Did something I haven't done in what feels like ages.

[SmarTPants]

About a year ago I started doing heroin. I was a chipper for a while. But after spiraling into terrible depression after a severe heart break, I got addicted. I quit for a while, has since done it once or twice... but today I did something for the first time since I began shooting H.

I finally have employment. Its not steady, but it is something. I got paid today. With that paycheck, I went to the grocery store and bought enough groceries to last me a month. When I started doing dope regularly, I would live off bread, peanut butter, pasta, and other cheap foods. The less I spent on food the better. But after buying a variety of fruits, veggies, tofu, crackers, and other foodstuffs... I looked at my haul and felt good. I felt very good. Kinda like the excitement I felt after picking up from my dealer. And it will last me a while.

I wanna keep this experience in my life!

 

[Changed]

I've never done H, but I think can relate to your experience. Being able to look in the fridge and know that you have something healthy to eat at all times is really rewarding. Eating healthy, for me, seems to blend in with working out, reading more, etc... generally leading a more healthy and fruitful life. If you can combine all those things, everything seems to come a little bit easier.

 

[motherofearth]

My heroin habit correlated w/ an unhealthy, ramen-based diet, or often, b/c I blended amphetamines or cocaine, I would forgo eating entirely. Being a type 1 diabetic only compounded the problem. I was astonished when I allowed myself to see the extent to which my body had withered and degenerated. Eating a healthy regular diet, along with exercise, are for me the two steps at the base of my recovery.

Reading this made me smile, b/c it is so important to derive value from these life-affirming steps. You should feel awesome, and I hope every time you see that food you get that feeling.

Also, on a very general level I can relate to the interplay between addiction and heartbreak. I suffered a series of crushing romantic failures which temporarily left me feeling hopeless and w/o purpose. In my chipping phase (to be short-lived) I even naively thought a heroin habit was no worse than getting cut up in love. I've since reevaluated. I could go on about that, but I'll just say I know the feeling when someone you love becomes a ghost and you want an easy substitute - the ever-convenient and ultimate rebound. As w/ any rebound, however, it's only a temporary reprieve, and you are only allowing the shadow of that lost person to loom over you ever the more. Sorry if that's off base, but that is some of my experience w/ said dynamic.

Thanks for providing an inspiring thread, and keep in good health!

 

[herbavore]

Good food makes me happy, too. That was such a strong and proactive thing to do! Feeding your mind and body what they need to thrive rather than deadening emotions and suffering the physical toll that comes with addiction must feel like throwing open the curtains and letting the sun into a dark room.You are very justified in feeling good about the food and about yourself, too.

Check out the recipe thread in Second Opinion!

 

[SmarTPants]

@Changed, I really do need to start working out. And I intend to get back to reading as much as I did in college. Well, not AS much, but I wanna read classic works of literature and intriguing theory and critical essays using theory to analyze literature. It was gratifying!

@Motherofearth Thank you for what you said. Especially the part about allowing myself to feel good. Sometimes, I feel like it is a bit silly to pat myself on the back for making a choice that's good for me. I tell myself, "You didn't do anything great, you just did what you SHOULD!" But I should celebrate it when I take care of myself.

@Herbavore I had no idea we had a recipe thread! Super exciting. I could have a great time reading and contributing. I make some pretty good vegan food on my own, but collaborating is much more exciting.