Tree of Life
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Dec 19, 2015
- Messages
- 30
Sorry, this is going to be quite long but I want to try and explain this story fully as it’s something that’s causing me so much concern.
Several years ago I used to do GBL quite a lot, often I’d go through spells of consuming quite a bit daily. Occasionally would take benzos for comedowns from weekend stim sessions and also bad hangovers, but only small amounts e.g. 5 or 10mg of Valium occasionally. Was binge drinking heavily, mainly at weekends but often during the week too, when I was at University. I gave up the drugs but continued to drink, generally just at weekends and only during the week if I was on holiday from work. That process continued for a while and seemed to be OK. I was drinking quite heavily at weekends, just on Friday and Saturday nights. Sometimes I could get quite anxious if I binge drank a lot, I’d also sometimes notice a bit of a tight neck afterwards. Everything was very manageable, though on Monday mornings I tended to still feel a bit rough if I had drank a lot the previous Saturday night.
This seemed to be going OK until The Christmas period last year where I drank quite heavily. I drank three nights on the trot at Christmas. Was OK after, maybe felt a bit tense. I decided to have a few days completely off, and I was feeling OK. Then at new year I drank basically for 4 days straight pretty much, without getting much sleep. I drank on one night just at home, then went out on new year’s eve early on with friends and we drank heavily for 2 days, whilst taking stims. I went home after that and stupidly after sleeping I decided to keep drinking quite a bit. Then the day after that, I woke up after some sleep and was hit with absolutely horrendous anxiety/tension, and a lot of pressure on my chest. I was convinced I was going to get DT’s or something and could die, but I was able to get 10MG of Valium and this calmed me down quite a bit. I did still feel pretty uncomfortable though and after eating later, I took another 10MG of Valium and this helped a lot. I slept for ages that night, and woke up the next day feeling much better, and was able to go out and function OK. Then the day after that I was back in work and in a normal routine. Things seemed to have sorted themselves out largely, though I did notice I got some cold sweats when sleeping, which I know is another alcohol withdrawal symptom.
Anyway, I decided to give up alcohol for a while to see how I was. I stopped for a month, felt OK, and stupidly drank quite a lot that weekend, instead of easing myself into it. So that was two nights drinking. I drank less than normal, but more than I should have. I seemed OK though, that was until I think the following Tuesday, where one morning I started feeling terrible at work, just very strange, uncomfortable and tense. However, I went out to get lunch, and that made me feel much better. I felt a bit edgy in the days ensuing but was going on a big holiday and was encouraged to drink. I was scared that I was in withdrawal and being stupid so I drank a moderate amount (ie a few beers). The next day I felt pretty much fine, but maybe a bit tense. Again that night I drank about 3 or 4 beers, and again I was OK after that, in fact I felt pretty much completely back to normal. A night or 2 later, I had a few beers again, though the next day I felt a bit of tightness in my neck, some edginess and that seemed to get progressively worse, to the point I felt really quite anxious. I went to bed early that night, and decided I just needed to completely stop drinking as I was not in a good situation. I felt a bit tense in the days after that, though not entirely bad. For a while though I felt OK – I keep fit by being very into exercise (I’m a long distance runner), and I’m also into nutrition so eat well. I decided that I had either stopped drinking permanently, or at least until I had felt completely back to normal for a long period.
That was mid-February and I was generally OK. Then 3 months later I was away on a trip and got hit with absolutely horrendous anxiety – feeling very tense, some tightness around the neck etc. I started thinking maybe I had consumed alcohol by mistake, maybe I had been given the wrong drink or it had been in my food? This seemed to continue for a while where I would suddenly get hit with horrendous ill feeling. After some time I felt that it was happening after consuming high levels of sugar – on my trip away when it had started I had been drinking lots of coke, while others were drinking alcohol. It seemed to be often the ill feeling correlated to sugar intake, though I could be wrong. I then started reading up on PAWS, and was concerned it could be that. My ill feeling had started months after I had stopped drinking (3 months). I went to the doctor though and he disagreed, he didn’t think I had alcohol dependency issues and felt I had just developed generalised anxiety disorder.
I basically for a while after that went through bouts of going through cycles of feeling awful, I can remember on one occasion it was so bad that I just crawled into bed and fortunately I was able to sleep. A couple of times I had to leave work early because I felt so tense. Going out for runs would always make me feel better, usually eating a big meal would help too. I am now feeling quite a bit better, everything is much more manageable. I haven’t drank any alcohol at all since February, and it’s actually been easy. Although I do really enjoy drinking, I haven’t at any point felt any urge to drink really. I would like to but I’ve told myself I can’t and that’s the end of it. I am still feeling quite tense though, but I’m having quite limited amounts of sugar. I did feel quite awful recently when I went on another trip away, and again I had consumed way, way more sugar than I normally do. Right just now though as I type this, I can feel a bit of tightness in my neck, I feel a bit on edge, and I feel like I have a hot feeling going through my body, as if I have excess energy or something. I can also feel a bit irritable at times.
I would really like to have a few drinks at Christmas but if I’m experiencing PAWS, obviously I don’t want to. I can’t risk going back to step 1 as PAWS can take 2 years or more to pass. If I’m just experiencing generalised anxiety, I would rather go back to leading a more normal life and drinking in moderate amounts. Although I binge drank in the best, this time I absolutely would drink in more moderation. I never really had any urge to drink more responsibly before, I was young and enjoyed getting drunk. Anyway, I went back to the doctor again and this time I had done more research into PAWS. The doctor said he thinks I should be OK to drink a moderate amount and see how I am. His tune seemed to have changed a little as previously he thought there was no way I had PAWS at all. This time I think he still thought it unlikely, but he said whether I have PAWS or GAD, it’s ultimately the same thing really. If I do have PAWS though, drinking alcohol seems like it should be the last thing you should do.
I am concerned with my GABA usage and perhaps withdrawal history that I am susceptible to alcohol withdrawals, again the doctor didn’t really seem to agree. I’ve never had shakes or hallucinations or anything like that but definitely anxiety/tension and often a tight neck. At least I attributed that to withdrawal. It’s now 10 months since I last drank. I feel a bit lost with all this though, I mean I’ve gone twice to my doctor about it but I’m still majorly concerned about it. Am I OK to have some drinks on Christmas Day or is this an extremely foolish idea that’s just going to make things far worse and give me months/years of trouble?
Several years ago I used to do GBL quite a lot, often I’d go through spells of consuming quite a bit daily. Occasionally would take benzos for comedowns from weekend stim sessions and also bad hangovers, but only small amounts e.g. 5 or 10mg of Valium occasionally. Was binge drinking heavily, mainly at weekends but often during the week too, when I was at University. I gave up the drugs but continued to drink, generally just at weekends and only during the week if I was on holiday from work. That process continued for a while and seemed to be OK. I was drinking quite heavily at weekends, just on Friday and Saturday nights. Sometimes I could get quite anxious if I binge drank a lot, I’d also sometimes notice a bit of a tight neck afterwards. Everything was very manageable, though on Monday mornings I tended to still feel a bit rough if I had drank a lot the previous Saturday night.
This seemed to be going OK until The Christmas period last year where I drank quite heavily. I drank three nights on the trot at Christmas. Was OK after, maybe felt a bit tense. I decided to have a few days completely off, and I was feeling OK. Then at new year I drank basically for 4 days straight pretty much, without getting much sleep. I drank on one night just at home, then went out on new year’s eve early on with friends and we drank heavily for 2 days, whilst taking stims. I went home after that and stupidly after sleeping I decided to keep drinking quite a bit. Then the day after that, I woke up after some sleep and was hit with absolutely horrendous anxiety/tension, and a lot of pressure on my chest. I was convinced I was going to get DT’s or something and could die, but I was able to get 10MG of Valium and this calmed me down quite a bit. I did still feel pretty uncomfortable though and after eating later, I took another 10MG of Valium and this helped a lot. I slept for ages that night, and woke up the next day feeling much better, and was able to go out and function OK. Then the day after that I was back in work and in a normal routine. Things seemed to have sorted themselves out largely, though I did notice I got some cold sweats when sleeping, which I know is another alcohol withdrawal symptom.
Anyway, I decided to give up alcohol for a while to see how I was. I stopped for a month, felt OK, and stupidly drank quite a lot that weekend, instead of easing myself into it. So that was two nights drinking. I drank less than normal, but more than I should have. I seemed OK though, that was until I think the following Tuesday, where one morning I started feeling terrible at work, just very strange, uncomfortable and tense. However, I went out to get lunch, and that made me feel much better. I felt a bit edgy in the days ensuing but was going on a big holiday and was encouraged to drink. I was scared that I was in withdrawal and being stupid so I drank a moderate amount (ie a few beers). The next day I felt pretty much fine, but maybe a bit tense. Again that night I drank about 3 or 4 beers, and again I was OK after that, in fact I felt pretty much completely back to normal. A night or 2 later, I had a few beers again, though the next day I felt a bit of tightness in my neck, some edginess and that seemed to get progressively worse, to the point I felt really quite anxious. I went to bed early that night, and decided I just needed to completely stop drinking as I was not in a good situation. I felt a bit tense in the days after that, though not entirely bad. For a while though I felt OK – I keep fit by being very into exercise (I’m a long distance runner), and I’m also into nutrition so eat well. I decided that I had either stopped drinking permanently, or at least until I had felt completely back to normal for a long period.
That was mid-February and I was generally OK. Then 3 months later I was away on a trip and got hit with absolutely horrendous anxiety – feeling very tense, some tightness around the neck etc. I started thinking maybe I had consumed alcohol by mistake, maybe I had been given the wrong drink or it had been in my food? This seemed to continue for a while where I would suddenly get hit with horrendous ill feeling. After some time I felt that it was happening after consuming high levels of sugar – on my trip away when it had started I had been drinking lots of coke, while others were drinking alcohol. It seemed to be often the ill feeling correlated to sugar intake, though I could be wrong. I then started reading up on PAWS, and was concerned it could be that. My ill feeling had started months after I had stopped drinking (3 months). I went to the doctor though and he disagreed, he didn’t think I had alcohol dependency issues and felt I had just developed generalised anxiety disorder.
I basically for a while after that went through bouts of going through cycles of feeling awful, I can remember on one occasion it was so bad that I just crawled into bed and fortunately I was able to sleep. A couple of times I had to leave work early because I felt so tense. Going out for runs would always make me feel better, usually eating a big meal would help too. I am now feeling quite a bit better, everything is much more manageable. I haven’t drank any alcohol at all since February, and it’s actually been easy. Although I do really enjoy drinking, I haven’t at any point felt any urge to drink really. I would like to but I’ve told myself I can’t and that’s the end of it. I am still feeling quite tense though, but I’m having quite limited amounts of sugar. I did feel quite awful recently when I went on another trip away, and again I had consumed way, way more sugar than I normally do. Right just now though as I type this, I can feel a bit of tightness in my neck, I feel a bit on edge, and I feel like I have a hot feeling going through my body, as if I have excess energy or something. I can also feel a bit irritable at times.
I would really like to have a few drinks at Christmas but if I’m experiencing PAWS, obviously I don’t want to. I can’t risk going back to step 1 as PAWS can take 2 years or more to pass. If I’m just experiencing generalised anxiety, I would rather go back to leading a more normal life and drinking in moderate amounts. Although I binge drank in the best, this time I absolutely would drink in more moderation. I never really had any urge to drink more responsibly before, I was young and enjoyed getting drunk. Anyway, I went back to the doctor again and this time I had done more research into PAWS. The doctor said he thinks I should be OK to drink a moderate amount and see how I am. His tune seemed to have changed a little as previously he thought there was no way I had PAWS at all. This time I think he still thought it unlikely, but he said whether I have PAWS or GAD, it’s ultimately the same thing really. If I do have PAWS though, drinking alcohol seems like it should be the last thing you should do.
I am concerned with my GABA usage and perhaps withdrawal history that I am susceptible to alcohol withdrawals, again the doctor didn’t really seem to agree. I’ve never had shakes or hallucinations or anything like that but definitely anxiety/tension and often a tight neck. At least I attributed that to withdrawal. It’s now 10 months since I last drank. I feel a bit lost with all this though, I mean I’ve gone twice to my doctor about it but I’m still majorly concerned about it. Am I OK to have some drinks on Christmas Day or is this an extremely foolish idea that’s just going to make things far worse and give me months/years of trouble?
. 