Day after day, it seems all I do is all the same. Boredom used to kill me because of that. Now I could say I got used to it. But if I did why does it still bother me?
I try to sum up my life, good and bad things that happened to me and that I did. It's kind of strange when I live a life like I can get a call or call myself, go to some club then not sleep at all because the Sun is already shining and I've got some work to do whether it's some stupid thing in downtown or chemistry.
But yet I lead a double life. The first one might be that. The second isn't drugs or other things marked as 'bad' by society. These merged long time ago. So I might have like 1000 faces and it's still one side of my life.
One of those nights. A period of time that happens from time to time, I suffer from loneliness, I don't know what to do with myself. I don't know where my potential is. Or the other way around I go crazy and don't know what's going on with me. So much energy comes into me. I've got so many ideas. I may be a maniac then or a drowning in depression empty man. Whatever.
Both reasons are good to go out and hit some club. Pop something, I mean I'm really convinced I quit opioids, I just hold on that's why there's methadone. But quiting this doesn't mean quiting that. Could do some MDMA or MDA or both as a mix, it's great... K may be good as well and if it looks like it's going to last and there'll be some after-party - to hell with it. Yes, I do some chemicals recreational. I kill loneliness coming up to some gal who significantly tries to catch someone's eye either if she's calm and acting alone or if she's alpha in the club and goes all the way so jerks think "she'll never be mine". Whatever, so let's break the ice - it may be both the calm type or the extrovert one. In real life they both found their way of showing they're in some pain. Not going into the details of complicated women's inside nature, I might just leave the part when she's totally positive about "breaking the ice". All in general. Students hostels are just great like she's saying "my roommates are out and probably drinking or already too drunk to come back so maybe we go to my place?" or other smarter and more sensible phrase suggesting we go and heal our pains. But it doesn't last forever and while the talk part is the most important for mind there's nobody to blame that other kind of activity blows the body with neurotransmitters and hormones banging at sites promoting feelings of euphoria, composure, relief of pain both psychological and physical...
A general reflection on one of my "other than drugs" way to cure myself. And I just lost the thread as I had gone for this fucking levothyroxine tab so my damned hypothyroidism is satisfied. Just a quarter and I will take a shot of methadone syrup to wash down clonazepam pills with. That's the beginning of my fucking day, it doesn't change. I could be somewhere on Kamchatka with some countryman speaking in Chukchi and I'd still have to do the same. But let's get back to where I am.
Taking a shower, checking mails, searching for some one goddamned article among zillions of journals to find a solution for something I might be doing later today... After all of that (some tea and breakfast-fast-fast during some pause) I will head to the university to fight against stupid professors who think their degree had changed them into ubermensch kind. Some skirmish in deanery also does it well...
...Well, to hell with them all. Hoping my presence at the lab might bring a smile to a narrow group of people there, I will show up. It's worth even to explain someone that "kyselina octová" is the name for "acetic acid".
I try to sum up my life, good and bad things that happened to me and that I did. It's kind of strange when I live a life like I can get a call or call myself, go to some club then not sleep at all because the Sun is already shining and I've got some work to do whether it's some stupid thing in downtown or chemistry.
But yet I lead a double life. The first one might be that. The second isn't drugs or other things marked as 'bad' by society. These merged long time ago. So I might have like 1000 faces and it's still one side of my life.
One of those nights. A period of time that happens from time to time, I suffer from loneliness, I don't know what to do with myself. I don't know where my potential is. Or the other way around I go crazy and don't know what's going on with me. So much energy comes into me. I've got so many ideas. I may be a maniac then or a drowning in depression empty man. Whatever.
Both reasons are good to go out and hit some club. Pop something, I mean I'm really convinced I quit opioids, I just hold on that's why there's methadone. But quiting this doesn't mean quiting that. Could do some MDMA or MDA or both as a mix, it's great... K may be good as well and if it looks like it's going to last and there'll be some after-party - to hell with it. Yes, I do some chemicals recreational. I kill loneliness coming up to some gal who significantly tries to catch someone's eye either if she's calm and acting alone or if she's alpha in the club and goes all the way so jerks think "she'll never be mine". Whatever, so let's break the ice - it may be both the calm type or the extrovert one. In real life they both found their way of showing they're in some pain. Not going into the details of complicated women's inside nature, I might just leave the part when she's totally positive about "breaking the ice". All in general. Students hostels are just great like she's saying "my roommates are out and probably drinking or already too drunk to come back so maybe we go to my place?" or other smarter and more sensible phrase suggesting we go and heal our pains. But it doesn't last forever and while the talk part is the most important for mind there's nobody to blame that other kind of activity blows the body with neurotransmitters and hormones banging at sites promoting feelings of euphoria, composure, relief of pain both psychological and physical...
A general reflection on one of my "other than drugs" way to cure myself. And I just lost the thread as I had gone for this fucking levothyroxine tab so my damned hypothyroidism is satisfied. Just a quarter and I will take a shot of methadone syrup to wash down clonazepam pills with. That's the beginning of my fucking day, it doesn't change. I could be somewhere on Kamchatka with some countryman speaking in Chukchi and I'd still have to do the same. But let's get back to where I am.
Taking a shower, checking mails, searching for some one goddamned article among zillions of journals to find a solution for something I might be doing later today... After all of that (some tea and breakfast-fast-fast during some pause) I will head to the university to fight against stupid professors who think their degree had changed them into ubermensch kind. Some skirmish in deanery also does it well...
...Well, to hell with them all. Hoping my presence at the lab might bring a smile to a narrow group of people there, I will show up. It's worth even to explain someone that "kyselina octová" is the name for "acetic acid".