Describe your bipolar "mixed episodes"

BlueHues

Bluelighter
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Oct 18, 2012
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I've always thought psychology was a lot of bullshit for the most part. Different people go through different phases in their lives, and everyone, at some point or another, could potentially be diagnosed with a lot of things, depending on the doctor evaluating them, what they've been going through personally, the drugs they've been using etc.
It seems as if it's in the best interest of the mental health/pharm industry to overdiagnose in order to profit and create/justify jobs for themselves and their colleagues. Similiar to law enforcement, I believe. The more crime they can "find", the more money gets put back into the system.

Anyway, I'm not make this a crazy long post, but...
I was first diagnosed bipolar five years ago, which, I thought was bullshit at the time because I was coming off a 2 month amphetamine binge/years long heroin habit.....

Despite that, I'm not gonna lie, I've had genuine "manic episodes"! Awake, alert, full of energy, sleeping little or not at all!! All this for pretty sustained periods lasting over a month.

I was creatively on fire! I'm a spiritual person, and...to me, it just felt like I was experiencing this amazingly heightened sense of understanding of myself and the world. Honestly, at times it was like a really clean ecstasy/amphetamine type feeling, or almost like a "psychedlic afterglow" of some sort...I only had two "manic episodes" like that, and, at points during both of them, I slipped into a lil bit of psychosis... ending up in the chicken hatch the first time because, "You're not sleeping, we're worried!"
I've had other "manic episodes"/"hypomanic episodes that weren't quite that intense and I kind of, just ended up going back to "normal" afterward.
This latest one, of the MAJOR variety I'd say, lasted 2-3 months, and was followed by what I'm still stuck in now, "Major Depression". Feelings of impending doom..Wanting to sleep constantly, guilt, regret, etc.
But lately, I feel like the mania wants to creep in and make me all hyped up! But since i'm so depressed, I'm not really up for that. It's a horrible, anxious, self conscious feeling.

..Could this be a "mixed episode"?

If anyone could share their experiences, I'd appreciate it!!
Thanks
BTW, the two times I've gone "way manic" have been when I stopped using opiates after being addicted and using daily for long periods, plus a bunch of other drugs thrown in there too....Plus, I'm drinking daily now so I don't know how that plays into it or whether I have any "disease" at all.....Maybe I'm just fried from years of drug use!!! Not asking for medical advice, just other people's input/experiences with this type of thing.
 
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You described manic episodes pretty well. I dont mind them as much as the depression. I'll be in major depressive and suicidal states that do not go away and last for a month or 2 at a time. I think I'm on the verge of having one, and with the way my life is right now I don't know if I'll make it out of the next one. No joke.
 
^I hear ya, man....What really sucks is that I know what I have to do to minimize my depression, but I'm too depressed to do it! I'm doing the exact opposite. Not going out. Not eating healthy. Not cleaning up my place, and it all just makes it so much shittier! A beautiful day seems like a slap in the face! lol...The lady at the store says, "Beautiful day today....Gorgeous!" And I'm like, "Can't you see I'm immune to sun right now?! Why else would I be buying vodka at 11 AM?! It's not because Mr and Mrs. Smith are coming over to play bridge later with me and the missus! I fucked lady!"(That's what I think as I stare blanky through her eyes, trying to smile painfully)....

Also feel like, the worst case scenario that could possibly play out in any given aspect of my life is MOST LIKELY what will happen! It just sucks!!
 
Also feel like, the worst case scenario that could possibly play out in any given aspect of my life is MOST LIKELY what will happen! It just sucks!!
Yeah I know man same here. Im just tired. Tired of dealing with my issues and tired of everything turning to shit.
I don't want to die, but at the same time I don't want to deal with this year in and year out. Its rough. I'm so good at masking how I'm feeling too. So then all of a sudden I can't hide shit anymore and its 4 in the morning, I have noone to talk to cause I'm so secretive about my feelings so I'm like fuck it, Its time... Ehh srry guys I didn't really want to post that but thats how it is,.
 
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