Contemplating suicide over another bout with opiate withdrawal

[jcodonetoolong]

I am so done, burnt out and alone. I have ruined every good thing in my life, gone through well over a hundred grand and find myself at the end of my bank accounts (which I never thought would happen), trying to start a new job (which I will fail at because I cant go more than 2-3 hours without at least 10 mg of opana), and at the end of my rope. I havent even stopped taking opana and I am already going through the most dibilitating anxiety and depression. I no longer enjoy getting high and its come down to only taking meds to starve off withdrawal for over a year... I hate the feeling they give me now as it just reminds me how screwd I am. I have never made it past 2-3 days sober because there was never an end in sight... I can not go through a month or months of feeling like this... for one I will lose my job without which I am totally fucked financially and physically I have almost killed myself witht hese drugs I am 6ft tall and a 125 lbs now when I used to be 165 and still skinny for my build. I dont eat either because I dont feel liek it or cant afford to and the worst part is I am not even abusing the medication I take... I am prescribed all of this shit. I cant talk to my doctor because if I change my mind about quitting which is fairly likely since I can not lose this job and I do not see a way to keep it and quit cold turkey ... then I am doubly screwd. My only refuge is the fact that i can get the meds and if I find a way to get off of opana and onto OC (i know that is like trading a needle for a pipe) then at least I can afford to still get my meds (opana with insurance is over 900 per month and oc only 40).

I really do not know what to do. I have read alot of the forums on here and it just makes me realise how impossible the journey ahead of me is and hwo few people actually kick this stuff and stay off of it... I look back at when I started this shit five years ago and am so pissed at myself for ever taking that first norco and then even more pissed at myself for graduating from that to opana and OC because I had my shit together on norcos.

I have a few questions that I am sure have been asked a million times but I cant bring myslf to read through all of the forums because right now they are just making things so much worse.
1. Has anyone here actually dealt with opana withdrawal and can you tell me how you dealt with it.. especially the anxiety aspects of it?
2. How long realistically will the anxiety and stomach symptoms associated with withdrawal last and how long before the worst is really over? I need the truth not best case senario...
3. Does anyone here have experience with stepping down from something liek opana to a lesser drug that is more managable in a way that ist going to put me on my ass... as in I can still go to work and feel somewhat human and be around people who can can my ass without it being obvious that there is something up ... if so any detaisl would be greatly appreciated
4. Is there anyway that I can get through a majority of the withdrawal issues in a long weekend or at least enough so that I could go back to work on a lesser drug?
5. Any hints or tips on how to deal with withdrawal symptoms without scripts would be greatly appreciated

I need your help desperately as this is my last chance ... I know I have another high in me but I know that i DONT have another recovery in me after this!

 

[Georgie25]

Hey man sorry you're going through such a hard time, have you considered going on suboxone or methadone? Suboxone was the only thing that helped me get clean from opiates (heroin/OC) and im currently at 4 months.

 

[edgewise1]

I don't know exactly how well it would work for you, depends on the enzymes your liver produces, but Tramadol might be an option youy could try. I don't know if you have ever used it before, but if you are one of the people for whom tramadol works then it can be a godsend for WD's. Course even though this drug is not scheduled it still can cause physical addiction. It has two modes of action. One is that it coverts to a weak opiate via your liver, and second, it has SNRI action that can give you a tremendous mood lift. My addiction was not as bad as yours, but tramadol allowed me to kick it with absolutely no problems. Of course I am now addicted to tramadol, but I believe if used short term to get off of narcotics it can be stopped without problems.

Again, it may work, it may not work, but it may be an option for you.

 

[BrokedownPalace]

I felt like I was in the same boat as you, and then I got onto MMT (Methadone Maintenance). I now feel like I can go out and accomplish the things I need to get done. Also, being a cancer patient, now I can focus more on my recovery/treatment for that. When I was shooting dope my health wasn't at the top of my list of things I cared about. I would have died for sure had I continued on.

Methadone isn't for everybody, but if I were you I would honestly check out either suboxone or methadone.

 

[graugeist]

I think you should stop worrying about your job right now. Your life is more important. Can you reach out to family? Just tell them that you are addicted and in over your head and beg for help. Ask to be put into treatment. You can always get another job. If you don't stop and only worry about yourself right now other things like worrying about losing your job are just going to get in the way of your recovery. Who cares what people will think? You need help. You can't do this alone you already realize that. If you could do this without any help you would not be in this situation. Even if you lose your job there are still options available to you for getting help and getting clean. Sometimes there are more important things for you to worry about. This appears to be one of those times.

Others have already offered some great suggestions that you could look into.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

You asked about coping with the anxiety; try going to a pharmacy and picking up some generic doxylamine succinate. I think if you take a pill or two orally (25 to 50mg) you will feel immensely less anxiety, though you still may be going through regular opiate WD.

Good luck! Please don't commit suicide, you will feel better as time goes on.

 

[xxkcxx]

Your best option would be to try to get some suboxone or some benzos.

If this is not possible, you should get some doxylamine (known as Unisom brand name in the US) for anxiety and to help you sleep; acetaminophen or ibuprofen for any pain; immodium for the bathroom issues. You won't feel 100%, but it will help a lot. Keep hydrated, drink gatorade to replace your electrolytes.

After a week (maybe less) you will feel mostly normal physically. Depending on how long you used, you may have some residual body aches and maybe some sleep issues. The anxiety will suck for awhile. The cravings and the post-acute wds will last quite some time. It took about 4 months before I felt like I could live without opiates. It is different for everyone though.

It definitely can be done though. Opiate wds honestly aren't THAT bad. I mean, they aren't pleasant, but if you go in expecting the worst, it's likely that is what you will get. The mind is VERY powerful.

 

[batmanplaybaseball]

Hey, it sounds like you would be perfect for Suboxone. If you are so tired of opiates that you don't even enjoy getting high anymore, i can feel for you. If you wait a day or two into your withdrawal, that first Suboxone will feel like a miracle. Subs will give you your mind and life back. They are totally different to opiates. If you are serious about not wanting to do opiates again, subs will definitely help you. They gave me my soul back. The first week i took them, listening to music would almost move me to tears from joy because i felt like i had emotions again, it was beautiful. In my experience it was also painless. Suboxone will give you a new opiate free life. If i were you i would at least try it.

 

[loca900]

ok, First take a deep breath. Opana is actually a lot better than comming off what i came off of. I came off oxys and dilaudid. What I did was took morphine for a bout a week and got the oxy and dilaudid out of my system. Then I got Promethazine for my stomach aces and the shits u get from withdrawl. Also Xanax for anxiety (u will get that bad) Soma( Muscle relaxer; real good one), Ambien to sleep or seroquel, clonidine or serax for ur heart that will race like crazy. Then for my peace of mind I bought some pot to help and it helps! I can only tell u what works for me. I went to my doc and the ER to get the pills, but u can't tell them ur withdrawling. they will to u to tough it out. U will feel like shit for a month. But hang in there. It does get better. I went through hell but it was so fucking worth it. I have almost 2 months an dno desire to go to that shit again. By the way I was a heroin addict for 10 years and had 4 years clean but got in a bad car accident. I was on pain meds for 4 months and saw I was getting bad, if I can do it, u can to. U will not be able to sleep for a month but after a month it goes away. Don't listen to the horror stories, keep a postive mind and go to NA meetings. They help alot. They are addicts that will encourage u to hang in there.

I read ur other ques. u need to take at least a 4 days off work. They are the days that are the worse. The stomach aces and muscle aces takes about weeks to go away.

Now mind u, I have 2 broken legs and a fractured hip. When I got off I was only 4 months into healing from my injuries. I take 800 Ibuprophin. I deal with my pain and walk everywhere. I'm living proof u can do it. I promise u ut will be worth it. U will feel like it does not get better but it does!

 

[loca900]

Oh by the way after 5 days stop the pills u would take for withdrawl, especially the xanax and ambien. Get trazodone or seroquel to help u sleep. The pill for stomach aces u can continue as well. u don't want to go through withdrawl from the other meds. the first 5 days are the worst so that's why u would discontinue the other meds. I have gone through heroin withdrawl 100 times, this works for me.

 

[onlywant2nod]

runaway train never comin back

Not in anyway am I trying to make to OP feel worse, but feel lucky that you are not NEAR as bad as I am. You sound like you are where I was at way back in 2004 at the end of that year, after a whole year of having the best time in my life with norco's.

Long story short, I went on suboxone, I knew I was going to fail right before I got out of detox, so I did a few months max out of detox. I was on 4mg total of suboxone 2 times daily, keep in mind I also have been through hell after losing my whole colon from chronic ulcerative colitis and another surgery to reverse what I feel is worse than anything, having a disgusting "shit bag". I almost commited suicide but didn't because it successfully was reversed.

I got addicted and obsessed(still obsessed with Opiates)back in 1994/95 when I got hooked on the Morphine pump in only a week and suffered horrid wd's and almost passed out the day after I got out of hospital.

I was doing great on subs in 2005, I relapsed while on subs because I still could get norco's. I wound up in 2006 taking 5 8mg suboxone's at once and crushing em up in my mouth and holding saliva for 20mins to get a buzz even. I finally found myself on methadone, due to my fast metabolizim I wound up at 240mg of mmt, which for alot of people is a shitload of mmt, but for me it was fine.

Then all hell broke loose, after the clinic doc did an ekg on me and I found out I had some heart dysrythmic(sp) problem due to the mmt. I was so pissed, not only did I have to be "treated like a fucking cow". I was also a victim of them scared of me dieing and or lawsuits. I was put down 10mg once a week until I was at 150mg and held there. I started feeling worse and worse as they treated me like crap without telling me(I found out recently) that mmt clinics are now very interested in studying cardiology in mmt patients.

I got so pissed at this one bitch the the place that I decided to get revenge, so I did so. I just jumped off 150mg just like that and stumbled into same detox I was in to get on subs the first time in 05. It was early Feb of this year and I held on for what I call the "hellride of my life like a bat outta hell back into hell again". I suffered the worst imaginable wd's I think I could feel before passing out. I felt like I was dying, slept odd the 1st 2 days, then could not sleep at all for 2 days straight, worse sadness and depression I ever felt in life. All the wd's an opiate can give, only 10x worse in my opinion.

I was put back on suboxone the second time around after 4 or 5 days of wd's, they had to do that "by the book". The day I was put back on subs, I was started again at 4mg 2x daily, plus the 20mg valium I was on already. I felt great at first for 2 weeks. Now 2 months and a week later, now the subs are not hardly working, barely keeping me out of wd's. I feel totally fucked from the lol first called "deathadone", now I call it "thorium" and the mmt clinic "the thorium plant" lol. To cope, I feel like I have been exposed to toxic, lethal doses of thorium for real. I am coughing up "thorium" still to this day, not as bad, but almost as bad as when I was still on "thorium" mmt.

I feel like my life is done and really over with now, thanks to my pos body, mmt didn't work out for me sadly, well it did but they would not let me stay on 240mg, I even told the doctor there that I dont even value my life anymore and that I'll even sign a waiver stating that they will not be held responsible at all if my heart just stops beating and I die. I did and still want to just die and be done with life. My life is over at this point in life as far as I'm concerned. I think that's why I was so emotional in detox this Feb, I cried for 15mins in the bathroom, thank God my room mate didn't hear me. I almost came to tears alot during group sessions during the 8 days I was in detox.

I have a special sense and it keeps me very in touch with what my body is feeling and what is going on subconsiously in my mind. I feel like the sad and crying feeling is me deep down inside, knowing that I am beyond hope, that I have a total uncertain future, after seeing on google that mmt is just as effective in cancer patients as chemotherapy, which is radiation in small amounts. I feel now as though I exposed myself to toxic levels when I abused my take homes back when I was on 240mg. I took two of them in morning when I got up and two more a few hours before bed, just two thanksgivings ago. That's 480mg of "thorium" methadone 2x in one day, with the half life, basically that adds up to a whopping 960mg of "thorium" mmt in one day. Even the mmt clinic has a max dose of 1,000mg once daily that someone can be on. That for most people sounds like death right there I'm sure. I forgot now how much it costs to be on 1,000mg a day there but it was ALOT.

So, with the only option now since subs dont work like before is to go back to the "thorium plant". So this weekend I called the mmt clinic up and low and behold I got the "bitch from hell below like most women lol" and of course she sounded like a bitch too. Unless maybe she was freaked out as well as the doctor there since I was told NEVER to just jump off 150mg. I so did so anyway not only out of revenge to them and mainly the bitch. I also did it, because I knew that if it was true that subs would not work for me again like the first time, that I might as well take a huge risk by jumping off like that and hopefully dieing before I even got to detox.

Only reason I didn't die probably is because I started feeling so bad so fast just 24 hours past my last dose of mmt, that my Mom made me call my then past suboxone doctor and his nurse told me to immediately go into detox.

I see my doctor tomorrow, thank god, it seems like this shit month has gone on for a year now. I am so screwed up, mentally and physically right now, that I just feel like my life is just done and I am doomed. Unless by luck the stupid dea legalizes H or M maintenance. Seeing as I am so screwed on only 2 options and both look gloomy. I almost feel like just stopping suboxone and going back to way back when I was 17 and drinking mad dog 20/20 grape with my Dad in 88. I had such "innocent and great 2 man party times with my Dad", that suddenly we were best buddies after years of us hateing each other.

I have not touched any booze since 2004 and I know for a fact that if I was to go back to drinking, that I would just pick up where I left off. On the other hand just like my Dad was sober for 7 years, he picked up drinking again in 1987, just when I was "innocent and totally drug free all my life", yet so suicidal and depressed back then, that I was like totally F it. So I started drinking myself silly with my Dad in new years, late one night, I'll never forget getting nicely drunk at 16 years old as we heard the new years celebration fireworks going off in distance as we both were sitting there having "a 2 man party" and clinking our glasses together as best drinking buddies, drinking in the new year of 1988.

So we had to stop sadly in beginning of 88 because my Dad's liver test showed weak and he got scared and stopped for a few months only. I was so depressed in may that year, that one friday I was just bored outta my skull and turned out he started drinking again a few weeks before telling me. I took his bag of cute airplane bottles out to the dumpster in back of the apartments we were in at the time and came back in his room and we both drank ourselves nicely buzzed. So as far sadly as I have come in addiction and still obsessed with Opiates. Know I am going to "die in a bed of poppy plants". I just have a feeling something is very permanently destroyed in my body.

I may have cancer for all I know, I just know I am still dead tired most of the day, and that is not like me unless when I was on mmt or "thorium" lol. I just want the OP to know that, it gets MUCH, much worse. Like my Dad used to say, when you think you are at the bottom of the barrel, there is always someone worse off than you.

My Dad and I never got along, except when we were drinking buddies, my dad passed on in 1996, and I beleive I am soon to follow unless I get my meds straightened out and figure out what is going on. I also made a dumb mistake of "like a dog rushing back to his own puke and gobbling it up" I called the mmt clinic of course, and I'm supposed to come in early this "mayday monday" morning. Even though I called one "nice guy" from the clinic after closing time on this Saturday and told him to tell "the bitch", that I decided against coming in, due to her saying my ceiling dose would still be 150mg due to the heart thing and that I dont want to waste money on nothing since I'm worried that will fail too. I still have a feeling I will get woke up at 6am or shortly thereafter this coming am and have to try to "grow some balls" and tell "the bitch" why I chose not to come in after all.

But will be, will be, everything will come to an end tomorrow I'm sure either way, especially after I see my psych doc. Things will come to an end, either in a bad way, or hopefully in a good way. Wish me luck on my "trainwrecked life" that is about to derail off the end of the track and fall down the mountains and all the "tank cars on it will explode and I will burn up to a pitch black crisp and die".

 

[smutt butt]

Kratom helped me kick my oxy/hydro habit. It would take about 120-150mgs. of oxy to get a good buzz. Kratom stopped the WD anxiety, sleeplessness and all of the other goodies of WD's. I used PC/Bali.
It's cheap, easy to order and legal.

 

[Kallisti]

Your best option would be to try to get some suboxone or some benzos.

If this is not possible, you should get some doxylamine (known as Unisom brand name in the US) for anxiety and to help you sleep; acetaminophen or ibuprofen for any pain; immodium for the bathroom issues. You won't feel 100%, but it will help a lot. Keep hydrated, drink gatorade to replace your electrolytes.

After a week (maybe less) you will feel mostly normal physically. Depending on how long you used, you may have some residual body aches and maybe some sleep issues. The anxiety will suck for awhile. The cravings and the post-acute wds will last quite some time. It took about 4 months before I felt like I could live without opiates. It is different for everyone though.

It definitely can be done though. Opiate wds honestly aren't THAT bad. I mean, they aren't pleasant, but if you go in expecting the worst, it's likely that is what you will get. The mind is VERY powerful.

This is a really good post and advise.........the doxylamine is really helpful, in my experience. I used to try to use diphenhydramine when in withdrawal but it would make things worse. The doxylamine Unisom has also helped me if I am having an attack of anxiety, especially if I don't have any valium handy. It is definitely also helpful for withdrawal insomnia.

 

[Losinit162]

First time posting. I was on 20-40 norcs a day up until last week when I had had enough. Went cold turkey and am physically find myself facing the lie I have led for the last eight years. Since I first hurt my back in 2002. I have gone from a high paid professional (laid off), thru three jobs which I lost due to my need for meds, to an unemployed addict who cared nothing about anything other than my meds. It gets worse, when I needed more cash for drugs I accessed my 401k and drained at least 60k from it cause when the scripts ran out, friends always knew where to score. What a joke. And I did all of this behind the back of my wife (who has no clue about any of it-imvery sneaky I guess),and my family. At this point, I have zero recourse. It is all my fault. I don't know how I can live with myself any longer. The shame is unbearable. To add, I lost my best friend to suicide over his gal and I lost my ex-gal to suicide over me so I have this acceptance for the choice. I am agonizing right now. I contemplated this before the meds but as you know, nothing matters when your meds are around. I don't feel anything anymore. I have no interest in any of it. I don't know how to get on from this. This is rock bottom.

 

[aparenz]

The whole idea that you've seen that so few have been able to kick their habit should provide you further motivation to work through such hellish times.

 

[artaxerxes]

Taking any positive step right now is bound to make your world easier to live with and help you to focus on what you really need to do to get your life back. It sounds as if you're so desperate and overwhelmed with grief and addiction and shame that you can't see a way out because there are so many things to fix. In this case, in-patient rehab may be the only thing that allows you to start fresh. But taking on self-managed withdrawal in the mental state you're in may just be too much to bite off right now.

But another option might be telling your Pain Management doctor (you're in PM, right?) that you've heard of people receiving excellent long-term pain relief through methadone. This happens to be true and I was recently prescribed methadone by my PM doctor. I had many misgivings about this but I figured that at least I would try it.

I have been very satisfied with methadone. Of all things, it gives me energy (!!). This isn't a widely-reported side-effect, but it is reported. I know one BL ex-dope fiend at least is experiencing the same thing. Best of all, though I get a very, very slight feeling that opiates are in my system, there is almost none of the feeling of getting high that drove my addictive behavior before I transferred to pod maintenance. I feel focussed and motivated and though I have a lot of issues to deal with, I have been addressing them. This is not at all what I expected from Methadone.

Now, I have to admit that I am getting by on a very low dose: 30mg. I've been tapering for over a year. But this is down from 240 - 280 mg oxy a day, then to pods --> drop over 1 1/2-2 years. So I have been working on this but that's the only thing I've accomplished over the last two years despite struggling to move myself out of the hole I was in. It's a process.

So maybe try it out. You don't need to tell your doctor about your addiction worries now. You just have to bring up methadone as a pain control option. I feel hope for the first time in 3 years. I've been getting things done. I have energy. I am working out again. This is working for me. Maybe it can work for you. Don't be dismayed by my low dose either. There are quite a few BLers who are satisfied with methadone and they're all on higher doses. It seems to work well with my system.

And I had already stopped wanting to get high a long time ago. It wasn't working; it just made me miserable. I was ready to do methadone or subs anyway and I thought this might be the best way to go about it considering my CP condition. (Oh yeah, the pain relief is unparalleled.)

Once you get yourself out of the cycle of getting high, you will find the clarity of mind to address the issues that are driving you mad. Hell, you can even keep your job. Right now. I think you could keep your job if you weren't so utterly depressed about the state you're in.

The Job Thing:

And I totally understand that. I wasn't able to get a new job myself, despite people offering excellent jobs (word of mouth from ex-colleagues). I turned those jobs down. Creative management jobs. Good jobs. I avoided the interviews and burnt bridges with people who will never contact me again.

I only had so many contacts from my old professional life and I have driven them away forever because I was where you were at. I didn't want to meet them in the state I was in. I could have worn nice clothes and probably faked it through the interviews, but I felt filthy inside and I knew it would reflect externally. I didn't look that great either.

And even if I bullshitted through the meetings/interviews, then what? I knew I couldn't take those jobs. These people knew me when I was doing well and was healthy. I couldn't have held the job for a month. Now I feel so much better and am actually getting shit together and I'm not so scared of pursuing job opportunities. I'm not clean but my brain feels clean and I don't want to kill myself any more.

So maybe try it out. Positive thoughts and the best of luck. You can do this and once you start taking action, you will feel a huge weight lift. It won't be easy. I can't tell you the shit I have to deal with to overcome the damage of the last 3 years, but I have to start somewhere.

 

[Losinit162]

Thanks for the good words. Sorry I wasn't specific in my history. Short version. Flew thru windshield in a car wreck, fractured c4 then years later ski accident off a 30 clif, damaged L5. Started off inocently enough with vics, then the jump to norcs, then pain management switched me to combo of perc and morphine, I hated that so they switched me to fentynl and it made me a zombie. There was a span of methadone in there too which reacted negatively to so I went back to the norcos. I stopped feeling the high long ago but the pills did succeed in not allowing me to feel anything. No pain, no love, you know the story. So it wasn't dificult to just quit, I went thru the normal week of hell but physically I'm great. My mentain dispair that I alone have caused is haunting though.
I have pretty much the same job history as you. Traveled extensively internationaly in high tech for many years built a great name. Then burned all those bridges thanks to my little yellow buddies. In my world, family, community, ect, this just is unspeakable - what I have done. I come from a family of marines, doctors, & lawyers. I was always the rock - hs& college sports, marine flight school, great carreer, ect. All is gone, I have lied to everyone and to myself and pushed everyone away. And now I am going to loose the rest. I don't have the strength anymore to rebuild. I have to win or fail on my own because I just can't tell my family what I have done. It's just not possible.

 

[Jdaddy24]

Please read this it is very important!!!!!!!!!

Please for the love of god any1 who is addicted to opiates please research ibogaine!!! I took treatment 3 monthes ago and i never went back. I had very very minimal withdrawals if you can call them that, with 0 depression. I was happy for the first time in years, and now i live life to the fullest!! Just to think buddy last year at this time i was fixing myself a noose in a room of my mothers basement where i lived, i was at my wits end. I couldnt take it anymore, 7 years of an addiction so extreme 720mg oxycontin was a usual run in a 24 hour period. I tried turning to suboxone and the next thing i knew i was blowin 24mg of sub to stave off wd until i could get oxy again and then i would have to take more oc just to break the barrier, it was no way to live. I sold everything i had for drugs, even my wedding ring i searched the net for that last tiny bit of hope, and i thank god i found ibogaine, or i wouldn't b here today. I went to new mexico and got treatment and round trip for a little under $4000. I borrowed the money from my wife. Do whatever you have to do to get clean!!! Sell your car, get a loan, borrow the money. Because these possessions mean nothing until u r clean. I was a heavy drug user for years, i have been to that point many times where u feel nothing matters. Life, love, relationships, u just don't care anymore, u feel like this will nver end, u feel as if even if u did quit u will always want drugs, be depressed, etc. I am here to tell you that none of that is true, and you can have your life back. I got treatment, and it was the most enlightening, euphoric, eye opening experience i have ever encountered. I knew after that first day i would never need drugs again! All of the sudden i knew who i was, what i was, what i was doing to myself, why to fix it, how to fix it. I came home after 2 weeks in new mexico and made love to my wife for 6 hours lol!! She stood beside me as i happily flushed every last oxycontin down the toilet, and i mean happily my friend. I knew i could make money selling them, but i didnt want that 4 ne1 else, i was done. I was and still am high on life. It was so euphoric to know the shackles of addiction had been broken. My wife cried she was so happy to have a partner in life again! She got on the phone with her freinds and family to tell them it was over and what i had done. I was 5'11 120 lbs, i was in terrible health and completely malnourished. Guess what?? Im 6 foot 175 lbs in the best health of my life. I am now in college to become a pediatrician, i landed an excellent union job, and i have a baby boy on the way in 5 months!! I think i got her pregnant when i got home lmao!!?? Ive been clean ever since treatment, but i don't feel like an ex addict. Because the thought of drugs just doesn't cross my mind. There is hope my friend and dont u ever forget that, i am living proof. There is no second chance after suicide, u cannot turn back. Stop feeling sorry and start taking action, bite the bullet as i have and so many others b4 and after me. Find a way to get clean. Look into ibogaine. It seems expensive but if you compare how long you would be on methadone still living in a false sense of sobriety and add the $ up u will find the clear winner. I wish u the best of luck my friend now go out and make a change for the better!

 

[GirlInterrupted]

Hey buddy I'm on my journey to recovery too. The 1st few weeks are hell, but after that it slowly gets better. I don't have much time to write a whole lot but I'll write as much as I can.

1. EAT LOTS OF SWEETS AND ICE CREAM! I don't know about anyone else but I craved sweets sooo much.
2. Take long hot showers
3. Try to buy kratom it helps a lot with opiate withdrawls (you can get it online, I suggest powdered) Mix a fat spoon in yogurt and eat it.
4. Some people say Imodium in large quantities help. For me personally it does not. I took 21 pills and it did not eliminate one symptom. not even the runs.
5. Meditate Helps me tremendously (learned this is rehab)
6. Maybe get your doc to prescribe you some Vicodin? It helped me a lot with sleep and aches
7. Try to make methadone your LAST resort. You don't want another addiction.
8. As for depression and suicidal thoughts I can sort of relate with you. I've tried to commit suicide a few times and landed in the mental hospital a few times. The therapy at the mental hospital really helped me. Try to get into some therapy groups. Join a good out patient program. Honestly it saved my life. If you don't want to participate in groups then just find a good support system. If you can't find one, I'm here for you(virtually)
9. Turn your sadness into art. Buy some paints go crazy. Or pour your heart out into a poem.
10. Last but not least the oh so famous serenity prayer! Helped me a lot also.

"Grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference."

I hope this helps! I wish you the very best!

 

[theseeker]

Think about it this way: you have a problem in your life that you HAVE to face. Just face it- it's so much simpler that way. Face the w/d as you are doing. It WILL recede over time. I would definitely go see a doctor and tell them your whole story and get out of this mess because it will simply roll downhill from here. Fortunately you've realized the direction you were heading and have interrupted the inexorable progression from normal guy to total mess.