Hey guys, so here's my story.
I've been dabbling with opiates for a few years now, the majority of that time being recreational use for the most part. However the past year and a half I've been consumed by these little blue bastards (Oxycodone 30mg). I take between 90mg-150mg a day, which leaves me completely broke and usually puts me in the position of stealing money from family. I know in extreme cases addicts will steal hundreds of dollars, if not thousands, from family members, while I'll take $40-$90 at a time; the number doesn't ease my guilt at all, stealing is stealing and I've always considered thieves, liars and cheaters to be the lowest of the low. Funny how this drug has made me both a thief and a liar. The fiend has put such a strain on my personal relationships, and puts me in the position of having to lie to those I care for the most.
I have an absolutely amazing girlfriend, who knows I've had problems with addiction in the past but believes I've been sober for almost two years, and also the most amazing family a guy could ever ask for. My aunt and uncle have recently approached me discreetly, informing me that they know what I've been up to. This uncle has just gotten me an incredible job for the union, which requires random drug testing, and he very bluntly told me that if I screw up this job and tarnish his name in the union, I am cut off from both my aunt and my uncle, and their three children (the youngest, 5, being my godson). Family means the world to me, but this disease has such a grasp on me that the thought of losing my family isn't enough.
To try and wrap this up, I'd do anything to stop. I've tried stopping before, sometimes successfully for a few weeks or a few months, but this last go around I just can't seem to shake it. Every day I wake up saying "No pills today," and a few hours later I have two blues lined up in front of me. My biggest obstacle/fear isn't the physical withdrawal, but the emotional state I'm left in afterwards. The last time I quit opiates I went through 4 or 5 days of withdrawal, and fell into a deep depression that lasted until my relapse about a month and a half, two months later. Once I stop taking opiates, I seem to be a shell of the person I was before; my emotions are gone, except for sadness and hopelessness. Nothing makes me smile, nothing brings me joy. I spend my time on the computer or just staring into an empty abyss.
I need help, please anyone with advice leave a comment, some tips or suggestions on what I can do to finally quit for good and actually start my life the way I was meant to. Thank you for all you feedback.
-kRaC
I've been dabbling with opiates for a few years now, the majority of that time being recreational use for the most part. However the past year and a half I've been consumed by these little blue bastards (Oxycodone 30mg). I take between 90mg-150mg a day, which leaves me completely broke and usually puts me in the position of stealing money from family. I know in extreme cases addicts will steal hundreds of dollars, if not thousands, from family members, while I'll take $40-$90 at a time; the number doesn't ease my guilt at all, stealing is stealing and I've always considered thieves, liars and cheaters to be the lowest of the low. Funny how this drug has made me both a thief and a liar. The fiend has put such a strain on my personal relationships, and puts me in the position of having to lie to those I care for the most.
I have an absolutely amazing girlfriend, who knows I've had problems with addiction in the past but believes I've been sober for almost two years, and also the most amazing family a guy could ever ask for. My aunt and uncle have recently approached me discreetly, informing me that they know what I've been up to. This uncle has just gotten me an incredible job for the union, which requires random drug testing, and he very bluntly told me that if I screw up this job and tarnish his name in the union, I am cut off from both my aunt and my uncle, and their three children (the youngest, 5, being my godson). Family means the world to me, but this disease has such a grasp on me that the thought of losing my family isn't enough.
To try and wrap this up, I'd do anything to stop. I've tried stopping before, sometimes successfully for a few weeks or a few months, but this last go around I just can't seem to shake it. Every day I wake up saying "No pills today," and a few hours later I have two blues lined up in front of me. My biggest obstacle/fear isn't the physical withdrawal, but the emotional state I'm left in afterwards. The last time I quit opiates I went through 4 or 5 days of withdrawal, and fell into a deep depression that lasted until my relapse about a month and a half, two months later. Once I stop taking opiates, I seem to be a shell of the person I was before; my emotions are gone, except for sadness and hopelessness. Nothing makes me smile, nothing brings me joy. I spend my time on the computer or just staring into an empty abyss.
I need help, please anyone with advice leave a comment, some tips or suggestions on what I can do to finally quit for good and actually start my life the way I was meant to. Thank you for all you feedback.
-kRaC
