Mental Health CV19 PTSD

[Hannah Capps]

I've been reluctant to even post this, most have had issues with CV19 and the insane unnecessary 'lock downs' that did more to general mental health of many people than twenty 9/11's ever could. The year 2020 that I couldn't attend church was awful, I never miss services because that is where a lot of my mental, emotional and spiritual support has come from...

Online services were OK for 3 months but after this during the summer of 2020 I was admitted to the psychiatric hospital for the month of July 2020...

After this event my attendance was very sporadic, wearing unneeded masks and not being allowed to sing broke me...and I've come to realize this was and is part of the plan, to break the spirit of people...Tell me, how much sense did it make Lowes was open no masks but church's were muzzled up? Or or oh you are not allowed to sing because of droplets what the heck?

Does anyone notice how Christians, conservatives, 2A Folk, constitutionalists, and anti-jab folk are being blamed for everything that is wrong? It's happened many times in history, blame society's ills on a scape goat group of people...Happened in Ancient Rome, Communist Russia, Nazi Germany, Communist Cuba, Communist Venezuela and now The United Socialist States of America...

Most of 2021 I missed church even after the masks came off and services resumed, PTSD folks...I did go when I felt up to it, but I cannot count the number of Sundays that I ran out midway through the service sobbing and having a panic attack...Countless incenses of being in the church parking lot and cutting myself after my Xanax prescription was stopped...

2021 was hell, and when I try to talk to people to the church I've been attending for 10 years, very few respond, most don't know what to say or do...I used to greet at the front doors before services, I used to sing my heart out, I used to never miss a single service...Now I'm a different person, more of a lifeless empty shell of myself...I still read my Bible daily, but many times the pages become tear stained and the words smudge but it reflects my heart...

God says he keeps my tears in a bottle, He says He's close to the brokenhearted, to the crushed in sprit...And He truly is, Jesus is the reason I am still alive today, I've tried to take my life 3 times in the last two years, yet I'm not dead, but declaring God's works in the land of the living...It's been a shadow of death and bitter sweet, I am not afraid of much any more, I tire of the rhetoric, I tire of the lies and I echo what is said at the end of the Bible, 'Come Lord Jesus, Come.'

 

[darvocet21]

I've been reluctant to even post this, most have had issues with CV19 and the insane unnecessary 'lock downs' that did more to general mental health of many people than twenty 9/11's ever could. The year 2020 that I couldn't attend church was awful, I never miss services because that is where a lot of my mental, emotional and spiritual support has come from...

Online services were OK for 3 months but after this during the summer of 2020 I was admitted to the psychiatric hospital for the month of July 2020...

After this event my attendance was very sporadic, wearing unneeded masks and not being allowed to sing broke me...and I've come to realize this was and is part of the plan, to break the spirit of people...Tell me, how much sense did it make Lowes was open no masks but church's were muzzled up? Or or oh you are not allowed to sing because of droplets what the heck?

Does anyone notice how Christians, conservatives, 2A Folk, constitutionalists, and anti-jab folk are being blamed for everything that is wrong? It's happened many times in history, blame society's ills on a scape goat group of people...Happened in Ancient Rome, Communist Russia, Nazi Germany, Communist Cuba, Communist Venezuela and now The United Socialist States of America...

Most of 2021 I missed church even after the masks came off and services resumed, PTSD folks...I did go when I felt up to it, but I cannot count the number of Sundays that I ran out midway through the service sobbing and having a panic attack...Countless incenses of being in the church parking lot and cutting myself after my Xanax prescription was stopped...

2021 was hell, and when I try to talk to people to the church I've been attending for 10 years, very few respond, most don't know what to say or do...I used to greet at the front doors before services, I used to sing my heart out, I used to never miss a single service...Now I'm a different person, more of a lifeless empty shell of myself...I still read my Bible daily, but many times the pages become tear stained and the words smudge but it reflects my heart...

God says he keeps my tears in a bottle, He says He's close to the brokenhearted, to the crushed in sprit...And He truly is, Jesus is the reason I am still alive today, I've tried to take my life 3 times in the last two years, yet I'm not dead, but declaring God's works in the land of the living...It's been a shadow of death and bitter sweet, I am not afraid of much any more, I tire of the rhetoric, I tire of the lies and I echo what is said at the end of the Bible, 'Come Lord Jesus, Come.'

First of all I'm sorry.

It's your right to attend religious or spiritual services. Alcoholics Anonymous and other meetings were cancelled for a long time and in many places only remote meetings are being held... NOT the same.

When I used to go to meetings and volunteer at my home meeting that I went to religiously I used to call it my spirituality because it was.

On one level you were let down by the clergy of your church whose faith in God was not as strong as their faith in (or fear of) government. It might be time to find a different Church.

I'm assuming you're Christian and if I'm wrong I'm sorry... early Christians faced summary execution upon being discovered worshipping and many were martyred for their faith. Though Christianity is not a religion of death and martyrdom by any means, that shows the strength of their faith.

The number of suicides + overdose deaths rarely gets mentioned in relation to the lockdowns which according to an emergency medicine doctor who was deplatformed by social media (one of hundreds) is the real "mass casualty event" ... not to mention the greatest theft and transfer of wealth upwards in history.

God does not want you to commit suicide and I'm sure you know that better than anybody.

Ignore anyone who scoffs at you but also don't fall into the trap of proclaiming victimhood based on your politics.

When lockdowns were initiated after China alleged a new virus had broken out in one of the most polluted industrial cities on Earth the US President was Trump, who initiated travel restrictions and also generated controversy by using the phrase "China virus" which caused a reflexive uproar from his opponents.

But a far more rational response would have been to express skepticism of anything claimed by the brutal regime running China. It tightly controls all news & information to the outside world, including images of victims lying dead on the sidewalk which I'm sure you noticed never happened anywhere else

China is a country with no respect for individual human rights. It operates concentration camps large enough that they have been photographed from space. Slave labor is used to make many things like solar panels affordable because they're so labor-intensive.

I could go on but I think I made my point.

 

[Tranced]

I just does as I please and it just sort of feels like everyone but me and my friends is acting weird and it sort of goes away but also not.

My thoughts are, it can all fuck right off.

Actually its effecting clubbing but I think that stopped. That can definitely fuck off. I wish people would take to the forests and rave.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I stopped caring about covid, stopped watching the news and my life is much less stressful. I suggest you do the same.

when I try to talk to people to the church I've been attending for 10 years, very few respond, most don't know what to say or do...

I feel this sentence is very telling of the whole situation.

When's the last time you just stopped caring about it all and just spoke to your God personally while out in solitary nature? What does God say to you? Why are you in so much distress right now?

Sometimes we need to figure things out for ourselves and not rely on anything else, including media, your friends, your church or God.

Maybe this is God telling you to stop stressing about it all?

God says he keeps my tears in a bottle, He says He's close to the brokenhearted, to the crushed in sprit...And He truly is, Jesus is the reason I am still alive today, I've tried to take my life 3 times in the last two years, yet I'm not dead, but declaring God's works in the land of the living...It's been a shadow of death and bitter sweet, I am not afraid of much any more, I tire of the rhetoric, I tire of the lies and I echo what is said at the end of the Bible, 'Come Lord Jesus, Come.'

why is he keeping your tears in a bottle and allowing you to keep trying to kill yourself? Isn't that a sin?

why would God keep anyone's tears in a bottle? why? he covets your suffering? why?

I don't think God works that way.

God doesn't care about tears... he invented them, he surely isn't measuring each humans suffering and keeping it in bottles... ultimately a very human idea.

God IS tears... it's not something collected.

 

[darvocet21]

I stopped caring about covid, stopped watching the news and my life is much less stressful. I suggest you do the same.

❤

I feel this sentence is very telling of the whole situation.

When's the last time you just stopped caring about it all and just spoke to your God personally while out in solitary nature? What does God say to you? Why are you in so much distress right now?

Sometimes we need to figure things out for ourselves and not rely on anything else, including media, your friends or God.

Maybe this is God telling you to stop stressing about it all?

❤

why is he keeping your tears in a bottle and allowing you to keep trying to kill yourself? Isn't that a sin?

I don't think God works that way.

❤❤❤

 

[darvocet21]

I just does as I please and it just sort of feels like everyone but me and my friends is acting weird and it sort of goes away but also not.

My thoughts are, it can all fuck right off.

Actually its effecting clubbing but I think that stopped. That can definitely fuck off. I wish people would take to the forests and rave.

It's definitely also affecting the Molly Supply

 

[Tranced]

It's definitely also affecting the Molly Supply

That's why we have a drought?

As if I could hate it more than I already did.

 

[Hannah Capps]

Thank you all for your replies, they mean a lot...No God isn't a God of death, but of life more abundant and frankly I don't watch news anymore...I've been three months without self-harming and that has been a direct result of not keeping up with what is going on and reading, watching etc. things that build me up and are positive...I know what I want in life, I love singing I love helping others...I've been digging deep and the PTSD is gradually getting better...I'm looking for another church and meantime watching very inspirational messages on the web that build me up...

I should have prefaced this with this is how it's been...Yes, suicide is a sin, but it's not something I'm ashamed of because God met me where I was at, healed me and because of Him and my will to keep going, I'm still living and breathing...My faith in God and myself is indeed something that has and continues to be life support...Tears in a bottle is from psalms and simply means He is aware of suffering, and isn't the author of it, but His peace that passes what I can understand comforts and heals me...

 

[Jabberwocky]

Thank you all for your replies, they mean a lot...No God isn't a God of death, but of life more abundant and frankly I don't watch news anymore...I've been three months without self-harming and that has been a direct result of not keeping up with what is going on and reading, watching etc. things that build me up and are positive...I know what I want in life, I love singing I love helping others...I've been digging deep and the PTSD is gradually getting better...I'm looking for another church and meantime watching very inspirational messages on the web that build me up...

I should have prefaced this with this is how it's been...Yes, suicide is a sin, but it's not something I'm ashamed of because God met me where I was at, healed me and because of Him and my will to keep going, I'm still living and breathing...My faith in God and myself is indeed something that has and continues to be life support...Tears in a bottle is from psalms and simply means He is aware of suffering, and isn't the author of it, but His peace that passes what I can understand comforts and heals me...

Life is about finding balance, about finding meaning in the suffering. Without suffering, life would be meaningless. Suffering only serves to make us stronger and highlight happiness.

I wish you the best, things always get better. Please don't hurt yourself, I don't think God would want one of his creations to hurt needlessly. He made you just as you are, there is nothing wrong with you. We are all perfectly imperfect.

 

[gibberish-noise]

yea im not religious nor would i claim ptsd having had a very nice life no trauma etc but i do relate to much of your sentiment and frustration. personally the pandemic was a wake up call to me that society is only going downhill at this point. there will be a civil war at the very least if not another world war. i do not wish to be around for that.

it is madness. we are descending into not only societally approved but congratulated lunacy.

it is good you have faith. try to hold onto that thread of hope. i am a bit beyond that at this point but i do believe you will make it to the other side and tell the story to future generations.