considering suicide

[skiptown7]

Two questions-
#1.) life is shit sometimes, no question. but how do you know death is any better? maybe the afterlife is worse. seriously. nobody knows-nobody- and until you have any definite proof, you might not want to throw the dice like that. It would really suck to be miserable for an eternity.

#2.) I don't know anything about anything except...everything changes. The rich get poor. The poor get rich. Happy becomes sad. Sad becomes happy. seriously. Nothing ever, ever stays the same. even if you're in the shit, and i do mean the very bottom, you're not going to stay there. you may fall through a trap door to worse, or you may improve. chances are you'll hit both stops on the life train. No matter how crappy your life is now, and believe me, I assume it's pretty crappy and I've been there too, it will-definitely, 100% guaranteed-change from where it is now. Maybe in two years, maybe in two minutes. But you will not be where you are now forever.

End of what I know. The rest is conjecture.

 

[skiptown7]

oh, one more thing. I don't know if you have brothers or sisters or anything, but if you do commit suicide, you sentence all your relatives-even ones who haven't been born yet, nieces, nephews, mother, father, friends, everyone who has been in close contact with you ever-to a fifty percent greater likelihood of commiting suicide themselves at some point in the future. that's worse than the HIV transmission through dirty needles stats and worse than the rates of transmission of hep c through intercourse with a hep c-er and it's the truth.

Anyway. The pain sucks. I know. You shouldn't have to deal with it-and maybe there might be a way other than death to. Doctors? Travel to a foreign country with a one way ticket? Calling someone you know? Imagining what someone who loves you and who you love (not your mom) might say if they could talk to you?
Cup of coffee? A dog? Calling a hotline? Sleeping? Listening to music?

Just getting through this moment. That's all. Until it changes.

 

[MidnightBaby]

JF you seem like the sort of person I'd marry in a heart beat! And I'm from Australia, the Howard era (12 long years) wasn't exactly reknowned for it's humanism- sadly I think it's massively and somewhat irrepairably influenced the developent of our majority mentality! Isn't it terrible, that so many people can be truly good, caring people individually, but have such fucked up attitudes on a national scale? I'm feeling philosophical.

And I'm not at your age of 37 (sexy age by the way if you keep yourself in good health ), I'm 23, but I can relate to what you're saying about going back home and seeing others who seem to be 'better'. You've got to realise that what you've been through, achieved, and how you've changed because of that is far greater, deeper and more intrinsic to this planet than what many, many people can lay claim to. Sure, you probably got yourself into that fucked up place, but to me that only makes it more incredible when people claw their way back out and learn, change, develop from it. You've got alot not to be proud of, but in my mind you've you've got a hell of alot more to be very proud of. I hope you've forgiven yourself for your mistakes, and can recognise your achievements. You're a very valuable kind of person in the world, I can tell that just from here. Be proud and keep truckin' for what you think is right and good for you, you'll find that place to be happy. Everybody can find that

 

[chucky1432]

The old me was gonna leave a post like what the fuck dude, one minute you want to commit suicide and the next minute you're saying life isn't that bad, you are just bored....


However, this is a new me and I'm trying not to post shit like that...........I think you just have to look at the good things in your life, you have a degree, even though you work in a restaurant, but you could do more if you choose to....I think a lot of it has to do with your relationship with your girl, she is probably bringing you down.....Not too mention you have a drug issue, that can complicate things..............Those are just the obvious things I see....All I really want to say is you can come to BL and post all you want and we will try to help you the best way we can, but you really need to think the next time you decide to send your parents an email like that, because if you are ever actually serious about this crap, they might think you are crying wolf and that will not be their fault...

 

[junctionalfunkie]

Skiptown7, you're right on both counts; #1 is definitely something to think about, though as a lifelong atheist, I've always foreseen the afterlife as comfortable darkness (jeez, that sounds attractive right now).

Anyway. The pain sucks. I know. You shouldn't have to deal with it-and maybe there might be a way other than death to. Doctors? Travel to a foreign country with a one way ticket? Calling someone you know?
Imagining what someone who loves you and who you love (not your mom) might say if they could talk to you?
Cup of coffee? A dog? Calling a hotline? Sleeping? Listening to music?

Just getting through this moment. That's all. Until it changes.

That's exactly what I do now!

MidnightBaby, I like you more and more. You are certainly wise beyond your 23 years. Will you be my friend? We'll disuss our nuptials in due time.

Chucky142, the point of the email to my mother was exactly that. I've grown hoarse from "crying wolf" and I "am actually serious about this crap." Sometimes just typing all this out can be cathartic and helpful in itself, and in this thread, it has, mainly due to people unlike yourself.

If the this is the advice "new" you have to give, I'd recommended going back to being the "old" you. It's difficult to believe you could be a more insensitive asshole.

 

[skiptown7]

I mean no disrespect or to spout some bullshit about what the afterlife is, my point is, we just don't know. Given my luck, it might be just fucking horrible, like Utah or something. (imagine..you kill yourself..and you wake up, and poof, you get to be mormon forever and live in a tract home..)

 

[junctionalfunkie]

I mean no disrespect or to spout some bullshit about what the afterlife is, my point is, we just don't know. Given my luck, it might be just fucking horrible, like Utah or something. (imagine..you kill yourself..and you wake up, and poof, you get to be mormon forever and live in a tract home..)

No, no, man! I was agreeing with you totally! My venom was directed at chucky142 or whatever.

You're golden.

 

[chucky1432]

If the this is the advice "new" you have to give, I'd recommended going back to being the "old" you. It's difficult to believe you could be a more insensitive asshole.

I actually think you need to go back and reread my post, because there wasn't anything insensitive about it, it was just friendly advice,,,,

 

[Krowsnose]

I for one will not talk you out of suicide. When I was severely depressed the only thing I could fixate on was getting out of this world. The only thing that kept me in was the lack of a shotgun and being to much of a pussy to do it any other way. One day I snapped at got a strong passion for life but now, after taking some ecstasy (Fuck that drug it doesn't help your mentality for shit) I've been going through an identity crisis and feel the depression coming on again. The other day I was thinking about going to the local rifle range. So, if you really are hopeless, why not?

 

[Draigan]

Sticik it through man. I am in a lot of pain too! come on dont just give up. You will be hurting everyone. Stick it through for compassion.

 

[zombiesarepeaceful]

living with crazy bitches does shit to you, i know firsthand. get away from her. otherwise you're slowly killing yourself. i don't blame you though, for anything you're feeling. it kills.

 

[junctionalfunkie]

^ Best advice so far (and that's saying alot).

Chucky1432, sorry if I misunderstood. I've been up for days.

 

[chucky1432]

Chucky1432, sorry if I misunderstood. I've been up for days.

It's all good dude, glad we straightened that out, I just hope you figure things out

Oh yeah, take your ass to bed, being up for days will make you go crazy:D

I actually went back and reread my post and I can see how you can misinterpret it, but believe me that was not my intentions dude....


Peace

 

[junctionalfunkie]

Well, thank you all for your kind and wise words.

Yesterday morning, I texted an old friend who has refused to speak to me for 2 years. It's a long story, but I once resuscitated her from a heroin OD, talked her out of suicide after her fiance drank himself to death in a hotel room, and basically became her hero, a fact she would tell everyone within earshot constantly.
Anyway, some minor bullshit happened, and she stopped talking to me in September 2006, essentially pending an apology I didn't think I owed her (I told you, long story).

So, at 4 am yesterday, I texted her "I don't expect you to respond, but I've decided to take my own life." She called back in two minutes and said "Don't do a goddamn thing. I'm on my way." (She lives a 3-hour drive from me.)

So, we meet at a Starbucks, hug, cry, and apologize for a few minutes, and set out to find an open bar at 7am. Luckily, an Irish pub was showing some soccer game, so we went in there and she spent the next couple hours explaining how I had not only literally saved her life back in the day, but demonstrated to her why life is (almost always) worth living.

So, I guess my perspective has changed a bit for now. Simply put, life is pain. Maybe that's what makes it worthwhile.

"There will always be suffering. It flows through life like water." - Nick Cave

 

[swilow]

When you're drowning, you don't say 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would have the foresight to notice me drowning and come and help me,' you just scream.
John Lennon

I have learned two lessons in my life: first, there are no sufficient literary, psychological, or historical answers to human tragedy, only moral ones. Second, just as despair can come to one another only from other human beings, hope, too, can be given to one only by other human beings.

Reaching out to others is good.

 

[Radiohead24]

So, at 4 am yesterday, I texted her "I don't expect you to respond, but I've decided to take my own life." She called back in two minutes and said "Don't do a goddamn thing. I'm on my way." (She lives a 3-hour drive from me.)

So you basically used emotional blackmail to force her to come see you?

 

[skiptown7]

wow. I'm telling you man, it's just about hanging on through time until the page turns and everything changes. the bad is there, no doubt, but there's some good too and you get to experience that as well. really. everything changes.

 

[skiptown7]

that said, everything in my life right now sucks balls and I'm waiting for the next page myself, sigh...

 

[junctionalfunkie]

So you basically used emotional blackmail to force her to come see you?

No, not at all. I really did not expect a response from her at all. The woman I texted has MAJOR experiences with failed suicide attempts, and flew to Minneapolis from Houston two years ago on an hour's notice when my girlfriend attempted suicide then. It was the last thing anyone asked or expected, as was this.

"Blackmail?" "Force?"

No. But, thanks for jumping to conclusions about an issue you know nothing at all about.

Asshole.

 

[getreal]

I'M GLAD SHE WAS ABLE TO HELP YOU. IF IT CHANGES YOUR OUTLOOK ON LIFE THEN IT WAS WORTH IT.

she spent the next couple hours explaining how I had not only literally saved her life back in the day, but demonstrated to her why life is (almost always) worth living.

So, I guess my perspective has changed a bit for now. Simply put, life is pain. Maybe that's what makes it worthwhile.