• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Don't know what to do anymore

O

OhBoyCali

Greenlighter
Joined
May 4, 2010
Messages
48
I don't know what to do. I have cut back on my drinking, considerably, slowly working my way back to sobriety. I have cut back on the drugs alot, slowly getting to being clean. I try get enough sleep, I get a ton of exercise, my job is going well, I have a few really good friends.

And still, I feel like shit, all day every day. I wake up in the morning and wish I had not woken up at all. I go through the motions of my day, all the while I'm hurting on the inside, badly. I don't think I'd go through with it-to avoid hurting anyone-but sometimes I think about how beautiful and easy ending it all would be. Take some sleeping pills, go to sleep, and poof- done with the troubles. I wish I had the balls to do it, you know?

I don't know, just venting on BL again I guess. I'm completely as a loss as what to do. I've tried everything, I've even seen a therapist and started taking pills, but nothing works. It just feels like I'm going to be miserable and sad my entire life. I just hope it's shorter than longer at this point.
 
Sometimes it takes a really long time to get out of that post-drugs funk =/ It will improve once you're 100% clean and give it some time. It may months or even a year but it will get better, I promise.
 
Sucks when you quit it all, then suddenly remember the problem that led you to doing drugs in the first place.

Insult + Injury
 
wish I had some helpful advice, all I can say is I can empathize with your situation as I'm sure most people on this site can.

I too have significantly cut back on my drug use (occasional slip ups I will admit to, sometimes I swear every other drug dealer in my neighborhood knows how to get a hold of me and entice me with some chemical diversion)

The only thing is somedays I wake up and I'm very happy to be alive and I'm very optimistic, this is not the norm but there was a long period of time where it never happened at all.

Try and dwell on the positive?

Sometimes when people tell me that when I'm depressed I want to punch them in the face.

Things will get better. "Try the best you can, try the best you can, the best you can is good enough"
 
Easier said that done, as I'm sure you all know. Thanks for the kind words though...it's crazy how faceless strangers on BL can sometimes be a positive little spark. Was having a really rough time last night! Feeling slightly better today. Not great, not even good....but a little better.
 
Time is generally the great healer, and rarely does it pass as fast as we want. You are making positive changes, it just takes time for your mind to get "back on track" and to realize the positive rewards that ARE coming your way as long as you stay clean. I know from past threads that you have had a rough go of things lately, but give it time and like UNH said, "it may takes months or a year but it will get better, I promise", well, I also promise!

Keep your head up cali. Things WILL improve for you, just gotta believe it!!!
 
Cutting back never helped me. Stopping it all is what helped, and even then it took about a year before I finally started to feel alive and manage to move ahead and accomplish things. If you are feeling this way, try to talk to some people about it. NA is always there. The people there can relate. If not NA, friends and family, or counseling.
 
Hows your diet, try eating raw fresh organic fruit and veg, mainly fruit, good for detox
 
It all comes Down to being positive or being negative . Yes it's harder than it sounds but that's all it really is . When I wake up I put on my favorite songs and look At myself in the mirror and point out everything that's good about me and my life . I mean we could be legless or blind. But we can see and we can walk. Be grateful
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top