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Don't know what to do

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siipirikko

Greenlighter
Joined
Sep 13, 2024
Messages
12
No matter what i do it ends in an insane need to overdose. I really can't take this much longer, with two failed attempts i feel like there's nothing to do. There's no one i could talk to, everybodys got so much shit on their plate i can't bring myself to add any more. Really, just something, my ed isn't doing it anymore, this is the first time in 8 years i've felt like even that is out of my control. I can't do this.
 
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siipirikko said:
No matter what i do it ends in an insane need to overdose. I really can't take this much longer, with two failed attempts i feel like there's nothing to do. There's no one i could talk to, everybodys got so much shit on their plate i can't bring myself to add any more. Really, just something, my ed isn't doing it anymore, this is the first time in 8 years i've felt like even that is out of my control. I can't do this.
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When I read this (and other similar reports) I felt the need to help. But how? Then I thought of a comparison. Maybe it will help someone?

Life can be compared to traveling by car. You are the driver of the car. Often there are also passengers in the car. You have to get from A to B. How do you get to B? You have to follow a few rules (you have a driver's license). Every driver knows the rules.

But there are drivers who don't follow the rules. If there is no car around, you can allow yourself to ignore the rules and drive according to your own rules. I think every driver does that (sometimes). But nobody deliberately causes an accident? Then you don't get to B! And you also endanger your passengers and other cars...

I don't know if this is an appropriate example, but it just occurred to me.
 
aokorn said:
When I read this (and other similar reports) I felt the need to help. But how? Then I thought of a comparison. Maybe it will help someone?

Life can be compared to traveling by car. You are the driver of the car. Often there are also passengers in the car. You have to get from A to B. How do you get to B? You have to follow a few rules (you have a driver's license). Every driver knows the rules.

But there are drivers who don't follow the rules. If there is no car around, you can allow yourself to ignore the rules and drive according to your own rules. I think every driver does that (sometimes). But nobody deliberately causes an accident? Then you don't get to B! And you also endanger your passengers and other cars...

I don't know if this is an appropriate example, but it just occurred to me.
Click to expand...
Thank you for this. I really appreciate what you're saying but what i still keep thinking (in relation to this metaphor) is, what if you have some sort of disability? Seizure? Something that causes the car to go offrail, cause unthinkable stuff, no matter what the person in "charge" tries to do? What then?

This thing i've felt since around 9yrs old, it feels like that. I can't stop it, no matter how hard i try, it all ends the same way. Makes me think i should just get it over with to not bother ppl so much anymore.
 
I feel exactly the same way. And I don't have any advice, but I know I'm not the only one who is unable to cope with the overwhelming pressure of life. Still it doesn't change how that oppression feels to any individual experiencing it just because someone else is "stressed out too" But I have come to understand the magnitude of that pressure, and how incapable and inferior I feel under its weight, I want to hide from the world. I feel like I'm just "here" to pour all of my energy into the profits of some company, until I'm dead, and there's nothing left of me, for me, at the end of the day. And I cope the only way I know how, which obviously makes matters worse. I am losing my sanity.... But, I am still alive. Theres not very many things in this world that make it worth all the bullshit you get force fed. But a ghost cant taste delicious food, can't listen to Nirvana one last time.
You ever see a perfect full moon just as it rises, and its big and yellow, and beautiful, and inspiring. But you take a photo on your phone and it doesn't at all convey the magic of the atmosphere and your connection in that moment. I Hate my life and myself most days, I want to die just so I can quit giong to work forever and paying taxes, and no love seeming to ever exist anywhere. But Sometimes, and only for a moment, that moment specifically, When I bite into a Fresh, Juicy Double Whopper, and it wasn't cooked 2 hours ago, but right when I ordered it by someone who cares about the quality of work they produce, even though they hate thier life and burger king and can't work up the courage to off themselves. But They made that perfect burger, in that perfect moment, and I tasted it. Consciously. I savored it. And it healed me, for a moment. I forgot all my problems....But only for a moment...
I dont know if that helps or not. But, you know, hang in there. And wish me luck too.
 
siipirikko said:
Thank you for this. I really appreciate what you're saying but what i still keep thinking (in relation to this metaphor) is, what if you have some sort of disability? Seizure? Something that causes the car to go offrail, cause unthinkable stuff, no matter what the person in "charge" tries to do? What then?

This thing i've felt since around 9yrs old, it feels like that. I can't stop it, no matter how hard i try, it all ends the same way. Makes me think i should just get it over with to not bother ppl so much anymore.
Click to expand...
In this case, the following occurs to me: we know that people drive different cars. Some cars are expensive, others are cheaper, but that doesn't change the fact that we all drive. We can also drive as passengers. And we still get from A to B. The advantage of being a passenger is that you don't have to pay attention to the traffic, the road signs, the driving. You can read, sleep or do something else.

The variety of cars does not necessarily mean that we drive in worse cars. Often there is a better, more loving atmosphere in inferior cars. And you have to pay less “money” for such a car than for an expensive car... often expensive cars are bought on credit...
 
occlumencyfordummies said:
I feel exactly the same way. And I don't have any advice, but I know I'm not the only one who is unable to cope with the overwhelming pressure of life. Still it doesn't change how that oppression feels to any individual experiencing it just because someone else is "stressed out too" But I have come to understand the magnitude of that pressure, and how incapable and inferior I feel under its weight, I want to hide from the world. I feel like I'm just "here" to pour all of my energy into the profits of some company, until I'm dead, and there's nothing left of me, for me, at the end of the day. And I cope the only way I know how, which obviously makes matters worse. I am losing my sanity.... But, I am still alive. Theres not very many things in this world that make it worth all the bullshit you get force fed. But a ghost cant taste delicious food, can't listen to Nirvana one last time.
You ever see a perfect full moon just as it rises, and its big and yellow, and beautiful, and inspiring. But you take a photo on your phone and it doesn't at all convey the magic of the atmosphere and your connection in that moment. I Hate my life and myself most days, I want to die just so I can quit giong to work forever and paying taxes, and no love seeming to ever exist anywhere. But Sometimes, and only for a moment, that moment specifically, When I bite into a Fresh, Juicy Double Whopper, and it wasn't cooked 2 hours ago, but right when I ordered it by someone who cares about the quality of work they produce, even though they hate thier life and burger king and can't work up the courage to off themselves. But They made that perfect burger, in that perfect moment, and I tasted it. Consciously. I savored it. And it healed me, for a moment. I forgot all my problems....But only for a moment...
I dont know if that helps or not. But, you know, hang in there. And wish me luck too.
Click to expand...
This reply makes me want to ask; are you still there? How could you go on? The only reason i'm still here has been being able to have work to do 247. Now there's no more of that. No job, i've had some sort of a job for 7 years so since i was 13 years old. No job to put all the effort into, no money to get blackout drunk everynight, no dealers close enough. The only thing left is to wait for the day all my meds get topped up & i can try again
 
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