Gummybearkatie
Bluelighter
Strangers on the internet are the only people who might understand. I wouldn't wish this on anybody.
I just spent an hour and a half digging into my leg to try to shoot the scrapings from my meth pipe along with a caffeine pill. I knew it wasn't enough to get me high, I knew I had used the needle more than 30 times, it pinched so bad and I just kept getting more frustrated. I ended up injecting it into my leg outside the vein anyway. I have been up for 5 or 6 days who knows and I recognize the psychosis but I won't go to bed for some reason. I have horrible hygeine. I ate last night for the first time this week.
I drop points on the carpet and use them anyway. I use old water or water I have cleaned out my point with to make the shot. I use the same spot over and over again because it worked until the vein collapses or blows. I shot someone else's bloody shot. I got Hep C from either that or using everybody else's rigs from the sharps container.
I have been homeless because I spent the rent money on drugs and I am two months late on rent right now. Thankfully it's Christmas or my landlord would send me back on the street. At first I tried to keep the house and my rented room clean but in less than a month I have blood on my bed and the floor, needles under my bed and garbage everywhere. My dealer trashed the living room and tore up the couch and I just stared at my room mates as they yelled at me. I didn't clean it up until way later when I remembered.
I have become selfish and manipulative. I helped rob a dealer when I was a junkie and we used a gun, kicked in his door and cut his hand with a huge knife. We got over $1,000 and almost a full piece. I felt no regret. I have lied to family, friends and strangers for cash. I have burned my bridges with most of my family. I would go around the city with a friend and go up to people, even up to their cars, with a story about not having bus fare. We flirted with them if needed. I stole $300 from a good friend's bank account.
I threw a huge box of needles into a trash compactor at my old apartment. We left the place a disgusting mess and our diseased blood and used rigs were everywhere. We never had any clean spoons. It was a shooting gallery for all my drug addict friends.
I had to give up my pets to strangers. I had to stop letting the neighbor's daughter over to play my video games because it wasn't safe for her. I can't have kids of my own and do this to them. I quit college to get high. I've pawned every piece of jewelry and electronics I had. I am seriously contemplating pawning my new laptop for the $50.
I want to be high every day and get very angry and very depressed when the high wears off or I can't get anymore drugs. I live for the euphoric rush of slamming methamphetamine. I shot a very trippy psychedelic with it in a black out. I am covered in bruises, bumps and marks. I have permanent scars and my veins are hard and unusable in my arms because I IVed uneducated for too long. It is a major hassle to have blood drawn at the hospital.
I am worried I will die soon. I've woken up in the hospital after overdosing. I've had close friends go to prison and die because of what we do. If I'm ever in serious medical trouble, I worry they will never find a vein. I've been kicked out of hospitals and fled a detox center to have the cops chase me. My criminal record is growing. I burned my fingers on a hot pipe and flicked my lighter until my thumb got a blister just to try to hit a pipe I knew was empty. I shoot caffeine pills, benadryl and water to cure my needle fixation. I bore a lot of people when I babble like this. I lose my social skills and say absurd things.
I hope I can fix myself. I really want to change but I think I want the drugs and lifestyle more. I started doctor hopping at twelve years old. I feel like I am lost. I don't have any motivation, goals or cares except when are the drugs coming and where is the money. I don't know if I have the willpower to take the first step. I have destroyed my life with heroin, cocaine and speed.
I just spent an hour and a half digging into my leg to try to shoot the scrapings from my meth pipe along with a caffeine pill. I knew it wasn't enough to get me high, I knew I had used the needle more than 30 times, it pinched so bad and I just kept getting more frustrated. I ended up injecting it into my leg outside the vein anyway. I have been up for 5 or 6 days who knows and I recognize the psychosis but I won't go to bed for some reason. I have horrible hygeine. I ate last night for the first time this week.
I drop points on the carpet and use them anyway. I use old water or water I have cleaned out my point with to make the shot. I use the same spot over and over again because it worked until the vein collapses or blows. I shot someone else's bloody shot. I got Hep C from either that or using everybody else's rigs from the sharps container.
I have been homeless because I spent the rent money on drugs and I am two months late on rent right now. Thankfully it's Christmas or my landlord would send me back on the street. At first I tried to keep the house and my rented room clean but in less than a month I have blood on my bed and the floor, needles under my bed and garbage everywhere. My dealer trashed the living room and tore up the couch and I just stared at my room mates as they yelled at me. I didn't clean it up until way later when I remembered.
I have become selfish and manipulative. I helped rob a dealer when I was a junkie and we used a gun, kicked in his door and cut his hand with a huge knife. We got over $1,000 and almost a full piece. I felt no regret. I have lied to family, friends and strangers for cash. I have burned my bridges with most of my family. I would go around the city with a friend and go up to people, even up to their cars, with a story about not having bus fare. We flirted with them if needed. I stole $300 from a good friend's bank account.
I threw a huge box of needles into a trash compactor at my old apartment. We left the place a disgusting mess and our diseased blood and used rigs were everywhere. We never had any clean spoons. It was a shooting gallery for all my drug addict friends.
I had to give up my pets to strangers. I had to stop letting the neighbor's daughter over to play my video games because it wasn't safe for her. I can't have kids of my own and do this to them. I quit college to get high. I've pawned every piece of jewelry and electronics I had. I am seriously contemplating pawning my new laptop for the $50.
I want to be high every day and get very angry and very depressed when the high wears off or I can't get anymore drugs. I live for the euphoric rush of slamming methamphetamine. I shot a very trippy psychedelic with it in a black out. I am covered in bruises, bumps and marks. I have permanent scars and my veins are hard and unusable in my arms because I IVed uneducated for too long. It is a major hassle to have blood drawn at the hospital.
I am worried I will die soon. I've woken up in the hospital after overdosing. I've had close friends go to prison and die because of what we do. If I'm ever in serious medical trouble, I worry they will never find a vein. I've been kicked out of hospitals and fled a detox center to have the cops chase me. My criminal record is growing. I burned my fingers on a hot pipe and flicked my lighter until my thumb got a blister just to try to hit a pipe I knew was empty. I shoot caffeine pills, benadryl and water to cure my needle fixation. I bore a lot of people when I babble like this. I lose my social skills and say absurd things.
I hope I can fix myself. I really want to change but I think I want the drugs and lifestyle more. I started doctor hopping at twelve years old. I feel like I am lost. I don't have any motivation, goals or cares except when are the drugs coming and where is the money. I don't know if I have the willpower to take the first step. I have destroyed my life with heroin, cocaine and speed.
