• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Dilemma: Withdrawals + Recovering from an abusive ex

van_go_88

van_go_88

Greenlighter
Joined
Jan 30, 2015
Messages
27
Location
Canada
The title pretty much says it all. I left my ex for the final time a few months ago. And I haven't been side-ways for about a week, so that's something, right? I find it really hard to go out in public still and am pretty isolated. I have a lot of risk-free hobbies and interests to keep me busy. At this time in my life, I'm completely uninterested in dating, sex, or even partying. I just want to know people's coping strategies/techniques. How do you recover from physical, emotional, financial and drug abuse all at once?? And how is it even possible to love someone - still - who made your shady lifestyle more toxic?



That was me venting, sorry. I just needed to get that out.
 
i feel ya... ive been clean from h for almost 5 weeks now and me n my ex had a pretty toxic relationship to say the least... the last few months we basically just tolerated each other cause we needed each other to get high and it is wierd how someone who can fuck you over so hard can still have so much of your love... but with time it gets easier... but if i wish i knew how you recover from all of em at once, im still trying to figure that out myself... but your not alone...
 
Nice to know I'm not alone.... Some days it's not so bad, but other days I just lay in bed, avoiding the world. Sometimes I just don't know what to do anymore
 
yea the first week or so is pretty bad... not to come off like ive got it beat and everything... but yea some days are shit and some days are not so bad... what was your DOC if ya dont mine me askin?
 
Meth and GHB...I found GHB withdrawals the worst. Excruciating muscle and joint pain, along with a bad breakup...I haven't done GHB for a few months and don't even crave it anymore. Now, it's just the other stuff I crave
 
I've started to gain my weight back, which is great. I've gained about 15 pounds in the last month and a half. I was barely 100 lbs before, when I'm used to being 125-130 lbs. I'm 5'8" too, so 125 lbs is the minimum weight to have a healthy BMI. Gaining the weight back has been hard for me, though. I've struggled with other DOCs in the past but these two have definitely been the hardest to recover from.

Can I ask your DOC
 
opiates... heroin most recently... but yea i feel ya on the weight thing... i was down to 165 which honestly isnt that bad for being 5'10 but my whole family would be like wtf? your losin too much wight.. im back upto 180 now but yea i was in detox w a few ppl who were there for meth that shits no joke to come off of... ive never really been one for uppers so never really messed w it
 
Yeah well it wasn't until I stopped smoking it (when me and my ex broke up) that I noticed how hard the withdrawals were. I've never done heroin but saw what it did to ppl I hung out with and it saddened me so much. I've never been an aggressive person though so even when I go through withdrawals, I don't get the anger that everyone associates with meth. Can't say the same for my ex, though. And living life in fear just wrecks your soul.
 
Congratulations on all the changes you have made. That's quite a thorough "cleaning house"! What kind of structure do you have to see you through all those changes?
 
herbavore said:
Congratulations on all the changes you have made. That's quite a thorough "cleaning house"! What kind of structure do you have to see you through all those changes?
Click to expand...

Thanks, herbavore! Honestly, some days I feel like my life has no structure. I had spent too much time living in fear, denial, and solitude. It was odd how I was surrounded by people who made me feel utter loneliness. I can't recall what it specifically was that made me decide to leave for good. But I knew that once a left, I would have zero access to my DOC, which scared me. But the fact that I am staying with family makes it better. If it weren't for my aunt's hospitality, I don't know where I'd be. And slowly getting back to doing the things I love (creating art and writing) has made all the difference.
 
Impossible to do it all at once. Do little things at a time. You got away from your abuser but you got a lot of work on yourself to do. Put in the time to really love yourself so you don't end up in the same situation with a different one.

My drug use escalated after leaving my baby father last year. One year later and i'm trying to get clean. It took me a year to get to this point after leaving a shitty, shitty situation. I spent last year trying to stay away from him and mutual friends of ours as much as possible.

This is gon sound cheesy but I went to these group counseling things at Vera House and that helped me a lot. It's free and it's only an hour n half a week. They offer these services twice a week at diff times. I'm not one to tell my personal business to ppl but talking to these other women in group was really helpful for me. Your fam n friends don't always understand the bullshit you been thru or wanna hear about it.
 
MsPilly said:
Impossible to do it all at once. Do little things at a time. You got away from your abuser but you got a lot of work on yourself to do. Put in the time to really love yourself so you don't end up in the same situation with a different one.

My drug use escalated after leaving my baby father last year. One year later and i'm trying to get clean. It took me a year to get to this point after leaving a shitty, shitty situation. I spent last year trying to stay away from him and mutual friends of ours as much as possible.

This is gon sound cheesy but I went to these group counseling things at Vera House and that helped me a lot. It's free and it's only an hour n half a week. They offer these services twice a week at diff times. I'm not one to tell my personal business to ppl but talking to these other women in group was really helpful for me. Your fam n friends don't always understand the bullshit you been thru or wanna hear about it.
Click to expand...

That's the thing, I know deep down that it just makes things more stressful and unmanageable to try to do everything all at once. You are so right! One of the aspects of CBT is to set a few small, weekly goals to accomplish; instead of trying to reach unattainable goals or solutions to problems. I've learned about CBT for coping strategies; however, I have a hard time actually using them because I act and feel impulsively.

Good for you for getting away from him, though. And it seems like you are really determined and doing things to better your life :)

Actually, no; that doesn't sound cheesy in the slightest. About a month ago, I started going to a women's support group. It's free, too; the same organization also offers a set number of free counselling sessions for women. That's great to hear the support group has helped you! It's really helped me as well. And yes, it makes all the difference talking to ppl who can relate to you, who don't mind listening to you talk - and it goes both ways! I actually prefer when people like friends come to me to vent, and whatnot. It's never bothered me. But I understand that a lot of people can't handle it; or they don't know what to say or what not to say.

if you don't mind me asking, what are some tactics you used to keep him at a distance?
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top