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Dating and drinking

A

ArtVandalay

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 3, 2008
Messages
713
I'm a year and a few months off a hefty, long term opiate addiction. On suboxone, don't take any other drugs, quit smoking, don't drink.

Both my previous long term relationships were with women with mental illness who treated me badly. I'm in therapy and have become aware of my attraction to bitchy, 'crazy' girls. I admit I have an unhealthy sado-masochistic idea of relationships and want to change.

It's been a year since my long term relationship ended. Haven't dated or had sex since.

I've started hanging out with girls and getting over anxiety. I recently met a really cool girl who is smart, funny has similar interests, is veg like me, and seems genuinely nice. I'm attracted to her and plan on asking her out.

She drinks. I met her at a party where she was drunk, then at another party where she wasn't. But she said she 'never turns down a drink' or something to that effect.

Now, I'm the type that can have a drink if I want and it won't lead to more. I don't like alcohol, never did. My roommates left beer in the fridge and it's remained for weeks. But, I'm still weary of dating a drinker.

Should I go for it? And, if so, when should I mention my sobriety and recovery story?
 
he said he can drink and turn it down.

Yes worry about dating a drinker.

From being a heavy drinking I can say this. A real drunk will ruin your life if you date them.

So that being said is she a addict? A drunk? Or is she just a party girl.. there a serious difference.
 
I think she's a social drinker. She's in a masters program, so still in the college life. I agree there's a big difference.

I was hooking up with an alcoholic girl as a rebound for a couple months in the early stages of recovery. I realized it was a bad idea and cut it off. So, if I find this girls a drunk, I won't pursue it.
 
Like you, I seem to like "fun" women. However the ones that are funny, sexy, and out there, always seem to have a equally non fun turn around and bite you in the arse mental illness.Probably the best way to play this would be to get to know her, even ask her about her drinking habits... you said that you met her at a party not drinking, that could be an indication that she doesn't get smashed all the time... or... maybe she has an addictive personality but hasn't explored other drugs yet... in which case unless you both persue straightnrss, your probably fucked.. but we all know that alcohol is a damned average drug to be addict to.
 
Update- been out with this girl a couple times, along with friends. Going to a show this weekend just the two of us, so I hope to make a move. She's hella cool, drinking isn't a problem I found out. I just don't know when to tell her about my drug history/recovery?
 
Wait until it comes up naturally and even then you can feel out the situation for how much to reveal. It doesn't have to be brought up like a confession. I'm glad it is still working out and that you really like her. That's exciting!<3
 
I'd give her and your dating or relationship a chance. You yourself do not have to drink.

I do not drink at all but I have friends who do drink. I'd be OK with dating someone who is into drinking socially; but I personally would not drink at all. If they were into drinking daily or on a regular basis and tried to get me to drink or just wanted to go to bars or parties all the time and just get drunk I would not date them.

You'll know when the time is right to tell her about your past.
 
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"Both my previous long term relationships were with women with mental illness who treated me badly. I'm in therapy and have become aware of my attraction to bitchy, 'crazy' girls. I admit I have an unhealthy sado-masochistic idea of relationships and want to change."

This sounds like me and its fucked how we are like that with women. Not many men can mess with me and get away with it but women.. thats another things. Mine come from being bullied when i was a kid for a being a fatass lol.

Cheers

Chrisalt
 
lol dude i used to be chubby when i was younger too..now that i lost weight i feel obligated to not take shit from anybody^ hahah

and dude, dont drop it too soon..ive come out and told a girl upfront about what ive been through and she must have seen it like baggage, and said fuck that...gotta worry about him being on drugs?

wait until you guys have a stable foundation, where it wont matter your past, only what you guys have in the present. If she truly likes you after the allotted time has passed, you will be able to see if its true, by whether she judges you on your past or not
 
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