sorry. I know, I'm getting aggravated by the littlest tiny thing, but honestly, it's been like three years and I can't fucking take it anymore.
I'm thinking of staying with my aunt for a little while. But what do I say to my added why I'm leaving. No problem moving in with her, in fact she wants me to, but the problem is, she's so far away from all my friends and everyone else I know, that if I really need something from someone I wouldn't know anyone to come and help. She and her husband work full time, and I'm not really at the point in my recovery where I can p, or should be home along every day from like 6am til almost 6pm. But on the other hand, she is stocked with food :D What? I'm a hungry girl lately! And she gets the good stuff! Not, dollar store salami or day old bagels..
God my dad is so fucking cheap! He'll bich and complain about not having any money, he doesn't work, by choice "oh I can't find a job"...he hasn't gone on a job interview or called about a fucking job in two years! But then he always has money to but a $250 camera, spend $100 on a fish tank, a stand, fish, etc.. Computer equipment, you name it, he'll spend the money on it, but nooo he can't buy the Annie's Mac and cheese because it's .25 cents more than the Kraft. Or no, he can't buy more convenient water bottles (I like to put them in the fridge then take it with me, just grab and go, they're always cold, I can freeze them, etc) becausenits cheaper to buy the gallon of water and refill the bottles. Tho it's been proven that's how bacteria builds up when bottles aren't washed out completely, water isn't pure when not freshly opened, whatever (my mom was a chemist, she brought me up on water bottles, never to drink tap water and never to refill them). It's so fucking aggravating, he even gets mad when I buy them! He claims it's "better" but the hole reason he doesn't like them is because it's more to throw away.. He doesn't pay for trash pick up.. That bothers the shit out of me. Illegal dumping is arrestable, and he asks me all the time to bring the trash to the store and throw it out at a dumpster somewhere. I refuse, he gets pissed and screams and yells, it's a constant battle.
Ugh! I could go on and on and on, but I'll just leave it at this, you can see how frustrated I am, and hopefully understand why I'm so mad lately. Should I say something to him? What? Tell him he's a fucking asshole and to get a fucking job.. Well, my brother's already had a screaming fight with him, telling him to man up, get a job, and support his kids.. Not constantly expecting us to pay for him... Btw. My brother and I gave him a combined 45k to build his house.. And he's still asking us for money.. Pathetic.
And I'm still not going to listen to that "oh my life sucks, my gf dumped me I hate life.." crappy Emo music... Forget it!
Thanks for listening!
V