tOOts16
Greenlighter
Hi there, I'm new to (posting in) Bluelight. Recently I've made an informed decision to experiment with Crystal. (btw thanks for all the good info in here as well, and for giving me something to do when slightly speedy). I really don't know direct amounts, most lines I bump are about the length of a pen cap and as wide as a credit card, and very very high quality (straight from cali, straight from the source)(yay free hookups)
So I guess I really haven't been doing enough to have any kind of crash..I kept anticipating it, but when I'd wake up the next morning, I actually felt *happy* and calm, even after my first time which was bout 3 days and nights. My guy made sure we ate, drank, and he wouldn't let me smoke it. Good, I don't like smoking anyway. I've dabbled a lot in cocaine, so the ritual of cutting it up and arranging in neat little piles is part of my drug culture. I love the burn too. love love it.
Fast forward, this weekend. A new pal pulled out some stuff bout midnight on Sat. We chopped it up, and literally chopped it up, becoming besties. He kept trying to get me to smoke it or hot rail. He did shotgun into my mouth. I got a tiny rush but nbd. That afternoon, we got pizza, I personally was starving. "There's no way you should be able to eat that much!" "That's how I was trained!" I also kept trying to get him to drink water instead of Pepsi. Hygiene taken care of, he's smokin a lil weed too (not me). We talk about the sex aspect. I told him I've yet to experience this "uh-may-zing" feeling, and he frowns. "later, you gotta do MORE in that first line!" At this point I really was kinda, well, plateau'd and didn't think I could get higher. If it had been my home, I mighta just gone upstairs to crash.
Ok, Sun about 8, 830, we indulged in some new stuff. Also very quality. Well I did. A little less than half a lil mini-bag, (I don't know measurements, sorry. I think he paid 100 for it). He gave an excuse about work. Smoked some super high quality kush. I told him, hey, why not. Shotgun me. I had also taken bout 50mg of trazadone because I had noticed that helped with the comedown.
Ah-mazing. The high of the weed lifted me to a higher place with our friend cryssie and I was finally relaxed again. I don't think I'd laughed that hard in the whole week.
He rolls over, goes to sleep after 2 hours of talking and giggling. At this point, the weed REALLLY hit me. Just to let you know, I pretty much hate weed. It doesn't relax me, it makes me very very anxious. I heard my breathing, I didn't know if I was asleep, I heard my heart...boom..boom...(pleasant bass) And then I had to remember I had taken that trazadone as well, so it was like my mind wanted to shut down but couldn't now...I sat up, I didn't know if I was breathing. I was terrified, and I had all of these strange compulsions lurking beneath the surface. I wanted to scream!! I was scared I might see the Shadow Men I read about here! Was I coming or going, going or coming! Ah, why am I itching! Don't scratch don't scratch, breathe breathe, don't scream don't run...
I kept trying to focus my thoughts, remind myself I hadn't really done THAT much, it was the weed, the tramadol..I reached for my phone to get light into the room. As long as there is light, I know I'm still connected to this world. Stumbled to get water...I played with my phone for the next hour (or 2? idk), creepin on bluelight. No Shadow Men. No screaming. A lot of muscle tremors tho. But NOW there was another problem. All that libido stuff..wow. I don't think I've ever been sooo turned on...Wow. I got an idea of what my pal had been talking about.
Finally I was able to rest for a bit.
My main concern, yesterday after I went home, [took care of that fire in my loins] showered, ate, I tried so hard to come down. The problem was, I was still having those tremors. My abdominal muscles would cramp for a second, literally lifting my upper half off the bed and releasing very hard, which caused a loud gasp as well. I lay there, sticking it thru. Finally from 3-6 I got a little rest.
Are these spasms normal, btw? I'm still having a very few today, and I wonder if certain thoughts are triggering them. I'm most likely gonna do it again, MINUS the weed (banned for life!
) But I'm scared to in a way, because I don't know if next time could take me over the edge or something, or what if I totally trip out in public...I know I know, thoughts like these are gonna take away from the experience.
Anyway, at last last night I fell asleep from 1:30 to bout 830, here I am now, clean, jaw a little sore, occasional abdominal spasms but nothing like yesterday. I wanted the experience of a crash, got it, I suppose.
The little bit I have left...trying to not think about it.
After all. This is just an experiment. Not a lifestyle change. Just for fun. I'm stronger than addiction.
I hope ihopeihopebreathebreatherelaxbreathe
So I guess I really haven't been doing enough to have any kind of crash..I kept anticipating it, but when I'd wake up the next morning, I actually felt *happy* and calm, even after my first time which was bout 3 days and nights. My guy made sure we ate, drank, and he wouldn't let me smoke it. Good, I don't like smoking anyway. I've dabbled a lot in cocaine, so the ritual of cutting it up and arranging in neat little piles is part of my drug culture. I love the burn too. love love it.
Fast forward, this weekend. A new pal pulled out some stuff bout midnight on Sat. We chopped it up, and literally chopped it up, becoming besties. He kept trying to get me to smoke it or hot rail. He did shotgun into my mouth. I got a tiny rush but nbd. That afternoon, we got pizza, I personally was starving. "There's no way you should be able to eat that much!" "That's how I was trained!" I also kept trying to get him to drink water instead of Pepsi. Hygiene taken care of, he's smokin a lil weed too (not me). We talk about the sex aspect. I told him I've yet to experience this "uh-may-zing" feeling, and he frowns. "later, you gotta do MORE in that first line!" At this point I really was kinda, well, plateau'd and didn't think I could get higher. If it had been my home, I mighta just gone upstairs to crash.
Ok, Sun about 8, 830, we indulged in some new stuff. Also very quality. Well I did. A little less than half a lil mini-bag, (I don't know measurements, sorry. I think he paid 100 for it). He gave an excuse about work. Smoked some super high quality kush. I told him, hey, why not. Shotgun me. I had also taken bout 50mg of trazadone because I had noticed that helped with the comedown.
Ah-mazing. The high of the weed lifted me to a higher place with our friend cryssie and I was finally relaxed again. I don't think I'd laughed that hard in the whole week.
He rolls over, goes to sleep after 2 hours of talking and giggling. At this point, the weed REALLLY hit me. Just to let you know, I pretty much hate weed. It doesn't relax me, it makes me very very anxious. I heard my breathing, I didn't know if I was asleep, I heard my heart...boom..boom...(pleasant bass) And then I had to remember I had taken that trazadone as well, so it was like my mind wanted to shut down but couldn't now...I sat up, I didn't know if I was breathing. I was terrified, and I had all of these strange compulsions lurking beneath the surface. I wanted to scream!! I was scared I might see the Shadow Men I read about here! Was I coming or going, going or coming! Ah, why am I itching! Don't scratch don't scratch, breathe breathe, don't scream don't run...
I kept trying to focus my thoughts, remind myself I hadn't really done THAT much, it was the weed, the tramadol..I reached for my phone to get light into the room. As long as there is light, I know I'm still connected to this world. Stumbled to get water...I played with my phone for the next hour (or 2? idk), creepin on bluelight. No Shadow Men. No screaming. A lot of muscle tremors tho. But NOW there was another problem. All that libido stuff..wow. I don't think I've ever been sooo turned on...Wow. I got an idea of what my pal had been talking about.
Finally I was able to rest for a bit.
My main concern, yesterday after I went home, [took care of that fire in my loins] showered, ate, I tried so hard to come down. The problem was, I was still having those tremors. My abdominal muscles would cramp for a second, literally lifting my upper half off the bed and releasing very hard, which caused a loud gasp as well. I lay there, sticking it thru. Finally from 3-6 I got a little rest.
Are these spasms normal, btw? I'm still having a very few today, and I wonder if certain thoughts are triggering them. I'm most likely gonna do it again, MINUS the weed (banned for life!
) But I'm scared to in a way, because I don't know if next time could take me over the edge or something, or what if I totally trip out in public...I know I know, thoughts like these are gonna take away from the experience. Anyway, at last last night I fell asleep from 1:30 to bout 830, here I am now, clean, jaw a little sore, occasional abdominal spasms but nothing like yesterday. I wanted the experience of a crash, got it, I suppose.
The little bit I have left...trying to not think about it.
After all. This is just an experiment. Not a lifestyle change. Just for fun. I'm stronger than addiction.
I hope ihopeihopebreathebreatherelaxbreathe
to bring dopamine levels back up. I feel good today. Reading all the psychosis stories frightens me. I'm not gonna lie to myself and say the Never Again words but nothing is particularly compelling me to do more any time soon.
