8:15 AM
Its nice to recognize the symbolic nature of dreams. Here's one I had last night:
I was riding a 10 speed bike to the dope spot. I had my dog running/walking beside me. I was two blocks from the corner. Two kids (maybe 12 years old) came outside with their pet. This pet was mostly black bear with some gorilla features. It wasn't on a leash.
The bear-rilla came towards us and I was fearful for my dog so I turned around and kept calling in fear for my dog to come. I didn't want him to get hurt. I wanted to get to the dope spot but couldn't get past the bear-rilla with my dog because my dog would have been hurt. Due to concern for my dog I was unable to get my drugs.
3:00 PM
"Ego exists in the past or future and struggles to survive in the present." --Unknown
3:15 PM
Well, everyone was pretty accurate in describing the weekends here... BORING! We had a 'group' today that had everyone come up with a marketing campaign for this hospital. After that, NOTHING! My decision is made, I'm leaving on Saturday afternoon (as opposed to Monday). They won't even let us hold our own 12 Step meetings to kill time. Its ridiculous.
I'm not permitted to play volleyball or basketball due to having a history of drug induced seizures. I have no interest in these games but still, when someone is this bored, the option becomes more appealing.
I called to check on Shaman. He's doing fine. I called the pizza shop to shoot the shit with people. I don't have any other phone numbers on me.
I'm sitting outside writing at a picnic table and am pleased that the birds here are comfortable coming so close to humans. This tells me that previous addicts have shown compassion and kindness to them through time. Us addicts are compassionate. More-so than others it appears.
We have an hour and a half until dinner and I'm starved. I can't wait to make myself a chicken cheese steak when I get out.
9:15 PM
"Its hard to accept some things and real easy to deny others" --unknown
I need to have more faith in what life has planned for me. I crave female affection and am so scared that I'll never find a good woman. I'm a jealous person and harbor resentment when I face the reality that women have been with men prior to me (just like I've been with other women).
I really wish the situation with 'M' and me was workable. She was/is so special but we BOTH violated the most important thing in any relationship... ...trust.
I'm a good guy. I'm extremely sensitive and this sensitivity is definitely related to my drug use. I don't want to grow harder. I need to learn how to accept life's natural realities.
I'm still early into this so I am VERY weak emotionally. I don't need to be thinking about future love at this point in time. I need to get well and, when it is time, things will work out.
Its nice to recognize the symbolic nature of dreams. Here's one I had last night:
I was riding a 10 speed bike to the dope spot. I had my dog running/walking beside me. I was two blocks from the corner. Two kids (maybe 12 years old) came outside with their pet. This pet was mostly black bear with some gorilla features. It wasn't on a leash.
The bear-rilla came towards us and I was fearful for my dog so I turned around and kept calling in fear for my dog to come. I didn't want him to get hurt. I wanted to get to the dope spot but couldn't get past the bear-rilla with my dog because my dog would have been hurt. Due to concern for my dog I was unable to get my drugs.
3:00 PM
"Ego exists in the past or future and struggles to survive in the present." --Unknown
3:15 PM
Well, everyone was pretty accurate in describing the weekends here... BORING! We had a 'group' today that had everyone come up with a marketing campaign for this hospital. After that, NOTHING! My decision is made, I'm leaving on Saturday afternoon (as opposed to Monday). They won't even let us hold our own 12 Step meetings to kill time. Its ridiculous.
I'm not permitted to play volleyball or basketball due to having a history of drug induced seizures. I have no interest in these games but still, when someone is this bored, the option becomes more appealing.
I called to check on Shaman. He's doing fine. I called the pizza shop to shoot the shit with people. I don't have any other phone numbers on me.
I'm sitting outside writing at a picnic table and am pleased that the birds here are comfortable coming so close to humans. This tells me that previous addicts have shown compassion and kindness to them through time. Us addicts are compassionate. More-so than others it appears.
We have an hour and a half until dinner and I'm starved. I can't wait to make myself a chicken cheese steak when I get out.
9:15 PM
"Its hard to accept some things and real easy to deny others" --unknown
I need to have more faith in what life has planned for me. I crave female affection and am so scared that I'll never find a good woman. I'm a jealous person and harbor resentment when I face the reality that women have been with men prior to me (just like I've been with other women).
I really wish the situation with 'M' and me was workable. She was/is so special but we BOTH violated the most important thing in any relationship... ...trust.
I'm a good guy. I'm extremely sensitive and this sensitivity is definitely related to my drug use. I don't want to grow harder. I need to learn how to accept life's natural realities.
I'm still early into this so I am VERY weak emotionally. I don't need to be thinking about future love at this point in time. I need to get well and, when it is time, things will work out.