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Dad's spiraling out of control. I dont know what else to do. ANY HELP APPRECIATED

I

InsomniacMike

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 20, 2014
Messages
57
I am 20 years old, attend a university and am very concerned about my fathers safety, sanity, and life. My father has always been an alcoholic, although he would go through his times of sobriety. My Dad is the one who supports the rest of my family; loans money to his sister frequently, paid for his brother's apartment after he was kicked out of re-hab, furnished the entire apartment. The family looked at my Dad as the rock & if anyone needed anything my Dad was the first to offer his financial help. He's works 2 jobs, 7 days a week, for 2 years now.

Family history
His mother has severe Depression
Sister diagnosed Bi-polar
His brother is addicted to alcohol and heroine
His niece has Panic Disorder and Social Anxiety Disorder

About 8 months ago he began to drink more often (on a scale of 1-10 he was staggering between 2-3). I always knew my Dad's drinking was a result of some underlying mental illness but he continuously denied this could be true. About 5 months ago, after long talks with my Dad, i convinced him to take medication. His primary care physician prescribed Lexapro then Paxil 30mg, which he now takes. He also smokes weed daily.

After starting SSRI therapy, I slowly began to notice improvement. Just recently, in the past month, his drinking has literally taken control over him. I no longer recognize him as my Father. His personality is deteriorating for the worst. His mood and stress levels fluctuate almost daily. He has started leaving work at noon or 2:00 and getting drunk without caring. Two weeks ago he was admitted to a psychiatric ward because the police detained himafter getting a 911 call that my Father was in the city chasing people, threatening to beat them and being violent. A couple days after his release, he relapsed and left work around noon and drank whisky. Luckily my mother happened to see him on her drive home from work, or who knows what would have happened had he been left in Baltimore city intoxicated, again. The next day, I asked to go out to dinner with him and we talked. On the way home he asked me to stop at the liquor store and he would walk home. Obviously I didnt do that, so when we got home, he changed clothes and walked out of the house and went to the tavern right up the street. I have researched at my University's library for hours on end and have developed a few theories and I need the input and support of all you guys and girls in this situation.

Theories
1. My Dad had underlying bi-polar disorder and the SSRI therapy triggered either a manic or depressive episode.

2. His daily marijuana use is bringing out his underlying mental illness

3. Paxil is causing intense and frequent alcohol cravings, for which I have researched and confirmed many cases of this in academia. Also in my research, it is apparent that the combination of Paxil, more so than other SSRIs, brings out violent, angry, and aggressive behaviors.

This Friday he has court for his THIRD DWI. This will be his only day off work because he never uses his vacation days. He has agreed to visit a psychiatrist on this day, so I am working around the clock to find doctors who are accepting new patients. But one psychiatriac evaluation isn't going to be a cure all for this issue.

I dont know where else to turn to. I need your guys and girls help; any suggestions, past experiences, anything I can do to prevent my father from destroying his life.

I am thinking about having him institutionalized, and Marylands statute allows involuntary admission to a psychiatric hospital.

PLEASEE any information any of you have about therapies, programs, medications, intervention methods share with me. I am extremely desperate at this point and cannot watch my dad throw away his life. :?:(:(
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Hey I am sorry to hear about your situation. I wouldn't admit him to an institution. There has to be a way you can get through to your father. Like you said he is the Rock of the family and he obviously has a kind and giving nature to be supporting his family like he does. He works awfully hard and loves all you guys so I believe that you can reach him. I believe that the hereditary conditions are a factor to his decision making. Have you ever sat down one on one and talked seriously about your concerns? I wish you the best of luck and I truly hope you can reach him and help him slow down and take it easy.
 
Do you think he would try some Kratom? I used it to stop drinking and it worked wonders immediately. I was totally off my rocker with alcohol and kratom stopped it cold in its tracks. I have read many other similar stories that kratom kills the urge to drink alcohol. Just a thought, not trying to be more disruptive by introducing another substance.
 
Is he still taking the Paxil?? It sounds like he got exponentially worse after starting it, correct? Have you been able to talk to his doctor?

I feel like your theories are sound. It could be a combination of all three of them. Paxil is known for causing dangerous impulsive behaviour and has been associated with a lot of suicide and homicide. There are also a lot of reports, as you said, of it drastically increasing alcohol cravings. My psychiatrist said that when starting anyone with a family history of bipolar on an SSRI he was very cautious and began with a mood stabilizer like lamotrigine before starting them on a low dose of the SSRI and monitoring them closely. One psychiatrist visit could actually be more helpful than you think, at least as far as improving his medication situation. I hope you are able to find a decent one who is available, as that is at least something concrete you can do right now. No it won't "cure" him, but it's a step. Will you be able to speak with the psychiatrist or be present?

I'm very sorry to hear about what you are going through, you sound like a kind, intelligent and caring person.
 
The Paxil sounds like the catalyst but I think you are right about underlying issues. Call his doctor and let him/her know exactly what has happened so far. I'm so sorry you are experiencing this and even sorrier that he is.
 
I found SSRIs exasperated my alcoholism as well, but I was still an alcoholic with or without them. However, with an SSRI involved, the compulsion to drink was unbearable.

I think you should go with him to see his physician and discuss the situation, and also the results from your research because they are all possibilities and it may also be a combination.

If the SSRI is the cause, the compulsion to drink isn't going to just abruptly end unfortunately. It takes time for the compulsion to lessen, and I suspect that the amount of time it will take is directly related to how long he has been taking the medication.

In order for your Dad to get a handle on the drinking he has to get his mental health stabilized, otherwise efforts to quit drinking probably aren't going to be too effective.

I'm so sorry that you and your family are going through this, but I really admire the support you are giving your father.

I started a thread not too long ago regarding SSRIs intensifying alcoholism but took it down as there were no replies, I'm very interested in this topic and would love to hear what the doctor has to say and how your father's recovery progresses. Btw - I have two years sober from alcohol and have been off SSRI's for four years after taking them for ten years, and was also a very bad alcoholic during that time. Prior to SSRIs I was a heavy drinker, but was able to stop when I needed to. Don't lose hope, this will get better, just continue why your doing and be patient. Please update is after you meet with his doctor. Good luck - I'm wishing you the best!
 
I live in your state and it'd be hard to have him committed for boozing and what not. Have you checked out Sheppard Pratt? They provide relatively good in and out-patient services for alcoholics or addicts. They have locations all over the Baltimore area. Here's their link https://www.sheppardpratt.org Maybe give them a call or something and see if they can help with your father
 
Im sorry to hear about your dad man. Sounds like he was the rock. I started a thread about the ink between mental illness and addiction. First of all the famiy and he himself need to come to grips that he is an alcoholic. No doubt the ssri played part in his outlandish behavior. You cant drink on those things man. I was suggest a possible stay at a ward where he can be sober and get a good diagnosis. When thats accomplished proper medication can be given and you will see a drastic improvment. Then when leaving his alcholism will be easier to deal with for him. You cant treat the addiction first or you go in circles. I hope this helped and good luck. Dont forget to take care of yurself
 
You sound very intelligent and responsible, and a good, concerned son.

Your dad has obviously worked hard and cared deeply for the family and hence he was the rock of the family.

I wouldn't commit him involuntarily, especially if he is prideful. A "rock" type would be, and this would rob him of his personal power.

I'd rule out the THC precipiating a mental episode. It CAN do that, but you generally see it precipitate early schizoid and psychotic behavioral problems in you G individuals who would be prone to or due to get them later in their 20''
s anyways.

Sounds like everything started after the SSRI. I'd guess a combo of that and the pressure/pain of falling from "rock" status to something lower being the culprit.

Just make sure you see it all trough and give him his due respect regardless of his recent actions.
 
This is the frustrating part of the site. An OP leaves a long detailed post and wants advice and never checks back in. I'm really worried about his dad and how it's gonna effect that poor young man. Oh well
 
closeau said:
This is the frustrating part of the site. An OP leaves a long detailed post and wants advice and never checks back in. I'm really worried about his dad and how it's gonna effect that poor young man. Oh well
Click to expand...

AGREED. I've noticed many of these. Fucks sakes, see it through to the end.

Then again, the kid might be tied up handling the situation and updating us is his 999th priority.

Who knows.

All I know is we all here wish the best outcome for you and your pops, OP.
 
Def. I hope he's ok. It's gotta be tough to take a fall like he did from family patriarch and rock to this but it does happen. I'm a little more worried about the OP and he hell react. I wish them both the best
 
Wow, I am newer to bluelight and did not realize I would receive such responses to my thread so quickly!!
I want to thank everyone who replied, you guys are really amazing!!!

I apologize for my absence; life has been so hectic lately between trying to help my Dad and taking to summer courses at university. I have some free time now so I'll go ahead and reply to each of your responses. Since I am not so familiar with bluelight and posting, i don't know whether I should reply to each post one by one, quote the poster, or what. But here goes nothing.
 
Like you suggested, we didn't end up admitting him to an institution. After me and my mom talked it over with my Dad's parents and siblings we decided that institutionalizing him wouldn't benefit him in the long run. He has 2 jobs, 7 days a week so admitting him would only take away his freedom of choice and possibly lead to termination of one or both jobs.

It's weird that you mention Kratom because this drug (medicine? herb?) was mentioned by my grandmother (Dad's mother) as something she found online while searching for home detox remedies. I mentioned this to him but he told me that he doesn't just want to replace one drug with another; reasonable. How do you obtain this substance?
 
I have not contacted his general practitioner only because I don't know what to say. I feel like calling his PCP would be going behind his back. Anyways, i have been calling psychiatrists all around my area but most are either not accepting new patients or don't have availability for months.

Yes he is still taking the Paxil, he is now at 10mg and says he feels stabilized on this dose, so hopefully it continues to work for him. I agree that the introduction of paxil coincides with the beginning of his spiraling out of control.

I am glad to know that other people have come across Paxil increasing one's urge to drink. As you said, with history of bi-polar the psychiatrist will usually introduce the patients to an SSRI only if a mood stabilizer is given at the same time to prevent manic reactions. I think he increased his dosage too quickly, as he went from 10 to 20 to 30mg within a week.
 
I think that is exactly what happened, because frankly, when I began paxil the begining of fall semester, it turned me from a studious univ. student to a regular at the college bars. Most of that semester I drank typically 4 times a week, in the beginning it was more like 5-6 nights a week and as the end neared it slowed to 2-3 times a week. Yet I would never wake up with a hangover, ever. Maybe it was the paxil I ended up failing all but one class that semester

Let me give an update on the situation:
So I believe a couple days after my original post, maybe 3 or 4, my dad had court for his DUI. He continued drinking up until this point, and even drank after he and my mom came home from court. That night would be my Dad's wake up call. Sitting him down when he was sober and talking to him didn't help whatsoever. His father came over and talked with him, but that didn't help either. With all that was going on, I installed a GPS tracker on his phone in case he went MIA again. 2 days later he was MIA and the GPS tracker helped me find him in the city. Nothing helped him it seemed, and at this point I started to become numb. I almost felt robotic.

The night after his court date, he told me and my mother that he just wants to drink one last night, so to take him to the liquor store. He says that we could either do that for him or he will just leave and walk to the bar. We didn't want him out given his track record, so we agreed to take him to the store. All was seeming good, but with each drink he began to act very different. He got very drunk very quickly, i have no explanation for this. He walked outback and started howling and barking with my dog. I brought out my camera and started to film him because i wanted to show him how he acts when he drinks excessively, since he always denies everything. He came inside and tried sitting down, but fell out of the chair. Then suddenly he turned angry and began to shout at my mom, saying that she was looking for another man, trying to impress someone, embarrassing him in front of his friends (don't know what he's talking about). He was speaking so vulgar, and eventually turned to me and kept saying that i am f**ked up, i am f**king up over and over again. I didn't know what to do besides ask him what he's talking about because he has never disrespected me in my life. At this point he was really scaring me and my mother so I sedated him again. But before the sedative kicked in, he got out a lot of erratic behavior.

We took him up to the bedroom to prepare him for bed and this is when things got worse. I had my phone camera going the entire time. So he is sitting up in his bed, mouthing off to my mother and insulting her, all the while I am standing in the doorway. But it's weird because all of a sudden he would like 'turn' and start acting completely opposite. Like, he would be insulting my mom one minute, and trying to hug her the next, telling her she is a great woman and so beautiful. This really disgusted me because I couldn't take the fact that he was acting insane, insulting my mother like that and still expecting to get love from her. So I started screaming at him to get away from her, stop touching her when he did. It just caused me pain seeing her hold in her tears and maintaining her composure the entire time. He then turned to me and told me to get the f out of his room, stop 'testing' him, and threatening to f me up. Then my mother began crying and then screamed at him for talking to me like that, at which point he lunged at me and tried to attack me. I went into my room and slammed the door close and just laid in my bed surprisingly emotionless until the commotion stopped and he fell asleep. Once he did, my mom knocked and came into my room. I can't really remember the details that well for the rest of the night (maybe because i took xanax) but I do remember my mom sitting outback that night and wanting to be left alone, so I just let her.

The next day I didn't wake up until late afternoon, and didn't really have anything to say to my Dad. I didn't speak to him for a couple days because I was in shock at what happened. My mom said she talked to him and told him everything that happened. To my surprise, my father reacted extremely concerned about his actions and aggression towards me. He felt so regretful that he talked to me the way he did and how he behaved. He apologized to me and said that he would never do anything to hurt me or disrespect me in any way but I was still shocked at what happened that I didn't really say much of anything. At dinner he proclaimed that he was going to stop drinking. I replied that he doesn't have a choice anymore, and informed him that if he doesn't want to go to rehab voluntarily, and if he starts drinking again, I will get a court order to hospitalize him. Thankfully, he was court ordered to AA meetings once or twice a week, and sentenced to a year of probation & drug testing. Therefore, he couldn't smoke weed anymore either. This is when he tried to get off of paxil and began tapering; he is staying at 10mg for now. I strongly urged him to meet with a psychiatrist, but this has yet to happen.

I am relieved now that he isn't roaming around the inner city while intoxicated. He has been doing well lately with not drinking and staying away from weed. I guess he has no choice anymore but to comply with the court's order and maintain sober, or he faces jail time.
 
I have checked out Sheppard Pratt. I was looking into their dual diagnosis unit which treats addiction with co-morbid mental illness. It turns out that Sheppard Pratt is one of the only hospitals that will accept involuntary patients for longer-term rehabilitation. As of right now, he is recovering decently enough for me to no longer consider forcing hospitalization upon him to be a viable option. He has come to terms that he is an alcoholic and needs to stop drinking entirely. To this day I still do not doubt that SSRIs catalyzed the events that occurred, this is why I so strongly urged him to see a psychiatrist to receive treatment instead of going to his PCP who doesn't specialize in psych meds. and might not know what questions to ask regarding family history or how to treat patients with bipolar disorder when starting antidepressants
 
So how are you and your mom doing? You have all been through so much trauma. You are an amazing son. Take care of yourself and protect yourself. You can care about your parents, love them, feel compassion and even empathy but you cannot fix anyone but yourself. I would say the same to your mom if I were talking to her. I am happy that your Dad is trying and I wish him the best, but I worry about the burden you have taken on. <3
 
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