kushblowin
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jul 12, 2021
- Messages
- 110
i was living in new york and i couldnt get drugs because i didnt know anyone except weed and i brought a handful of bars with me. i just decided to go back home to kill myself with drugs i was alone and miserable all day stoned and living in a fog, and drinking taking kratom and xans it just made me a mess wanting to die.
i was already racing home thinking about ordering heroin and throwing it in a blunt, hoping i would nod off and die, and was about to order ecstasy, i was smoking as much weed as i could get and was gonna pop bars all day. i just got this weird idea of just ordering xanax and trying them in "moderation" to just see how i feel to chill out. i got my shitty pressed bars and went full retard popping them by the half and smoking weed mixing it with kratom and opiates just didnt give a fuck. im lucky i didnt die because i didnt know how serious fent got.
i bought some H and i was just looking through information about fentanyl and it psyched me out of it then i just stopped and in my head i said what the fuck am i doing and just put it away and never touched it again. after a week of sketchy drugs and blacking out i was miserable and just couldnt do it anymore. i got some codeine syrup and was just sipping it and im used to opiates doing nothing to me but this fucking ROCKED me and i forgot it had alcohol in it. i was on xanax, weed, alcohol, and codeine just puking in my trash can and i was sick the entire night, throwing up constantly, i puked all over my room, all over my trash can and i just had a weird moment of looking at myself in the third person fucked up puking in the trash can in the dark miserable heaving and vomitting all alone it was rock bottom.
i said fuck drugs theres nothing fun about this and decided to only use low therapeutic doses of drugs only and take it serious. i was just taking the smallest amount of xanax and i realized drugs in moderation were better than "getting fucked up" and it actually felt like it was helping me instead of making me do dumb shit. i dont want any drugs at all i just wanted a clear sober head and somehow on xanax i just decided to be sober not even do drugs in moderation actually quit and be as sober as much as possible and just use the absolute minimum to keep myself sane.
i did a total 180 on xanax. i had a fucking awakening and for the first time in my life i was talking about going sober, being positive, cutting all the bad people out of my life, quitting drugs, and focusing on myself and finding a good girl instead of doing drugs and talking to the wrong girls. i didnt think it would last but i kept waking up the same wanting to be sober in a good mood positive. i started talking to a girl and was the happiest ive been in years i started going sober and feeling human again and i lost desires for drugs i have no urge to take any drug or get high i just want a small buzz at the most. i was being friendly, social, happy, fixing everything in my life. i stopped talking to girls who drank or did drugs i decided to not hang out with any addicts. i just realized that sobriety is the only path to happiness and ill never get there with drugs.
i lost suicidal thoughts for the first time in my life. i was afraid to die and i was traumatized by the fact i tried to kill myself with drugs and i was regretting everything and just the thought of overdosing and dying for the first time in my life scared me so much i was scared straight. i spent some time sober and just really thought about the dumb shit i was doing. i threw all out my sketchy drugs, i stopped getting on the markets, i stopped browsing around for drugs all day, i stopped smoking weed. any time i try to do drugs i just done like the feeling in my body and i just feel gross and i just want them out like my body is rejecting it. its like my fucking nalxaprone. i decided to quit ecstasy, shrooms, acid, everything except weed benzos and opiates and realized i was never happy on drugs and like the happiest ive ever been in my life about being sober.
i had xanax bars and ounces of weed all over my bed and i just completely ignored it. i was just focusing on my sobriety and started taking care of myself, picking up my room, i loved sobriety so much you couldnt have paid me to take xanax and weed. i started looking at apartments and focusing on moving back out, i truly believe there is nothing that could get me back on the drugs. i have no urge to black out, puke, do stupid shit, get sick, get as high as possible. nothing.
benzos have a bad wrap everywhere but ive had nothing but good experiences when i respect it and do it in low doses for its purpose. you dont need 2mg of clon, you dont need bars, i just wish i had a fucking ativan prescription from a doctor instead and actually working on it instead of doing this shit but its gonna have to work.
i was already racing home thinking about ordering heroin and throwing it in a blunt, hoping i would nod off and die, and was about to order ecstasy, i was smoking as much weed as i could get and was gonna pop bars all day. i just got this weird idea of just ordering xanax and trying them in "moderation" to just see how i feel to chill out. i got my shitty pressed bars and went full retard popping them by the half and smoking weed mixing it with kratom and opiates just didnt give a fuck. im lucky i didnt die because i didnt know how serious fent got.
i bought some H and i was just looking through information about fentanyl and it psyched me out of it then i just stopped and in my head i said what the fuck am i doing and just put it away and never touched it again. after a week of sketchy drugs and blacking out i was miserable and just couldnt do it anymore. i got some codeine syrup and was just sipping it and im used to opiates doing nothing to me but this fucking ROCKED me and i forgot it had alcohol in it. i was on xanax, weed, alcohol, and codeine just puking in my trash can and i was sick the entire night, throwing up constantly, i puked all over my room, all over my trash can and i just had a weird moment of looking at myself in the third person fucked up puking in the trash can in the dark miserable heaving and vomitting all alone it was rock bottom.
i said fuck drugs theres nothing fun about this and decided to only use low therapeutic doses of drugs only and take it serious. i was just taking the smallest amount of xanax and i realized drugs in moderation were better than "getting fucked up" and it actually felt like it was helping me instead of making me do dumb shit. i dont want any drugs at all i just wanted a clear sober head and somehow on xanax i just decided to be sober not even do drugs in moderation actually quit and be as sober as much as possible and just use the absolute minimum to keep myself sane.
i did a total 180 on xanax. i had a fucking awakening and for the first time in my life i was talking about going sober, being positive, cutting all the bad people out of my life, quitting drugs, and focusing on myself and finding a good girl instead of doing drugs and talking to the wrong girls. i didnt think it would last but i kept waking up the same wanting to be sober in a good mood positive. i started talking to a girl and was the happiest ive been in years i started going sober and feeling human again and i lost desires for drugs i have no urge to take any drug or get high i just want a small buzz at the most. i was being friendly, social, happy, fixing everything in my life. i stopped talking to girls who drank or did drugs i decided to not hang out with any addicts. i just realized that sobriety is the only path to happiness and ill never get there with drugs.
i lost suicidal thoughts for the first time in my life. i was afraid to die and i was traumatized by the fact i tried to kill myself with drugs and i was regretting everything and just the thought of overdosing and dying for the first time in my life scared me so much i was scared straight. i spent some time sober and just really thought about the dumb shit i was doing. i threw all out my sketchy drugs, i stopped getting on the markets, i stopped browsing around for drugs all day, i stopped smoking weed. any time i try to do drugs i just done like the feeling in my body and i just feel gross and i just want them out like my body is rejecting it. its like my fucking nalxaprone. i decided to quit ecstasy, shrooms, acid, everything except weed benzos and opiates and realized i was never happy on drugs and like the happiest ive ever been in my life about being sober.
i had xanax bars and ounces of weed all over my bed and i just completely ignored it. i was just focusing on my sobriety and started taking care of myself, picking up my room, i loved sobriety so much you couldnt have paid me to take xanax and weed. i started looking at apartments and focusing on moving back out, i truly believe there is nothing that could get me back on the drugs. i have no urge to black out, puke, do stupid shit, get sick, get as high as possible. nothing.
benzos have a bad wrap everywhere but ive had nothing but good experiences when i respect it and do it in low doses for its purpose. you dont need 2mg of clon, you dont need bars, i just wish i had a fucking ativan prescription from a doctor instead and actually working on it instead of doing this shit but its gonna have to work.
