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Mental Health Depression MEGA Thread - DepressionTalk + Over 100 Links of Info

A year without meds, without a single episode, neither manic nor depressed for a year!

Or that's what I would have said last week, first it was the slightly elevated and erratic moods, then the drinking, then the sleep loss, my thoughts are hitting the over-drive buttons, I've cried every single day this week.
The paranoia is back again, oh the joys!


Fuck you Bi-Polar, fuck both your poles! Fuck you very much!
 
I was successfully able to get off my sleeping meds and Wellbutrin, but sadly my mild depression and fucking insomnia (I hate insomnia so much) have started to come back. I probably have been drinking a bit too much... nowhere near what I used to, but its at the point where I started to get uncomfortable and will be taking the majority of September off if not the entire month.

I am trying Sam-E and maybe a low dose of 5-htp first before I make the decision to get back onto Wellbutrin. I had godawful HMO insurance for the last two years, but thankfully will be starting a new job that is a Union positon and has great coverage! Finally, things are starting to come together for me. I am excited for my future and know that I can achieve my long term goals if I stick with it. If you cannot tell, I am actually feeling good today for the first time in weeks.

So if worst comes to worst it is back on the Wellbutrin. If I need to get back on sleeping meds, I would prefer to try something different then low dose Seroquel (terrible restless legs) or low dose Trazadone (doesn't work that great for me).

I will try to keep people updated on the supplements, Its worth a shot imo.
 
Has anyone tried chlorpromazine (largactil, thorazine) as a mood stabilizer, or found that it helps their depression?
I have bipolar II and I have been taking 50-100mg at night to sleep for the last week and it totally killed my depression and I feel great. I cant find any info on google about its use in depression...I like it though!=D
 
I'm totally and utterly lost.

It's as though my entire reality has crumbled away from me; I have no idea what I'm doing, who I am or where I'm going. There is quite literally no foundation to my being, I feel like I'm standing over a void.. and I'm doing everything I can to run away from it. A part of me wants to just give up and fall in, but I don't know how...

So im tormented by a meaningless existence whereby I go through the motions of life and pretend to be a part of the world around me.. when really I just feel like a witness to everything, disconnected.

I can have a great conversation with someone, or travel, or help someone and it means nothing to me.

I've come to realize I'm looking for permanence in a reality where everything is fleeting.. and this depresses the fuck out of me. I know this is attachment to whats fleeting which will only result in suffering, but I feel like I'm drowning and I'm desperately trying to hold onto any form of identity.

The worst part is tommorow something else will distract me from myself and for a short while I will be fine but this is the fundamental issue that continues to pull me down over time.

It's like everyday is a battle against self-annihilation, I'm so exhausted..
 
^Malakaix, that post really resonated with me.
I'm not going to type anything much as I am pretty exhausted atm but here is a link that may help(I hope).
I dont mean this as a ''just surrender...it will be fine''' brush off by any means... just take it easy hun, sometimes we keep pushing ourselves in our head when we are neglecting the very thing we need to be looking after.
<3
 
^Malakaix, wow, I really know what you mean. A few months ago I wrote this short story about an autistic man who saw only grey buildings and grey people in the outside world and was happier creating his own colorful illusion inside his mind...anyway, thought it sort of summed up the feelings.
Do you see someone? It might really help to talk about it. Writing about it also does wonders, I find. Have you tried immersing yourself in some sort of activity? I know usually when you're depressed you don't enjoy former hobbies, but sometimes if you force yourself to persevere it can be a complete breakthrough and something to hold on to while you get better.
Don't give up <3
 
I don't know how much longer i can really hold on. I feel myself slipping more and more each day into the abyss. I have been completely miserable for the better part of a year now and with fall and winter coming up it's not going to get any better. I don't want to kill myself but I'm struggling more and more to come up with a reason to live. I don't know how much more i can take I'm only human and whats the use in carrying on if you have absolutely nothing in your life worth living for.
 
I love the link you posted for malakaix, Asclepius. P A, have you ever heard it? I found it very moving. The modern, western world encourages the left brain, the part of our brain that knows we are separate (therefore alone) at the expense of the right brain that knows we are actually connected to everyone and everything. The great thing about Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor's talk is that she describes this as a scientist rather than as a religious person or a New Age person might.
 
I've been feeling myself slipping back into negative thought patterns and I don't feel like I can do anything about it. To part of me it feels comforting, like I'm welcoming back an old familiar friend. I know that I should be doing things to prevent the depression, but right now I just don't have the energy to do so.
 
Asclepius said:
here is a link that may help(I hope).
I dont mean this as a ''just surrender...it will be fine''' brush off by any means... just take it easy hun, sometimes we keep pushing ourselves in our head when we are neglecting the very thing we need to be looking after.
<3
Click to expand...

I really appreciate your response Asclepius, I do remember watching that video with the scientist and found it really interesting; it often feels like there is so much tension within me.. and if I can just let go and surrender rather then fight it, the weight will be lifted. I can be incredibly hard on myself at times... need to remember to breathe every now and then.

Pagey said:
Do you see someone? It might really help to talk about it. Writing about it also does wonders, I find. Have you tried immersing yourself in some sort of activity? I know usually when you're depressed you don't enjoy former hobbies, but sometimes if you force yourself to persevere it can be a complete breakthrough and something to hold on to while you get better.
Don't give up <3
Click to expand...

Thanks Pagey, it's definitely nice to know that others can relate..

I'm not seeing anyone but I am considering seeing a therapist when I go back home (I'm currently overseas) because I'm not sure if I'm getting anywhere on my own or if I'm retracing my steps over and over

Yeah some activities will take my mind off it but it's all temporary as most of everything is I suppose.

What I've found that I find somewhat disturbing is I sometimes enjoy the comfort of depression, I'm so use to it been there when everything falls apart that I actually find comfort in knowing that I can sink into it when everything feels futile. It's almost like a lifeboat in the waters of the abyss that I hold onto in a desperate attempt keep myself from drowning.

Your story about the autistic man is definitely similar to my own life; I spend a great deal of time escaping reality through music, writing, film and these days to a much lesser degree; drugs. But ultimately the majority of my energy is been spent on avoiding the blinding truth right infront of me, because I'm not ready to accept it.. The ordinary, mundane and simple truth that I'm no more special then anyone else around me, that I don't actually exist beyond the idea of myself.. which is both liberating and terrifying at the same time.

Thank you all as usual for your kind words, and I wish the best for everyone else in there journey to overcoming depression.

<3
 
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^A therapist is always a good idea I think. If you find a good one anyway, it never hurts to have someone you can talk to. It's certainly done wonders for me in the past.
I know what you mean about enjoying the comfort of depression - rather than disturbing, I think it's a pretty common feeling. Sometimes I feel like my own self-destructive tendencies are born out of the fact that I have some sort of need, or want, to be miserable. Which sounds messed up but I dunno.
Anyway, what I've done is set myself goals in life to try and make myself feel like maybe I can stand out from others around me - not in an arrogant way, simply I feel like I need to know I'm "special" in some sort of way, like you from what I gather. Personally my goal was to write a novel and get it published by the end of the year and having that goal is really making me feel better, like I have a purpose and a reason to be here. Maybe you could try finding something similar?
 
Pagey said:
Personally my goal was to write a novel and get it published by the end of the year and having that goal is really making me feel better, like I have a purpose and a reason to be here. Maybe you could try finding something similar?
Click to expand...

I think your absolutely right; it's all too easy to fall into an existential crisis when there's a lack of purpose, especially for myself. And although I think the crisis may serve a purpose in and of itself, to get stuck there can leave a terribly depressed outlook on life.

I'm yet to establish a reason for my existence; I know it's upto me to create meaning in my life and I think because i haven't been able to do so.. It becomes easy for me to fall into a deep depression.

However on that note, writing this out has given me a different perspective on my situation, and I think I can see it more objectively now rather then feeling consumed by it from the inside. Thankyou Pagey, I'm quite certain that if I can define a purpose; a reason to be here as you said.. then I will perhaps find that permanence I've been seeking, rather then chasing after the fleeting moments of reality.
 
I'm really depressed again lately. It's a hard for me to get up let alone complete the stuff I have to do. I'd rather spend my whole day in bed with tv & computer, days melt together and I just feel empty. Many times a day I'm at the verge of drinking/copping drugs again, and I have no energy to make a change in my situation. I hate my life right now!!!
 
Hello, I've been on 150mg of elavil (amytriptaline) for quite awhile at night for depression and to help me sleep. It is a tricyclic antidepressant. Does anyone know if there are any other tricyclic antidepressants which cause more sedation? Such as imipramine or something? I don't know, But I'm on a lot of meds that should help me sleep but dont: Opana ER, Dilaudid, Seroquel, Elavil, Xanax, and Valium. Thanks =)

PS: Oh, if anyone else knows of any other medicines that help sleep that a psychiatrist could prescribe (she wont prescribe me any barbiturates) and im allergic to trazadone. Any assistance would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

-Paul
 
Pagey said:
^A therapist is always a good idea I think. If you find a good one anyway, it never hurts to have someone you can talk to. It's certainly done wonders for me in the past.
I know what you mean about enjoying the comfort of depression - rather than disturbing, I think it's a pretty common feeling. Sometimes I feel like my own self-destructive tendencies are born out of the fact that I have some sort of need, or want, to be miserable. Which sounds messed up but I dunno.
Anyway, what I've done is set myself goals in life to try and make myself feel like maybe I can stand out from others around me - not in an arrogant way, simply I feel like I need to know I'm "special" in some sort of way, like you from what I gather. Personally my goal was to write a novel and get it published by the end of the year and having that goal is really making me feel better, like I have a purpose and a reason to be here. Maybe you could try finding something similar?
Click to expand...

I was like you for awhile with the whole comfort of depression. It was quite odd. I also remember being so depressed for years that I actually forgot what it was like to be happy. At the time I did want to use a very strong opiate but I am glad I never used it since I saw what it did to friends of mine.

I know this is going to sound very weird but when I was younger I was suicidal and I stopped being suicidal only when two of my own friends took their own lives and I decided to never fall into the trap of thinking about suicide as an option again. I never tried it but I would think about it a lot if that makes sense. If I had not gotten on an SSRI I may have attempted it I am not sure?

I also have set goals for myself, stopped going to websites where people just bitch and moan and try to drag people down to their level of negative thinking, and I wrote about my friend dying and that motivated me a lot as strange as it sounds.

I am no stranger to mortality but I did not like how things were going and I have decided to be the change I want to see in myself.
 
I'm in terrible pain and depressed. I am worried that my zoloft prescription is preventing the dilaudid from having its full effect. I don't ask my dilauded prescribing doctor for fear that he will stop my prescription for the pain killer and I'm afraid to ask my psychiatrist for fear that he will cancel my prescription for zoloft. Will the zoloft diminish the effect of the dilaudid
 
Will zoloft diminish the effects of dilaudid? I'm in terrible pain and am worried that my zoloft prescription is preventing the dilaudid from having its full effect. I won't ask my prescribing doctor for fear that he will stop my prescription for the pain killer and I'm afraid to ask my psychiatrist for fear that he will cancel my prescription for zoloft
 
Mainly posting here so Ii'll see this thread later if anybody else replies... I feel like absolute shiiiit. FOr some reason had the crazy idea Iw as gonna get up early today and eat a good breakfast before work. Hah, well, I'm up early, but it's too quiet in the house to actually cook something without waking everybody... :-/
 
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