-
-
SLR Moderators: Senior Staff
Social Do You Believe You’ve Met Your Perfect Partner Yet?
- Thread starter Fiori di Bella
- Start date
TheUltimateFixx
Bluelighter
Half the planet is literally the case here as well. Add to that I only met him for the first time 2 years after getting to know him, and then because of his job we could only spend one month a year together (his annual holiday). Last year he was meant to relocate but we couldn't get the residence application through. Try again this year. I hate the immigration policy here. # sigh #LDRs genuinely CAN work, even super long distance. I was in this subreddit called r/LongDistance and a lot of those people were half a planet away from each other! But love finds a way
fastandbulbous
Bluelight Crew
I must admit, if your avatar is a good faxcimilie of you, I hope your partner knows how lucky he is.Don’t give up hope! There’s no ONE perfect person for anyone, but multiple potential perfect partners. (Say that 5x fast, lol) You’ll find your “The One” eventually. I think everyone has at least a chance at fairytale happiness. But I’m an optimist at heart
At least be happy with your own company! That’s the best of all.
You have to remember, most men are a bit backward, in that area and need to be educated!
xtcgrrrl
Bluelight Crew
Aw, thank you! Yes, that’s me when I was on vacation in Hawai’i in December. I’ve been meaning to put up a different one, as I did my hair a bit blonder and shorter this time around, but I haven’t found a recent photo that I like. But I’m pretty lucky too, yknow. I think he’s hawt!!!
fastandbulbous
Bluelight Crew
That's what it's all about, in the long run.
fastandbulbous
Bluelight Crew
I have had 3 long term relationships (6yr+) and all three were pretty much perfect; it was my behaviour that fucked things up.Don’t give up hope! There’s no ONE perfect person for anyone, but multiple potential perfect partners. (Say that 5x fast, lol) You’ll find your “The One” eventually. I think everyone has at least a chance at fairytale happiness. But I’m an optimist at heart
At least be happy with your own company! That’s the best of all.
First one, Karen was ten years that I ended because I was ýòung and stupid. Second one, 12 years with Dacia, I fucked up because I had an affair (with ketamine), that caused her psychiatric problems and the third 6.5year & married to Deborah, was my not recognising her condition (a large DVT, that 2 clots broke off and killed her).
On reflection, I could have spent te rest of my life with any of them.
Men are inherently stupid about such things. Recognize that and it becomes obvious.
xtcgrrrl
Bluelight Crew
My first marriage didn’t turn out so well, either. I was so young, and I didn’t realize that I deserved better. He went to jail for DV, stopped after that, but switched from physical abuse to psychological. Even so, when he divorced me, I was suicidal in my despair. I wanted nothing so badly as to get back together, even though the relationship was so toxic. But given the way everything has turned out, I’m SO glad I didn’t get what I wanted!
fastandbulbous
Bluelight Crew
As a rule, we do far too much thinking with the 'little head'.
Went to see a local band recently, and my mate, in his own subtle way, said "that lass wants to fuck you, seriously ", but I still miss my late wife so much, it ended up just being an ego boost...
Went to see a local band recently, and my mate, in his own subtle way, said "that lass wants to fuck you, seriously ", but I still miss my late wife so much, it ended up just being an ego boost...
maybe for the next life, we will be together.This post rings so true. She was abusive (mostly verbal but she put her hands on me a few times) yet all I want is to try and figure this out. I keep having to remind myself I’ve been wanting this for years, that this is a needed change. But I still hurt..
Honestly I’m grateful for folks like you and @Xorkoth who’ve been through very similar situations. Had I not posted about this and just kept it to myself like always, I probably wouldn’t have the motivation to go through with it. She’s an expert at gaslighting me into believing whatever.
I also realize I got major mommy issues that are probably bleeding over into my relationship. I need like a year or two being single to figure myself out. I seem to be drawn to these types, all throughout high school all the girls I was with were manipulative abusive types. I gotta figure out how to avoid that in the future.
-GC
xtcgrrrl
Bluelight Crew
Hell yeah. If I were you, I’d look into reading about attachment styles and stuff. Go talk to a therapist if you can. Spend a lot of time doing stuff that YOU want to do. Maybe travel a little? The important part is to spend lots and lots of time by yourself, until you can recognize the unhealthy patterns that showed up in your previous relationship(s) and identify where they stem from initially (I myself had daddy issues, stemming from the fact that my dad is 100% emotionally unavailable, so that led me to choose emotionally unavailable men in an effort to “resolve” the situation and get the attention I had wanted when I was little.)
Then, when you DO decide you’re ready and you go out there and look around, remember that nobody is perfect, and even the person you might wanna be with will have their own issues as well. But perfection isn’t the point; you know it’s good when you’ve found someone who’s willing to work on their own issues right along WITH you, someone who’s going to own up to it when they make mistakes, and to be willing to change and fix things. None of us are ever fully healed, nor do we need to be, to start dating again. It’s an ongoing process, and we are all always going to be “works in progress”
But I would be willing to bet that someday you’re going to find someone who will make you glad that this marriage didn’t work out. Right now, it’s super painful. But maybe the real prize that you won out of the wreckage of this relationship was a better understanding of yourself. (Also, make sure you have a really good lawyer! I had a bargain basement one and consequently walked away with nothing. No alimony, no custody, nothing but the clothes I had here at my mom’s!)
fastandbulbous
Bluelight Crew
Basically, you're not looking for someone perfect, you're looking for someone who has dysfunctions similar to yourself! Ie. Perfect for you - understands ýou; fuck everyone else.Hell yeah. If I were you, I’d look into reading about attachment styles and stuff. Go talk to a therapist if you can. Spend a lot of time doing stuff that YOU want to do. Maybe travel a little? The important part is to spend lots and lots of time by yourself, until you can recognize the unhealthy patterns that showed up in your previous relationship(s) and identify where they stem from initially (I myself had daddy issues, stemming from the fact that my dad is 100% emotionally unavailable, so that led me to choose emotionally unavailable men in an effort to “resolve” the situation and get the attention I had wanted when I was little.)
Then, when you DO decide you’re ready and you go out there and look around, remember that nobody is perfect, and even the person you might wanna be with will have their own issues as well. But perfection isn’t the point; you know it’s good when you’ve found someone who’s willing to work on their own issues right along WITH you, someone who’s going to own up to it when they make mistakes, and to be willing to change and fix things. None of us are ever fully healed, nor do we need to be, to start dating again. It’s an ongoing process, and we are all always going to be “works in progress”
But I would be willing to bet that someday you’re going to find someone who will make you glad that this marriage didn’t work out. Right now, it’s super painful. But maybe the real prize that you won out of the wreckage of this relationship was a better understanding of yourself. (Also, make sure you have a really good lawyer! I had a bargain basement one and consequently walked away with nothing. No alimony, no custody, nothing but the clothes I had here at my mom’s!)
fastandbulbous
Bluelight Crew
You will have a couple if disagreements, when first move in, it's uncharted waters, but hopefully they will just be disagreements.I love this story, this is beautiful. And, yes, it’s perfectly possible to never have an argument; in 7 years with my partner, I don’t think we’ve had a single fight. But keep in mind, we haven’t lived together yet. That shit is always difficult; but for some reason, I think he and I will still mostly not fight. Or if we do, its possible to fight like an adult, not in a toxic and poisonous way. Time will tell, but I have faith in us
papercuts
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2021
- Messages
- 1,277
I'm not sure how many guys I lived with in the late 80s, early 90s, five or six, then I met my husband who I've been with almost thirty years.
None are perfect for me.
I was kicked out of "home" at sixteen and needed help with rent, so I wasn't always that choosy about who I lived with male or female, they were all better than where I'd come from, but whenever I lived with a male we ended up screwing and I fought with other girls when living together, that never lasted long.
I love my husband and we have three amazing grown up kids together, but no way is he my perfect partner.
He is not the guy most like me at all, we argue loads, BUT we had many shared dreams for the future, we wanted the same things, so we were able to work together to achieve them.
That has made us a very good team.
So it depends on what type of perfection you're after.
Out of the guys I've lived with and others in between I could tell you who was best looking, who had the biggest dick, the smallest dick, the best lover, the kindest, the most like me in personality and so on, but it's not all going to be the same guy that's best at everything, so a choice gets made.
None are perfect for me.
I was kicked out of "home" at sixteen and needed help with rent, so I wasn't always that choosy about who I lived with male or female, they were all better than where I'd come from, but whenever I lived with a male we ended up screwing and I fought with other girls when living together, that never lasted long.
I love my husband and we have three amazing grown up kids together, but no way is he my perfect partner.
He is not the guy most like me at all, we argue loads, BUT we had many shared dreams for the future, we wanted the same things, so we were able to work together to achieve them.
That has made us a very good team.
So it depends on what type of perfection you're after.
Out of the guys I've lived with and others in between I could tell you who was best looking, who had the biggest dick, the smallest dick, the best lover, the kindest, the most like me in personality and so on, but it's not all going to be the same guy that's best at everything, so a choice gets made.
Dreamflyer
Bluelighter
Short answer: No. And I don't think that I ever will.
I've had a few serious relationships with some really good women over the years (and a few bad ones, lol), but they never lasted for various reasons.
The girl that I dated for a couple of years back in my early 20's (almost 30 years ago!) was probably "the one that I let get away". But we were young, didn't have that much in common and hardly saw each other due to our schedules.
Now I'm in my 50's and too busy working on my own issues to even think about getting involved with anyone.
But some day, who knows?
I've had a few serious relationships with some really good women over the years (and a few bad ones, lol), but they never lasted for various reasons.
The girl that I dated for a couple of years back in my early 20's (almost 30 years ago!) was probably "the one that I let get away". But we were young, didn't have that much in common and hardly saw each other due to our schedules.
Now I'm in my 50's and too busy working on my own issues to even think about getting involved with anyone.
But some day, who knows?