Mental Health Don't know what to do, can't fix my social anxiety

[RTrain]

I have a female doc & shes pretty fucking cool. Gave me a (small) script for Norcos when my back was killing me, gave me gabapentin for withdrawals/PAWS, & a small amount of Lorazepam too. She's always open to what I have to say & doesn't talk down to me for being an addict. So not all female docs are bad.

You are a female, I believe I noted this form one of your past posts. We were more referring to how female doctors, or nurse practioners for that matter (I have dealt with more of them) treat males with little compassion, seeing as we are both dudes. My primary care is a male, but he is very hard to get an appointment with. The one time I did he Rx'd me lorazepam for oxycodone withdrawal. He was real cool about it and was just like "this happens and all, just try to go cold turkey because replacement can open up a whole new can of worms". That was a while ago when I was in my first CT. At his office there has been a few NPs. One was an older bitch, I went in there for my first visit and she treated me like an alcoholic because I binge drink on weekends. I was having real bad anxiety and not feeling well for a while, she put me on a beta blocker and an SSRI, I didn't take the SSRI, I did not want to (I have that right, believe it or not). I went to a neuro on my own after that for some issues that ended up just being related to my anxiety. The neuro was an Indian woman who was actually pretty nice, she told me to discuss getting a small clonazepam Rx from my PCP. Well when I brought that up to the NP she was all fussy like I was just trying to score drugs. I didn't get the neuro to write out anything and I think the NP wasn't happy I saw the neuro w/o a referral, but just went to a city hospital that is very prestigious to make sure things were all right.

The new NP at my PCP's office now seems judgemental, as the other one was, too. I really wish I could see that actual Dr because he is a great guy and is understanding.

Just to be clear I don't think there is a cut and dry when it comes to doctors and their gender effecting your treatment, but I see it as simply that human beings can relate more to their own gender. I think you will also feel more comfortable with a dr of the same gender.

 

[Siccness909]

Not to high jack your thread but I also have problems with social anxiety. Never been diagnosed but its not hard to tell I've had it for years around any social situation with people I don't know. Random panic attacks etc I can't stand it. I've also wanted to go in and see my doc hoping for a benzo as I've heard they work wonders for anxiety but I always think I'm just gonna waste my time and get shot down and seen as a druggie when I genuinely feel I really do need something. Shits confusing, I took ativan in rehab and it worked well for me though wish I can get my hands on it again.

 

[MrSpeedyG]

You need to really search for a new doctor, be completely honest with them as well.

CBT, I have good faith in that so definitely look into that

 

[Cartesia]

Pills will never fix your anxiety, theyll just temporarily relieve it.
CBT is the answer.

I know it seems hopeless in the short term, but the sooner you start, the sooner you'll be better.
I am 27, I feel confident in most real life social situations now, I rarely have fullblown panic attacks, although occasionally i still have an off day where I just can't engage at a normal level. I discovered my anxiety at age 19 and started working on it at 20. CBT works.

What I will suggest is that in addition to just social anxiety, you probably suffer quite simply from not having developed a reasonable level of social skills (due to avoidance/anxiety/etc).

On this front, and in the beginning of CBT, I recommend drugs. You need to be comfortable enough in social situations to play with words. The options I've found adequate are: alcohol, benzos, opiates. None of which I'm going to recommend as I've spent my entire adult life addicted to opiates up until recently. But they work. It takes a lot of work to figure it all out.. it comes in the tiniest indiscernable increments. Just keep bashing away at it is all I can say. Always go out. Always try to start conversations.

A few key things that stood out in my learning process (presuming you're in a similar situation - my anxiety came on very very early, so i never learnt social skills in highschool before shutting down completely, i imagine some people have perfect social skill but terrible social anxiety due to later onset or somesuch):

1) "true" confidence, is fake confidence. Confidence is not being driven from within by some unshakeable force, confidence is *the appearance of confidence*. Body language says volumes. Look at yourself in the mirror. Record yourself talking on video and analyse it. Practise taking photos of yourself. Listen to the way you talk. Smile. Pronounce clearly, speak boldly. If you have problems with posture, develop your muscle strength in the areas you have issues.

2) humans are complicated machines.. but they are machines nonetheless. There may or may not be a soul in the machine, but their body and reactions are machine. If you give the correct input, they will give a (at least mostly) predictable output. It's like going to an ATM.. you want money you have to put the right card + pin number in. In this case, the pin number is the combination of words. Test the range of inputs you can give, see what results. Learn how to operate these strange machines

3) you will find yourself saying retarded things , and stuck in horribly embarassing situations. You need to get over it. learn to laugh. dont let it shut you down.

4) You can fake alot of social skills by copying others. not every question you ask has to have a meaning, or a relation to previous conversation, etc... watch other peoples conversations (i watched a lot of tv shows) - learn all of the 'pointless' conversation that people engage in. Show interest in the people you're talking to. If you run out of things to say, or find it hard to carry on a conversation, turn it back towards the other person - ask them questions , followup questions.. make them do the talking. Reading a book on conversation might be a good help, I have a few. I never read much of them, but they helped give some starting points and ideas.

 

[BlingBlangBlaow]

Pills will never fix your anxiety, theyll just temporarily relieve it.
CBT is the answer.

I know it seems hopeless in the short term, but the sooner you start, the sooner you'll be better.
I am 27, I feel confident in most real life social situations now, I rarely have fullblown panic attacks, although occasionally i still have an off day where I just can't engage at a normal level. I discovered my anxiety at age 19 and started working on it at 20. CBT works.

What I will suggest is that in addition to just social anxiety, you probably suffer quite simply from not having developed a reasonable level of social skills (due to avoidance/anxiety/etc).

On this front, and in the beginning of CBT, I recommend drugs. You need to be comfortable enough in social situations to play with words. The options I've found adequate are: alcohol, benzos, opiates. None of which I'm going to recommend as I've spent my entire adult life addicted to opiates up until recently. But they work. It takes a lot of work to figure it all out.. it comes in the tiniesit indiscernable increments. Just keep bashing away at it is all I can say. Always go out. Always try to start conversations.

A few key things that stood out in my learning process (presuming you're in a similar situation - my anxiety came on very very early, so i never learnt social skills in highschool before shutting down completely, i imagine some people have perfect social skill but terrible social anxiety due to later onset or somesuch):

1) "true" confidence, is fake confidence. Confidence is not being driven from within by some unshakeable force, confidence is *the appearance of confidence*. Body language says volumes. Look at yourself in the mirror. Record yourself talking on video and analyse it. Practise taking photos of yourself. Listen to the way you talk. Smile. Pronounce clearly, speak boldly. If you have problems with posture, develop your muscle strength in the areas you have issues.

2) humans are complicated machines.. but they are machines nonetheless. There may or may not be a soul in the machine, but their body and reactions are machine. If you give the correct input, they will give a (at least mostly) predictable output. It's like going to an ATM.. you want money you have to put the right card + pin number in. In this case, the pin number is the combination of words. Test the range of inputs you can give, see what results. Learn how to operate these strange machines

3) you will find yourself saying retarded things , and stuck in horribly embarassing situations. You need to get over it. learn to laugh. dont let it shut you down.

4) You can fake alot of social skills by copying others. not every question you ask has to have a meaning, or a relation to previous conversation, etc... watch other peoples conversations (i watched a lot of tv shows) - learn all of the 'pointless' conversation that people engage in. Show interest in the people you're talking to. If you run out of things to say, or find it hard to carry on a conversation, turn it back towards the other person - ask them questions , followup questions.. make them do the talking. Reading a book on conversation might be a good help, I have a few. I never read much of them, but they helped give some starting points and ideas.

Good stuff man. A++

Did you write that yourself? If so im impressed. Opiate users seem to be a very intelligent bunch, despite doing such stupid and harmful things to our bodies and lives.

 

[Cartesia]

Thanks man It's only now that I'm realising how much I've learnt over these past years about how my own mind works/doesn't work - and how far I've actually come... It's been a revealing year!

Things that I had 'learnt', I have finally 'realised' - turning them into tools for the future, rather than just lessons of the past. Even just having that mindset of applying reason to my social interactions before something goes wrong/freaks me out, rather than after, is something that's come relatively recently.

It's a long path to travel... but it's an incredibly rewarding feeling, especially as an addict and someone who's felt like they've spent all this time fucking up - realising that you've actually achieved something and grown hugely over that period of time. :D

We are a silly bunch aren't we... Imagine the ideas locked within the minds of all us addicts, if only we had the help and support to realise them! On the plus side, my anxiety was a big reason for my initial attraction to drug use... I think getting over the anxiety has helped bring me a step closer to beating the addiction.

 

[niko69]

try beta blockers....i used to get horrible anxiety doing presentations in college and my doc obviously started me on all that depression bs ssri and xanax but that shit is so bad for you and does not work...stop taking it if you are...beta blockers are really for high blood pressure but taking it will reduce the fight-flight responses, which is your main contributor to panic attacks and other forms of anxiety so it is your best safest choice. If you wanna go natural i suggest niacin, valerian and chamomile. best of luck bro