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Dealing with death

DrinksWithEvil

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Nobody died but I keep thinking

What am I going to do when it does happen? I don't think I'll be able to handle it like if my mom died or brother

Just would seem so surreal

What do you guys think
 
It's the natural order of things, and it is surreal, all you have left of the dead is to live a memory like a dream. You'll be able to handle it as it is an inevitability but that doesn't rule out the struggle.
 
When the person you're thinking about leaves the room, or you go home, or for whatever reason you're no longer physically together, do you grieve? Why not? Is it because of the knowledge that they are still alive? Because that person is not here now. For all practical purposes, they don't exist when they aren't with you.

The only real distinction between an absence caused by death and by them leaving the room is the way your mind frames the experience. In one instance you are okay, and in another instance you maybe lose control and lose touch with yourself. Your mind is dependent on the construct of them to feel happy, safe, secure, whatever... it's attachment. In both instances the person is gone. In both instances they are not with you.

I'm not saying that if someone dies you shouldn't grieve. Whenever I think about my loved ones who have passed on, my heart aches. But it would be a different matter to say my life can't go on without them, when I've already been without them so many times before they died.

In all the ways that matter to the mind, death is just another separation, but it's one we are taught to feel devastated about.
 
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We'll ya cuz they are dead .gone,adios , when they leave a room you can see them again or call them

I just don't know if I will be able to handle it and might go off the deep end or relapse for good

I guess it all comes down to thinking positive
 
My x-Partner still working stuff out at time) passed away in a car accident .Its all about your mind set it hit me like a tone of bricks i didnt beleive it .remeber everthing happens for a reason and there in a place were there need more then here.I think about it every couple of dasy it bring a tear to my eye but you keep thoughs positive and move on knowing there proud and want you to keep living happy as ever.
 
Thrasymachos: Tell me now, in one word, what shall I be
after my death? And mind you be clear and precise.

Philalethes: All and nothing!

Thrasymachos: I thought so! I gave you a problem, and you
solve it by a contradiction. That’s a very stale trick.

Philalethes: Yes, but you raise transcendental questions, and
you expect me to answer them in language that is only made
for immanent knowledge. It’s no wonder that a contradiction
ensues.

Thrasymachos: What do you mean by transcendental questions
and immanent knowledge? I’ve heard these expressions
before, of course; they are not new to me. The Professor was
fond of using them, but only as predicates of the Deity, and
he never talked of anything else; which was all quite right
and proper. He argued thus: if the Deity was in the world
itself, he was immanent; if he was somewhere outside it, he
was transcendent. Nothing could be clearer and more obvious!
You knew where you were. But this Kantian rigmarole
won’t do any more: it’s antiquated and no longer applicable
to modern ideas. Why, we’ve had a whole row of eminent
men in the metropolis of German learning—

Philalethes: (Aside.) German humbug, he means.

Thrasymachos: The mighty Schleiermacher, for instance, and
that gigantic intellect, Hegel; and at this time of day we’ve
abandoned that nonsense. I should rather say we’re so far
beyond it that we can’t put up with it any more. What’s the
use of it then? What does it all mean?

Philalethes: Transcendental knowledge is knowledge which
passes beyond the bounds of possible experience, and strives
to determine the nature of things as they are in themselves.
Immanent knowledge, on the other hand, is knowledge which
confines itself entirely with those bounds; so that it cannot
apply to anything but actual phenomena. As far as you are
an individual, death will be the end of you. But your individuality
is not your true and inmost being: it is only the
outward manifestation of it. It is not the thing-in-itself, but
only the phenomenon presented in the form of time; and
therefore with a beginning and an end. But your real being
knows neither time, nor beginning, nor end, nor yet the limits
of any given individual. It is everywhere present in every
individual; and no individual can exist apart from it. So when
death comes, on the one hand you are annihilated as an individual;
on the other, you are and remain everything. That is
what I meant when I said that after your death you would
be all and nothing. It is difficult to find a more precise answer
to your question and at the same time be brief. The
answer is contradictory, I admit; but it is so simply because
your life is in time, and the immortal part of you in eternity.
You may put the matter thus: Your immortal part is something
that does not last in time and yet is indestructible; but
there you have another contradiction! You see what happens
by trying to bring the transcendental within the limits of
immanent knowledge. It is in some sort doing violence to
the latter by misusing it for ends it was never meant to serve.

Thrasymachos: Look here, I shan’t give twopence for your
immortality unless I’m to remain an individual.

Philalethes: Well, perhaps I may be able to satisfy you on
this point. Suppose I guarantee that after death you shall
remain an individual, but only on condition that you first
spend three months of complete unconsciousness.

Thrasymachos. I shall have no objection to that.

Philalethes. But remember, if people are completely unconscious,
they take no account of time. So, when you are dead,
it’s all the same to you whether three months pass in the
world of consciousness, or ten thousand years. In the one
case as in the other, it is simply a matter of believing what is
told you when you awake. So far, then, you can afford to be
indifferent whether it is three months or ten thousand years
that pass before you recover your individuality.

Thrasymachos. Yes, if it comes to that, I suppose you’re right.

Philalethes. And if by chance, after those ten thousand years
have gone by, no one ever thinks of awakening you, I fancy it
would be no great misfortune. You would have become quite
accustomed to non-existence after so long a spell of it—following
upon such a very few years of life. At any rate you may
be sure you would be perfectly ignorant of the whole thing.
Further, if you knew that the mysterious power which keeps
you in your present state of life had never once ceased in those
ten thousand years to bring forth other phenomena like yourself,
and to endow them with life, it would fully console you.

Thrasymachos. Indeed! So you think you’re quietly going to
do me out of my individuality with all this fine talk. But I’m
up to your tricks. I tell you I won’t exist unless I can have my
individuality. I’m not going to be put off with ‘mysterious
powers,’ and what you call ‘phenomena.’ I can’t do without
my individuality, and I won’t give it up.

Philalethes. You mean, I suppose, that your individuality is
such a delightful thing, so splendid, so perfect, and beyond
compare—that you can’t imagine anything better. Aren’t you
ready to exchange your present state for one which, if we can
judge by what is told us, may possibly be superior and more
endurable?

Thrasymachos. Don’t you see that my individuality, be it what
it may, is my very self? To me it is the most important thing
in the world.
For God is God and I am I.
I want to exist, I, I. That’s the main thing. I don’t care about
an existence which has to be proved to be mine, before I can
believe it.

Philalethes. Think what you’re doing! When you say I, I, I
want to exist, it is not you alone that says this. Everything
says it, absolutely everything that has the faintest trace of
consciousness. It follows, then, that this desire of yours is
just the part of you that is not individual—the part that is
common to all things without distinction. It is the cry, not
of the individual, but of existence itself; it is the intrinsic
element in everything that exists, nay, it is the cause of anything
existing at all. This desire craves for, and so is satisfied
with, nothing less than existence in general—not any definite
individual existence. No! that is not its aim. It seems to
be so only because this desire—this Will—attains consciousness
only in the individual, and therefore looks as though it
were concerned with nothing but the individual. There lies
the illusion—an illusion, it is true, in which the individual is
held fast: but, if he reflects, he can break the fetters and set
himself free. It is only indirectly, I say, that the individual
has this violent craving for existence. It is the Will to Live
which is the real and direct aspirant—alike and identical in
all things. Since, then, existence is the free work, nay, the
mere reflection of the will, where existence is, there, too,
must be will; and for the moment the will finds its satisfaction
in existence itself; so far, I mean, as that which never
rests, but presses forward eternally, can ever find any satisfaction
at all. The will is careless of the individual: the individual
is not its business; although, as I have said, this seems
to be the case, because the individual has no direct consciousness
of will except in himself. The effect of this is to make
the individual careful to maintain his own existence; and if
this were not so, there would be no surety for the preservation
of the species. From all this it is clear that individuality
is not a form of perfection, but rather of limitation; and so
to be freed from it is not loss but gain. Trouble yourself no
more about the matter. Once thoroughly recognize what you
are, what your existence really is, namely, the universal will
to live, and the whole question will seem to you childish,
and most ridiculous!

Thrasymachos. You’re childish yourself and most ridiculous,
like all philosophers! and if a man of my age lets himself in
for a quarter-of-an-hour’s talk with such fools, it is only because
it amuses me and passes the time. I’ve more important
business to attend to, so Good-bye.

------
Does that help?
 
Thrasymachos: Tell me now, in one word, what shall I be
after my death? And mind you be clear and precise.

Philalethes: All and nothing!

Thrasymachos: I thought so! I gave you a problem, and you
solve it by a contradiction. That’s a very stale trick.

Philalethes: Yes, but you raise transcendental questions, and
you expect me to answer them in language that is only made
for immanent knowledge. It’s no wonder that a contradiction
ensues.

Thrasymachos: What do you mean by transcendental questions
and immanent knowledge? I’ve heard these expressions
before, of course; they are not new to me. The Professor was
fond of using them, but only as predicates of the Deity, and
he never talked of anything else; which was all quite right
and proper. He argued thus: if the Deity was in the world
itself, he was immanent; if he was somewhere outside it, he
was transcendent. Nothing could be clearer and more obvious!
You knew where you were. But this Kantian rigmarole
won’t do any more: it’s antiquated and no longer applicable
to modern ideas. Why, we’ve had a whole row of eminent
men in the metropolis of German learning—

Philalethes: (Aside.) German humbug, he means.

Thrasymachos: The mighty Schleiermacher, for instance, and
that gigantic intellect, Hegel; and at this time of day we’ve
abandoned that nonsense. I should rather say we’re so far
beyond it that we can’t put up with it any more. What’s the
use of it then? What does it all mean?

Philalethes: Transcendental knowledge is knowledge which
passes beyond the bounds of possible experience, and strives
to determine the nature of things as they are in themselves.
Immanent knowledge, on the other hand, is knowledge which
confines itself entirely with those bounds; so that it cannot
apply to anything but actual phenomena. As far as you are
an individual, death will be the end of you. But your individuality
is not your true and inmost being: it is only the
outward manifestation of it. It is not the thing-in-itself, but
only the phenomenon presented in the form of time; and
therefore with a beginning and an end. But your real being
knows neither time, nor beginning, nor end, nor yet the limits
of any given individual. It is everywhere present in every
individual; and no individual can exist apart from it. So when
death comes, on the one hand you are annihilated as an individual;
on the other, you are and remain everything. That is
what I meant when I said that after your death you would
be all and nothing. It is difficult to find a more precise answer
to your question and at the same time be brief. The
answer is contradictory, I admit; but it is so simply because
your life is in time, and the immortal part of you in eternity.
You may put the matter thus: Your immortal part is something
that does not last in time and yet is indestructible; but
there you have another contradiction! You see what happens
by trying to bring the transcendental within the limits of
immanent knowledge. It is in some sort doing violence to
the latter by misusing it for ends it was never meant to serve.

Thrasymachos: Look here, I shan’t give twopence for your
immortality unless I’m to remain an individual.

Philalethes: Well, perhaps I may be able to satisfy you on
this point. Suppose I guarantee that after death you shall
remain an individual, but only on condition that you first
spend three months of complete unconsciousness.

Thrasymachos. I shall have no objection to that.

Philalethes. But remember, if people are completely unconscious,
they take no account of time. So, when you are dead,
it’s all the same to you whether three months pass in the
world of consciousness, or ten thousand years. In the one
case as in the other, it is simply a matter of believing what is
told you when you awake. So far, then, you can afford to be
indifferent whether it is three months or ten thousand years
that pass before you recover your individuality.

Thrasymachos. Yes, if it comes to that, I suppose you’re right.

Philalethes. And if by chance, after those ten thousand years
have gone by, no one ever thinks of awakening you, I fancy it
would be no great misfortune. You would have become quite
accustomed to non-existence after so long a spell of it—following
upon such a very few years of life. At any rate you may
be sure you would be perfectly ignorant of the whole thing.
Further, if you knew that the mysterious power which keeps
you in your present state of life had never once ceased in those
ten thousand years to bring forth other phenomena like yourself,
and to endow them with life, it would fully console you.

Thrasymachos. Indeed! So you think you’re quietly going to
do me out of my individuality with all this fine talk. But I’m
up to your tricks. I tell you I won’t exist unless I can have my
individuality. I’m not going to be put off with ‘mysterious
powers,’ and what you call ‘phenomena.’ I can’t do without
my individuality, and I won’t give it up.

Philalethes. You mean, I suppose, that your individuality is
such a delightful thing, so splendid, so perfect, and beyond
compare—that you can’t imagine anything better. Aren’t you
ready to exchange your present state for one which, if we can
judge by what is told us, may possibly be superior and more
endurable?

Thrasymachos. Don’t you see that my individuality, be it what
it may, is my very self? To me it is the most important thing
in the world.
For God is God and I am I.
I want to exist, I, I. That’s the main thing. I don’t care about
an existence which has to be proved to be mine, before I can
believe it.

Philalethes. Think what you’re doing! When you say I, I, I
want to exist, it is not you alone that says this. Everything
says it, absolutely everything that has the faintest trace of
consciousness. It follows, then, that this desire of yours is
just the part of you that is not individual—the part that is
common to all things without distinction. It is the cry, not
of the individual, but of existence itself; it is the intrinsic
element in everything that exists, nay, it is the cause of anything
existing at all. This desire craves for, and so is satisfied
with, nothing less than existence in general—not any definite
individual existence. No! that is not its aim. It seems to
be so only because this desire—this Will—attains consciousness
only in the individual, and therefore looks as though it
were concerned with nothing but the individual. There lies
the illusion—an illusion, it is true, in which the individual is
held fast: but, if he reflects, he can break the fetters and set
himself free. It is only indirectly, I say, that the individual
has this violent craving for existence. It is the Will to Live
which is the real and direct aspirant—alike and identical in
all things. Since, then, existence is the free work, nay, the
mere reflection of the will, where existence is, there, too,
must be will; and for the moment the will finds its satisfaction
in existence itself; so far, I mean, as that which never
rests, but presses forward eternally, can ever find any satisfaction
at all. The will is careless of the individual: the individual
is not its business; although, as I have said, this seems
to be the case, because the individual has no direct consciousness
of will except in himself. The effect of this is to make
the individual careful to maintain his own existence; and if
this were not so, there would be no surety for the preservation
of the species. From all this it is clear that individuality
is not a form of perfection, but rather of limitation; and so
to be freed from it is not loss but gain. Trouble yourself no
more about the matter. Once thoroughly recognize what you
are, what your existence really is, namely, the universal will
to live, and the whole question will seem to you childish,
and most ridiculous!

Thrasymachos. You’re childish yourself and most ridiculous,
like all philosophers! and if a man of my age lets himself in
for a quarter-of-an-hour’s talk with such fools, it is only because
it amuses me and passes the time. I’ve more important
business to attend to, so Good-bye.

------
This is Schopenhauer's take on the matter, thought it might be useful.
 
It's hard..

I lost my grandad when i was about 9 (we were close), my childhood best friend that i still occasionally got rushing with when I was about 18, My nan mid last year and a very close friend of mine at the end of last year..

It fucking sucks.. but the pain does get easier to handle.. you do move on.

That said.. I don't know what I'd do if my girlfriend died.. Every time i think about it it ends with me killing myself before giving myself time to get over it.. I wouldn't want to.
 
That's quite an insightful perspective Foreigner, one in which im inclined to agree with.

A friend of mine was stabbed to death in 2012, it was my first experience with the death of someone close that was completely unexpected. It shocked me to my core, especially seeing his face show up on the local news that night.. i attended his funeral and everything. It was surreal, however i had not seen him for years prior to this and it was as foreigner described; as though he didn't exist.

It's all attachment, the idea of them provides you with joy, satisfaction and security. This was never more apparent to me then when i was in love with my ex, i was entirely dependent on her for my own happiness and it destroyed me in the end, it was a harsh but wise lesson. Death to me is the severing of this attachment.. forcing you to acknowledge the transient nature of existence.

I to wonder how i will react to my parents death, i think all the rationalization and philosophy in the world wont be enough to prevent me from completely breaking down, but hopefully it will help to stabilize me and provide a foundation to the entire experience.
 
I lost my Dad about 6 weeks before my 18'th birthday, and it hit me hard, but you carry on, it's what we do, but recently, an uncle (not close to me, but my Mum's younger brother) sadly passed away, alone in a park.

This got me thinking a little bit, I really wouldn't want to die lying in a hospital bed, anticipating the inevitable. I'd prefer it to strike me when it's time, and be quick.

So after he passed I stumbled across a little bit of epicurean philosophy about death, and that lead me to Lucretius - A roman poet who said this:

Anyone who fears death should consider the time before he was born. The past infinity of prenatal non-existence is like the future infinity of post-mortem non-existence; it is as though nature has put up a mirror to let us see what our future non-existence will be like. But we do not consider not having existed for an eternity before our births to be a terrible thing; therefore, neither should we think not existing for an eternity after our deaths to be bad.

^ I find this an oddly comforting notion.

The epicurean death argument - for a little background

One of the greatest fears that Epicurus tries to combat is the fear of death. Epicurus thinks that this fear is often based upon anxiety about having an unpleasant afterlife; this anxiety, he thinks, should be dispelled once one realizes that death is annihilation, because the mind is a group of atoms that disperses upon death.

i. The No Subject of Harm Argument
If death is annihilation, says Epicurus, then it is ‘nothing to us.’ Epicurus’ main argument for why death is not bad is contained in the Letter to Menoeceus and can be dubbed the ‘no subject of harm’ argument. If death is bad, for whom is it bad? Not for the living, since they’re not dead, and not for the dead, since they don’t exist. His argument can be set out as follows:

  1. Death is annihilation.
  2. The living have not yet been annihilated (otherwise they wouldn’t be alive).
  3. Death does not affect the living. (from 1 and 2)
  4. So, death is not bad for the living. (from 3)
  5. For something to be bad for somebody, that person has to exist, at least.
  6. The dead do not exist. (from 1)
  7. Therefore, death is not bad for the dead. (from 5 and 6)
  8. Therefore death is bad for neither the living nor the dead. (from 4 and 7)

Epicurus adds that if death causes you no pain when you’re dead, it’s foolish to allow the fear of it to cause you pain now.
 
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Deal with it enough and you become desensitized. It's just another day at the office, another body to be sent to the morgue. That's the result of the career I chose. You still have empathy but if you dwell on things to much you could end up having a mental breakdown. It's life, accept it and when your time comes meet it on your own terms. Don't end up an invalid unable to feed themselves, incontinent, unable to move, unable to communicate your frustration or pain. Euthanasia is a good thing in my opinion.
 
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