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Divorce...Are your parents?

kryalkastleE

kryalkastleE

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May 31, 2002
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Divorce...its such an ugly word.....

Today my mum told me that shes probably moving out, to be away from my dad....thats the way it goes...separation and then divorce....i know im old enough now to be over the stage where i would be really upset, but obviously i still have the childhood fantasy that my parents will be together forever. i just wanted to know from you guys, if anyone has divorced / separated parents...what is it like? obviously it completely sucks ass...but...i mean how much does your life change...what should i expect?

Thanks :)
 
my parents have seperated for nearly 13 years, and they not even divorced, they argeed that when one of them wants to get married, they have to pay the divorce costs. Simple as that. I have accepted it, as it was hard when I was a kid, but I have grown up and all that stuff. I dont really worry too much because they both are happier now than when they were together.
 
Yes. Unfortuantely my parents divorced, right in the middle of my HSC. Whilst my dad was alledgly having an affair. The family was being sued on a seperate issue. The suit was enormous, i would rather not go to details, but it was enormous and also very....serious. We practically lost our whle lifes savings. Then my dog died, i crashed my car. I had a bad run that year to be honest.

They wondered why i had 138 absences (most partial) from school...

In terms that i can give. I think its great that you can see things from a mature perspective. The postive that i can give you is that i think that you will value relationships more because of whats happened. The best advise i can give, is that if your own relationships fail, try not to blame your parents. It obviously will have an effect, but dont use it as a cop out. I think i still do, and its difficult to handles sometimes.
 
my parents r still together after about 27 yrs. i dont think they could ever break up and i would be totally shattered if they ever did. long long story, but in ur case, u seem to be handling it quite well, and if theyre not suited for each other then it might turn out for the best anyway.
 
I was talking to my GF about this subject the other day. Seems as though people whos parents are still together are in the minority amongst our friends and aquaintences. I wonder what the actual rate is? My parents are still together afer almost 30 years and I can't imagine them ever splitting up. However, they have gone through alot of bullshit like infidelity and shit like that. Kinda sucked when that shit was going on but they got through it, I hope for the better.
 
My parents are still with each other after 23 years married and about 26 years together.

My grandparents are another story entirely, they split when I was about 8 after 35 years together when my Nan found out my grandad was cheating with one of her friends.

In many ways i think that was just as bad as my parents splitting, our whole lives changed as we went from a close-knit family to well what it became wasn't pretty and although my grandad is still part of our lives he is not a very big part at all and we all refuse to see her.

If your still at home your life will change a fair bit, it'll be hard to get used to not having them both around but if you're out on your own, as long as the split is amicable it should be a lot easier on you.

Good luck hon, I hope it doesn't change things too much for you, if you're really lucky you will actually become closer to your parents as you get to know each as their own person.
 
My parents parted company when I was 21. I think if it happens to you as an adult, it's profoundly different to when you're a kid. Namely because you can see both sides of the story, and you'll see sides to your parents you never have before. It's very humanising.
Of course it really helps if it's not an acrimonious split. My advice is to make it really clear to both of them from the start that you won't take sides or be made to feel guilty.
it'll be tough at first, but like most things, over time you'll feel better about it and start to see the positive side of the situation. Both my parents grew hugely as people after their divorce, and i can say with all certainty, they're better off apart than together.
good luck.
JJ
 
a few weeks before i started my vce my parents split up, completely out of the fucking blue. been together for 26 years n it all counted 4 fucking nothing. i guess it depends on circumstances but for me it completely changed (fucked up???) everything.

builds character i guess, just not always the right type
 
My mum and dad divorced when I was 1 year old, so I never knew what it was like to live with my "real dad" - thus, minimal impact emotionally, at least on the surface.

Mum remarried when I was 6 and divorced my stepfather when I was about 17.

So I've been through two "divorces" just in my immediate family, and many many more amongst my extended family. It must be a family curse... lol.

Emotional impact? Significant but not devestating. Maybe I'm desensitised to the whole thing, but my opinion is this - if it's at the stage that divorce is the only option, it's probably for the best, and can only make things better and easier at home. Sure it's rough emotionally for your family and a bit of an upheaval, but eventually your parents are going to be happier, free to live their lives again, and that's what you want for the people you love ultimately. They need to have your support.

When you're younger divorce can be much more upsetting but at your age you should be mature enough to realise it's not about you. It's just a decision two people have made about their life path and it will be okay. Communication is essential between all parties, but your attitude towards this is going to be 90% the key. Remain positive and don't see it as a "death" of your family - rather an opportunity for a new start and peace.
 
Thanks for all your support guys :)

but a word of warning to all those who said their parents have been together for such and such years...my parents have been / were together for 38 years, i could never ever see them splitting....but i guess me and my two brothers are all grown up, its a different story, they want different things and their values have changed, but not in sync with each other....and they dont have any ties at home now (as we are all independent)

thanks again :)
 
My parents split when i was ~8 yrs old.

The effect this had on me was pretty intense, because i was old enough to understand what was goingon, without being able to understand why. 12 years later and i am still trying to piece the puzzle together.

As i reflect upon everything i wished for during the subsequent 12 years, i am struck by the realisation that they did the right thing. I would never wish them back together - they have become people so different to each other that now they can't even speak amically.

The spin off of this divorce was my father having the opportunity to build a very succesful business, as well as meet the woman of his dreams have another child (18 years younger then me). I would definately not begrudge your parent s for the decisions they make, i don't think that divorce is ever something that is entered into lightly.

Also, don't forget that you may only be told 1/2 of the story behind their decision. I know that i was told that my dad was having an affair, but that was just the tip of the iceburg. Without entering into my family history, let me just say that the underlying reasoning behind my parents' actions seem much better justified now that i have been given abbout 15 different 3rd party perspectives on their situation.

I don't believe that people are destined to live their natural lives with one person only any more...
 
O Fellow Esteemed Raver of Kryal Castle,
you have the ability,love and power to assist your parents in staying together.The Sacredness Of Marriage Sacrament is c(s)entimental and affects generations,,,,,,,,,,,O ,Dear Society...............>
 
Just something I think that is relevant to this. When I went to a new school in 1984, the teacher asked (in a natural way) what parent did I live with. She seemed pleasantly surprised that my parents were still together and living together. That's 20 years ago that a school teacher thought it the norm for parents to be divorced and any children living with one parent. I'll never forget that as it was the weirdest thing to me. I'd never heard of parents getting divorced etc at that stage.

The school was in Williamstown, Victoria if that offers any reason why I was asked that.. Stay strong girl and keep a level head is about the only advice I can offer as you will deal with it the best way you know..
 
raverchik said:
my parents also got divored when I was too young to remember.
but I am very glad they did because now I can see they are two seperate people and have two different personalities, imagining them together now just seems strange.
Click to expand...

I know i think of my two parents together and they're like chalk and cheese.....i so cannot imagine them ever being together yet they were still married for 13 years *shrugs*
 
Yeah they're divorced, and well to tell you the truth I'm glad they are.

I know that sounds horrible, but that's how I feel, and how pretty much everyone in my family feels.
 
Donny Don't said:
i think of my two parents together and they're like chalk and cheese.....i so cannot imagine them ever being together
Click to expand...

Ditto. My parents have been divorced for 8 or 9 years now and have since become two very different people with very different ideas. I don't think they could possibly live together now.

I never had negative feelings towards my parents for separating because I always pretty well understood that their marriage wasn't working out.

I think the biggest issue that I've faced with them being divorced is in seeing my parents as single people again. My dad has since got himself a serious girlfriend who I (and most other people) consider to be a total psychopath. And as far as I'm concerned, I don't think any man will ever be good enough for my mum.

But I still respect my parents' decisions concerning their own lives and trust them to do the right thing by me (even if I don't think they're doing the right thing by themselves . 8( )
 
Oh yes I almost forgot about all those times I had to bite my tongue when my Mum would go out with the biggest dickheads of all time, however she ended up remarrying about 3 years ago, and I have no probs with my Stepdad.

My Dad decided that he couldn't stay single for very long and remarried pretty soon after the divorce. Seeing as though none of us kids were invited to their wedding, I don't know the exact date, but it was about 1-2 years after he got divorced. I used to get along with her ok (maybe it was because they were living OS), but a fair few years later I found out she liked spreading vicious lies about people including myself, and have since not spoken to her, it's been about 4 years since I've uttered a word to her or my so called father.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that divorce will bring out the best and absolute worst in people, and seeing and hearing some of the scummy things some family members would do made me realise that blood may be thicker than water, but it doesn't mean you have to associate with them.
 
My mum left my dad about a year ago

She's 45 and she left him for a 70 year old man whose wife was dying of cancer at the time. Pretty fucked up shit. Needless to say, i havent spoken to her since.

But life goes on...
 
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