Dissociative identity disorder

[swilow]

Know that any psychological disorder is behavioural taxonomy. There is no threshold for either 'having' a disorder, or not. You are exhibiting behaviours that could be indicative of trauma, in the same way that they could be indicative of a head injury.

I resent the notion that someone 'has' a psychological disorder. While trends in symptoms may exist, our obsession with categorizing them into distinct problems is more telling of our nature, than it is of nature itself.

Kinda unhelpful post. But I take your point, and even raised the same in my own 2nd response. That said, its such a boring and tired comment: categories are blah blah blah- you know, humans categorise things simply because we are astute at recognising patterns. If you dismiss such things, you dismiss your humanity. You've categorised the tentative diagnosis I've given as "behavourial taxonomy"- pot kettle black.

For me, knowing that there is a basis to the hell I've gone through- that other people have experienced a similar thing, that it is "okay" so to speak- is important in being able to live a fulfilling life.

I think its facetious to compare behaviour "indicative of trauma" with a "head injury". In fact, its really quite ignorant, and evidence that a lot of people simply dismiss the effect terror and pain can have on someone for their entire life- which becomes half the problem when it feels very few people will take you seriously. I mean, I know what I've experienced has been bad, I also know I have not experienced physical head trauma.

Personally, unless I have something useful to say about such conditions as DID or fugue states, I wouldn't say anything. Maybe you could follow that advice too?

 

[lasthurrah19]

Know that any psychological disorder is behavioural taxonomy. There is no threshold for either 'having' a disorder, or not. You are exhibiting behaviours that could be indicative of trauma, in the same way that they could be indicative of a head injury.

I resent the notion that someone 'has' a psychological disorder. While trends in symptoms may exist, our obsession with categorizing them into distinct problems is more telling of our nature, than it is of nature itself.

It's a grouping of symptoms that is easier to work with when correlated with other people who have similar symptoms, and given a name. That's all. We group jelly beans and chocolate into the category of 'candy', so that it's easier to find in the supermarket and in the same isle. It's that simple, and there's nothing wrong with it. Less clumsy.

Also, head injuries don't cause persistent blackouts. They don't cause the sudden onset of a number of symptoms, including recurrent dissociative episodes, unless the injury also is causing post traumatic stress. Psychological trauma does not produce vegetative sates, dysarthria, intercranial pressue, etc. They are quite different.

Do you have a problem with hundreds of only partially related viruses all being referred to as 'the common cold'? How about if I call Sprite soda and also call Coca-cola soda?

 

[Jamshyd]

EDIT: Actually, seeing that my response is somewhere along the lines of graugist and cyc's responses, perhaps I should keep my psychiatrist-hate to myself.

I hope you feel better soon, sam .

 

[Cyc]

Yeah, in retrospect maybe this isn't the best thread for a debate. I apologize.

 

[swilow]

EDIT: Actually, seeing that my response is somewhere along the lines of graugist and cyc's responses, perhaps I should keep my psychiatrist-hate to myself.

I hope you feel better soon, sam .

Well, thank you, but I would still love to hear what you have to say....

Theres a few things that are bothering me about this:

- DID IS a disputed disorder. No doubt. Is it iatrogenic? Maybe.
- I've been on large doses of benzo's for a while; and a lot of the symptoms of DID could also be found in prolonged benzo w/d. Add drug use and magick, and then DID might simply be estrangement of the ego from the self.
- I'm pretty sure I don't have multiple personalities as such; all I know is that I don't know whats going on much too often. Theres input from external-world; just no reaction. Miss Willow doesn't think I have concrete alters, just extreme passionate emotions- but extreme enough to disturb her/frighten her. I, on the other hand, find myself to be relatively emotionless, but "sense" what reaction is appropriate and thus 'react'.
- PTSD also manifests in similar ways.
- Maybe its drugs?
- Again, maybe its drugs?
- Or maybe it is some kind of brain-damage....That would almost be a relief.

I dunno. I'm gonna keep up the psychiatric monitoring; while it may be doing some harm, its also a place where I feel safe and am seen as something interesting- woo hoo Maybe I will get to the bottom of the strange weirdness thats been my life too....

I am also attending a sleep-clinic on tuesdays and fridays; sleepwalking is a huge problem atm, several times a night I am up and walking about, and no tricks I used in the past are working at keeping me in bed. Also, things like sleep paralysis and hypnagogia are encroaching; two things I'd always enjoyed to an extent, now feels terribly frightening. No diagnostic tool for DID mentions sleep disturbances....

Well, we will see what we will see.....

Peace

 

[Jamshyd]

Well, I think we can all agree on one thing: that psychotropic drugs of any sort complicate the hell out of any attempt at diagnosing a given mental issue.

See, Sam, I know you have found a lot of use for psychedelics. But do you think that now is a good time to use them? I am sure you know even better than I do that pretty much the only serious contraindication for using psychedelics is an underlying mental issue.

It is good to keep yourself in the company of health professionals, but do keep in mind that the majority of psychiatrists arrive at their diagnoses by filling out checkbox forms, tallying a score, and referencing a manual written by other, richer, psychiatrists. My point is to be critical of what they tell you. Like I mention in the thread you posted in P&S, I had fun with psychiatrists and got a plethora of ailments diagnosed and undiagnosed as I pleased. To quote my favourite author, Nabokov:

The reader will regret to learn that soon after my return to civilization I had another bout with insanity (if to melancholia and a sense of insufferable oppression that cruel term must be applied). I owe my complete restoration to a discovery I made while being treated at that particular very expensive sanatorium. I discovered there was an endless source of robust enjoyment in trifling with psychiatrists: cunningly leading them on; never letting them see that you know all the tricks of the trade; inventing for them elaborate dreams, pure classics in style (which make them, the dream-extortionists, dream and wake up shrieking); teasing them with fake “primal scenes”; and never allowing them the slightest glimpse of one’s real sexual predicament. By bribing a nurse I won access to some files and discovered, with glee, cards calling me “potentially homosexual” and “totally impotent.” The sport was so excellent, its resultsin my caseso ruddy that I stayed on for a whole month after I was quite well (sleeping admirably and eating like a schoolgirl). And then I added another week just for the pleasure of taking on a powerful newcomer, a displaced (and, surely, deranged) celebrity, known for his knack of making patients believe they had witnessed their own conception.

Hopefully this made you giggle as it did for me .

So to recap, my advice to you comes down to three main factors:

- Take the words of psychiatrists with a grain of salt. If keeping their company brings you comfort, do so, but again don't give them too much power over yourself.

- Stop taking drugs, particularly psychedelics, dissociatives, stims, and pot. If anything, they mire the doctors' diagnoses.

- That you are in Trauma is not even a matter of question. The questions is what are the shrinks, the drugs, and most importantly, you, doing to help yourself?

 

[Cyc]

yup ^

 

[swilow]

Well, I think we can all agree on one thing: that psychotropic drugs of any sort complicate the hell out of any attempt at diagnosing a given mental issue.

See, Sam, I know you have found a lot of use for psychedelics. But do you think that now is a good time to use them? I am sure you know even better than I do that pretty much the only serious contraindication for using psychedelics is an underlying mental issue.

It is good to keep yourself in the company of health professionals, but do keep in mind that the majority of psychiatrists arrive at their diagnoses by filling out checkbox forms, tallying a score, and referencing a manual written by other, richer, psychiatrists. My point is to be critical of what they tell you. Like I mention in the thread you posted in P&S, I had fun with psychiatrists and got a plethora of ailments diagnosed and undiagnosed as I pleased. To quote my favourite author, Nabokov:



Hopefully this made you giggle as it did for me .

So to recap, my advice to you comes down to three main factors:

- Take the words of psychiatrists with a grain of salt. If keeping their company brings you comfort, do so, but again don't give them too much power over yourself.

- Stop taking drugs, particularly psychedelics, dissociatives, stims, and pot. If anything, they mire the doctors' diagnoses.

- That you are in Trauma is not even a matter of question. The questions is what are the shrinks, the drugs, and most importantly, you, doing to help yourself?

Thanks Jammy, I did giggle- to be honest, I feel like I am playing something of a game, and have been for years, with the medical profession. Its just not fun anymore.

- Stop taking drugs?? Sheesh man, why, oh why???? You are correct though: I need a sober baseline so a diagnosis can be made....I've not used opiates for four days, and do not plan on using them again. I hope I stick to that plan I want to, which is a start. Psychedelics and others can also wait. For one thing, all 'odd' behaviour seems much more pronounced when tripping. Funny that, eh? 8):D

-What am I doing to help myself- damn good question. I meditate, eat well and sleep; well, poorly, but I can sleep at least. That said, I got up 6 times last night; the sixth time, I woke up in my bathroom, which was conveneint as it was time for work.

- Ever since this DID tentative diagnosis has been made, the medical staff seem to be trying to match symptoms to it; IMO it should be done the other way, the symptoms point to the disorder....That said, there is no doubt that some dissociation is occurring and occurrs regualrly; I do believe it occurrs more regularly when prompted, but the white-outs and black outs are realtively persistent; at least once an hour. It makes working hard; but time flies

Thanks for your words guys; I am skeptical but I'm also realtively intrigued: when pieces all fall together so neatly, its hard not to assume the quacks are right.

I do think that over-exposure to relaitvely traumatic ritual-magick may have a LOT to do with this. Like kundalini-psychosis. Or something.

Peace out

 

[lasthurrah19]

willow,

It sounds like you've got a good mindset for what you want to do, and a good start on doing it. That's awesome. It is troubling that they are matching your symptoms to the diagnosis rather than the other way around. That's no good.

The good news is you seem to be confident that you have some kind of dissociative 'disorder' - there are others besides DID... point is, dissociation is making your life hard to live and hard to be present for. Honestly, that's what the starting point sounds like, and screw what the written 'diagnosis' is. As long as you're getting help and helping yourself, that's what's important. The quacks may be right, they may be wrong, but in the end what matters is that you work on the underlying causes to your dissociation and also to the symptoms themselves.

As for the traumatic ritual-magick - assuming this is something you are prompting and doing yourself (as opposed to being done to you or in front of you), it sounds like it's a good idea to knock it off for a bit. See if that helps. Or if it was done in front of you also, as a kid or even more recently, and it was frightening, that's definitely trauma, too.

I know I'm not saying anything you don't already know. But I wanted to show my support. %)

Also, +1 to Jamshyd's post.

continue taking care of yourself, my friend

 

[swilow]

^Thank-you. You've been great

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

A word of warning my man dont play with spirits

I know many people here dont believe in them but I know they are real. some are good and will help you but the problem is that the evil ones will sneek in and cause all sorts of problems. It happened to me from drinking Aya and Im still dealing with shutting those doors. I would say leave the magic alone for a while.

Just be carful and make sure that your thoughts are yours and not spirits deceiving you....I know that sounds nuts to many people but its through out history in many different cultures...

All the best man and check in and let us know how things are going

I agree with this. A friend of mine that works with Aya tells me how spirits and magic are not things to mess with.

Good luck willow. DID is a real thing. If you are seeing someone to talk to they know of your drug use?

 

[taylor_105]

I don't want to go into my story here on a public forum but I am 36 now and was diagnosed with MPD which of course is now called DID in 1991. I was emotionally, physically, sexually, and ritualistically abused from the time I was born until I ran away in 1991 at age 16 and ended up in a hospital where i was dx'ed. I still struggle but am in weekly therapy. Haven an appointment today. It gets better if you get in with a good therapist. PM me if you want to talk. Taylor

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Focus on loving yourself for who you are. I do not have DID, but this is the best advice I can think of.

I am extremely sorry for everything you went through, it sounds like you have gone through a lot in a very little time.

 

[swilow]

Eh, I'm wondering if hypnosis has exagerrated my symptoms...?? I am still experiencing 'black outs' but it feels pretty much the same as hypnosis or deep meditation. Its kind of weird, because in the past these consciousness-switch offs I wasn't aware of as such...

But yeah, as an update, after lots more talking and useless ritualistic nonsense, my GP insisted I begin seeing a neurologist in regards to epilepsy. It would appear that other, milder hallucinations are perhaps a result of temporal lobe misfiring....But its hard to make an exact diagnosis because of my drug use, mainly benzo's (tapering too), which could be responsible for a lot.

It seems that extreme stress can cause a relapse into epileptic type behaviour. Which is about where I'm at- extremely stressed.