To be honest I was going to come on here tonight and continue my bitch about the girl mentioned in last night's blog. Then I got to thinking... why am I even doing this? What's the point in ripping someone who wronged me to shreds? I blame her for misleading me and making a cunt of me in front of my friends... but she's just a young girl, quite a few years younger than me, everyone does stupid shit when they're younger. I felt like she took something really important to me but to be honest... what was "taken" went willingly and was no longer... indeed... never was my possession. Maybe that's my problem. Maybe I have loved too much in the past and people I've loved have seemed like possessions... which is wrong. Damn. I just loved him so much and although I knew he was going to meet someone else, I knew it would be her, and I saw a lot of it unfold. It just hurt me so much. To the point that when I confirmed my worst fears I got drunk for three days straight. Drank bottle after bottle of whiskey and cried my eyes out. Thankfully I had a holiday from work so I could grieve in peace.
I need to leave all of this behind. None of this serves any purpose anymore and it's wrong to have this chip on my shoulder.
Same goes for the one guy I met a year or two ago who I really liked. I made an arse of myself, and he was obviously too immature and emotionally cold to deal with someone as all-out flamboyant and intense as me. I have to accept that it wasn't me that was defected, and likewise neither was he... it just wasn't right for me. He frustrates me... I really regret making more of it than it ever was but feel that he gave some pretty mixed signals off.
I'm better on my own. I can't cope as part of a couple... I'm just not used to it. Sex doesn't matter to me. I don't need romantic love. All of it is just a lovely dream that I once had.
I need to leave all of this behind. None of this serves any purpose anymore and it's wrong to have this chip on my shoulder.
Same goes for the one guy I met a year or two ago who I really liked. I made an arse of myself, and he was obviously too immature and emotionally cold to deal with someone as all-out flamboyant and intense as me. I have to accept that it wasn't me that was defected, and likewise neither was he... it just wasn't right for me. He frustrates me... I really regret making more of it than it ever was but feel that he gave some pretty mixed signals off.
I'm better on my own. I can't cope as part of a couple... I'm just not used to it. Sex doesn't matter to me. I don't need romantic love. All of it is just a lovely dream that I once had.