So, im gonna keep this brief, because if i didnt, this would be a really long read.
So basically, ive tripped 4 times, and 3 of those trips have been bad, and somehow connected. My 1st LSD trip back in April (210ug of voidrealm, smoked a bit of weed on top of it.) consisted of me thinking i was being arrested, i could see police and everything, i could see the police lights, hear the sirens, and everything...
My 3rd trip (my 2nd was ok) i took one tab of voidrealm, so 105ug, and at first it was confusing, so i went to a friends house to see if he could help calm me down. It worked, but then he offered me a dab, and i stupidly accepted it, the trip was greatly intensified, and I had an image of myself on the ground outside his house, explaining that it felt like i was on the ground with police around us, he looked confused as, well, thats what was happening, but this was all in my head, all a trip.
My 4th and final experience with LSD, was a sliver of voidrealm, 40ug id say, which i, yet again, smoked weed on top of, 5-6 milky bong rips. I was in the car riding with them to drop off the friend who sold us the acid, and i had another image, it was like, in the image, i had gone into the car randomly after taking the LSD, and pissed myself, they opened the door, and stood there watching me piss myself, i pulled myself out of this image and decided to go home shortly after that, where i was laying in bed (I still live at home with my parents, 18) as i was trying to sleep, my laptop screen came on, and it felt as though my mom had come to check up on me, after i turned and looked at the laptop screen, it immediately turned off, i thought that was a bit weird, so i tried to sleep again, but as i tried to sleep, i was looking around at the things in my room and was staring at my bike that was leaning on the wall, and it started to take the shape of my dog, only, he looked to be covered in some sort of, like, liquid.
Again, my laptop screen came on, and i had another image, it was as if, i had somehow gone psychotic, and killed my dog, and my parents walked in on the bloody mess, my dog on my bed, and blood on me. At this point, i was terrified, i didnt quite know if it was happening or not, after waiting for like, 5-10 minutes for my laptop screen to shut off, it never did, i had to get up, shut the computer, and then i tried to sleep again, but to no avail.
That last trip was on June 23rd, and i havent taken any sort of drug since then, ive quit weed, and i havent taken LSD either. For the whole remaining month of June and the whole month of July, i had incredible bouts of deja vu, feeling as though i had already seen this portion of my life, and i felt as though, there was a 2nd reality, one where all my bad trips happened, and im afraid of this because, the bad trips, felt so, fucking, real, and they werent even bizarre, like, you usually have bad trips about like, going to hell, or other things, but mine were situationally realistic. Even in how things were functioning, it was realistic. I could see the cops badge on the 1st trip, i could see my friends worried expression on the 3rd trip, and i could see my parents staring at me on the 4th trip, and the last trip is what confuses me because it was only 40ug, but i smoked a lot of weed with it, so that could be it.
I recently learned of a family history of schizoaffective disorder on my dads side, he was diagnosed in his 20's, keep in mind i only recently learned of this, as i havent seen him in like, 12 years. I believe that im having delusions as everyday it feels like the bad trips are actually happening, like, it feels like its still June 23rd, and soon im gonna wake up from whatever LSD induced hallucination this life is, and ill wake up in a reality where i did kill my dog. Today i have to cut down a trash tree in our yard (a random tree) and im scared, because it feels like, when i do that, its gonna equate to me killing my dog in the other reality, or, in reality, i feel as though this is all just a hallucination, and soon im gonna come out of it.
Anyone have any advice? im going to a psychiatrist on Thursday, and, while i know it could just be me traumatized about it, i seriously feel like im in psychosis because the things i hear on TV, Youtube, the things my family say, sometimes it either feels like they have hidden meaning, telling me that this is a hallucination, like the other day, my dad told me of a job at UPS in our town, and he and my uncle were explaining how the different positions worked, and it felt like they were like, 2 LSD entities telling me how the universe and different realities worked, and that i had jumped from one to another... I hate this, i just want to feel normal again, can anyone relate to what im experiencing? The deja vu is only making it more concrete for me as its effecting my very thoughts, its every second of the day, and it never stops...
So basically, ive tripped 4 times, and 3 of those trips have been bad, and somehow connected. My 1st LSD trip back in April (210ug of voidrealm, smoked a bit of weed on top of it.) consisted of me thinking i was being arrested, i could see police and everything, i could see the police lights, hear the sirens, and everything...
My 3rd trip (my 2nd was ok) i took one tab of voidrealm, so 105ug, and at first it was confusing, so i went to a friends house to see if he could help calm me down. It worked, but then he offered me a dab, and i stupidly accepted it, the trip was greatly intensified, and I had an image of myself on the ground outside his house, explaining that it felt like i was on the ground with police around us, he looked confused as, well, thats what was happening, but this was all in my head, all a trip.
My 4th and final experience with LSD, was a sliver of voidrealm, 40ug id say, which i, yet again, smoked weed on top of, 5-6 milky bong rips. I was in the car riding with them to drop off the friend who sold us the acid, and i had another image, it was like, in the image, i had gone into the car randomly after taking the LSD, and pissed myself, they opened the door, and stood there watching me piss myself, i pulled myself out of this image and decided to go home shortly after that, where i was laying in bed (I still live at home with my parents, 18) as i was trying to sleep, my laptop screen came on, and it felt as though my mom had come to check up on me, after i turned and looked at the laptop screen, it immediately turned off, i thought that was a bit weird, so i tried to sleep again, but as i tried to sleep, i was looking around at the things in my room and was staring at my bike that was leaning on the wall, and it started to take the shape of my dog, only, he looked to be covered in some sort of, like, liquid.
Again, my laptop screen came on, and i had another image, it was as if, i had somehow gone psychotic, and killed my dog, and my parents walked in on the bloody mess, my dog on my bed, and blood on me. At this point, i was terrified, i didnt quite know if it was happening or not, after waiting for like, 5-10 minutes for my laptop screen to shut off, it never did, i had to get up, shut the computer, and then i tried to sleep again, but to no avail.
That last trip was on June 23rd, and i havent taken any sort of drug since then, ive quit weed, and i havent taken LSD either. For the whole remaining month of June and the whole month of July, i had incredible bouts of deja vu, feeling as though i had already seen this portion of my life, and i felt as though, there was a 2nd reality, one where all my bad trips happened, and im afraid of this because, the bad trips, felt so, fucking, real, and they werent even bizarre, like, you usually have bad trips about like, going to hell, or other things, but mine were situationally realistic. Even in how things were functioning, it was realistic. I could see the cops badge on the 1st trip, i could see my friends worried expression on the 3rd trip, and i could see my parents staring at me on the 4th trip, and the last trip is what confuses me because it was only 40ug, but i smoked a lot of weed with it, so that could be it.
I recently learned of a family history of schizoaffective disorder on my dads side, he was diagnosed in his 20's, keep in mind i only recently learned of this, as i havent seen him in like, 12 years. I believe that im having delusions as everyday it feels like the bad trips are actually happening, like, it feels like its still June 23rd, and soon im gonna wake up from whatever LSD induced hallucination this life is, and ill wake up in a reality where i did kill my dog. Today i have to cut down a trash tree in our yard (a random tree) and im scared, because it feels like, when i do that, its gonna equate to me killing my dog in the other reality, or, in reality, i feel as though this is all just a hallucination, and soon im gonna come out of it.
Anyone have any advice? im going to a psychiatrist on Thursday, and, while i know it could just be me traumatized about it, i seriously feel like im in psychosis because the things i hear on TV, Youtube, the things my family say, sometimes it either feels like they have hidden meaning, telling me that this is a hallucination, like the other day, my dad told me of a job at UPS in our town, and he and my uncle were explaining how the different positions worked, and it felt like they were like, 2 LSD entities telling me how the universe and different realities worked, and that i had jumped from one to another... I hate this, i just want to feel normal again, can anyone relate to what im experiencing? The deja vu is only making it more concrete for me as its effecting my very thoughts, its every second of the day, and it never stops...
