Mental Health Depression and paranoia meds not helping

jayjaysleepyhead

Bluelighter
Joined
May 28, 2016
Messages
227
Location
london,England
Hi people, im jay from uk my current behaviour is not normal im coming very slowly off methadone 40ml and diazepam 14mg my meth is maintenance and the benzo was 20 back in sep 2016 now at 14 so i dont really blame them although when i was on class a drugs they took me to prison, rehabs hostels u name it and also im now alone which is the worst. I spend my days in bed im on benefits dont go out and cant look in the mirror i need help. Drs and a shrink said i was fine as i always put on a brave face but im far from fine, dont know how to break this horrible cycle?. Any ideas welcome im thinking my old life was dark but at least i socialised but stole a lot to feed my habits and i finally said to hell with this, but now i do nothing but breathe and sigh and get angry easily its tv and bed and meds thats me what a sad life cant even bare to look at myself ive lost all my friends due to me and my solo drug behavior and have 0 confidence i try to think positive but in reality it vanishes. Im crying out for help.
 
its coming off the drugs. Like you said, you felt fine when you were taking recreational doses. eventually when you finally come off and stay off of them for a while and your body readjusts to normality you should feel good again, it will take time.

Don't underestimate the mental effects of tapering or coming off opioids, they are every bit as real as the physical withdrawal and include depression, anxiety, paranoia

also as painful as this sounds....get out of the house, go for a walk, go play sports, go listen to live music, whatever you think you would enjoy if you felt good.

be careful with TV it can make your depression worse depending what type of person you are.
 
To continue today I had the mental health team from my area come visit me and to assess me finally as I told them all my symptoms like hallucinating,suicide thoughts, nothing fullfills me no matter what I do, which is why I do nothing as when I eventually do think of something slightly positive, I immidiately tell myself no its not good enough ,dont know why I think like that , its like my expectations are too high so anything I do is not good enough this coming from a man who has been in prison,rehabs,injected drugs, homeless etcetc so who im I to tell myself that going for a walk is not enough , of course it is as it gets me out the bloody house jesus ,anyway these 2 supposed mental health experts basically told me that everything I am feeling and thinking is a form of clinical depression, all this suicide stuff too ,they immiditely insisted I need a phsych and some talking therapies, as meds is not the answer as im coming off diazepam and methadone, tapering very slowly,so off they went and left me thinking did I do enough then again what im I supposed to do shout and scream at them pretend im insane . No so im depressed but its a dangerous depression and only me can come out of it , their the first sort of proffessionals to actually diagnos me if thats what it was, I know I gotta battle starting tomorrow I have a pip medical anyone claiming dla will know what pip is, I gotta pass its an extra 380=450pounds per month quite a lot.
 
The opioids and benzos prolly have a good amount of blame for the depression but let me ramble and attempt to give some advice that has helped me

When we are growing up adults/parents/education around us try to "sugar coat" life and when we are children we think that life is always good and fulfilling..but after u grow up and experience these things everything seems like old news and there is nothing new to give u pleasure..if u think about what our ancestors did to enjoy life it was probably pretty simple..look at the stars and call formations names that reminds them of something on earth or just exploring the extraordinary nature our world is blessed with

. your ego is only happy for a split second, it's all about competition/feeling superior and forming expectations of your self from u and other ppl..if u don't quiet the ego that forms expectations it will have a kind of grandiose feeling until the idea is over and then u will put yourself down because your experiences has made you have a negative view of yourself and u are never right..but there is no such thing as right and wrong in thinking only in morals, and that still comes down to circumstance in a way. if u quiet your mind thru true meditation and get back to the simple things like star gazing,walking in the woods,sport,or just helping ppl then u will feel satisfaction that's been programmed in us for millennia not the expectations of the modern ego that is tainted by our corrupt system
 
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Mate im also coming off 3 weeks of 150mg serequel its day 3 and now im withdrawing thought id escaped as it was only 3 weeks but never slept ,hot cold all day and night slight neck cramp and headache, its bad but im lucky I wasnt on it longer as I been reading some major horror stories of this horrible thing, noone told me that just 3 weeks would do this its like stopping meth man just hope it dont last much longer any advice welcome, and I got pip medical tomorrow at 9am bastards.
 
Mate im also coming off 3 weeks of 150mg serequel its day 3 and now im withdrawing thought id escaped as it was only 3 weeks but never slept ,hot cold all day and night slight neck cramp and headache, its bad but im lucky I wasnt on it longer as I been reading some major horror stories of this horrible thing, noone told me that just 3 weeks would do this its like stopping meth man just hope it dont last much longer any advice welcome, and I got pip medical tomorrow at 9am bastards.

You can pretty much blame it all on the benzos and the opioid w/d. I'm sure that sometimes it feels like it's coming from all sides and it prolly is, just don't lose sight of what got you here. Harsh yes, but important. You poisoned your body and your mind for how long? I'm 15 years clean of cocaine and heroin and to this day it still leaps up from the back of my mind to surprise me with a craving or a flashback of fixing up so just for the sake of the discussion you need to put yours situation into perspective. You sound pretty new to the sober life which makes this time very important and very pivotal in treating your disease of addiction. All the shit you're going through right now is necessary and it sounds like you know it, that's awesome. You are doing all the right things.
Anything, literally ANYTHING, other than doing a pile of heroin and handfuls of xanax right now is OKAY. I don't give a fuck if you are breathing and sighing and watching TV all day, although video games are much more fun, it's OKAY. I would suggest spending at least 15 minutes a day out on your stoop or whatever you have to sit on out front of wherever you're staying. Don't get too isolated because that can turn into big problems later on down the road as you risk developing varying degrees of agoraphobia. Bring a book with you or a tablet to write on when you're out there so you have something in your hands to do if you feel like it. Bye the way, this is a very good time for journaling, if for nothing but to just get the shit out of your system, it's also something good to look back on to see how far you've come and how you've done it. I'm sure you've heard this before, "It get easier." Well it does, and you certainly have that to look forward to. And see if you can break down your 'brave face'. Don't be worried to express yourself fully to your doctors. You will get better treatment that way. Communicating with them better will help them make better informed decisions about your recovery. Keep them involved as possible because in many ways, they are your ticket out of this shit.
When i got sober i stopped everything for four years. Everything except coffee and cigarettes. I was on psyche meds though, effexor and seroquel and I liked them very much. They may have helped save my life. I understand that there is a lot of contraversy on this site as to whether psych meds are beneficial or just a big pharma scam and we should all just be smoking weed and micro-dosing lsd for our depression. I should mention that I was diagnosed Biploar I/schizo-effective disorder at this time, the double whammy as I like to call it. Turned out my addiction sprang from a need to self medicate my un-diagnosed depression....later I found out that this was textbook case material, very common.
So no booze, no weed, nothin for four years It was one of the best things i had ever done in my life. In fact after having done it, I'd recommend it to everyone, addict or not, at least once in their lives. In any case the meds started to poop out so after that four years I started smoking pot again. Great decision! Pot along with my psych meds made everything all better! So that's the only other drug i do other than my psych meds. I never went back to any of the other ones. That's my story. Good luck with yours
 
Hi subject and thanx for that, I like your words when u say I dont care how much crap I go through like non sleep, depression ,tv too much, I had a terrible attack today I went to a medical when I shouldnt have, I took a panic attack too many people on bus then all the worry about this pip medical I got there then panicked and left, what a waste of time, im ill with depression and serequel withdrawls I need to be indoors I feel safe on the phone in my flat, at the mo I should never have self medicated, but I did craving for sleep, and serequel knocks me out,,in more ways than one, ne ver again im coming off diazepam and methadone so thats hard e nough ive poisoned my body but I also know how dangerous benzo withdrawl is so I know I still got a long way to go.
 
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