dead friend rant

[lunalove123]

I feel so distraught I just lost my friend J on Saturday as they committed suicide. I lived with this person and saw them on a near daily basis and the worst part is that it was preventable as the staff at the house (who's job it is to take care of mental health issues mind you) knew about it her suicidal ideation and did nothing and then frankly I think caused it by telling her not to come to a brunch that the house was having because it was meant to be a happy event, FFS that shit is horrible and I feel deeply angry and upset theres so much grieving and processing left to do.
given the context it is also quite scary and unfortunate that I also had just gotten my paycheck and immediately bought a bunch of drugs. I bought all mild (ik this is very much to intrepretation) legal drugs before this had happened and I've gone through a period of my live abusing DXM so I'm just trying to work out what the best thing to do is, I did spend a lot of money on these drugs and I do hope to use some of them in order to process everything (mainly amanita muscaria, weed) but I have a whole thing of vodka and everclear which I'm honestly not pining over rn (I don't really care for alcohol) but I still feel uncomfy having so much access to so many drugs so soon after a major tragedy. I don't know if there's a solution I'm just not thinking of let me hear it, I will not be throwing it out unless I abuse it or start craving it. I guess this whole thing is much more of a rant as theres a lot to rant and rave about in this house, I could go on for pages about the random bullshit but I think I'd start looking like a raving lunatic

 

[TheLightBringer]

I feel so distraught I just lost my friend J on Saturday as they committed suicide. I lived with this person and saw them on a near daily basis and the worst part is that it was preventable as the staff at the house (who's job it is to take care of mental health issues mind you) knew about it her suicidal ideation and did nothing and then frankly I think caused it by telling her not to come to a brunch that the house was having because it was meant to be a happy event, FFS that shit is horrible and I feel deeply angry and upset theres so much grieving and processing left to do.
given the context it is also quite scary and unfortunate that I also had just gotten my paycheck and immediately bought a bunch of drugs. I bought all mild (ik this is very much to intrepretation) legal drugs before this had happened and I've gone through a period of my live abusing DXM so I'm just trying to work out what the best thing to do is, I did spend a lot of money on these drugs and I do hope to use some of them in order to process everything (mainly amanita muscaria, weed) but I have a whole thing of vodka and everclear which I'm honestly not pining over rn (I don't really care for alcohol) but I still feel uncomfy having so much access to so many drugs so soon after a major tragedy. I don't know if there's a solution I'm just not thinking of let me hear it, I will not be throwing it out unless I abuse it or start craving it. I guess this whole thing is much more of a rant as theres a lot to rant and rave about in this house, I could go on for pages about the random bullshit but I think I'd start looking like a raving lunatic

I hear you friend, I lost my best friend to a H overdose 4 years ago. I dont know if it was suicide, it was all so sudden, he had been clean for a few months.

The most important thing right now is that you take care of yourself, stay in touch with friends and dont self isolate, allow yourself to process this grief. My DMs are open if you need to vent

 

[Jnowhere]

I feel so distraught I just lost my friend J on Saturday as they committed suicide. I lived with this person and saw them on a near daily basis and the worst part is that it was preventable as the staff at the house (who's job it is to take care of mental health issues mind you) knew about it her suicidal ideation and did nothing and then frankly I think caused it by telling her not to come to a brunch that the house was having because it was meant to be a happy event, FFS that shit is horrible and I feel deeply angry and upset theres so much grieving and processing left to do.
given the context it is also quite scary and unfortunate that I also had just gotten my paycheck and immediately bought a bunch of drugs. I bought all mild (ik this is very much to intrepretation) legal drugs before this had happened and I've gone through a period of my live abusing DXM so I'm just trying to work out what the best thing to do is, I did spend a lot of money on these drugs and I do hope to use some of them in order to process everything (mainly amanita muscaria, weed) but I have a whole thing of vodka and everclear which I'm honestly not pining over rn (I don't really care for alcohol) but I still feel uncomfy having so much access to so many drugs so soon after a major tragedy. I don't know if there's a solution I'm just not thinking of let me hear it, I will not be throwing it out unless I abuse it or start craving it. I guess this whole thing is much more of a rant as theres a lot to rant and rave about in this house, I could go on for pages about the random bullshit but I think I'd start looking like a raving lunatic

That situation sounds absolutely horrible.
I will try to keep it short.( I tend to rant).

First of all this sounds like a group home/halfway house type of situation.
You mentioned the staff; whose job it is
deal with mental health issues.

Second, They knew she was potentially suicidal? They seemed to not care?

Third, she was told to not to come because it was "A happy event". A brunch?

Considering the Month and the day, she was basically told you are not welcome at a Christmas Party? More or less?

So she was basically told to stay away. This is a holiday celebration and that she would ruin it?

Am I close. She was suicidal and told by the staff, we are having a Christmas/holiday party and not to come.

Fourth. This boarders on criminal behavior by the staff.

Fifth( no pun intended) If she has family they ought sue the shit out of these people. Any company that owns this place and the staff responsible.

sixth, The idea of treating a suicidal person at a place like this is unimaginable.

Am I missing something?

This sounds like the reckless behavior of either under qualified staff or just plain old negligence. Mixed with cold careless self serving BS.

Well the brunch ended up a lot less happy.

Alienating a suicidal woman before during a hiloday celebration.

The rejection, the pain, alienation at this time of year. The pain and humiliation from what was probably a holiday brunch celebration; could have definitely been her breaking point. This is beyond awful.

The drinking and drugs; that is your business and decision.

This is beyond sad and, disgusting on the part of those who were supposed to be responsible.

 

[kiely]

What a horrible time of the year. Just hold on to the drugs somewhere. And be safe also.

Find as much support as possible and to get through the holidays. Be calm and safe now

keep focusing on how to get through everything. This is very sad. Stay strong and be careful please.

You have to for your friend. Hold on. Get as much support as possible. Very sad too.

You will get through this but I know this will hurt.

 

[the_ketaman]

I'm sorry mate.
Last week my friend and his gf got in a fight and he left for 2 days.
In that time she's overdosed on heroin and during that time I knocked on the door and she would have been dead while I was at the door.
She was lovely, full of life. Just self destructive. I've OD'd, my partner has, so many ppl have dropped lately. It's horrible.
If you hang around ppl who use drugs capable of causing death then you'll likely experience this more than once.

 

[lunalove123]

That situation sounds absolutely horrible.
I will try to keep it short.( I tend to rant).

First of all this sounds like a group home/halfway house type of situation.
You mentioned the staff; whose job it is
deal with mental health issues.

Second, They knew she was potentially suicidal? They seemed to not care?

Third, she was told to not to come because it was "A happy event". A brunch?

Considering the Month and the day, she was basically told you are not welcome at a Christmas Party? More or less?

So she was basically told to stay away. This is a holiday celebration and that she would ruin it?

Am I close. She was suicidal and told by the staff, we are having a Christmas/holiday party and not to come.

Fourth. This boarders on criminal behavior by the staff.

Fifth( no pun intended) If she has family they ought sue the shit out of these people. Any company that owns this place and the staff responsible.

sixth, The idea of treating a suicidal person at a place like this is unimaginable.

Am I missing something?

This sounds like the reckless behavior of either under qualified staff or just plain old negligence. Mixed with cold careless self serving BS.

Well the brunch ended up a lot less happy.

Alienating a suicidal woman before during a hiloday celebration.

The rejection, the pain, alienation at this time of year. The pain and humiliation from what was probably a holiday brunch celebration; could have definitely been her breaking point. This is beyond awful.

The drinking and drugs; that is your business and decision.

This is beyond sad and, disgusting on the part of those who were supposed to be responsible.

yeah, fuck,. yeah you hit the nail on the head. the sad part is she only really has her grandma and so all her stuff is just downstairs.

to be clear the staff's job is not to help with mental health stuff but to refer people to those resources. the staff said that she would "bring down the mood" its been a while since I've read the OG post and honestly it reads like its straight out of my journal and I know this post probably does too because I just got out of the psych ward like 5 days ago and I'm still reeling from that traumatic experience

I'm thinking about suing over just how they've treated me and the sad part is I know it would make life harder for queer people where I live because its one of the only queer shelters. I have so much rage and hatred surrounding me and honestly I might just start writing a whole fucking 30 page post of all the ways they've wronged everyone in the house but I think it would make my conviction to sue stronger. I try to live by a utilitarian philosphy mostly but theres times when to feel at peace I need to scorch the earth and singe the singers of their sick songs

i shake with rage

 

[Blowmonkey]

the staff said that she would "bring down the mood"

what the fuck man, this seems to be a common occurrence at these types of places. the people that need help the most get ignored or sent away because "they're too much trouble"..

i shake with rage

understandably so, start writing that 30 page post man, it'll help.