Damage from mushrooms?

[blahman8000]

I've probably posted here a few times about this bad trip I had about 4 1/2 years ago. I took about an eighth of mushrooms and had a very, very bad trip. I completely flipped out and I'll never forget it.

Ever since then, it seems like everything in my life has been meaningless and has been covered by this dark cloud. I've been diagnosed with biological depression but it seems like there is more to it than that. It isn't that I feel sad all the time. I feel bored and empty all the time. I feel constantly apathetic, as if nothing is worth doing. All meaning in life was just suddenly dried out. I don't feel connected to anybody; not my family, not my friends. It's almost as if my emotions have died. Yet, watching movies or listening to music, I'll cry my eyes out. Over anything, really. Not events in my own life, but just the emotions conveyed in these mediums. Instead of being a victim to my emotions, I'm a victim to my thoughts. I think constantly. I've had panic attacks, constant anxiety, and this fear that I've destroyed myself.

Does anybody else have experience in this kind of thing? Is there anything that I can do? I've tried a few meds: Lamictal and Lexapro. Lamictal seemed to eliminate my worst thoughts but at the same time it didn't really improve the quality of my life much. Lexapro just made me feel incredibly anxious.

I just want to be able to connect with people again, feel love again, and experience meaning and significance in my life. Ever since that bad trip, I just don't remember feeling any of that. Maybe the trip is unrelated and it's just coincidental. Maybe not. My life just doesn't seem to be worth living anymore. All meaning seems to be buried in thoughts and emptiness. I saw a psychiatrist and the therapy sessions were rendered pointless by this very problem.

Since then, there were momentary feelings of excitement, meaning, and even tenderness towards other people. But in retrospect, none of it seems to hold any value. It's almost all forgotten.

P.S. If it matters, I do drink heavily. But things weren't much better when I wasn't drinking.

 

[villian]

I understand you don't think things were any better when you weren't drinking, but in my opinion you should still quit drinking for a little bit just so you can see how your mind reacts when their are no chemicals in it -- try to see what your baseline is.

Mushrooms don't cause any physical damage, but they can cause psychological damage. I feel apathetic and empty a lot myself as well, I attribute it to the plethora of different drugs I abused, can't really narrow it down.

I've heard talk therapy can help, but I don't have any personal experience with it.

hope you feel better man

 

[PillPoppingAnimal]

that happened to me but didnt last 4.5 years....i got clean for a while and then went back into drugs but only soft drugs (besides a opiate addiction, but thats way later on).

u got to basically get ur fucking life going, im assuming u do jack shit right now, and if so no wonder why ur depressed ...any motherfucker would be depressed if they did jack shit but drink by themselves...

go get a job/go to school...make money, get a girlfriend or boyfriend, whatever floats ur boat...have sex, sex with many people...go out and have fun...dance... live ur fucking life man dont waste it, u dont wanna be 70 years old and relize u never had fun...u gotta look to the future and live in the moment at the same time

 

[n3ophy7e]

Okay, blahman, to be honest I think you need to either cut down or quit drinking. Drinking is a depressant in itself and can easily exacerbate depression.

Also, clinical "depression" doens't only encompass feelings of sadness and teariness, it also includes the symptoms you describe of feeling empty and apathetic.

Anti-depressants work for some people, but for others they might not help. Therapy is a much more statistically-successful treatment for depression, and if you can use anti-depressants PLUS therapy you could potentially increase your chances of overcoming your condition.

My advice to you would be to find a good psychologist/counsellor and see them at least once a fortnight for therapy sessions. They will talk you through the feelings you're experiencing and give you methods to deal with the negative thought patterns. You cannot take anti-depressants without the constant guidance of some kind of medical professional so at very least speak to your regular doctor about what you're going through.

Good luck, and let us know how you're going

 

[Teonanactylln']

Drinking is what gets the more sensatively arranged through the day-to-day tedium without blowing our brains out.

A therapist might help, but if you resist it and haven't spent any time focusing introspectively, it'll just be a waste of money.

The depression might just be situational, and speaking to a therapist might only make it worse.

This world that we live in is composed of a societal hierarchy that most cannot rise above.

The rich get richer and less intrinsic, while the poor find less and less that's worth clinging to.

I'm sorry if this seems less than ideal, and less than helpful, but there are millions of us that aren't going to find help through drugs or therapy. The world is set up in such a way that those who are stuck in a shitty situation are going to stay there, unless there's a massive paradigm shift within society. I doubt mushrooms did anything but clarify your focus on how shitty the general world population's plight really is...

For me, the only thing that helped was realizing how shitty our plight really is and working to alleviate that through research and direct action.
Even then, you'll have a tendency to sink into a deeper depression, but at least you'll feel as if your doing something and find people on the same wavelength with which to commiserate.

I'm not sure how old you are, but if you reached the age of reason during the first decade of the second millenia, you've really got nothing to prop your hopes on. The best option is to find a group of people who are focused on the best things in life, and to trip with one of them, surrounded by wonderful music and fun trip-toys. While you're under the influence, try your best to SHUT THE FUCK UP, and watch what happy people do, and focus on what they chose to focus on... Taking a low dose and spending time in the woods with happy people is probably the only thing that's going to help. Toying with shrinks that have been taught how to cheer you up through a systematic pile of bullshit (like the DSM-IV that focuses on how to figure out that everybody's mentally disturbed) and that the key to happiness is based on a handful of medications without pleasant side effects isn't going to help you.

Life's a bitch. If you don't get used to it, then psychedelics are one of the only ways to focus on a perspective beyond the day-to-day reality of life. don't let one bad experience scare you away from their healing properties. You probably were in the wrong setting with the wrong people.

My suggestion?

Take a trip to one of the Ayahuasca workshops in central/south America. they'll work with you (for five or more days) until the allies have broken through your boundaries, and have given you hope. God knows, there's very little of it to go around, unless you're into bogus materialistic bullshit.
good luck, my friend.

 

[Draigan]

I don't believe in damage from mushrooms. I have had terrible terrible trips where I was running down the ghetto with no shoes or a shirt screaming for the police to PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!

Sure I was fucked for a while after, but not really..

Mushrooms are benign in my opinion, but I can see how you could get a lot of anxiety from a bad trip like that, its scary, and your probaably dreading it happening again.

Raise your overall awareness and energy level and anxieties like that will vanish!!

 

[Ixchellian]

mushrooms years ago? continuing alcohol consumption? give it a name, and deal with it. first order is *stop drinking*
ive eaten far more mushrooms and other party-favors than the average bear, yet likker has caused more short-&-long term issues than even the most shady psychedelic.

its too late in this case, but for fuckssake people, be smart about mushrooms. unless yeh picked em yerselves, or know who yer gettin em from and that they really know what they're doing.

 

[n3ophy7e]

The depression might just be situational, and speaking to a therapist might only make it worse.

The world is set up in such a way that those who are stuck in a shitty situation are going to stay there, unless there's a massive paradigm shift within society.

I'm not sure how old you are, but if you reached the age of reason during the first decade of the second millenia, you've really got nothing to prop your hopes on.

I must say, while I totally respect your opinion and experience, I diagree with these comments. While there is a certain element of social hierarchy that dictates our outcomes, the majority of our situation is up to us and what we choose to make of it. The moment you place the control of your life in the hands of others is the moment you render yourself completely powerless.

A therapist might help, but if you resist it and haven't spent any time focusing introspectively, it'll just be a waste of money.

I do, however, agree with this. Therapy is useless unless the individual is willing to make it work.

The best option is to find a group of people who are focused on the best things in life, and to trip with one of them, surrounded by wonderful music and fun trip-toys. While you're under the influence, try your best to SHUT THE FUCK UP, and watch what happy people do, and focus on what they chose to focus on... Taking a low dose and spending time in the woods with happy people is probably the only thing that's going to help. Toying with shrinks that have been taught how to cheer you up through a systematic pile of bullshit (like the DSM-IV that focuses on how to figure out that everybody's mentally disturbed) and that the key to happiness is based on a handful of medications without pleasant side effects isn't going to help you.

Life's a bitch. If you don't get used to it, then psychedelics are one of the only ways to focus on a perspective beyond the day-to-day reality of life. don't let one bad experience scare you away from their healing properties. You probably were in the wrong setting with the wrong people.

I really don't think that the use of any recreational drugs is the answer for the OP's problems.

 

[Tommyboy]

^ And if any would, I would say MDMA since it is used for PTSD.

@OP: I had a similar experience. I used to smoke weed everyday, then one night bugged out. Judging by the effects, it was pcp w/ the weed but who knows.
Anyway, I was on benzos, then ssris, then lamictal. I am now off everything, and am almost off of the benzos. Drinking messes it all up. Lay off of it. It messes with your progress.

 

[blahman8000]

I appreciate all the replies.

I don't plan on taking anymore hallucinogens because at this point, the possibility of a negative experience scares the shit out of me. That bad mushroom trip was horrifying.

I really haven't found any benefit in therapy or medication. Therapy was especially useless, or at least the therapist I was seeing was. "Talking" about my mental difficulties really didn't alleviate them at all. It really didn't amount to much, other than a waste of money and a few very boring experiences. I'm sure many others have come to the same conclusion.

I'm simply getting the impression that whatever's special about being alive is slipping from my consciousness. And I feel like my brain is somehow dying. Whether or not that's related to that experience on mushrooms, I can say that life really became rather boring ever since then. Nothing seems special anymore. Even when I'm on drugs, I can recognize their effect on me and I still feel empty and bored, whether it's ecstasy, amphetamine, weed, cocaine, whatever. Nothing is fun. I feel as though I'm becoming dumber, life is becoming more empty, and that I'll probably feel this way (or a lot worse) until the day I die. My memory is becoming worse. Alcohol doesn't even feel as good as it used to.

I'll stop here though, before I really begin whining.

 

[passionatlycurious]

many people have come back from worse places, it sounds cliche, but try to stay optimistic. Try to think about why you are having these feelings instead of running from them and hoping they will go away. If you dont think you can do psychadelics again, get into yoga or meditation or something. get into anything, just dont give up. its worth it to fight through, even though you cant see the love, its still there, and its possible to find. good luck to you, i know what youre going through im going through the same thing but am slowly coming out of it, you can do it!

 

[serotoninsurfer]

what did you see on your mushroom experience blahman?

it seems whatever you hallucinated has scared you so much that you have given up trying to move forward. But you will move forward and be happy again it takes time and focusing on what you value in life.

the mushrooms have not caused any brain damage at all.

and remeber whatever you saw in the experience has NO bearing on real life at all its basically a waking dream.

 

[kaossalami]

My advice would be to sober up for a bit and see how you feel when your 100 percent sober. Or as close as you wanna get to that anyways..I know its been answered but I don't think the shrooms caused you any permanent damage.. I realized the more I abuse the shittier life was when I wasn't high.. im sobering up and im starting to see thhe optimistac side

 

[Psychodelirium]

OP, it sounds like you need to confront the actual content of your bad trip and not just write it off as, "I put something in my brain and it made me feel bad." Mushrooms do not cause organic damage but they can certainly fragment your mind if you're unwilling or unable to integrate the experience. I'm in a very similar boat as I've been struggling to integrate a series of trips I had several years ago and feel unable to move forward in my life until I've done it.

 

[burn out]

even though drinking didn't cause your issues, it will keep you there and make you unable to see the specialness of life until you quit it in my opinion.

i know you said you plan on not taking anymore hallucinogens, which is probably a good idea. but i can't help thinking if you took mushrooms again and were able to have a good trip, it could help. i normally would not recommend that but 4.5 years is a long time to have not gotten better on your own.

also, what is your diet like? if you are not eating right and exercising, it can affect your mental state.