Thank you Chevelle (good band btw) I have actually tryed to cry but I havnt been able to in the last 6 months. Its strange because I have felt like i needed to cry, but no tears would come out. I think this would help me quite a lot, but i think the reason for this is because Im so numb from the depression, its making me into some sort of "zombie" person. The only person I share any emotions with lately is my mom and before that it was my boyfriend, but now that he's "locked up" "(I hate even saying that) I have stopped talking to him and realized we are both harmful to each other esp. trying to get sober and clean. So, I think what I might need, after reading your post, is just to see a therapist and I think after that things will gradually get better. Hopefully I can tough it out until then, I know I can but it is getting harder to deal with.
As far as herbal remedies go, I usually dont believe in that sort of thing, but I will check it out today because at this point i'll try anything.
Thank you again for your help!
I know what you're saying about the herbal stuff- I usually have little faith in that kind of stuff since I've always had a very high tolerance for everything from the get go. I feel like if taking 1250mgs worth of norcos in less days than I have fingers on one hand just barely keeps me 'normal' then I'd probably have a better chance with the placebo effect from skittles and soda vs. the herbal remedy business. But you never know.... I have tried the maryjane's relaxing sodas and although I liked them a lot I never really felt the 'relax'.
As for the mind games- I know how rough it is. I drank fairly large amounts of alcohol every single day for over a year while at the methadone clinic and my counselor put together a packet for me to read re: what the body and mind go through when stopping a drinking habit and I thought it was really helpful and interesting info.
The part that stuck with me the most was how badly your brain plays tricks on you after you quit and basically the constant depression and overwhelming sucky-ass feelings are mainly just a mind fuck and technically you aren't really THAT depressed or sad....even though you most def feel like it. But have no fear it should subside eventually.
I wish I could find that dam packet because it had some great info. Maybe some one else knows how to better describe what goes on in the mind that causes this during the first stages of being sober from alcohol... and opiates/depressants?
I think that quitting opiates would be fairly similar to quitting the happy sauce as far as the mind games and depression goes. I remember when I first tried to quit drinking I lasted on sheer willpower for about 4 or 5 days and I honestly did not want to drink again once I finally got myself on the wagon, BUT I couldn't handle the morbid depression anymore so I hit the bottle. I know, weak sauce light. Aaah the the things I get myself in to 8)
I'm not telling you to go back to the opiates to alleviate the blues because that's an entirely different game of its own but I just want to let you know that the mental intensity will eventually die down and it won't last forever and if you can remember that your brain will be out of whack for a little bit and it's because of being off opiates, and that every day it will ease then you may be able to deal better. The best thing you can do is tell your mind to shut the fuck up. It's a twisted game.
And I'm not saying that the depression wasn't ever really there before or that it isn't real either it's just greatly intensified.
Also, the exercise thing really does help with the endorphins and all so if you can bear it than do it. I also think that it would be a good idea to talk to a professional and set up some kind of support system if you really are serious about staying off the opiates.
One more note- you may not feel like this right now but consider yourself lucky that your man is locked up it sounds like you guys can be fatal. When I have gone through periods of 'sober' times and have had certain friends locked up and out of the picture it definitely makes a world of difference. Do yourself a favor and cancel him. I know that may sound harsh but you have to focus on you. Ya know?
you HAVE to ween down!
suboxone is a good option if most opiates are hard to taper with due to the tendency to take more. you'll still have the habit but, at least IME (others' differ greatly) i never got any sort of high/buzz from suboxone while methadone got me high as hell (for the first month or two on it)
maybe you weren't able to pay for more methadone or just had to quit abruptly for a reason, but ouch man
Weening = I know. It's a long story and an even longer agonizing end, but ya even when I was on methadone and tapered at a very gradual pace over a longer period of time it still hurt, especially when I got to my magic number. I've never gotten below 15mg during treatment or after leaving treatment but from what I hear it can be pretty painful even when gradually tapering all the way down.
I guess you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. Methadone is brutal. Lesson learned. Maybe. I hope. So tempting to go back. A few weeks, 1250mgs norco, countless benzos, cimetidine, grapefruit juice, the OTC works, trazadone, buspar, and a few glasses of wine later (and not all combined, only some of them and in the safest way of course) and I have just barely touched taking the edge off. I think it's a love hate thing...maybe a little more hate though. If I had known that methadone could do this to me I would've never traveled that road. For sure.
It's all bullshit to be honest ur looking for a way to still get high. Without ur oxys. Join a gym. Buy a self help book, And start gardening . Meds are bs. Only time I will use meds is in withdrawal .
Ur best bet is to start smoking weed daily. Straight up .
Wow you really nailed it DWEvil, you know because she was inquiring on what meds she could take to AVOID the cravings to get high and all. Even if your bs response was legit and she was looking to get high than what would be the point of her wasting time posting about this when she could be getting high on oxys? Just because you think meds are bs doesn't mean they won't work for other people, and then you add a contradiction to the mix when you say that they're bs and in the same breath you mention using them. Nice. Real nice. Perhaps you should go do some gardening.
^ is there something wrong with getting high?
Absolutely nothing. Unless it's from methadone.
