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Does anyone else have this experience? (abuse, trauma)

O

OGghostie420

Greenlighter
Joined
Dec 27, 2015
Messages
10
Hello everyone new to BL always read the forums never made an account till recently... Anywho I don't know if this belongs here sorry mods but I've been dealing with very abusive sibling and father for 25 years of my life (I'm 25 btw) my brother and dad were terrible alcoholics my dad has been sober for 7 years due to unforeseen circumstances I had to move back to my parents home and my 30 pls year old brother still lives here he has been a very abusive person since I can remember verbally I mean always talked shit. And called me names and tried to beat me up plenty of times when he is drinking on his month binges it has gotten to the. Point lately where if I hear his voice I. Get horrible stomach pains or if he's in the house my stomach feels awful if he's around long enough. When I try to sleep I have consistent. Nightmares.. Is this due to stress? Anyone else react this way with people? Am I making this up? Thanks for your help
 
Hi, OGghostie. Sorry you are going through this. Our Dark Side forum is the best place to post and seek support about these issues.

I will move your thread accordingly and updated your thread title to be a little more specific. You will find some understanding folks there I think.

Prayers for you and yours.

SO --> TDS
 
Nah, but I still hate home, and have plenty of freinds who god willing will never go back.
Hope you get out soon, keep strong.
 
I can relate for sure man. My dad was a bad drinker and mother used to beat me when I was a kid. Even though they died, I still have trouble coming to terms with childhood abuse and I'm 52. I have a family member who is so negative, I have to walk in the other room. She never has anything nice to say. I just can't stand listening to her talk it makes me tense up and get sick to my stomach. It's not just me, my dog doesn't want to be around her either, lol. It's like she saps my energy with her toxicity. Only thing you can do is try to remove yourself from the situation, even if you just stay in your room or go some place. Practice deep breathing and don't let them suck you in. Welcome to Bluelight! <3
 
My daughter is a very sensitive person and grew up with a verbally abusive and unpredictable, controlling father.
She has been diagnosed with PTSD from living in such fear all the time. It was where everything started. She's currently in IOP for heroin and suffers from debilitating anxiety and depression.
If you are living in this situation the effect can follow you even if you are able leave. If you can seek therapy it will help. I know what that life is like-get the courage to seek help before you are broken from it. You can't help your father and brother, but you can help yourself. I know what a prison it feels like. I hope you can find a good way out.
 
No you're not making it up. Living in abusive households is traumatic. Anticipating abuse leads to all of the symptoms you're talking about because you live in a state of constant fear. It's a psychological war zone. The only thing you can really do is remove yourself, if you have the means, or find some way of protecting yourself within the environment. It's really difficult though because abusers have no boundaries and when they decide to attack you they will feel entitled to do so. Sometimes standing up for yourself works, other times it just makes them hate you even more. Unfortunately bullies don't usually learn until you show them that you have the ability to be more powerful than they are -- but after 25 years of being bullied chances are you just have to get out. May this situation motivate you to better yourself so you can leave. It's negative motivation and it hurts, but it's still motivation.

I'm on good terms with my family now but when I was younger I had to move away because of the constant psychological stress of living at home. It's difficult to resolve conflict with people who don't have enough self-awareness to understand, or they're too busy avoiding themselves and taking it out on you. I will do anything, anything to avoid ever having to move back home. I would rather sleep in a homeless shelter or live on the street than live with my family again, and I have. When you're stuck at home with crazy people, your freedom is severely limited. At least on the streets I can go sleep in a park somewhere and know that someone's not going to randomly kick down my door and start going off on me. The negative energy is DEFINITELY toxic. Of course, I don't endorse homelessness because it brings a whole slew of other security and safety issues, but at least the people that've been haunting you for 25 years won't show up.
 
The fact is nobody is going to come along and give you an easy out. Your going to need to get a job, scam welfare, spend your saving, whatever, to get the fuck out of there. Go get a room in a rooming house. They are 500 a month here. I'm sure you can afford 500. Find a nice one. If you cant afford 500. Get on welfare, get a job, do something!!
 
I'd like to thank everyone that provided me your experiences I honestly couldn't have gotten any better advice from anyone else and you guys are right I knew I have to do that as well but due to some unforeseen circumstances I had to quit my job and leave my apartment 90 miles away from my parents but just to let you guys know I have not been ignoring you my mom got really sick on Friday morning like at 3 am and I had to take her to the hospital with my dad honestly I didn't mention this but I got on methadone on November 10 I don't think if I was on some I would have not been here for my mom her gallbladder stones got the best of her and she got extremely sick they ripped that bastard out yesterday and she came home last night I thank god (sorry if that bothers anyone) that I've been clean and em was here for my mom to let the nurses know what was going on and get the proper treatment she needs (my mom speaks Spanish so there is a barrier and my dad is a revovering alcoholic been sober for 8 years so the 30 years he's been drinking he can't elaborate good) I'm so blessed I was here and not on a NYE heroin binge somewhere... Anywho this is how terribly annoying my brother is he shows up drunk to the hospital and starts making remarks that how I got my mom to the hospital was terrible he would have called an ambulance... My mom barely makes ends meet I'm not going to put her in more debt to worry about I got her to the hospital in 5 minutes... Smash thanks blue lighters for all your advice I love this site I'll give you guys a heads up on my recovery and my living arrangements I need to move ???
 
sliceofcake said:
My daughter is a very sensitive person and grew up with a verbally abusive and unpredictable, controlling father.
She has been diagnosed with PTSD from living in such fear all the time. It was where everything started. She's currently in IOP for heroin and suffers from debilitating anxiety and depression.
If you are living in this situation the effect can follow you even if you are able leave. If you can seek therapy it will help. I know what that life is like-get the courage to seek help before you are broken from it. You can't help your father and brother, but you can help yourself. I know what a prison it feels like. I hope you can find a good way out.
Click to expand...

Slice of cake,
My heart goes out to your daughter, seriously. She's not alone in this fight.
I grew up with a verbally abusive and narcissistic father. I can relate to the fear because I am still trapped in it and I am also battling an addiction, to xanax. I'm in recovery, but life will never be the same. I suffer deeply with anxiety and was just recently diagnosed with gad,PTSD last spring.
If you don't mind me asking, how old is she? Does it get easier as time passes to accept the nature of our fathers? Your daughters story just reminds me so much of me I can't help but ask.
 
hey og,
I am new to bl as well and we are close in age! I'm 24.
Sorry to hear about the way your brother and father treat you. I think the best thing for you to do is distance your self from them. Do you maybe have a friend or relative you could stay with if you explained your circumstances? I have had to go to those measures before during the times when I have left home because of my father.
 
I'm 21 my family life was alright when I was a toddler but I believe around the time of the economic recession in the mid 2000's my father started to become very stressed and angry. The only incident of physical abuse I can remember was when I was around 9years old, for reasons I don't remember he choked me and my younger brother out for a good 5 seconds before my mother screamed at him to let us go. I think he was stressed from being overworked and I believe I was just being loud. Apparently he physically abused my younger brother at least one more time after but I never heard much about it.

Most of the time when I try to talk to him he starts to get angry like I'm trying to attack him when I'm only trying to discuss something or ask him a question. I just accept it and try not to stress about it now that I'm older, but it really fucked with me as a kid. Constantly being bullied at school then coming home to a parent that just talks down to me probably hasn't helped my mental health. I can't change him and I'm not gonna fight him, when he gets that way I just let him say what he needs to say then I nod and walk away. I get very anxious and angry from just being in the same room with him at times.

Hope your mother is feeling well, focus on taking care of her it'll make you feel better.
 
Buckmoon-
Hi, she is 19.
I think it gets a little easier the older she gets, but living in the situation definitely delays the progress.

I think the best course of action is therapy combined with a solid plan for gaining independence. It's a long road and an uncertain one, but it's the only sure way to leave that insanity behind and to start living in a world where one can make their own choices.

Lots of things need to happen in order to carry out that kind of plan, but it can be done and it is certainly worth escaping that very toxic environment.

It's the worst thing to rob someone of their self esteem, dignity and sense of self. To force them to live in constant fear and self doubt. It is unforgivable for me.

It is not surprising that substance abuse develops as a response to trying to escape the psychological abuse. Unfortunately it makes perfect sense since it's one tiny bit of power that the abuser can't control. It's a safe feeling for awhile until even that turns on you and you realize that it has become a serious problem.

I hope you can find a safe escape route along with OP. Keep seeking help. It is out there and you will get stronger by inches.

You are worth it.
 
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