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Does knowing the truth about something help give you closure?

DexysMidnightRuner

DexysMidnightRuner

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 20, 2009
Messages
269
So I was talking to my ex, and he was saying he wanted to give me in depth detail into our break up. Now we had been together for 4 years, very rocky. Basically it was a very unhealthy drug fulled relationship but we loved each other. We had gone over to a friends house to help her w/d from dope. In the end I ended up relapsing, having a threesome, and then a huge fight and eventually we broke up. He stayed at her house and continued to use, I went back to the apartment and started packing up because I was going back home to NJ - from Cali. A few weeks after he got into rehab and I moved home, the "friend" that was involved in our break up dies in a car accident. We have made our amends and such, are still friends, and have gotten involved with other things - living sober, and me in another relationship. It has been almost a year since then and we were discussing how we missed each other and were sorry for how things ended. Not that we will be getting back together but there will always be a place in my heart for him because he was my first love. Then he says he feels like he will never be able to make true amends for all of that. He feels like he needs to give me details about what happened, like in depth details.

We have never REALLY discussed what happened with her and us. We just kind of chalked it up to drug use, really bad decisions, and a final straw in a very flawed relationship. I was thinking, maybe if I knew how he was feeling and what he was thinking when these decisions were made it would help bring me closure. I am also worried that getting the whole story will just upset me and make me mad again. What do you think?:?
 
I would let it be, but that's just me. Do whatever you think is in your best interest, not his. If talking about this is going to rile and trigger you, fuck it. You can always address it later on if you're feeling up to it. Good luck.
 
my ex aborted my kid and did so while i thought she was going for a prego test then she said that she wasnt but looked like a prego woman so i made her take two home tests they were positive from the hormones still coming out then she let me tell everyone i was going to be a dad.... i want to know her reasons soooo bad but then again i dont think i care....
 
We allow ourselves closure. It takes time.

Without closure we can not move on to living in the present.
 
DexysMidnightRuner said:
So I was talking to my ex, and he was saying he wanted to give me in depth detail into our break up. Now we had been together for 4 years, very rocky. Basically it was a very unhealthy drug fulled relationship but we loved each other. We had gone over to a friends house to help her w/d from dope. In the end I ended up relapsing, having a threesome, and then a huge fight and eventually we broke up. He stayed at her house and continued to use, I went back to the apartment and started packing up because I was going back home to NJ - from Cali. A few weeks after he got into rehab and I moved home, the "friend" that was involved in our break up dies in a car accident. We have made our amends and such, are still friends, and have gotten involved with other things - living sober, and me in another relationship. It has been almost a year since then and we were discussing how we missed each other and were sorry for how things ended. Not that we will be getting back together but there will always be a place in my heart for him because he was my first love. Then he says he feels like he will never be able to make true amends for all of that. He feels like he needs to give me details about what happened, like in depth details.

We have never REALLY discussed what happened with her and us. We just kind of chalked it up to drug use, really bad decisions, and a final straw in a very flawed relationship. I was thinking, maybe if I knew how he was feeling and what he was thinking when these decisions were made it would help bring me closure. I am also worried that getting the whole story will just upset me and make me mad again. What do you think?:?
Click to expand...

How will hearing what you already know bring you closure ? Drugs /bad choices are what your happy with. If you go digging for something you were unaware of then your going to have to deal with that 'new' burden when / if you find it.

Are you not happy with the drugs / bad choices - what do you feel you need to hear that would bring you closure?
 
Go with your gut on this one, if it's closure you seek then go ahead and get it. It might not be what you want to hear.


Live in the moment with your new guy, make the best of it. Why open up an old chapter in your life that was filled with drugs, cheating and misery?
 
I agree that it would not be in your best interest to know every sordid detail. It sounds like you have already moved on, and are comfortable with a version of the truth...drug use, bad decisions, etc.

What purpose would knowing every little thing serve? It might make him feel better, but I can pretty much guarantee that it won't give you any warm, fuzzy feelings.

Don't subject yourself to this...it sounds like you are in a better place.
 
I don't think you need to know every detail for "closure". You need to move on.
 
i think it really depends on the person. for me i always want to know the truth, even if its going to hurt really bad at first. i would rather know and deal with it than always wonder. but if its something that wouldnt bug you not to know, maybe dont bother with it.
 
justhowiroll said:
my ex aborted my kid and did so while i thought she was going for a prego test then she said that she wasnt but looked like a prego woman so i made her take two home tests they were positive from the hormones still coming out then she let me tell everyone i was going to be a dad.... i want to know her reasons soooo bad but then again i dont think i care....
Click to expand...

Not to hijack the thread, but that's one thing that really infuriates me about abortion. Guy wants to be a dad but has absolutely no say in keeping something he helped create. I can't even imagine how devastating that would be.
 
^ True that. I feel like if the guy doesn't want the baby to be aborted, he should at least have some kind of legal right to get it stopped?! If I was going to have a kid, and the woman aborted it, I would feel broken.

To the OP, nah, the truth's not giving you closure in this case. Besides, you're talking about a destructive relationship. Your guy's honestly just trying to draw you back in to a long-winded conversation about your past with him, that's all it is! He very likely has ulterior motives. Coming from a guy
 
if i dont know the truth and exactly what going through the other persons head ill go insaner trying to figure out the whys whats whens hows
 
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