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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Damned if I Do, A zombie if I don't

I wonder what you get out of writing here? It doesn't seem like you want to change so you aren't doing it for advice. It seems like you are trying to convince yourself and everyone else that you don't care about anything or anyone. What you are doing to your parents sounds very cruel. You say you are supporting yourself but then why are you living at home? Why would someone that is supporting themselves be living with parents that he doesn't even like?

The mission of this part of Bluelight (TDS) and the recovery subforums is to provide support for people that are struggling to change their drug use or to change the problems that lead to abuse and/or addiction. One of the guidelines is not to glorify specific drugs or highs because that is triggering for people that are trying to quit or at least to modify their habits. It seems to me that this thread would be better written as a blog as you don't seem to be asking for either support or advice but maybe it is helpful to you in some way to write it.

For what it's worth I don't think you are sociopathic or insane. I think you have developed a thick armor and safe story to tell yourself (that you don't care about anyone but you).
 
Hm. No like I said... There are days when going clean sounds amazing and rational. I tell myself no more. I don't use... Everyone's advice helps. But then it always comes back to being swayed to use. Probably cause I don't say no and I am weak. I should just blog.. I didn't even realize where this was posted.. I hate being someone else every day but it just happens that way. I haven't done anything that I said I would do to recover. I guess because "It's not a big deal .. Just some Meth and Heroin nothing to bad" " At the last minute you'll snap and complete everything and be fine and fixed for a few months... But then back down to the bottom where I perish all over again.. The same way it all started.. One experience leading to something much more than usingm
 
And look at me now :( I'm always late to everything because I just don't plan shit. I am gonna get fired have been late all week. How does one put a fire under their ass to hurry up and get places on time.. That's the biggest problem it's always "Oh I will go in 5 minutes." An hour passes and I'm barely getting ready to go... By the time I get anywhere I've pretty much missed the whole event.. or missed crucial information that I can't learn for shit by myself
 
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