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Death .. 37 years young

Crackle pop

Crackle pop

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 16, 2021
Messages
158
Hey guys hope all is well as can be.
Yea those that remember me and for those that didnt (new account)
Ive had 8 now heart attacks. Myocardial infarction (blood clots blockages ,cholesterol etc)
I have unstable angina and havs had heart disease for near ten years . Had my first heart attack at 29 years old.
Through surgerys stents n bypass and by luck iam still here. My last one in oct changed everything tho. My bypass has failed is blocked n cant be opened up again using stents. They tried 3 separate times. Which means my left ventricle is occluded fully as is the bypass around it. Leaving me with roughly a thrid of my heart not getting fresh oxygenated blood . Im told if using crack n i have more ir less since apart from 3 weeks clean. So the next attack WILL kill me basically. My hearts so so damaged frm the 8 attacks im lucky to be here right now. Upon leaving my surgeons last words were liam your hearts in such a bad condition and the occluded arterys together your a very poorly man . Look after your health as another heart attack will be too much for your heart to deal with.
.how do u deal with that at 37?.
Why have my family all taken a step back . Id of thought u would want to spend more time with loved ones at end of life. I feel like theyve all accepted and burried me allready.
Ive tried a few times to talk about it. My fears n what id like for my daughter. Wanted to ask for my funeral music n little things but as soon as its bought up they shut it down. Saying hiw they camt cope talking about it they dont want to have to think about that.
Well i fukin do every day. Im having to deal with dying at 37 all on my own. Iv no support from them. They dont even know what music id like played.
I shouldn't have to think n deal with something like this alone. Should i? Or am i being selfish by wanting to talk about it etc .

I feel like im in a waiting room just waiting on my number coming up. It would be nice even a text once a week askin how im coping anmy thoughts n fears but no its like the unspoken secret.
Funny old thing is life. And its not until your in my position you realise how petty n mundane the thingsare that anger ppl so much n ppl moaning about minor things. Lol it could be worse i always think when i hesr this.
Thanks for reading guys. Feels good to get it off my chest
 
Did you have COVID or a covid vaccine? God bless brother. I don't know much but taking daily aspirin, fish oil, etc. Things to thin the blood. God bless.
 
Your story sounds so familiar and heartbreaking. Are you crack attack? I know you lost that account ( probably from forgetting the password ) . Then you got squared away and relapsed again ? Is all the heart damage from crack?

Anyway, super sorry to read your post. <3
 
Crackle pop said:
Hey guys hope all is well as can be.
Yea those that remember me and for those that didnt (new account)
Ive had 8 now heart attacks. Myocardial infarction (blood clots blockages ,cholesterol etc)
I have unstable angina and havs had heart disease for near ten years . Had my first heart attack at 29 years old.
Through surgerys stents n bypass and by luck iam still here. My last one in oct changed everything tho. My bypass has failed is blocked n cant be opened up again using stents. They tried 3 separate times. Which means my left ventricle is occluded fully as is the bypass around it. Leaving me with roughly a thrid of my heart not getting fresh oxygenated blood . Im told if using crack n i have more ir less since apart from 3 weeks clean. So the next attack WILL kill me basically. My hearts so so damaged frm the 8 attacks im lucky to be here right now. Upon leaving my surgeons last words were liam your hearts in such a bad condition and the occluded arterys together your a very poorly man . Look after your health as another heart attack will be too much for your heart to deal with.
.how do u deal with that at 37?.
Why have my family all taken a step back . Id of thought u would want to spend more time with loved ones at end of life. I feel like theyve all accepted and burried me allready.
Ive tried a few times to talk about it. My fears n what id like for my daughter. Wanted to ask for my funeral music n little things but as soon as its bought up they shut it down. Saying hiw they camt cope talking about it they dont want to have to think about that.
Well i fukin do every day. Im having to deal with dying at 37 all on my own. Iv no support from them. They dont even know what music id like played.
I shouldn't have to think n deal with something like this alone. Should i? Or am i being selfish by wanting to talk about it etc .

I feel like im in a waiting room just waiting on my number coming up. It would be nice even a text once a week askin how im coping anmy thoughts n fears but no its like the unspoken secret.
Funny old thing is life. And its not until your in my position you realise how petty n mundane the thingsare that anger ppl so much n ppl moaning about minor things. Lol it could be worse i always think when i hesr this.
Thanks for reading guys. Feels good to get it off my chest
Click to expand...
It's another pair of shoes, but a good friend of mine started doing heroin in 2014. We knew he would die soon, it was just a matter of time, so we distanced ourselves(he used everything excessively, so it was clear, sad to say..). It wasn't a unanimous decision or anything, it just happened simultaneously. When you're scared of someone dying you will automatically take measures to protect yourself from it, so yes..

In a way your relatives see you as already dead. This is not to be assholes to you, it's just a subconscious process that cannot be stopped. You have to understand that it's very very painful for them, and each contact with you, they're psychologically "unearthing" and "reburying" you. This fucking hurts, I'm sure.

I'm so sorry you're in this situation, but please don't be mad at them for protecting themselves. We did the same thing, our friend died last year with 30, and now we feel bad about it, but we all did it. We all distanced ourselves.
 
Last edited:
No i haven't had any covid jabs mate. I was told bcoz my health n the potential for clotts that i wont be having them.
Yeah im on about 6 different cardio meds . Asprin alomg side blood thinners n statins all sorts bt when usin i fail to even take those :(
Thanks brother wishing you a great Christmas
 
Pumpkin2021 said:
Your story sounds so familiar and heartbreaking. Are you crack attack? I know you lost that account ( probably from forgetting the password ) . Then you got squared away and relapsed again ? Is all the heart damage from crack?

Anyway, super sorry to read your post. <3
Click to expand...
Hey pumpkin yeah that is me crack attack. Id actually forgotten my old username or I'd of mentioned it. Yeah i chamed EVERYTHING. Home . People places an things. Fresh start iv nit ome item here from my old place not a thing. Why o why after 3 weeks an being happy content smoking weed makin happy memories with my girl ive ruined us.
If u remember i quit h n crack at 19years old for 17 years but in that time was a competing bodybuilder using alot of steroids. Thats how my problems began n the crack this last year has dome even more heart damage.
Good to see u around still. Have a great Christmas 😁
 
So were back in the circle of addiction
One rock and one half a gram bud for a joint later. Currently smoking a joint inbetween rocks to drag it out slightly
.
Its no secret i shoplift maybe 3 times a week when all my moneys nearly gone n its a couple days til im paid. I have tonight an tomorrow to go.


My idea for tonight is go to local supermarket with my last 10 pound and get n buy some food bits milk bread etc and while there got plenty of small expensive items people arw wanting. Without being big headed im pretty good at my work n have had laptops. Beats headphones . Hair straightners , allsorts as i dont look like a typcal user i get a trolley and buy items too. Be confident dnt hang around on isles with expensive goods an i find being blatent put them in bag on the trolley as if there yours. Worst thing is to try an be sneaky about it lol. You look so dodgy by doin so . Screams theif

Or i could ise my last £ n score just 1 pffft or even call it a day. I dont know myself as yet lol
Off topic sorry my stoned minds planning lol
 
Crackle pop said:
No i haven't had any covid jabs mate. I was told bcoz my health n the potential for clotts that i wont be having them.
Yeah im on about 6 different cardio meds . Asprin alomg side blood thinners n statins all sorts bt when usin i fail to even take those :(
Thanks brother wishing you a great Christmas
Click to expand...

I wish you a Merry Christmas too brother. You're a good person I'm sorry these issues have happened in your life. You got a great attitude and God has your back remember that in times of despair.

One love man.
 
Crackle pop said:
Hey guys hope all is well as can be.
Yea those that remember me and for those that didnt (new account)
Ive had 8 now heart attacks. Myocardial infarction (blood clots blockages ,cholesterol etc)
I have unstable angina and havs had heart disease for near ten years . Had my first heart attack at 29 years old.
Through surgerys stents n bypass and by luck iam still here. My last one in oct changed everything tho. My bypass has failed is blocked n cant be opened up again using stents. They tried 3 separate times. Which means my left ventricle is occluded fully as is the bypass around it. Leaving me with roughly a thrid of my heart not getting fresh oxygenated blood . Im told if using crack n i have more ir less since apart from 3 weeks clean. So the next attack WILL kill me basically. My hearts so so damaged frm the 8 attacks im lucky to be here right now. Upon leaving my surgeons last words were liam your hearts in such a bad condition and the occluded arterys together your a very poorly man . Look after your health as another heart attack will be too much for your heart to deal with.
.how do u deal with that at 37?.
Why have my family all taken a step back . Id of thought u would want to spend more time with loved ones at end of life. I feel like theyve all accepted and burried me allready.
Ive tried a few times to talk about it. My fears n what id like for my daughter. Wanted to ask for my funeral music n little things but as soon as its bought up they shut it down. Saying hiw they camt cope talking about it they dont want to have to think about that.
Well i fukin do every day. Im having to deal with dying at 37 all on my own. Iv no support from them. They dont even know what music id like played.
I shouldn't have to think n deal with something like this alone. Should i? Or am i being selfish by wanting to talk about it etc .

I feel like im in a waiting room just waiting on my number coming up. It would be nice even a text once a week askin how im coping anmy thoughts n fears but no its like the unspoken secret.
Funny old thing is life. And its not until your in my position you realise how petty n mundane the thingsare that anger ppl so much n ppl moaning about minor things. Lol it could be worse i always think when i hesr this.
Thanks for reading guys. Feels good to get it off my chest
Click to expand...
I'm sorry you are going through this.

Do you have a Living Will or Last Will? It may be time to sit down and type out all of your last wishes, including what you want for your daughter, whether you want to be buried or cremated, and even what music you want played at your service. You family does not have to participate in your writing the Will. You don't even need an attorney. I made a Will several years ago with a template I bought from legalzoom.com. The Living Will I used had space for it to be notarized and for witnesses of the signing. But just a simple typed document signed by you should suffice.
 
Hi mate no its not something i have done as i havent a clue what im doin i never expected to have to at 37 . My family dont ever wamt to talk over things. Maybe clear the air . Talk about regrets n apologize for things in the past . Talk about happy times n silly things I've done.
Reading that made my heart sink it makes it real n true . Fuk me how can i do this alone. I break down everyday behind closed doors.
It needs doin and i am goin to do it 37 years n what do i have to leave my daughter . No savings or money . Ive just started from zero so possessions being built up again. Leave her a washer cooker n tv. I have failed big time. Ive failed that girl even tho ive been there from birth n paid my way.
Never thought id be having to sort these arrangements alone an at such a young age.
Thanks for the guidence i havent a clue
 
OpiateKiller said:
Did you have COVID or a covid vaccine? God bless brother. I don't know much but taking daily aspirin, fish oil, etc. Things to thin the blood. God bless.
Click to expand...

Don’t bring that shit in here.. Yea 8 heart attacks happened in the past year. Jesus man actually think, this is why you believe the things you do cuz you can’t think critically for 5secs. Or maybe it’s cuz I actually read his post and saw his first started at 29. But of course it’s Covids fault. This stupidity is making me lose my mind.

-GC
 
To clear things up . My great grandad and my gran one off each side of the family my mums grandad and my dads mum (my gran god bless we never got to meet an know each other, keep me safe and god bless)
She actually died on the toilet her aorta tore. What a way to go thats a nasty way bleedibg out every hole . Bless her soul
So i have family history of cardiac problems.
Mix that with my IV heroin n crack use from the age of 15 to 19 . Then from 21 to 35 bodybuilding using high dose steroids for over a decade with a drink n coke binge a couple times a month ,mix that with never liking or eating any fruit or veg ever and we have "the perfect storm"
Add crack in for the last 12 ish months n here iam waiting for that dreadful feared day when my life ends. It dosent seem real then i type n read it and realise its real and it coming.
The damage is done my echocardiogram shown the true extent of the damage oaps hearts are in better condition. My consultants exact words!
So you could argue and the surgeons do. That i have caused this myself and have no compassion or time an tried refusing to try open my bypassed ateries back up. I had to go through while an in paitent at hospital 3 different surgeons as the first 2 didnt even want to try to add years to my life and tried sendingme home without any treatment to die soon.
The 3rd tried their best for me and got one part open 40% of the 3 blocked at 100%
Im like a cat with all my lifes . I know ive got no more this time its goodnight from me. Such a fukin bitter pill to swallow.....
 
The heart problems yes are from the cocaine and steroids. You fucked your cholesterol up and clogged your arteries.

If you really want to live and get through this, you need to completely revamp your diet man.

Basically a vegetarian diet with lots of things like spinach, nuts, fruits, green vegetables, organic foods…

In my opinion it’s the only way you’re gonna have a quality of life. You need to change your habits like we all do.
 
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