Hi all,
I’m new here and looking for some insights, experiences and tips from forum members.
Here’s my story:
I got completely obsessed with my ear (something felt wrong) in March this year. That escalated such that I got psychiatric help in May and June with 2mg Haldol and 2-4mg lorazepam daily. However, I kept worrying, stopped working and in June I got very dizzy. My belief was that that was caused by my ear, but more likely it was the medication and the not sleeping.
I made a mistake of voluntarily going into a mental clinic 1 July. That place was horrible. I got so stressed and dizzy and was convinced I would never return to my normal life, so I projected that stress on all sorts of body issues (eye, ear, throat, bladder etc.). I was not schizophrenic or bipolar but just was very stressed, unhappy and in a horrible place.
I went off all medicines quickly in July. I remained very dizzy in July but that seemed to improve in august. So in hindsight I think that was the Medicine plus withdrawal (no taper).
I made a huge mistake on 15 Aug by acting stressed about my body in front of a psychiatrist - as a result he gave me 200mg quetiapine. I did not want to take it because of the non positive effects with Haldol but I did it in the end because he said it would help me. Normally I would have refused, but I was not myself at that moment.
From that moment things went downhill. I did not do anything in the clinic before 15 Aug but thereafter I was only laying in bed. I gained weight and lost muscle (all in my stomach) and went from 82 to 90 kg in three weeks.my diet didn’t change over that same period.
I left the clinic 6 sep and asked for the medicine to be stopped. But they kept it on and I was too scared to reject it. Reason is they saw me in panicking mode the few times I visited home and thought I needed medicine to “stabilize”. I told them my body worries were over because I was in a normal place again. But they didn’t want to take risk. And also ignored my argument that I did not worry less after 15 Aug in the clinic.
Once home I noticed that I suddenly had issues with my cognition - I have difficulties with language, especially speaking but also understanding people. I cannot for instance express myself properly anymore on the phone and I used to be very good in my native language (and languages in general). But I am stuttering, looking for words and simply have difficulties thinking about what I want to say and how I want to say it. Secondly, my thoughts seem to have vanished, it is completely quiet in my head and if I try to think about something or if I try to remember something, it remains quiet, I simply cannot form thoughts or remember things. It is as if my brain has been emptied and I cannot acces thoughts and information anymore.
From what I have read thus far antipsychotics are quite dangerous - and should be given very cautiously. I think in my case a benzo or nothing would have been better.
The result is that I am home now - but still not working - and realizing that I am not the same person anymore as before. I have serious cognitive problems and it makes me very desperate. Especially since my wife does not believe me - which makes sense because I was hypochondriac in the clinic and before with my ear. But I am feeling calm now but I’m totally not myself anymore. Also the psychiatrist and psychologist tend say I’m just scared of the medicine and that it is harmless. But I really don’t know how to return to my high level finance job with my current brain - I’m not even understanding the newspaper.
I tapered the last three weeks from 200mg to 50mg (week 150, week 100, week 75 and now five days 50). I notice some unrest in my head but zero cognitive improvements.
Finally, I don t feel emotions and I don’t get a runners high anymore after working out but feel nothing.
Have any of you experience with taking AP and having these kind of cognitive effects and did they disappear?
Feeling extremely angry with myself that I let things escalate like this, because everything was fine in my life, and that I took a high dose of an antipsychotic in the end… now scared to death that the rest of my life - wife, kid, career, my intellectual hobbies, are over. And I will end alone with some welfare paycheck. All due to 3 months of quetiapine…
Your replies are highly appreciated!
I’m new here and looking for some insights, experiences and tips from forum members.
Here’s my story:
I got completely obsessed with my ear (something felt wrong) in March this year. That escalated such that I got psychiatric help in May and June with 2mg Haldol and 2-4mg lorazepam daily. However, I kept worrying, stopped working and in June I got very dizzy. My belief was that that was caused by my ear, but more likely it was the medication and the not sleeping.
I made a mistake of voluntarily going into a mental clinic 1 July. That place was horrible. I got so stressed and dizzy and was convinced I would never return to my normal life, so I projected that stress on all sorts of body issues (eye, ear, throat, bladder etc.). I was not schizophrenic or bipolar but just was very stressed, unhappy and in a horrible place.
I went off all medicines quickly in July. I remained very dizzy in July but that seemed to improve in august. So in hindsight I think that was the Medicine plus withdrawal (no taper).
I made a huge mistake on 15 Aug by acting stressed about my body in front of a psychiatrist - as a result he gave me 200mg quetiapine. I did not want to take it because of the non positive effects with Haldol but I did it in the end because he said it would help me. Normally I would have refused, but I was not myself at that moment.
From that moment things went downhill. I did not do anything in the clinic before 15 Aug but thereafter I was only laying in bed. I gained weight and lost muscle (all in my stomach) and went from 82 to 90 kg in three weeks.my diet didn’t change over that same period.
I left the clinic 6 sep and asked for the medicine to be stopped. But they kept it on and I was too scared to reject it. Reason is they saw me in panicking mode the few times I visited home and thought I needed medicine to “stabilize”. I told them my body worries were over because I was in a normal place again. But they didn’t want to take risk. And also ignored my argument that I did not worry less after 15 Aug in the clinic.
Once home I noticed that I suddenly had issues with my cognition - I have difficulties with language, especially speaking but also understanding people. I cannot for instance express myself properly anymore on the phone and I used to be very good in my native language (and languages in general). But I am stuttering, looking for words and simply have difficulties thinking about what I want to say and how I want to say it. Secondly, my thoughts seem to have vanished, it is completely quiet in my head and if I try to think about something or if I try to remember something, it remains quiet, I simply cannot form thoughts or remember things. It is as if my brain has been emptied and I cannot acces thoughts and information anymore.
From what I have read thus far antipsychotics are quite dangerous - and should be given very cautiously. I think in my case a benzo or nothing would have been better.
The result is that I am home now - but still not working - and realizing that I am not the same person anymore as before. I have serious cognitive problems and it makes me very desperate. Especially since my wife does not believe me - which makes sense because I was hypochondriac in the clinic and before with my ear. But I am feeling calm now but I’m totally not myself anymore. Also the psychiatrist and psychologist tend say I’m just scared of the medicine and that it is harmless. But I really don’t know how to return to my high level finance job with my current brain - I’m not even understanding the newspaper.
I tapered the last three weeks from 200mg to 50mg (week 150, week 100, week 75 and now five days 50). I notice some unrest in my head but zero cognitive improvements.
Finally, I don t feel emotions and I don’t get a runners high anymore after working out but feel nothing.
Have any of you experience with taking AP and having these kind of cognitive effects and did they disappear?
Feeling extremely angry with myself that I let things escalate like this, because everything was fine in my life, and that I took a high dose of an antipsychotic in the end… now scared to death that the rest of my life - wife, kid, career, my intellectual hobbies, are over. And I will end alone with some welfare paycheck. All due to 3 months of quetiapine…
Your replies are highly appreciated!