• HEALTH & RECOVERY
    Welcome Guest
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules Thread Directory 1 Thread Directory 2
    Mindfulness Links Addiction & Mind
    Sober Living Partner Program (SLiPP)
  • H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist | cdin | Lil'LinaptkSix

done with drugs for the last damn time

custard

custard

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 20, 2010
Messages
151
the title is pretty self explanatory. a year and a half ago i quit everything. but since then i've had a number of relapses with smoking weed. i know many people think it's "not a drug" or is too mild to be considered a serious addiction. it's not as harsh as things i've been addicted to in the past, but it does a lot of damage to me - numbs me, makes me more depressed, anxious, ruins my memory, am unable to handle the challenges of life - i become someone i am not.

finally got to a point where i just can't do it anymore. it ruins my relationship with myself and those around me. a week ago i gave my stash box to my friend because i needed it to be real this time - concrete. i've quit weed many times but always kept the box buried in the closet, as if some deep down part of me knew it wasn't the end.

so i'm glad i finally gave it away and have nothing in my possession to smoke with. i'm done for real this time. it's been a hard week and it will take time for my sleep and emotions to balance out, but i am already feeling a fair bit better and more like myself.

that's all. just wanted to share. feeling good about the choice i made.
 
Last edited:
When I got rid of my back up pills for "just in case" I knew I was ready. You sound ready. I found reading around the web helped get over those tough minutes that creep up and your just wanting to jump ship. Keep telling yourself how far you have come. Post when you are having issues or reply to others. Sometimes just keeping your mind busy is key. I'm rooting for you. Best of luck.
 
I think that weed can be pretty bad for some people. I reached the point where the just smell of it makes me feel anxious. I find it easier to control paranoid thoughts on LSD than I can on weed/hash. I think the problem is that your mind never quite recovers from one stoning session to the next so you don't properly rationalise any paranoia you experience and so the paranoia snowballs the more often you smoke. I had a long and protracted cannabis induced psychosis in my early 20's when I played in a band and we were doing hot knives first thing in the morning and stuff. I just couldn't communicate properly, It was almost like tourettes syndrome. Some people just get relaxed and chilled after a smoke while for some people it can really quite heavy and problematic. The peer pressure aspect can really fuck young people up with weed too imo.
 
Last edited:
Addiction is all dependent on the individual, and how the individual reacts to a mind altering substance. From what you said OP you have a problem with getting high. It is a good thing to quit, and do not let anyone tell you weed is not a struggle for you. Actually it has been stated that these days the fact that there is such a high THC content to pot that it can be very mentally and slightly physically addictive. You know what else is incredibly mentally addictive? Cocaine.

Something to keep in mind. It does not matter what others think, you have you to complete, and at the end of the day you are laying down with you not with them. You have to wakeup with yourself and be content with your life. What they say and think should mean nothing to you if it is not supportive of your decisions.
 
thanks a lot for your support, guys.

yeah you're right - it totally depends on the person. unfortunately i wasn't around during the hippie heyday so i don't know what weed used to be like - but i do find it very strong and both mentally and physically addictive. i've struggled with insomnia for years, so the physically addictive part is that it would completely knock me out every night and simply shut down all my anxieties. (although of course they weren't really shut down, just swept under the rug.) once i developed a tolerance, within about 30 mins of smoking it would be impossible for me not to pass out.

i know what you mean about the paranoia too, garyglisten. i've become generally much more paranoid and anxious as a person this past year and a half (largely due to quitting all the other drugs), and while the weed calms it in some ways it also strengthens it. the 24 hours between smoking is not enough to recover. i'd wake up in a paranoid but fuzzy haze, drink a large coffee to kickstart my brain, and it wouldn't be until evening that i'd just start to feel a tad bit like myself again, only to smoke again and continue the cycle.

peer pressure is tough. it seems that a lot of people drink alcohol and smoke weed on a fairly regular basis, and it isn't a big deal to them. it's taken me years to realize but i really just need to steer clear of ALL drugs. i can have the occasional evening drink, but while my roommate will casually drink a couple of beers during the day i also need to turn down all offers. it feels a bit lonely being one of the select few who want to live life mostly stone-cold sober, especially when most of my roommates drink beer/smoke joints fairly often, but i feel i don't have a choice. i certainly don't judge those who indulge, and i'm hoping having it in my environment will get easier in time. i don't exactly want to live in a house where everyone is completely sober - i don't even think that's realistic. it's just a part of our culture.

i guess the dangerous part for me is that i'm super sensitive to any type of intoxicant, and if i consume enough to feel better than usual and feel my anxieties start to numb.. i just feel like i lose a part of myself. there's this plastic disconnect that feels good on the surface but bad underneath. and when i give my power to an external source like that, it reinforces the message to my brain that says "i can't handle life with my own resources; i need this other thing to help." the more i do that, the shittier and scarier any and all challenges are, and the weaker and more fearful i become. as difficult and scary as sober reality can be, it also feels strangely safer. because it's just me.
 
good luck custard!

I haven't been able to ever abstain from cannabis use. Please let us know how it goes for you <3
 
I feel you my friend.
I am a duel addict/alcoholic, I can't do ANYTHING without abuse, even weed.
I know if I start smoking weed, I will end up doing other drugs due to my loss of ambition.
Someone people can handle just smoking weed, but I just can not.
I wish you the best of luck my friend.
 
^^^^same. I am an all or nothing, pissing in cups kinda guy. (pissing in cups is a little joke my friend and I made up about the fact that if you are an addict you will end up doing a lot of drug tests throughout your life)
 
Best of luck custard, I had to give everything away, deleted phone numbers, moved to a different city for work. Even still I get opiate cravings months after quitting.
 
Kudos custard! Weed hits some people hard with devestating effects. My neighbor's son lost most of his adult life to weed - had to go to rehab and really struggled to stay clean. Myself, as much as I love and as addicted as I was to other stuff, could always take or leave it.
 
Last edited:
Indeed, good luck custard and congratulations for your choice. That makes us feels good ha? ;)

Weed can work for some people but for others, like Moreaux says, it can really be a problem.

Hold on tight to this feeling you are having now! That's how victory tastes! :)
 
thanks everyone :) good to know i'm not alone.

i'm at 3 weeks sober now. visiting my mum in cali, so in some ways easier cause no exposure, and may be a little triggering to come home as some of my roomies smoke weed, but it'll probably be good for me. strengthen my will and such. no turning back now!
 
No matter where you go there will be people using. It is just part of life. The best thing you can do is work on a plan in case you feel tempted. For me it is get out of the situation if possible, and call someone and talk for a while. I know once I am healthy again and going out of my house I will be around it more, but for the time being I am feeling good about my chances. I am also feeling good about your chances as well.
 
custard said:
thanks everyone :) good to know i'm not alone.

i'm at 3 weeks sober now. visiting my mum in cali, so in some ways easier cause no exposure, and may be a little triggering to come home as some of my roomies smoke weed, but it'll probably be good for me. strengthen my will and such. no turning back now!
Click to expand...

I struggled with alcohol for years and finally got clean for a year and then relapsed. I realized I couldn't stay in the same town so I moved and then went back to rehab to dry out. That move helped tremendously as I don't have associations in my new town. However, going back home to visit my parents is always triggering. I know moving is a very disruptive and personal choice - but it does help some people. I loathe the distance from my parents, but my old town was a a small rural southern military town without much to do outside of drinking, so it was necessary for me. Ironically I moved to a beach town where drinking all day is acceptable and alcohol is more available, but without the associations it's not a problem. There are many more activities here to keep me occupied so I can don't focus on pills and booze lol.
 
I find more value in focusing on what I know are not triggers than what might be triggers most of the time.

I hope you find some stability Fallen, you will find a place of comfort, you certainly can.
 
custard said:
thanks everyone :) good to know i'm not alone.

i'm at 3 weeks sober now. visiting my mum in cali, so in some ways easier cause no exposure, and may be a little triggering to come home as some of my roomies smoke weed, but it'll probably be good for me. strengthen my will and such. no turning back now!
Click to expand...

good luck!

I couldn't imagine being around stoners in California trying to abstain. Best of luck!!! <3
 
I'm one of those people that really used to enjoy weed. Then in my mid to late 20's, I started getting paranoia about not being able to breathe right and thinking I was going to pass out (anxiety attacks). I still smoke almost nightly, but it's by myself and only like 1 or 2 hits. I have to be very cognizant of my intake as just a little too much is way too much. I don't really have the ability to be a social smoker anymore.

Thankfully after much reading, I've found that this is like CRAZY common. I don't feel like I'm so crazy after finding validation in other's having the same issue. I still get suckered in by peer pressure on occasion and find myself smoking with a group of people, then about 90% of the time, I immediately regret it for about 2 hours.
 
Smoked a bit of a blunt the other night and had half a beer. I am not sure whether I'm happy or sad both did not agree with me, but I don't need to repeat the experiment any time soon. I did pass up an offer of a lot of free nug though (never, ever has this happened before), and I am very pleased with myself.
 
good for you, toothpastedog. i find that's often the hardest part, being able to turn down offers. i've been living with some of my roomies for over a year now, during which i've relapsed a few times, so it must get confusing as i tell them not to offer me, and then ask for a puff or a sip a few months later. but now that it's official i've been clear to my roomies that i'm not interested.

of course though people forget, or don't know in the first place, and will still offer a beer or a puff, and that can be really difficult. it's like your brain has this impulsive "ooh free instant gratification how can i resist? it's no big deal/just this once/everybody else is doing it why not" reaction immediately. even if it's turned out negatively a million times in the past, you forget all of that in the one split second. but then if you pause and take a minute to listen to your gut you know it's better to decline. i think it's sort of like strengthening a muscle. takes a lot of time and practice i guess...
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top