I guess I'm through the worst of it but the remnants last a while... I'm one of those people that got a legitimate prescription for Oxy due to multiple issues in my body. 5 years later, I have a problem. I'm using more than I should, supplementing this with spirits and benzos and basically not winning. So I decided to go cold turkey against my MD's advice. And it sucks. Having an anxiety attack as we speak. If you are going through this right now, I feel for you. It's fucking hard.
Recovery Day 26 of Oxy CT and yep, this still sucks...
- Thread starter bdaver
- Start date
More information- I used to be addicted to heroin- probs should have told my MD this but why bother when you can get the keys to the candy store, right? That was 20 years ago (I got clean in 1999). I was your bog standard user... started with alcohol and weed, progressed to speed and LSD, started using Coke and then started to deal the Coke. Became the supplier's number one dealer and one year as a Xmas present I got like a giant bag of freebies. Including a shitload of heroin. Started sprinkling it on our bongs and before I knew it, I was IVing it (totally against my beliefs) and my life disintegrated. I was a criminal and almost on the streets. Thanks to the support of my family I got through it. But it scarred me. Fast forward twenty years and here we are. Again. But this time it's much worse.
I've read almost every recovery thread and I'll be honest, I wouldn't be here without those threads. Some are inspiring, some heartbreaking. But if I am able to offer any support or insight, I'm here to give back. I know what you're going through.
nznity
Bluelighter
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Man, the first time i got hooked on an opiate was Oxycontin(the old formula).I was only chewing 5-6 10mg pills everyday for like 4 or 5 months. That was back in 2012, i'm not joking it took me 2 months to feel somewhat normal again.I swear the oxy withdrawal(the acute stage) although is not that intense than IV heroin, it takes so long until u get past the depression. It took me a lot of hard work and willpower to overcome that dependency, but in the end it was all not worth it because i got hooked on IV morphine a few months later. And here i am 7 years later, 5 rehab stints and still shooting up, well at least i only iv pharma grade ampoules so im not doing any damage to my circulatory system at least....anyway good luck with your CT man, you're past the worst already, don't give up.It's gonna be worth it in the end. Be safe. NZN
Thanks NZN. It's still torture. No sleep, anxiety, crippling depression. I'm fortunate to have the support of my family as well as some decent medical support otherwise I'd just be still on it. And I was using a lot more than you were. My tolerance for this kind of stuff is unbelievable. I looked up the amounts I was taking and I shouldn't be here. With the alcohol and benzos I got a couple of ER admissions and that was kinda it for me. I have kids. I'm doing this for them. But it's very hard on my partner, she's not happy it's taking this long. And what's left is someone who is less functional than before due to the fact my body is fucked and I can't dope myself out of it. Very hard dealing with what's left over. And my new MD is suggesting more procedures, which is kinda terrifying.
Damn man I'd expect you to be in just mild PAWS by now on oxy. (such as depression and apathy).
For me, on day 10 of an oxy kick I was 100% better. Still on the pink cloud dancing for joy. (which is why I relapsed, with all that energy and pink cloud high I was thinking "fuck it, what could go wrong getting high?")
Did you use any other meds? I found that using low dose subs over 14 days just dragged out a lingering painful kick, I felt crappy the whole time whereas if I'd CT'd I'd be better day 10.
For me, on day 10 of an oxy kick I was 100% better. Still on the pink cloud dancing for joy. (which is why I relapsed, with all that energy and pink cloud high I was thinking "fuck it, what could go wrong getting high?")
Did you use any other meds? I found that using low dose subs over 14 days just dragged out a lingering painful kick, I felt crappy the whole time whereas if I'd CT'd I'd be better day 10.
Thanks. I was taking other meds (Valium) as well as drinking a whole lot and smoking weed. So I quit everything as my life was going off the rails. Since then, I've found myself drinking a bit as the anxiety starts, usually around lunchtime. Avoiding spirits as I was drinking a shit ton of whiskey. Also have been smoking a little bit of weed at night which gets me to sleep but doesn't keep me asleep. Last night I woke up at 01:45 and couldn't get back to sleep. Much anxiety. My shrink reckons I may have PTSD. My OT advised me that it could take six months to get better. I just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other at this stage.
Been there, done that... wish I could say the same. I may have some other underlying issues I think. I've been at it in one way or another since I was about 15-16. That's 30 years...
Stargazer
Bluelight Crew
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- Apr 28, 2013
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bdaver,
We have alot in common. My addiction started with 5 80mg Oxy's a day. Prescribed for chronic pain.
Fast forward, 14-21 bags of heroin a day IV. What a nightmare.
You are doing awesome!! Just hang on tight. It IS going to end. You really will feel better. And Oh!! When you do, that's a high in itself. You can do this. You've made it really far. Incredible. ❤
We have alot in common. My addiction started with 5 80mg Oxy's a day. Prescribed for chronic pain.
Fast forward, 14-21 bags of heroin a day IV. What a nightmare.
You are doing awesome!! Just hang on tight. It IS going to end. You really will feel better. And Oh!! When you do, that's a high in itself. You can do this. You've made it really far. Incredible. ❤
Thanks Stargazer. I also had a massive tolerance. I tapered really fast (over a week from about 600mg+ to 40mg) and then jumped... probably should have thought it through. My MD said they couldn't 'medically support' my decision. Now I know why...
Having said that, I'm holding fast. Plenty of vitamins and minerals, attempting to drag my broken body to do some exercise. It's sooo hard, though. The lack of sleep is killer.
Really appreciate the words.
I'm there with you bdaver and stargazer. I am a poly-substance abuser also going on 30 years. I am married with two young kids and my wife, while she knows of some of my issues, does not know the whole deal. I feel horrible today. Hungover, again.
Yesterday I came on BL for the first time in a while and learned about the passing of aihfl. He talked me through quite a few hard times and kicks... so I used his RIP as an excuse to get inebriated. And this morning I am at work and at my usual thing of doing different drugs to get off other drugs and cope with hangovers.
Just venting and here to say you are not alone. I spend so much time and energy thinking about drinking and doing drugs and thinking about NOT drinking and doing drugs. I have never been to rehab nor have I ever embraced 12 step programs. I just want to get healthy and be alive and well and present for my kids. WTF is wrong with me? Sorry to hijack your thread. I can't believe I am back here... again...
Yesterday I came on BL for the first time in a while and learned about the passing of aihfl. He talked me through quite a few hard times and kicks... so I used his RIP as an excuse to get inebriated. And this morning I am at work and at my usual thing of doing different drugs to get off other drugs and cope with hangovers.
Just venting and here to say you are not alone. I spend so much time and energy thinking about drinking and doing drugs and thinking about NOT drinking and doing drugs. I have never been to rehab nor have I ever embraced 12 step programs. I just want to get healthy and be alive and well and present for my kids. WTF is wrong with me? Sorry to hijack your thread. I can't believe I am back here... again...
Yeah, he posted in all the recovery threads I read... Big shock. We're all doing it tough, some more than others.
cj
Bluelight Crew
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- Nov 18, 2008
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It is really hard but the only way out is through unfortunately. Can you go to the doctor and get some sleep meds? Remeron works for me
Debbie Combs
Bluelighter
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- Oct 10, 2018
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- 158
The second month was the hardest for me. Sleep was difficult, depression, anxiety and all the mental stuff that goes with it. Like I could handle the physical aspect so much better. It’s been said a thousand times but it WILL get better. I stopped methadone in January. 6mo is a turning point. I have goals, motivation and energy I never knew I could get back. Good luck on your journey and please hang in there, it is worth it