• ✍️ WORDS ✍️

    Welcome Guest!

  • Words Moderators: Shambles

deaf prophet ((PLEASE CRITQUE)

Meatpuppet

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 21, 2002
Messages
368
deaf as the Trojan prophetess Casandra
if Neptune had filled her ears with fluid
and i know Loki lurks like a drooling queer
in the black heart of every sampled rib
with a blindfold around my head
and a Confederate flag in the Virgo's hand
one foot on my chest
laying on my back of a thousand lashings
she stands proud
like a fascist crumbling another Jewish citizen
she glares down through "holier than thou" eyes
she spits, she laughs..at her new slave
she was the attractive apple
and i bit down to the core
now i suffer from knowledge
innocence to temptation..all the way to whore
leave me with incurable sores
and in my last breath in chlorine gas
I whisper in a strain, "I still love you"
i was bent over in hunger for love
like a beggar is for food
she fed me LSD to distort my visions
Xanex and whiskey to numb my senses
my fingers blood-shod
from over caressing porcupine quills
with the appearance of skin
elegance comparable to a Chinese noble newborn
her whole essence -an error in the birth of destiny
her Virgin Mary/Ginsberg alter-ego sexual perculiarness
it is what hooked me, then destroyed me
in the closet...all the skeletons, lays traps for all the Amazon animals..
and in its shadows..all the nightmares turn real...all the monsters come alive
and now i lay here dead...another conquest for a Lolita..
my soul wanted to kill the king
Slaughter all the devil's daughters
And annihilate everything
closed the portal to all my dreams
So with a fist I tried to slit my wrist
Let mother earth taste my blood
My emotional outlet…A river of feminine famine
Dripping in a puddle of mud
but the Hindu Kali got to me first...
and in a revolution battlefield i lay dead
I slept with the enemy
Now i take my place amongst all the other corpses..
..from the betrayal in love
in a Japanese field overlooked by Hoji
[ 27 July 2002: Message edited by: Meatpuppet ]
 
I've never read anything on this forum that has made me feel quite like the way i do right now. It could be the emotion that comes through so strongly in your poetical voice... but then again, your choice of words just blew me away. I love your style man! I love the somewhat convoluted way you say things, letting people figure things out for themselves. There is a sence of irreality in this piece , which is hard to achieve with words alone.
This is brilliant. I love it!
I would be really interested to see what you think of my works... if you ever get the time to read them, let me know what you think, ok?? :)
 
I cannot begin to say how much feeling, much of anger, did I feel from this piece. The way this poem was wrote intrigues me. For your situation with this Virgo must have you on ends. Be careful for Virgo is critical and a materialistic person who holds on to things because of what is theirs, despite any emotion involved.
 
i did read once that virgo and pisces (myself) are extremely differnt but very compatible people. thanx for posting and i enjoyed at least getting a reply..
I allow people to take what they want from my writing...but i was expressing defeat and depression...maybe a hint of anger and regret. Not just pure anger... that would be this poem:
Revenge
[ 31 July 2002: Message edited by: Meatpuppet ]
 
Top