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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Do you fuck up on purpose because you're afraid to succeed?

I think I combine the talents of laziness and fear of success. High standards are good, but they can be stressful. Moderation in all things, including moderation ;)
 
i think it is easier to say that you can't achieve or do that than to try and fail and have to save face. In some people they find failure a good thing and they find positives and gains from there mistakes or losses. Many like myself who are natural pessimists see it as yet another of lifes attempts to kick you in the arse and tell you how much you suck. On a lighter note i found that as age sets in and im starting to get older things are getting easier, or perhaps its just that i dont care anymore as its less stressful?
 
for me, i see this problem as being the single problem holding back humanity... it's the problem that finding a solution to will cause a 'global enlightnement'. and as it's just me has pointed out nelson madela's quote, it stems from a fear of ones own power... a fear of oneself, and the effects one's own actions inevitably cause.

my personal solution to this problem, and one that i hope helps others, but assume won't, lies enitrely in the fact that the effects of my actions are entirely out of my hands. I can do what i want for the reasons that I want, but ultimately, how those actions and wants are percieved, and reacted to are entire out of my control. To me, this means there is no point concerning myself with what the result of my actions are, but what actions i should take next, to continue my wishes and dreams. of couse, i still self-sabotage, but now it's only relationships and my perception of others. And these are two things that were allways out of my control anyway.

Once we all understand exactly who we are, what we believe in, and why we believe in what we believe in, we will lose all self-created fear, and evolve... my final problem is figuring out how to actually teach this fact.
 
^^^ I guess another way you could say this is that it's easier to make excuses for not trying at all than for trying and failing, both to onesself and to other people.

jonO_o, will you make me a bumper sticker with that gem on it?
 
yeah pretty much sums it up... except once you realise that fact, if you don't raelise it's just another excuse you're a fkn moron

"there are no excuses, just reasons that we abuse" make this the bumper sticker
 
nah, there are no reasons, only excuses why we abuse.

they're not real reasons, they are reasons why you are sad and need to hide and you use them to excuse your usage and abusage.
 
Haha. I know it's been said a million times, but you need to let it sink in. There's a time for excess, in study, work and play.

Once you're deep in the mindset of fearing failure it can be really hard to break out. I started doing little things, and setting goals and building myself up gradually. In university, this would mean going to a class that day instead of skipping it, or handing in an assignment instead of stressing myself for ages, and then not even completing it.

I'm starting to program myself to succeed, and enjoy it. Laziness may pay off right now, but think of the future laziness you can earn by putting in the work now! I feel a lot better without the pressure, physically and mentally.
 
jonO_O said:
Laziness may pay off right now, but think of the future laziness you can earn by putting in the work now! I feel a lot better without the pressure, physically and mentally.
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This is absolutely true!! Work your ass off while you're young & can start building your retirement nest-egg. That's what I did...started a rental home business for Section 8 low-income families. Plus we'd buy houses at foreclosures, fix them up & flip them for a tidy profit. I realized 1 thing -- you will never get rich working for someone. You've gotta have that entrepreneurial attitude & take risks.
Anyhow, we had built quite a successful business, but I didn't want to work until age 65, so I retired at 45. Sold out my 1/2 to my partner, had saved plenty of $$$, as I'm not 1 that's into buying 'stuff'8( & now at age 52, I can do what I want, when I want.
My advice to you is exactly what jonO_O said. Make your bread NOW & retire before you're too old to enjoy it!!:\
 
/\/\/\/\ That's correct. The day before I become wormchow, I'm taking the entire bankroll to a casino & putting all the $$$ on 1 roll of the dice. My kid will either be completely broke & living in a dumpster or in 'fat city' & living in a penthouse.:D
 
MyDoorsAreOpen said:
TripDoctor and Pompelmous, I definitely relate. I'm not a big consumer, but I definitely go through phases. Some of them are so odd or involve so much obsession that I keep them completely to myself for the sake of not being the butt of jokes. Each phase lasts anywhere from 2 weeks to a few months, where I'll think about my object of obsession as randomly and often as sex, if not more. I'll want to read and learn all I can about it, and I'll filter the whole rest of my world through the thing I'm obsessed with. I'll connect it in my mind to things it has nothing to do with at all. And then, one day, I'll just decide I don't enjoy it anymore.

Some of my past phases were fairly normal: dinosaurs, computers, chemistry, trains, world geography, pot growing, collecting old American coins, golf.
Others were not necessarily odd, but not exactly common or fitting for a person of my background: Jerry Springer, Phil Collins, Ren and Stimpy, tarot cards, traditional Japanese culture, Freemasonry, the science of city planning, learning and preparing large and frequent amounts of ethnic foods to which I have no ethnic connection.
But some were decidedly strange: poplar trees, old clocks with the word "Regulator" on them, New York license plates, Adolf Hitler's life, chewing gum varieties, and strangest of all, the word "the".

I'm pretty sure I don't need a second opinion about my Asperger's =D
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This is me except my obsessions can last anywhere from 2 months to two years , and completely engrossed.

:o I was obsessed with emo from 2003- 2005 and I am 28 years old. 8) Like I wanted to know everything about its origins and history and essential genre defining bands and all this. I was obsessed with hardcore and sXe and punk too and I dont even really like it that much.
That's just an example but I have many quirky, sometimes embarrasing obsessions that just get annoying after awhile.
Like after I'm through one phase I can't understand why I was so drawn to the last obsession. But while I'm in it the pull is so strong I can't resist. I am usually relieved when I move on to something else.
Like right now I am really into electronic music.
 
MyDoorsAreOpen said:
TripDoctor and Pompelmous, I definitely relate. I'm not a big consumer, but I definitely go through phases. Some of them are so odd or involve so much obsession that I keep them completely to myself for the sake of not being the butt of jokes. Each phase lasts anywhere from 2 weeks to a few months, where I'll think about my object of obsession as randomly and often as sex, if not more. I'll want to read and learn all I can about it, and I'll filter the whole rest of my world through the thing I'm obsessed with. I'll connect it in my mind to things it has nothing to do with at all. And then, one day, I'll just decide I don't enjoy it anymore.

Some of my past phases were fairly normal: dinosaurs, computers, chemistry, trains, world geography, pot growing, collecting old American coins, golf.
Others were not necessarily odd, but not exactly common or fitting for a person of my background: Jerry Springer, Phil Collins, Ren and Stimpy, tarot cards, traditional Japanese culture, Freemasonry, the science of city planning, learning and preparing large and frequent amounts of ethnic foods to which I have no ethnic connection.
But some were decidedly strange: poplar trees, old clocks with the word "Regulator" on them, New York license plates, Adolf Hitler's life, chewing gum varieties, and strangest of all, the word "the".

I'm pretty sure I don't need a second opinion about my Asperger's =D
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You sound very interesting, I wouldn't consider that trait to be a negative thing but of course I don't live your life and know what it's like. But I am sure you could easily entertain people with random bits of knowledge and have them say stuff like "WTF? How the fuck do you know this shit??" That's what people say to me a lot, because I have a similar focus on current interests that I like where I go all out learning all I can about it and I can usually connect the dots fairly easily even from things like reading one sentance in one book and another in another book and see the relevance to the whole.

However being that I lack staying power in all aspects of my life I get easily bored and go onto a new thing, but I have realised that this is where the true magic lies. The people who cling to old notions and methods of thought and action simply do not engage their creativity to evolve and brighten their world. But, they are the type of people who generally make the big bucks out of doing this. IMHO.
 
Son of Samurai said:
The people who cling to old notions and methods of thought and action simply do not engage their creativity to evolve and brighten their world. But, they are the type of people who generally make the big bucks out of doing this. IMHO.
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I've gotta disagree with this observation. People who DON'T embrace creativity & change are usually the ones who won't take any risks....& the only way to have the entrepreneurial spirit is by taking risks.
Anyone who's started their own business has taken a big risk. Sometimes it doesn't work out, but the times it DOES work out, the entrepreneur is well on his way to making the big $$$.
To be creative = new ideas = new businesses = $$$$$!!!!!:\
 
I'm a bit like that as well.

If anyone understands why people make their own obstacles to success - please reply!!

Maybe it's got something to do with family ties. Like you don't want your family to reject you because you did better than them by a large degree??

What I DO know is: When people reach adulthood, they usually have picked up their parent's behaviours subconsciously.

I remember my parents used to accept 2nd best a lot of the time. Like 'don't dream big - dream realistic'.

Hang on....

Maybe it's something simple - like you have a fear or doubts about your self being successful.

If so, it can be countered by conditioning yourself - telling yourself that you CAN become successful - if you put in the effort.

Like bring something in mind that you are naturally talented in - we all have a gift in SOMETHING.

Think back to when you were a kid and you tried that something and loved it straight away, and was OK in it but not great. If you look back, you can see your talent develop over the years.

Being a successful person is like that. Being CONFIDENT that you CAN become successful if you keep trying.

The only time you WILL fail is if you give up and walk away. It's THAT simple.

'A 1000 mile journey is made from many small steps' - that sort of thing.

EDIT: fixed typos
 
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