Difficult situation, problems finding help...

[OriginalCrazyone]

I don't know if this is the right place for this post, so if there is a more apropriate section, please feel free to move it...

I have several medical issues going on that as I get older are becoming more difficult to deal with. a bit of history, I am now in my mid 30's, and have had issues with depression, ADHD, severe insomnia and was declared emotionally handicapped all beginning in my early childhood. I was never medicated for these issues, except for self medication, which has never been recorded medically. I have had severe drug issues in the past, including a severe addiction to crack for 3 years in my 20's. I finally broke the addiction when I went on an 11 day binge with no sleep and passed out for 20 hours with no one able to wake me from the exhaustion, and it woke me up where I was able to break the severity of that addiction without any help, tho I do recognize that I still have issues with amphetamines, and still sometimes abuse focalin, not daily, but I have been known to use 150-300 mg over a 2-3 day period about 2-3 times a month. Also, in my adult hood my medical problems include the l4 vertebrae in my back is broken out in the back of it and all the liquid around the nerves has drained off causing nerve damage and pain problems, which were treated at one time, but not treated now, more information to come on that later. I also have type 2 diabetes, and while somewhat controlled by pills, the doctor wants to put me on insulin, and I have a severe fear of needles and refuse to go on insulin. The fear is so severe that I have to be fully blindfolded for blood tests. and have had 3 fillings done on my teeth without any novacaine, because I went into a severe panic attack when the dentist tried to inject me. my sugar runs unmedicated in the 350-450 range and with metformin, glyburide, and olglyza and when I follow a low carb diet, I can keep it around 200, which is still high, but alot better. I also think I am bi-polar, but that is not diagnosed.

I was being treated by my family doctor for the back pain with norco 10mg, 3-4 times a day up until 1 and a half years ago, when I moved out of state and had to find a new doctor. which I discovered after moving that I couldn't find a doctor that would accept me as a patient because of the back problem. I tried to go to 5 different doctors and went without a doctor for over a year before finally finding one who accepted me as a patient, but they absolutely refuse to treat the back issue, or anything else except the diabetes. and here is where the problem arises...

in the last 5 years, the emotional issues and depression has gradually gotten worse. I have a 6 year old son and 2 step kids, and because of the back problem, I find myself unable to participate in alot of their activities. there are days when the pain is so severe I can't even get out of bed. I can't work because I never know when I am going to be down with the back. alot of the reason I find myself using focalin, besides that I really love speed, is that it also makes me feel better emotionally... but when I am not abusing them, on top of the pain issues, I find myself really depressed, and taking it out on the people around me. I realize part of this is because of the pain I live with, and part of it is the effects of being up and down from the speed use, tho it is happening even even when I am not abusing the focalin and clean from it for over a month, and diabetes also messes with your emotions as well. I am afraid that I am going to run my wife away if it keeps getting worse, I see myself doing this, I realize what is happening, but I feel unable to control the outbursts. One minute I am fine, the day is good, the next minute something goes wrong and I blow up, I am a screamer... then 5 minutes later I am fine again, but I have pissed off everyone around me.

I have tried to talk to my doctor on 3 different occasions about the emotional and psychological issues, and have requested for her to refer me to a psychiatrist so I can get treatment, she refuses to refer me, saying it is all due to my diabetes. I have had emotional problems and depression all my life, and diabetes for about 8 years. I know it may be adding to the problem, but there is an underlying issue there that I need help with. I am out of work and on medicaid, and they require a referral from your MD before you can go to a specialist like a psychiatrist. you can go to a counselor without a referral, but I don't need just counselling, I need treatment for the chemical imbalance in my mind that I have suffered from all my life.

I have no record of drug abuse medically, the doctor won't treat the pain because "I am too young to have daily pain management treatment" and she is blind to my other problems and only sees the diabetes. I had so much difficulty finding a doctor who would accept me as a patient even to get my diabetes meds, and went for so long without them, so it isn't like I can just go find another doctor easily. So I find myself between a rock and hard place. the lack of work, and feeling like a loser because of not being able to play with my son is tearing me down emotionally, but if I could get treatment for the underlying issues causing the depression and mental issues, I can continue to ignore the pain enough to at least keep my family and life at home from falling apart. I am also worried about abusing the focalin, I don't want to go back to the place I was when I was smoking crack daily, I wouldn't be worth being around my family if I was in that place, and wouldn't want them to stay with me if I went to that place again. the only reason I am using it now is because it is the only thing that makes the depression bearable that I have access to easily... if I could get treatment for the depression issues, I wouldn't abuse those in an effort to self medicate. and with the tolerance from my past to speed combined with the other medical problems is only going to build until my body says no more and I end up having a heart attack or worse, not from OD but from the side effects of the diabetes being accelerated by the speed... I know insomnia isn't helped by all of this either, but even without any pharmaceuticals I go 2 days with no sleep at least once a week, which also messes with the emotions... my old doctor tried me on ambien for the insomnia, but I had weird vivid dreams, almost like I was on a tryptamine while asleep, and I did not like that experience at all. that is another issue the current doctor refuses to treat...

so I find myself with a hell of a delima... finding another doctor could take another year, and I may still find myself in the same place with a doctor refusing to treat any other issue besides the diabetes. if I could get the treatment for the emotional issues then I can stop self medicating before I am too addicted to stop or do damage to my family... I don't know what to do at this point, I need help, and have tried to seek it and have a doctor who refuses to provide the help I need,l who refuses to acknowledge that ist may be anything but my sugar, even when it is controlled... I want to get away from treating myself with anything that is not maintained by a professional to prevent further damage to my body so I can be here to see my son and my step kids grow up. I want to be more than a lump in a bed who does nothing but yell all the time... I have even thought about checking into a psych ward for 72 hours, just to find treatment, but I am not suicidal or severe enough to need that, I am just tired of being shitty towards the people I love all the time, and want to stop being this way before I lose them.

any suggestions on what I can do to find the help I need?

-OcO-

p.s. sorry so long, but it is a very dynamic problem

 

[OriginalCrazyone]

I forgot to mention I have used cannabis to self medicate, but since I have been unable to work, I can't afford it...plus it is not legal in this state, and I don't need to have legal problems cause more harm to my family. sI strongly participate with legalization campaigns online and am a member of NORML. I also refuse to be a hypocrite with my kids, and am completely honest with them on these issues, including an open discussion about my past with my oldest when I was asked about it. Plus it is difficult to come by in this area, having just moved here in the last 1 1/2 years I don't know many people in the area, and don't have opportunity to meet people easily, being out of work.... I have always been a homebody, so if this has any effect on the emotional issues, the effect is only minor, and as long as I have internet I have all the communication I need with friends...

 

[truvision]

Hey, sorry you've been having so much distress lately and while it does seem you have few things going on, take comfort in the fact that lots of people actually do!(-; It doesn't sound like you have a very sensitive doctor( but I'm sure you already realized that). I do agree however, that blood sugar will have a whole lot to do with your emotional and physical well being but there may well be other things that a psychiatrist could help you with that your regular doc cannot. Like you probably realize as well, I agree that the addiction to speed is most likely exacerbating the underlying problems as well.

Geez, your doctor should just give you the dang referral and let someone who is trained in this make the decision whether you need the help or not, but since it seems she wont there's a couple places I had in mind that you could try..

As far as where you could turn to I'd start with contacting your local NAMI, or MHA. Heres what they do...

"Mental health organizations, such as NAMI and Mental Health America (MHA) have made it their mission to help every American find a mental health care solution. These grassroots advocacy organizations have local affiliates spanning all states — they’re generally small groups that can assist you in identifying local, low-cost treatment. They can answer questions about insurance policies, provide doctor referrals, and more. Find a local NAMI branch or a local MHA"

You could also start with your local community health center. Try also try looking something up called the "Substance Abuse Mental Health Service Administration" or SAMSHA Locator for your area.

I will say that in my experience, a blood sugar that is even running at the 200 mark is def enough to cause some significant emotional problems as well as a great deal of inflammation and pain. It is also well known to trigger carvings for dope. One thing that may be happening is that because your blood sugar may be unstable at times, the rising and crashing of it throughout the day is leaving you even more irritable and exhausted. This then would tend to make you want to naturally turn to something... ANYTHING to restore you energy levels to normal and alleviate the depression. Blood sugar is a powerful thing.When mine is regulated and I mean like around 80-90 I pretty much have no craving for dope at all. Its a long road esp if your diabetic, but this along with a qualified psychiatrist and therapist could really help. Just curious,what type of low carb diet were you following?

I know this sounds small in your situation, but have you've ever heard about apple cider vinegar being used to lower blood sugar? It actually works for a lot of people. It wouldn't hurt to add that in and see if it makes a difference. Ill get back on here tomorrow and post a couple other things that have helped me as well.They are kind of out of the box but hey we know every bit counts!I agree that it does sound like you need more than one doc to fully address what your going through, so try those places first and see what they have to say and report back if you can!

 

[Serotonin101]

I read through your post and have to go along with the poster before me. they nailed every aspect of it. type 2 diabetes can be ELIMINATED with a keto diet. I repeat, type 2 diabetes can be fixed with a keto diet. look into it. its fairly strict but you can eat as much as you want of fat and protein but keep you carbs below 25g a day to keep yourself in keto.

 

[T. Calderone]

Does your doctor prescribe the focalin? You stated that you had a diagnosis from early childhood. You should be able to have your records pulled and have sent to your primary doctor. If she still won't help getting you a mental health referral check into the organizations that truvision mentioned. I have medicaid that requires $668 co-pay each month and I can't afford proper care either (unemployed as well.) The only time it actually pays is when I'm admitted to hospital and incur that fee. I've been checked into the psych ward before and they even had a big sign stating "Medicaid not Accepted" But they found grant money to cover me. Please stay off the stims and get help. Do you think you might qualify for SSDI with all your combined issues?

 

[OriginalCrazyone]

Thank you all for the information. I appreciate this, and yes, it does help to know I am not alone in these things... I often feel like I am too young to feel this old, and most of the people who have similar problems around me are in their 60's so while they have wise advise, it is often from their perspective and not with the understanding of the difference in age. that could be part of the problem with the doctor as well, she has informed me that I am the youngest patient she has.

The diet that I have used to help control the sugar is one I have developed from personal experience. I have grown up with diabetics all my life, with my grandmother, my mother and 2 of my uncles. It consists of breakfast: a bowl of cheerios, special k, or rice krispies. Lunch is a grilled, george foreman, or microwaved (if you place it between 2 plates and pop it in for 8-10 minutes, it comes out perfect and moist) chicken breast with a salad, or a non starch veggie, like green beans or peas, and iced tea to drink ( with sweet&low or stevia of course) iced tea or water throughout the day, I drink a 2 liter of water a day, but I also drink quite a bit of diet pop mostly diet mountain dew, which I need to cut out, and I know the fake sugar can increase cravings for carbs as well... for dinner, baked or grilled fish or chicken, with another carb, like bread or rice, and veggies, and more tea to drink. if I don't have another carb here I will have some cheese or a glass of milk... this diet keeps things somewhat controlled, but it gets expensive to follow, and the cravings are rough... when following this diet, I also only include red meat 1-2 times a month... the problem is being out of wirk, it is difficult to stick to because of food costs, the cheapest stuff at the grocery store are full of carbs, like pasta and potatoes, and my weakness with food is I LOVE CHEESE... I can stick to it when I can afford it fir a month or two, but with food costs rising and not much income coming into the household and myself, my wife and 3 kids surviving on food stamps and my step daughter's ssi (born with a congenital heart defect) there isn't enough money to support the diet. I have recently heard about the apple cider vinegar thing, and have started using it in my cooking... it works great as a meat tenderizer for poultry or roasts as well... I have also heard that garlic and cinnamon can help with many health issues, and i use alot of garlic, but haven't done alot with cinnamon, as it is hard to use without sugar...

I hate to talk aboiut this part, but I will be completely honest with you, no the focalin isn't mine... my doctor won't prescribe it either... all 3 kids are also adhd, and they are the ones that they don't need for school, like the extra afternoon booster for when they don't have homework. they always get 1 dose a day, even on weekends, and I know I should not do even the part I do take, but when they don't need it for school I want them to be able to be kids and not zombies... and that is what keeps me limited to only a couple times a month, but I need to cut that out as well, because if the addiction continues much further the self control is going to dissolve. I would rather die than to cause my kids to suffer...

luckily in this state, the medicaid program is pretty good, without the copays for parents without employment other than $3.00 per prescription, so the meds and testying supplies I get only run $21 per month, but the minute I get a job, I lose it completely, no matter what the income may be part time or full time, if I work and make $20 a week, I get dropped from medicaid.

before the move I applied for ssi based only on the emotionally handicapped and adhd diagnosis, it was before the official diabetes diagnosis or the mri showing the back problem, and they denied me, but acknowledged in the denial letter that I was disabled, but they didn't feel at that time it was severe enough to prevent employment. I was waiting to reapply until I found a doctor who would accept me as a patient, but with the doctor I have I am afraid that would hinder the application process, with her lack of understanding and refusal to provide me with a referral for mental health care.

I am hesitant to mention the substance abuse problems from my past and the currently developing ones, because once you have that label anywhere it becomes impossible to get prescribed anything remotely scheduled by any doctor anywhere ever again, and seeing the health issues I am having now, I will need those types of treatment available as I get older or I will just have to give up and die, I wouldn't survive if I was completely bedridden from pain, it is bad enough when it takes me down for a day or 2 a month...it is hard enough mentally on me that if I take my son to the park, the next 2 days I can't even get out of bed... and before the move when I had a good doctor, he sent me to a neurosurgeon, and they said they could fix the vertebrae, but it would make the nerve damage worse and had a 50% chance to paralyze me due to the way the vertebrae shattered...so my only hope for relief is eventually having pain management available for that issue... I can't even get my doctor I have now to prescribe tramadol. I need to finds another doctor, but the back issue is hindering this, I have to have at least treatment of the diagbetes, and I am afraid that I will be labeled for doctor shopping despite not having a pain med addiction... I am into speed, only use pain management as necessary, and I haven't had any pain medication in over a year despite the issues... the weather is changing we are due for snow, and I feel it tonight, my nerve is sending shockwaves of pain from my mid back all the way down to the heel of my foot right now making it difficult to walk.. I'll probably be down tomorrow unable to walk, and I can't go to the ER, they said that because it is from a pre existing condition they could not treat it that only my fp can... they might give me a pain pill there that night if I am lucky and send me home...

other then the problems with medical care here, the move was the best thing I ever done, for myself and my family, but the only regret is the problems getting medical care here...

 

[truvision]

Hey OC, yea you know it’s crazy the way things are set up these days. People try to better themselves by working but even though they don’t even come close to making enough to cover costs of their healthcare they get no help just the same as someone who has all the money in the world to cover it. So people are totally discouraged from even finding a job because its lose/lose situation. Then on top of that, good food these days costs money. It’s hard to eat well on food stamps I do understand that, esp. when you have a family to support. All I can say though is that for you the stakes are really high. Do whatever you possibly can to keep eating the foods as close to natural as possible.

Your diet doesn’t sound too bad and it does sound like you know the areas that might need just a little improvement. While I agree that a Keto diet would control the sugar, eating that way is only sustainable for so long. When I’ve been on low carb diets it does get the point that every now and then I go a bit bonkers and just HAVE to eat some carbs. I have also heard many different opinions that the Keto diet may be hard on the kidneys but there are differing opinions on that. It’s one of those things that might be worth trying short term to see if your sugar gets under control and then maybe try to start adding foods back in slowly and keep an eye out on what affects you. I think the key is to go back to eating the way we were intended by keeping our foods as close to the natural state as possible and it’s hard to go wrong.

You also have to have something that is sustainable as well or you won’t keep it up, so Id say once every week maybe let yourself cheat a bit. This will not only keep your metabolism running high but restore leptin levels and not make you feel so dang deprived that you feel like your cheating yourself. You could also look into something called the “Insulin Resistance / PCOD diet.” Once you get into it, it’s more of a balanced approach by controlling the ratio of protein, fats and complex carbs, rather than completely ruling things out.

I am also in my thirties and started seeing a naturopathic chiropractor who was previously a neurosurgeon when I was at the height of my problems. My story sounded similar to yours, I was addicted, in pain, a bit over weight from the meds and on about 6 different psyche meds. Quite frankly, the docs really didn’t do much for me but to keep adding the meds. My doctor got out of the field because he saw that most medications usually only treat the symptom and not the problem. He had me totally change my diet, not to completely avoid carbs, but to choose foods with a low glycemic index. You probably already know about this, but it’s really about the rate at which foods enter our bloodstream that tells us the effect they are going to have on our blood sugar.

Don’t know if you’ve heard this, but try adding some fat in at every meal like olive oil, omega oils, real butter, avocado or coconut oil. These will slow the rate at which the sugar enters your bloodstream and will keep you full longer. They will also help fuel your brain and contrary to popular belief, will not make us fat at all. Then he started giving me corrective adjustments. I had scoliosis, periformis and sciatica. Within a year, my spine was straighter than it had ever been and I had no more pain, whereas before I was on pain pills and in and out of the hospital every other month.

I also added in apple cider vinegar, Saigon cinnamon, (which is a darker richer cinnamon), that is said to be as powerful as metformin in bringing down blood sugar. It also tastes even better than regular cinnamon too. You can usually get a big bottle for cheaper at Asian food stores. Then I also got rid of the milk and although it’s a bit more expensive, instead I started drinking unsweetened almond or coconut milk. This will not raise your blood sugar ANYTHING like milk actually will and tastes good too. It’s also better as far as being hormone free and doesn’t cause mucous like milk does.

It took me a while to get off my meds but you know what once I began a daily exercise regimen and built some muscle, started getting adjustments, drank tons of water, green tea and started eating better the depression just slowly lifted. Now not to say I still don’t have bad days and tell you the truth after a recent stressful situation I myself just recently relapsed with dope and all, but hey it’s not about being perfect but MAN when you have a relapse you just feel the difference and you want to go back to feeling alive again. Right now, I’m not doing NEAR what I was doing and you know what for the first time in a good while, I feel like hell. I’m getting back on the saddle starting tomorrow though!

As far as meds I’m not saying you might not need something, but many times we think it’s a chemical imbalance in our brains when it’s really and underlying medical/ emotional/ spiritual need that may need to be addressed. When I say spiritual I mean the traumas of life that we have endured and never took the time to really dig into. It’s the things we stuff and try to ignore and we’ve ALL got them and it shows itself through addiction, even sometimes pain and often time’s depression. I realized pretty soon enough that when people talk about chemical imbalances, that there is no actual test for a “chemical imbalance.” While meds worked for me to an extent, I’ve gotten some CRAZY side effects from lots of them.

The main reason I bring this up, is that I get the impression from your post that you are a person who is somewhat complex and because of that maybe even like myself more sensitive to things. I respect your complete honesty about the uppers and where you get them from and how you seem to be pretty open about things. I’m kind of like that too and people like us tend to have no problem doing this through our writing, (and seem to like to make sure we don’t leave any details out either hence the length of our posts, wink wink). Because of this complexity though, I’m jus saying to make sure you really look into those things as well and it may be different for you, but I’ve found that once I got the rest under control I was even happier without meds. I would also maybe consider therapy at some point, since the right therapist can actually make a huge difference. It sounds like you’ve got a lot on your plate and being able to talk to someone about that is something that I really benefited from. In fact, I just went back for the first time today in a while and I already feel much better about things going on in my life right now.

I hope I didn’t sound like I am being preachy here, but I like to respond to the posts that I can kinda identify with in some way. I’m not completely sure about the NAMI or how they handle people with Medicaid, but at the very least I am certain that they could at least point you in the right direction. If you to to NAMI.org and put in your state in which I assume is Tennessee, it will pull up the number for you to call. If for some reason that doesn’t help you I work with a lot of people in the field so I could maybe do some more digging to see where else you could try. In the meantime like I said keep me posted and let me know how things go. Keep your head up, dont give up and things will get slowly get sorted out. Sometimes it just takes a while to really get the ball rolling in the right direction! (-:

 

[truvision]

Hey OC , I got up today and realized I forgot to add one other thing that you are probably already be familiar with but thought Id add just in case you havnt that could be helpful. I hesitate to reccomend this though, since it can also cause some pretty significant problems if used unwisely but if you really need pain management and cant find any have you ever thought of using kratom?

Like I said, tread carefully though because many people have gotten addicted to that too, but Id say its MUCH safer than the prescription pain meds and very useful esp if you cant get pain meds and really need them.I dont know the level of your pain, but this might really bring some pretty decent relief for your back. Kratom is actually a stimulant however( which is why in your case may make it easier to become dependent, but at the same time might be a useful replacement for the other stims for a while). It works on the mu opiod receptors. This is what makes it a bit more stimulating than other opiates.Lots of also people have found it helpful though to use it to break other opiate addictions (and for anxiety and depression as well).

Course I think it would still be wise to see a good psychiatrist that can give you a workup but in the meantime I know of lost of people that use kratom for pain.Do the research though, cause for me and the fact that I LOVE all opiates it can be just as bad as any other. In the interest of harm reduction however, it blows away having to use prescription meds. Id also take it with something called "cats claw" or magnesium about 45 minutes before your dose of kratom which are NMDA antagonists and will help to keep tolerance at bay so you dont have to take more over time.

If you do go that route just take a little as possible and only on days when you really need it and you should be fine. If you havnt heard of it though and have any questions you can always pm me. Im not a kratom expert but theres lots of people that are on this board.Dont doubt it cause its an herb cause its the one herb that REALLY works (which is why it also has the potential for addiction,its actually even illegal in some countries) but hey,its the closest thing to herbal lortab you can find so sadly, I dont expect it to stay legal for long.. okay hhe, I think thats everything and dont wanna overwhelm you but just had to add that in case youve never heard of it!

 

[OriginalCrazyone]

Hey tru:

I tried to send you a private message, and got this:

The following errors occurred with your submission
truvision has exceeded their stored private messages quota and cannot accept further messages until they clear some space.

thank you for the advicem, and I do have a few things I would like to talk about that I would feel more comfortable discussing more privately, but understand if that isn't currently possible.

-OcO-

 

[truvision]

Okay OC Ill empty my message bin out right now and hope that will work so try to PM me back in bit.