What is peace? Is it so much about Becoming Who I'd Like To Be, or more about Being Who I Am? Sometimes I wish the act of posing a rhetorical question would be enough for people to embrace the concepts contained within. But no. Bad things always have to happen before anyone sees incentive to change. You may believe...that nothing is wrong...until you're crying...you may believe...that life is so long...until you're dying...
Comments like "I have no one - that's okay, I'll handle it on my own"...mmmmmmhuh.
Who are you trying to convince when you say that? Me or you?
The more and more it's said, the less and less believeable it is. Things like that, aren't things that you have to prove. It just screams off your being and is never in question. If it is ever in question, maybe that's saying something...something that you don't listen to. And despite what you may believe, it doesn't command respect, but pity instead.
Independance is something that is inevitably picked up as people change from children to teenagers. What isn't quite so inevitable is the further evolution of our attitude towards not only ourselves but others as well.
Interdependance.
No "grown up" will ever say that they "need anybody" to exist or be happy. But at the same time, no "grown up" would be so foolish as to say that life is not enriched when shared with others. If this weren't true...why not just lock yourself up in an isolation tank? See how long you survive, you independant pillar of strength you! What color do you want your straight jacket in?
Interdependance isn't about giving up power over yourself. It's not saying you can't handle what life throws at you. It's not saying that you don't need anyone, either. Interdependance is not a weakness. It is a strength. It is not paralyzing. It is liberating.
How so? Well, let's look and see what stoicism has earned you so far. Economics applies to emotions too...you gotta give some to get some. Give nothing, get nothing. Tell others you don't need them...they may just believe you. But do you believe yourself? After a while you look around and feel as though no one is there for you. Whose decision was responsible for that?
Central to this is a question of honesty. Not only to others, but to ourselves. Acknowledging at both times we can be weak and strong, and that's okay, because that's humanity. Flawed and perfect at the same time. Strength doesn't come from only looking at the positive. Strength comes from being at peace with the negative.
Why not delude yourself, tell yourself that you're things you aren't? In effect, doing so makes one their own worst enemy. You value these unrealistic, inhumane images of yourself...and when you, as a human being, understandably don't always measure up to them....the descrepency between your expectations and reality crushes your self esteem. After all, is there any bigger idiot than the one who fails their own tests? Yes. The idiot who thinks the person is to blame, and not the unrealistic expectations.
You don't need anyone? Nothing could be further from the truth. You need, just as much as every other human being out there. You need to love and be loved. Others will sometimes deny you this love, but such is life. This is inevitable. What is NOT inevitable is whether or not you have a second opponent to deal with as well. Yourself. Do others deny your happiness, or do you deny it to yourself?
Peace is being honest with yourself. At both times, strength and weakness, need and satisfaction, independance and dependance, good and bad, love and pain. Balance.
Make no mistake, you have the power to choose to be honest with yourself, whether you acknowledge it or not. Just like you had the power to let your rage to consume you that night. You've always had the choice. So why hasn't it felt that way? Simple. You've been hurt and you've lost. You've had needs, and those needs have gone unfulfilled, and out of sheer frustration, you dismiss their existence because you're not even sure anymore if they can be filled.
In other words, a decision.
There is little else we can control in this world other than ourselves. While in certain circumstances, certain choices may be statistically more likely than others...you still have a choice. You still have that power. And even if you dismiss it or abandon it, you have, in effect, made a choice.
Are you the only one who has lost? The only one to have hurt? The answer to this question isn't about making your loss seem insignificant...all loss is significant. It's not to make you forget about yourself...because you can't. The answer to this question is to put things in perspective. To liberate you, not insult you. The thing you pick up as you go on, is that you realize that everyone is getting the same bowl of cold gruel from life to swallow. That the question isn't so much about whether or not you're getting fist fucked by reality, but instead, what you do after it. Do you pick yourself up and try to learn from the pain, or do you allow it to consume you? Where is the real cost of pain incurred? At the point of suffering, with whatever sting it may have at that moment in time...or when you allow it to change the way you live your life? What is the real tragedy? #1 happens to everyone. #2 doesn't.
Yes, you have the right to grieve after loss. But for how long? When does the rest of your life begin? Would those you lost want you to be emotionally dead as they are, or experience all that they no longer can?
The difference between being at war and peace with yourself is a decision. The difference between a victim and a survivor is a decision. The difference between the sadness you think you're cursed with, and the happiness that has always seemed so out of reach...is a decision.
Your decision.
--
...someday you will need me
when you're falling in your hole
your disposition i'll remember
when i'm letting go...
...i'd love to be the one to
disappoint you
when i don't fall down...
Comments like "I have no one - that's okay, I'll handle it on my own"...mmmmmmhuh.
Who are you trying to convince when you say that? Me or you?
The more and more it's said, the less and less believeable it is. Things like that, aren't things that you have to prove. It just screams off your being and is never in question. If it is ever in question, maybe that's saying something...something that you don't listen to. And despite what you may believe, it doesn't command respect, but pity instead.
Independance is something that is inevitably picked up as people change from children to teenagers. What isn't quite so inevitable is the further evolution of our attitude towards not only ourselves but others as well.
Interdependance.
No "grown up" will ever say that they "need anybody" to exist or be happy. But at the same time, no "grown up" would be so foolish as to say that life is not enriched when shared with others. If this weren't true...why not just lock yourself up in an isolation tank? See how long you survive, you independant pillar of strength you! What color do you want your straight jacket in?
Interdependance isn't about giving up power over yourself. It's not saying you can't handle what life throws at you. It's not saying that you don't need anyone, either. Interdependance is not a weakness. It is a strength. It is not paralyzing. It is liberating.
How so? Well, let's look and see what stoicism has earned you so far. Economics applies to emotions too...you gotta give some to get some. Give nothing, get nothing. Tell others you don't need them...they may just believe you. But do you believe yourself? After a while you look around and feel as though no one is there for you. Whose decision was responsible for that?
Central to this is a question of honesty. Not only to others, but to ourselves. Acknowledging at both times we can be weak and strong, and that's okay, because that's humanity. Flawed and perfect at the same time. Strength doesn't come from only looking at the positive. Strength comes from being at peace with the negative.
Why not delude yourself, tell yourself that you're things you aren't? In effect, doing so makes one their own worst enemy. You value these unrealistic, inhumane images of yourself...and when you, as a human being, understandably don't always measure up to them....the descrepency between your expectations and reality crushes your self esteem. After all, is there any bigger idiot than the one who fails their own tests? Yes. The idiot who thinks the person is to blame, and not the unrealistic expectations.
You don't need anyone? Nothing could be further from the truth. You need, just as much as every other human being out there. You need to love and be loved. Others will sometimes deny you this love, but such is life. This is inevitable. What is NOT inevitable is whether or not you have a second opponent to deal with as well. Yourself. Do others deny your happiness, or do you deny it to yourself?
Peace is being honest with yourself. At both times, strength and weakness, need and satisfaction, independance and dependance, good and bad, love and pain. Balance.
Make no mistake, you have the power to choose to be honest with yourself, whether you acknowledge it or not. Just like you had the power to let your rage to consume you that night. You've always had the choice. So why hasn't it felt that way? Simple. You've been hurt and you've lost. You've had needs, and those needs have gone unfulfilled, and out of sheer frustration, you dismiss their existence because you're not even sure anymore if they can be filled.
In other words, a decision.
There is little else we can control in this world other than ourselves. While in certain circumstances, certain choices may be statistically more likely than others...you still have a choice. You still have that power. And even if you dismiss it or abandon it, you have, in effect, made a choice.
Are you the only one who has lost? The only one to have hurt? The answer to this question isn't about making your loss seem insignificant...all loss is significant. It's not to make you forget about yourself...because you can't. The answer to this question is to put things in perspective. To liberate you, not insult you. The thing you pick up as you go on, is that you realize that everyone is getting the same bowl of cold gruel from life to swallow. That the question isn't so much about whether or not you're getting fist fucked by reality, but instead, what you do after it. Do you pick yourself up and try to learn from the pain, or do you allow it to consume you? Where is the real cost of pain incurred? At the point of suffering, with whatever sting it may have at that moment in time...or when you allow it to change the way you live your life? What is the real tragedy? #1 happens to everyone. #2 doesn't.
Yes, you have the right to grieve after loss. But for how long? When does the rest of your life begin? Would those you lost want you to be emotionally dead as they are, or experience all that they no longer can?
The difference between being at war and peace with yourself is a decision. The difference between a victim and a survivor is a decision. The difference between the sadness you think you're cursed with, and the happiness that has always seemed so out of reach...is a decision.
Your decision.
--
...someday you will need me
when you're falling in your hole
your disposition i'll remember
when i'm letting go...
...i'd love to be the one to
disappoint you
when i don't fall down...
