Hey there,
Thanks for your frank and honest post. I can really relate to a ton of it; in fact, I recently ended a really toxic relationship in October where my ex-girlfriend, as one of her friends pointed out to me, essentially saw me as a "project" in constant need of "tweaking" - and that any reflection of inner turmoil I would let out she would project onto the relationship as a whole, making the symptoms of my anxious and/or depressive symptomatic of my attitude towards the dynamic between she and I. Which was usually, towards the beginning at least, simply NOT the case!
It was so frustrating. I can only imagine how similar you may be feeling towards your own relationship. Enough so, at the very least, to warrant the creation of this thread, no?
Since my relationship is now in its retrospective stages, with the phrase "Hindsight is 20/20" becoming all the more clear with each passing day, I can offer you a suggestion from such a perspective.
It's great to hear that the relationship, in your eyes, is a good thing for you right now. And I hope that it stays that way! What I might suggest you take a look at, though, is the codependency that your girlfriend appears to be fostering with respect to the connection between you two. Codependency, IME, breeds toxicity between two people, though it is often borne from more noble intentions. I think that it is something that you ought to address with her; maybe not so bluntly as saying, "I think you're codependency is pushing me away," but in more subtle terms.
It appears rather obvious that you are feeling emotionally crowded by the way she interprets your emotions. Please pardon me if I'm making an assumption that is incorrect here, however! If you are anything like me, you'll want your emotional state to be granted the freedom of its own existence, rather than having every sensation you experience inextricably linked to how you feel towards your relationship. After all, you are your own person; you will always be a separable part of the dynamic between you and your girlfriend. This is normal; so, too, is it healthy. A positive relationship can only exist if there is the perception of a relationship between two distinct entities, rather than the relationship consisting of a single entity that is the fusion of what used to be "you" and what used to be "her."
Have you given thought to discussing this with her? It is a difficult topic to bring up, but because its roots are so crucial to the longevity of a relationship, I highly suggest that you take stock of whether or not she would be receptive to such a discussion. I truly hope that she is.
Keep us updated!
~ Vaya
