Depression+Recovering Alcoholic+Alcoholism+Alcoholic+Narcotics=Where to Post?

[painenduser]

Depression+Recovering Alcoholic+Alcoholic+Narcotics=Where to Post? I Need help PLEASE

Hey guys,

I really didn't know exactly where I should have posted because it falls under a couple sub topics. So let me get right to the point. Mods, if you can recommend a better place to relocate this thread, please do so, and accept my sincerest apologize for not posting in the correct sub-thread.

So, I am a recovering alcoholic, I have been sober for for 1 year 3 moths. How ever 2 years ago I almost died due to my drinking because I was so drunk all the time I hardly noticed I was so ill that I went into full renal failure. Long story short, my mother and my step dad told me to come home and live with them because I was so sick at the time I could not take care of myself or anything. So I am now living in their house while mine is under foreclosure which has me extremely depressed and with no thoughts of drinking anymore, I am suffering the horror of losing my house, my boat, all my possessions. The only thing I have left is my life and my family and I am more then grateful for that. However over the last year or so I have been noticed my mother has been increasing her drinking. She drinks almost every night and she acts like she thinks I don't know that she is drinking so much. Originally they were hiding it from me because they said that if I saw them drinking I might want to take part myself, which I don't. They were sneaking their booze in the house, hiding it (in plain site) but trying to hide it none the less.

I have been watching my mother drink and drive and put herself in other dangerous positions with her drinking. She thinks she tolerates her liquor very well mean while she slurrs ever other word, and just acts gitty and goofy when she drinks, she is a completely different person when she drinks.

I may have been pretty dumb by letting my drinking problem get the better of me, and take my world away, but I can assure you that I am no idiot and I know the minute she begins to drink. Because of this, I have on a number of occasions, had personal heart to heart conversations with her about her drinking and about how it makes me feel and I have asked her not to come out and talk to me when she is drinking. I have told her to please if she wants to drink, I can not stop her, she swears she does not have a drinking problem, but I can assure you she does. Even after these heart to heart talks she still continues to come out and act like a fool, slur her speech, become manic, almost bipolar like when she drinks, as in happy 1 second, break down crying and arguing and fighting and yell ect the next minute. I have seen her become a Dr. Jekle and Mr(s). Hyde whhen shes drinking. So again, I have tried to have conversations with her when she is sober asking her to please not be around me when she is drinking because as being a recovering alcoholic I know what she's going through (in part because everyone handles and acts different) but she doesn't seem to understand what it does to me when she gets like that. She doesn't see my heart sink, she doesn't see how depressing it is, and how much anxiety it causes me and she doesn't see that it makes me want to relapse at time, where as if someone handed me a drink when I'm upset like this, I would probably take it, though I have learned how to control my cravings and I have no interest in trying to go and get anything if you know what I mean, Basically if you set it down in front of me I'd prolly drink it, however, I have no interest in getting it, so therefore I wont actually relapse.

But tonight, my word has changed, though I have not relapsed, nor have I done anything to get it, nor will there be anything being put infront of me, I feel mentally like I'm in a relapse. My emotions are shot to shit right now, I am angry, scared, upset, confused, distressed, anxious, hurt you name it, I'm feeling it. And the reason is, my mother has recently started mixing her xanax and librax with her drinking, and while I have not been happy about it, I was semi OK with it only because she would usually fall asleep before she could do any further harm to herself, (although I am really not OK with it, I tell myself I am so I don't explode on her, but tonight she crossed the line with me. I just filled her Nucynta for her last night which she has for her RA and now they are thinking she may have fibro myalsya or however you spell it. I just got home from my pain mgt Dr and she is talking to me in the kitchen, and I could tell just by the way she was talking and what she was saying that she had been drinking, so I point blank asked her... Please do not tell me you are drinking while taking the Nucynta which you know for a fact that it is a narcotic, and her answer to me was. "It doesn't day on the bottle I can't drink while on it, it just says it may cause increased drowsiness. So don't worry, I know what I'm doing I'm ok.." ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!!??!!?!!?!! WTF!! She is falling down hill faster and faster into this blackhole of addiction and I don't know what to do!! I have tried talking to her in the past and it just goes in one ear and out the other. I can not believe she is now drinking while talking narcotics, and tylenol and motrin. Well she says she never takes the tylenol when drinking, but the motrin is ok. I personally don't give a fuck about her OTC's and her drinking but, now she's mixing her controlled substances in the house that she felt would be a safe place for me so I could recover from my disease? OMFG!!

Guys, I know I'm new here and I have made some mistakes with some posts, I've frustrated some admins here, but I love this place and it's rare for me to ask for help, but all, I'm asking for help. I can't afford to move out because I'm still waiting on my disability, I can not move out. I have no choice but to stay here living in this situation no matter how bad it is. I do not want to break down because of this, but I can feel it coming. I probably wont relapse myself but I feel that one of these times Im going to just blow up on her and she will probably kick me out and I have no where to go, so again, I'm really stretching here and asking for some help, advise, (Im not religious) but maybe say a prayer for me. Please what ever you can do for me to help me through this I would be so grateful. I just can't believe that she told me tonight she can drink while on her pain meds because it didn't say specifically on the bottle not to drink, though I would bet if you read the patient information she it would say not to. So again, I'm somewhat so mind fucked my this right now I'm probably doing alot of babbling, but I'm in a very dark dank, dirty, horrific place in my head right now and am really hoping yall could help me in some how some way!

in MAJOR PAIN

As an update to this, I thought I would try and say something to my mother with out using my words this time or saying anything myself so I printed out the information from the patient information sheet on the Nucynta and it says clearly...........

What is the most important information I should know about tapentadol (Nucynta)?

Do not drink alcohol while you are taking tapentadol. Dangerous side effects or death can occur when alcohol is combined with a narcotic pain medicine. Check your food and medicine labels to be sure these products do not contain alcohol.

I thought I would get a rise out of her or some kind of remorse for her drinking while on the meds, and she just looked at me and said, "Well it doesn't say that on the bottle" and she walked out of the room. What Seriously???? WTFH!!!!!! Guys I'm sorry but I really need some feedback soon. Thanks guys!

 

[Legerity]

It sounds like quite a difficult situation to have to be living in. It would be nice for a simple answer but it's never really possible to decide other people's actions. You've provided her with the facts about combining certain substances and she knows you are concerned. It's hard to know whether continued efforts are going to change somebody's mind or create more resistance in the end; it seems like it can go either way.

Regardless of her decisions you can still take care of your own choices which you seem to be doing quite well with. The situation does not have to be a cause for you to end up drinking either. Anxiety or difficult emotions may be considered part of a "relapse process" that results in using a substance but anxiety or pain are not inherently a relapse so there's nothing wrong with you feeling that way given the situation. And obviously drinking would not solve the issue in anyway which you already know.

Is there absolutely no other place that you could go, even for a little while to get some time away? If the environment can't be changed then maybe picking a new one is a better option. Or if not immediately then maybe beginning to search for other options. That's up to you...hope you are able to hold on until things settle down however they do

 

[Darksidesam]

You need to sit down and talk with her, and explain to her all the pain and hurt you have, because of drinking.

So, I am a recovering alcoholic, I have been sober for for 1 year 3 months

*Applauds* well done

Also i know what it is like to lose everything, and have to walk away from it all. So i feel your pain there,
but what you really and truly must do is talk and show your pain to what alcohol abuse has done to your life. Im surprised that she is drinking after watching your life fall apart like that,
I dont think that alcohol abuse runs in families,
My dad always drinks (when hes gfs now there so its rare.) and he was a bad alcoholic at one point, but i dont really drink often myself tbh, get drunk like 3 times a year at the most.

all the best fellow Blueligher

 

[herbavore]

I can only begin to imagine how hard this must be. After almost losing your own life to addiction you must now watch as your mother spirals into it. As painful as it is to admit, you know that you cannot control what is happening, right? Is your step-dad also alarmed? Your mom is going to follow her path until she decides to get off it. I am worried for you. Living in that atmosphere is toxic for you. Do you have the resources to move out?
Maybe going to Al-anon would help. There are many recovering addicts in Al-anon/Nar-anon. It is, despite all its faults, an excellent way to get support. The credo that you help neither the addict nor yourself by being in pain and chaos over their addiction is a sound one. Caring and loving do not equal control.
My heart goes out to you and I hope that you, and your step-father can find the support you most surely need.

 

[painenduser]

Thanks guys for writing back to me. I really need to hear what you had to say. It's helped me to look at this situation a little diferently and while I know I wasnt' going to relapse to drinking, I let my mind relapse and that was rather humbling for me to see myself spiral mentally while my mom spirals physically to the disease. I need to hear the congrats on my time, I needed to hear I have to take care of me. I needed to hear everything you guys said. You all picked me up from my bad place. Like I told a couple people lsat night that while I knew I hd no plans to pick up, I felt like a guy who was breaking the glass on the fire extinguisher for a smoldering butt in an ash tray in the middle of the ocean. I was more afriad of the thought of relapsing then I was of actually relapsing if that makes sense. I knew I wouldnt but I didnt want to take any chances.

As for my living arrangements and this being a toxic environment for me, yes thats part if why I needed to talk to you guys. This place is toxic, very toxic, but I can't do anything about it. I have nowhere to go. My sister has no room with her 3 kids and she wouldn't let me stay with her either way. I have no other family, and the family I have are either stuck in this house, or wrote me off when I last relapsed. I have no money, no income other the welfare, and that only fives me food stamps and $125 a month and that is just enough to pay for my pain management Doctor with nothing left for even a cup of coffee. I have looked into low income homes, and things like that, but for a single male with no children I qualify for only a homeless shelter. Only families can get the welfare housing. So sadly I'm stuck where I am.

So far, I may have made my mother think about her actions as usually by now she is talking to me as if nothing ever happened the night before. Today not only is she not talking to me, she won't even look me in the eye. So I dont know if its good or bad yet, and I don't know if I should try talking to her while she's sober, because she will probably snap at me, or she'll fill my head with I'm trying or ok, I wont bother you anymore when I drink or she'll say what ever she has to to make me go away. I just won't to go into her room and yell at her, or maybe take a more caring approach, I'm not really sure but I have tried both ways. Some how I am going to have to get my family to give her an intervention. Oh man guys, I'm just so confused I don't know what to do..... But worry not, I will not relapse other then my mind may be broken for a while, but my sobriety will carry me home, because no matter what I refuse to give in the my disease. I've worked to long and hard to get my clean time and damn it, not even she is going to take that from me!!!

 

[xxsicknessxx]

....
You said it your self. You know the answer.
You can't afford to move out, she is a adult, you can't do anything.

Try to stay out of the house as much as possible and away from her when she is drinking. If this means going to the libary, or a coffie shop or maybe a AA meeting or NA meeting. do what you must do to keep your self safe.
You are stuck. Sorry bro. I have been there before. Not with my parents but with my brother. I stayed sober along time but I did break one day because I could not watch him destroying him self everyday it was to much so I decided to join him. I don't want that for you. So please do whatever you can, you clearly can't change your mind.. I would do one of the following.

1. Avoid her, distance your self, keep away from the house (if this is impossible or simply not practical then)
2. Talk to other family members, possible do a intervention (if this won't help or is not possible)
3. Except it and stay until you have the means to move out, sure it sucks but if you can stay strong just ride it out, sooner or later you will be able to get away (however if you don't feel you can handle this anymore and may break...)
4. Call her doctors and let them know what she is doing. This would be my last option but .... if its between you relapsing or her death.. maybe this is what has to happen. Think long and hard before you do it though as she will not be happy. Maybe they can drug test her at the doctors for drinking and you can avoid being called out for telling on her.

 

[painenduser]

1. Avoid her, distance your self, keep away from the house (if this is impossible or simply not practical then)

I am doing that as best as I can, it's hard to get away because we only have one car and thats hers. Mine runs but isnt road worthy due to an accident so it's a driving ticket heaven. I live in the living room of my parents place, and I have a sheet as my wall/door and when thats up she stays away. So what I do is go out for a walk or whatever. So for right now I'm doing my best to stay away.

2. Talk to other family members, possible do a intervention (if this won't help or is not possible)

I talked to my sister this morning about it, and because of our living arrangements (we like in a mother / daughter house, main house is my sister and her family, and an apartment in an attachment to the rest of the house) she doesn't want to get involved with it, 1 because she and my aunt (mothers sister) already tried and intervention for her and it lasted only a short time then she was back to her same old routines, basically long story short, I have no family willing to work with me on this, we have a very small and part if the family wont work with me because they disowned me due to my addiction and they won't talk to me, my sister doesn't want her kids seeing this, and she told me flat out she will not get involved because past attempts have failed. That leaves my step dad, who just has no clue about how life work. He's basically very uneducated, he's 70 something years old. He can't do anything with out my mother holding his hand. So if she tells him she doesn't have a problem he believes anything she says. He never stands up to her and to behonest I hate the bastard. There are some additional things about him Im choosing not to talk about because it would sound like Im bashing him but I'm not, he is truly useless with out my mother. He lives with her 24/7 and he feeds her addiction, he goes and buys her liquor all the time and he doesnt see that she has a problem, he doesnt understand that drinking and taking narcotics is a problem. Infact if you ask him to name any narcotic he has no clue.

3. Except it and stay until you have the means to move out, sure it sucks but if you can stay strong just ride it out, sooner or later you will be able to get away (however if you don't feel you can handle this anymore and may break...)

I haven't much of a choice based right now on 2 things, I'm on welfare until my SSI gets approved and on welfare being a single male with no children I am told I would qualify for only a homeless shelter, which I refuse to go to, and the other problem is I am afriad to live alone. Being alone is the only times I drank, I was not a social drinker, so me being alone for too long would make me get inside my head and fuck everything up that I have worked so hard to get, and that terrifies me more then me needing a liver transplant. I'm not going to do anything that can potentially cause me to relapse, and the one good thing about living here is that I cant go to the liquor store even if I wanted to, no car, couldnt even ask someone to bring it here since my bedroom is the living room, no way to hide and sneak it in. Well you get the idea.

4. Call her doctors and let them know what she is doing. This would be my last option but .... if its between you relapsing or her death.. maybe this is what has to happen. Think long and hard before you do it though as she will not be happy. Maybe they can drug test her at the doctors for drinking and you can avoid being called out for telling on her.

Yeah this one is a tough one mainly because she is truly in pain and needs the meds she's on,, she needs to not drink while on them... So if I call her Dr's and they take her off the meds she will obliterate herself in a bottle, and I wouldnt be able to deal with it if it got that far. I'm thinking of some other things I can do. I may have to try a different approach to my person intervention then I've tried in the past.

All good things for me to think about sick, thanks so much for your comments, gives me a nother prospective. I truly appreciate your response...

 

[piebald]

man that is a rough situation...its really painful to see someone you love hurting themselves like that..esp when you yourself have experienced all the destruction and pain it can cause! The fact that you are working hard to maintain your own sobriety must make it more difficult..
I have to agree with herbavore...i know lots of people dont like the whole Al-anon deal but you have nothing to lose and could get some much needed support and advice..and keep your sobriety number one, obviously you love your mom and must be in terrible pain watching this all unfold but the best thing you can do for you and her is to keep yourself sober..I would suggest at least trying a meeting or support group..your not not obligated to commit to anything or any belief system...you can just go and listen but it really can be a very powerful and useful resource..you will find people who understand and can offer advice. and ultimately your mom is the only one who can decide to get sober or not...thats the hard part...of course you should support her and its awfully hard not to try to fight people's battles for them..esp people you love

 

[Xtriss]

First I want to say CONGRATS on your sobriety!!

Second, im sorry you are in this situation. That is your mom. Watching someone you love slowly kill themselves is not something anyone should endure, let alone that someone being your mother. For me, what hurts the most is knowing that person is suffering. Somethings wrong. There are unhappy about something so much so that they take these drastic measures to make the pain go away. This is what kills me.

Its disheartening that you dont have family that will aid you in helping your mother. Because they tried it a few times..so that it? Your giving up on your mother? Did she ever give up on you? Like she isnt worth the effort or time? Your not working with much in ways of family. Your step dad sounds like a real winner. I almost bet he wouldnt want her to recover. Generally I find people who aid others in their addictions have no self esteem and feel the only way these people will stay with them is if they are down, if they feel bad about themselves etc. So this wouldnt surprise me.

You cant give up on your mom, but you cant push her away either in a time like this. Its a fine line you walk here. What I would suggest you do is think back to all the attempts you made to help her see what she is doing and write them down. Write down her responses. Look for similarities in your approaches and her responses. Maybe you can see a pattern and think of different ways to approach it. Obviously the way you have been isnt getting through to her and may only be making things worse between you two.

It sounds like you are her only person. She cant talk to her husband, or her kids/other family. You dont want to ruin that only option for her.

As far as your living condition, you do have another option (shelter) but you do not want to take it. I know in some places they offer programs where you can stay in homes with people, even a "1/2 way house" might be something to look into. If you go to some AA meetings you might meet people that need a roommate or something.

When you get your SSI you will have more options. So just know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Things arent going to be this way forever.

I hope you find a way to get through to your mom. For some people all they need is a different approach. Its finding it.
X

 

[Cyc]

My own mother went through something like what you experienced. She had ativan for her panic disorder, and would drink while taking it. She would black out for days at a time, and would act very dangerously. She would leave the stove on. She would often fall and hurt herself. She was a mess. During this time, I honestly feared for her life. Unfortunately, I didn't know what to do for her. She had already been to treatment three times and relapsed every time. It was extremely difficult to talk to her about any of it, even while sober. She drank very heavily for years, often going from bad to worse.

Eventually she got through that part of her life. She's 50 now, and I'm so surprised and so grateful that I still have her. She drinks, but her binging has slowed down a lot, and she has Xanax, but only takes it when needed. But the truth is, she's not doing so good. She has very bad alcoholic neuropathy and edema in her feet and abdomen (her toenails are black and blue) and she gets severe dermatitis because her liver function has degraded. Her doctor is hesitant to treat her because she still drinks and I often fear I'm going to lose her in the next few years.

If you can intervene with your mother, do it. But it won't be easy. I wish there was something I could have done sooner.